Dad - the passion endures

Dad and I are sitting in the balcony over our evening tea.

It's a beautiful cloudy sky, we're sipping on tea and munching on peanuts and murukus......and dad says "do you hear it?" and I'm like "hear what?"

"The plane"

I heard no plane. I looked ......I saw no plane either.

I'm like "where daddy?"

And he points almost 80 degrees up......and I see this really really little plane, high in the sky..... and it's only after I spotted it that I could pick up the distant sound too.

I was simply amazed.

I was like "how did you even see it, leave alone hear it? it so clearly falls outside our line of vision. How daddy, how? how?

And dad, not even hearing the amazement in my voice is seriously explaining  "these are the flights that go from US and Europe to the Far East countries, they must be flying at about 30,000 feet.....see you can see that they are below the cloud line..... above cloud line is when they fly 36,000 feet"

I'm listening open mouthed, and before I can even process I hear " so tell me why planes fly at 36,000 feet"

me, tentatively " to avoid the clouds and turbulence?"

"yes and no, at that height the air is thinner, so there is less resistance and it means planes fly faster with lesser energy.... it's fuel efficient"

That was interesting to know, especially considering how often we've heard pilots announce the 'cruising altitude of 36,000 feet' and never wondered at why.

Above that I was blown by dad's following these flights. He said he catches them all.... imagines the pilots in the cockpit, the skyline from their view and actually watches them until they disappear into the horizon,".

The plane looked so so tiny.....to actually be tuned into catching those flights and enjoy them.... a clear tuning in by choice.

It's his passion for planes.....a passion that endures. So inspiring !!

Staying at Dad's

With mom away on a four day trip to Kolkata, I've been staying with dad.

It's been three days now, and what's amazing is that within two days, atleast four times I've found myself thinking "ahaa......now that's worth a post". 

So here's the first.

Day 1: I'm up early, open the front door ........and find this cat sitting there, right on the foot mat.  He's pitch black, green eyes.......mewing loud and clear....he wants his food.

I hadn't even had my coffee, and I'm not one to take kindly to my morning coffee getting disturbed. But no, this chappie was clearer than me. 

Concerned that he would wake up daddy, I had to set coffee aside and first go about giving him his milk and his whiskas.

Yes, they have a supply.

After their own cat, Kitty, passed away last year, quite amazingly these two random stray cats have adopted them. It's amazing because my parents live on the 5th floor. To think these two cats knew who they were, where they lived, knew they would be accepted, could find their house five flights up, and slowly make it practice. Wow. 

Some pictures:

That's both of them, and while they don't seem to much like each other, they also don't bother each other.

That's blacky settled down for a nap after his food, in their little garden. And at the far end, mom's created this little arty corner which I really like, so adding that in as well :)

A totally chance factor, these two cats finding their way here, slowly becoming part of their lives......and they add so much love and warmth to their daily lives, that I'm not only just glad or grateful but almost in awe at how it came about so naturally. The simply lovely stuff about life !

Upper Limits

An interesting read  I came across in 'Insights from the edge'

Breaking through Upper Limits

It's kind of misleading.....'Upper Limits' are about both ends of limits...........be they the depth of pain and despair, or the stretch of courage and growth.

They say it's when you hit that depth of pain and despair, where we think "I can't take it anymore", life will typically give you a couple more layers down and it's only then that you'll actually hit  absolute bottom.  That's when you will break....when your old self will actually shatter........and that becomes a turning point. A point from where we will start to be reborn.

The same works the other way.

As we learn to open our heart and receive life's goodness,  where we're allowing opportunity in, we're allowing more love, we're allowing more joy into our life....... we then hit an upper limit where we genuinely don't know how to allow more goodness in, or more joy........so we often sabotage ourselves.

We can rock the boat in a relationship, or we can quit a job that's just starting to break through to the good points, or do things that are just our old self's patterns, because we really have reached that place where you think, "I don't know how......."

and it's not conscious

At that point it's about recognizing the sabotage, and being able to hold that space....and maybe say to ourselves "No, no, no. maybe, I am not ready for the next step, but I am not going back down there."

You stay in that space, allowing the joy to flow through...staying committed to joy...... and then, sure enough, before long, you will take another step up into some unknown area that leads to further joy.

The Upper Limits stretch..... By Choice. Good to be aware :)

Dhruva - In a newspaper in Italy

I get up this morning to this picture from Dhruva.

A picture of him in a newspaper in Italy. Wow, I was so excited. Especially as it's a first, he hasn't sent me a single picture in the three months he's been in Italy :)

Last year, when he went with Cinemadamare through Italy, is when he decided he'd shift from animation to 'live action' filming. This trip was like a consolidation of that decision... he went set with ideas and scripts. He said that 'the opportunity to create films there is so enormous' that he wanted yet another go at it. 

While there was enough and more apprehension in family about 'wasting' (??) another year, he and I spoke at length about it, and felt it was worthwhile.

So much thought that went in. It's so not easy to move out of default thinking that 'education done, one needs to have a job, a regular stream of productivity and income'. The arts and creativity do not flow like that.

Any creative field needs a whole different frame....it doesn't flow externally through the year.....the conceptualization, the gathering of thoughts, the articulation....they are all invisible and 'within' processes. What we get to see is only what surfaces as end product.  You realize that, and that enables shifting time frames....and thought frames.

(ooops....I seem to have gone off on my own trip, to get back......)

What was really satisfying is hearing him say that 'of the four films he's made this time he's really happy with one. That's such a rare thing coming from him that it had me feeling over joyed.

This time round he seems to have experimented even further. He's done not only directing and editing which had become his core areas of work, but has gotten into acting too...... and what's more, in a lead role. Again something he's loved to do since he was a child. So interesting that he actually got the opportunity.

Fully happy, as I was about to hit 'publish', I suddenly recalled that Girija had sent me a whole lot of pictures and links of Dhruva's trip when I was in Perth, and they'd disappeared into my archives (phone and memory :) so I decided to dig out, and here's the treasure I found:

Dhruva sitting on extreme left:

Him in forefront. She sent me a video of their bus ride, and it gives such a feel of the experience, but I'm not able to put it here. Will keep trying :)

This year was mostly different towns, and this is one of the towns, which he said was literally 'in the clouds'.

Another town. Sadly don't know the names.

That's him receiving a clip board, or is it called a 'clap board'.

For enabling a third in series Girija (first and second linked here) can't thank you enough.

And to you Dhruva, whatever it is in the Italian, seeing your picture there in the newspaper created a moment of deep joy, one worth capturing for posterity. And must say Congratulations ! on yet again making four films (and one that actually passed your standards :), and going back two years.....

Right from identifying the program, applying, getting selected, the visa processing, participating in what was like an adventure of your life time. winning Best Director once, winning best sound track for 'The End'.........making so many films, nine on full count.....and above all immersing yourself into such an unique experience.

The line from their site comes to mind "And finally...bring with you many ideas and resilience.....get in the game, it will be fun"

You did that in full spirit....you made us proud !

The 'feel' of rain

If it was the wind in the morning, it was the rain at night.

I was woken up from deep sleep by the wonderful sound of pouring rain. I lay in bed for a while, just listening. I knew all my windows were shut, yet I had to get up......even if just to stand in the balcony and look at it rain.

It was such a lovely time of night. Not a single other noise, definitely no man made noises to disrupt, just the listening and seeing of rain....and feeling too, as I put out my hand out to it.  I could almost immerse myself into the experience. 

If I could look in, I felt I'd see my heart smiling.

The pictures captures only the rain under the lampposts....but guess the mind can now conjure up the entire feel

It's that moment when you feel totally in sync.......not just 'within', with your body, your mind, your soul.... also with the 'without', the rain, the earth, the universe. 

It's a feeling of complete connectedness.

And strangely enough, yesterday I experienced an episode of synchronicity, a concept I've been sitting on for a post for over a week now, it's actually been sitting in title with nothing written. This morning I thought I'd get there, but guess I'll leave this one at a 'feel' level, and perhaps tomorrow I'll actually grow that post :)

Winds of change

I'm sitting here with my laptop open....wanting to write, but no thoughts.

I look around for inspiration... nothing comes to mind. I look within, yet nothing.

Then I hear this rustle of leaves, gentle yet beckoning... enough to make me get up and walk on to the terrace.... and it's just so pretty. Even at 9 in the morning. It's like everything out there is dancing to the breeze........the peepal tree branches swaying, some leaves dropping off, the leaves in my pot swinging.

It made me want to expand and absorb, perhaps feeling the sway within. An immediate upping of mood and the thoughts pour in.

But then I'm thinking why even go to those thoughts, why not just capture the feel of the moment.

The moment in pictures too :)

How energies shift.....

This visit to B'lore was full to brim.

One of those times when time seems to expand to accommodate all that you want to do. It was a new experience to me. I've been to Bangalore so so many times since I moved, and this time was different.

Something in the air seemed different. I got wonderful time with family, got so much work accomplished, in fact also mission accomplished.....and did so much more. Met each of my friends.... just four days, six different cafes, all different experiences. And what's more I had one new fantastical, ethereal experience too.

Met this fascinating couple, almost serendipitously, and they took me on one surreal journey....through an aura reading that blew me.

While I could write a book on that experience, what I'll actually settle for is an anecdote with an auto guy :)

One evening, done meeting Shree at this super cute place called 'writers cafe', high on cold coffee and lovely time, I decide to auto rather than cab, as home was ten minutes away:

Chaloge?

Kahaan?

Kasturi nagar

Kasturi nagar kahaan?

Railway line ke paas, 1st main

Chaliye

(I get in and settle down, and he starts the auto)

Then says "under pass se jaana padegaa?"

Me: haan, shaayad

Auto guy: hum under pass se nahi jaayega

Me: arre, aise kaise

Auto guy: nahi jaayaga, aap doosra auto lelo

Me: No, you take me, or you should have told me before I got in....let's go, we'll find another way. 

Auto guy (becoming more adamant): No madam, hum nahi jaayenge

Me (guess also becoming more adamant) : aap ko chalna padega, I'm not getting off

Neither of us was in a mood to let off. He turned off his auto and I settled into the auto.

Arguments, threats and appeals done, guess he was more sensible...we set off.

A couple of minutes into ride, I was like :

"why won't you go under an underpass, what's the issue?"

"what's your name" "where are you from"

and we got talking...like really talking......  about his family, about his pahadi life....and more significantly about his fear, how it can itself impact.......nice comfortable space. The energy had shifted from acrimonious to friendly in under two minutes.

We reach home, and I pay him ....to hear:

"bahuth thanks madam....achha lagaa......aur aap thoda sambhaal ke chaliyegaa.... aap kahin bhi jaate ho.... kuch bhi bholthe ho......kissi se bhi baath karthe ho". And thus it was that I in turn got my piece of advice from him, making me smile all the way to the door and beyond :)

Words that matter

From Seth

Curiosity, rigor, patience, discipline, dignity, respect, knowledge,  wisdom, ethics,empathy, resilience, honesty, long-term, possibility, bravery, kindness and awareness.

All of these are real skills, soft skills, learnable skills.

But if they’re skills, that means that they are decisions. A choice we get to make. Even if it’s not easy or satisfying in the short term.

These skills are in short supply sometimes, which makes them even more valuable.

Kaifi aur Main

An ethereal experience.......spell binding beautiful.

I went based on the radio ads that I'd been hearing, not really knowing what to expect. It holds you spell bound from get go.

It's hard to describe what it was.... play, mehfil, shaayari, story telling, ghazals.....it seemed to have all elements exquisitely interwoven, to create a tapestry of an intense love story between two fascinating people.

It's the story of Kaifi and Shaukat, Shabana Azmi's parents.....their true story...rendered by Shabana, Javed Akhtar and Jaswinder Singh. 

Through the narrative and the ghazals, you touch their honesty, courage, grit, humour, challenges, elevated thinking, grief and above all love.

The narration begins with how Kaifi grew up in a household obsessed with Shayari, and wrote from the age of 11. "Itna toh zindagi mein kisi ke khalal pade"...a nazm immortalized by Begum Akthar. Tumhari zulf ke saaye mein ....Itna jo muskurarahe ho...Tum jo milgaya ho....beautifully sung by Jaswinder sing.

Yesterday when mom asked why I hadn't written about it, I could only say "It was so intense ma, I think I'm yet processing". And even now I see that I'm unable to do justice. This is one experience that needs to be only 'experienced'.

And not just me, I'd think most of the audience felt it, going by the spontaneous standing ovation it evoked when it ended, everyone just kept standing and clapping ....almost like not wanting to let go.

Some pics: I hardly took any, and even these are bad, but just to get a feel of how the stage was set:

A two minute clip of one of the songs:

The Invisible Limits

From Seth

The Invisible Limits

Words like חמץ and kx’āhã don’t appear in English. These words, like thousands of others, include sounds that aren’t part of the normal spoken range of the language. 

We don’t have difficulty saying or hearing these sounds, they’re simply sounds we have rules against.

The question is: Is the alphabet we use missing those sounds because we don’t use them, or is it that we don’t use those sounds because we don’t have letters for them?

If you can’t see it, you can’t say it. And that goes for more than words.

Safarnama - Raghu with Lucky Ali !!

What stood out for me is Raghu's complete connect with the stage.... his flow, his energy, his guitar, his sheer joy as he played.....just made the evening so so worthwhile.

Worthwhile, as what I saw was not just this young man on stage, but almost a whole journey. The boy who had casually picked up a broken guitar at eighteen.....fallen in love with it......his commitment.....the years he has faced all kinds of obstacles and difficulties to stay on the path....and to see him today on stage, playing with Lucky Ali........it's all of that...all of that which brought the tear to the eye.....that's creates the worthwhile.

And of course Lucky Ali himself....seeing the charismatic Lucky Ali in person. He was in full flow....his long grey hair, his casual attire, his old songs. Dreamy stuff. I've always loved his simple ballad style music and while the originals were distinctly melodious and soulful.....this was high energy version. The ones you can't help but sing along.....O Sanam, Ek pal ka jeena, Na tum jano na hum, Safarnama...so much fun.

While I had all ears and eyes focused on Raghu, the rest of the band was also excellent. The flutist was simply brilliant, and so were the drummer, the guitarist, the keyboard player, the violinist...and that made up the whole band. Sadly, don't know names, except for Bharat on the keyboard who also I know, as he's Raghu's friend from school :)

The massive and beautiful Shilpa Kala Vedika was almost packed to capacity, with an audience that was so enthusiastic, that it brought the whole auditorium alive. You let yourself go and you are enveloped by the aura of the evening, and after two hours of being in a whole different zone, you leave fully satiated and happy. I sure did.

Way back mom and I were talking about Raghu's journey, how that boy of eighteen accidentally picked up a guitar at his moms workplace....and to now see him here, on this stage, was nothing less than magical to me. 

Like I told him later....he created a really meaningful evening for me.

Congratulations Raghu !!

Some pictures from the evening:

Mom, almost in awe as we entered, admiring the backdrop of the hitech city building and the metro line running across 

The stage set as we entered

The show was on. Raghu on the far left in blue.

Well, looks like I stayed focused on Raghu, also in picture are the violinist and flutist

That's Raghu in center in silhouette

Raghu at the drummers, and thankfully I have one picture with Lucky Ali :)

I took permission and went close to stage for this picture

We couldn't stay till the end as it was getting late, so sadly rest of conversation with Raghu was on the phone, and no personal pictures with him or the band.

As we left

Me with nandi, with the beautiful Shilpa Kala Vedika in backdrop

A two minute clip of O Sanam, more to hear the audience participation

To think it almost didn't happen...  I had to postpone a confirmed visit to Bangalore just to be able to attend this evening....and I'm so very glad I did.

Congratulations again Raghu !!

The mood

The desert visual that kept coming to mind ....

I've always loved this song, and it now seemed to resonate even more

The aura... the concept..... the shifting between timelines....between rebirths.... the connects....the mystery.....just so beautiful

To Watch Raghu Live

When I was yet in Perth, Girija had messaged me about Raghu playing with Lucky Ali in Hyderabad, and that was so exciting.

The day's almost here now, August 10th.

Yesterday when Girija says, "after the show you can stay back, maybe meet Lucky Ali, do a selfie with the band".....I was like "ah..aah...na....to me this is wholly and solely about seeing Raghu on stage" . 

And it took us back to the start of his journey. A journey that started here in Hyderabad.

It was 2004, fifteen years back. Girija had been transferred to Hyd. Raghu was yet in school, and that's when he discovered his yearning and passion for the guitar. It happened almost by chance, by his picking up a random guitar lying around in JNIDB and strumming it for time pass.

And that was the beginning. I remember how his focus shifted to the guitar...... and everything else, gradually, bit by bit, just about everything else started to fall by the way side.

It was like in his genes....his paternal grandmother was a carnatic music teacher, his maternal grandfather had a handwritten massive collection of rare keethanas, his father Ram, plays the veena and is in fact, still learning. That's quite a legacy. 

It's yet ....yet a lot, and lot, of hard work and conviction.

His path hasn't been easy. It's in fact been quite the tumultuous one, as are most that walk off the trodden path. There's so much of the unknown and uncertainty to deal with........the lack of structure, the lack of financial security, the volatility, the naysayers and above it all your own self doubt that comes up in response. Really not easy. 

I've watched this journey all through. Times when Girija will be like "I'm with him, I'll back him through thick and thin, even if I have to go against everyone else in the family" or times she'll be like "oh god, it's breaking me, I don't know how to handle this situation, he's being so difficult".

It's those latter times that would be trying, sensitive.... trying to balance being that friend who understands, plus also saying "let him be girija, it's not too many who even find their calling, leave alone walk the path". And then Girija will be like "gosh.....you geminis, he's as free spirited a person as you, so hard to deal with" 

I've thus watched that journey, mostly from ring side.....from his days of playing at pubs, a couple of which I've been to...  Cocos in Hyderabad and Indigo Bar in Bangalore, and that itself felt nice. Then through his days of teaching at music institutes. Being the purist that he is, he couldn't, or rather wouldn't settle into the politics and people dynamics of teaching. 

The stage was his calling. 

So now, seeing his name on posters with Zakir Hussain, Lucky Ali and Arjun Janya......and then to actually getting a chance to see him live on stage sure means much....... so much.

And there's bonus.

Lucky Ali himself....I've always loved his music. It's taking me down another nostalgic road, to those initial days of pop in India.....with his songs like O Sanam, Ek Pal Ka Jeena, Na tum jaano na hum..... especially O Sanam, even that haunting visual is already playing in my mind.

I'm so so looking forward.

Good Luck Raghu, and needless to say "you've made us all happy and proud".

A smile shared with Faizan

There have been days when Faizan and I would fret over the mess in Diksha's room, and she'd say "आप नहीं हो थो कैसे manage करेगी अम्मा ? (how will she manage without you?)

And I'd be like "बोलते हैं ना , की मछली को जब पानी में डालो थो तैरना सिक्ता है, वैसे ही...... सब कुछ अपने time पे " 

This mornings messages from Diksha were like:

"I think I took my most difficult quiz ever.....just twenty multiple choice questions and it took me an hour and forty minutes"

"we have tests every week"

"want to see the size of my ecology text book?"

"it's a horrific tough course"

"what's up with you....started your ignou work? 

"btw....how do you wash a commode ma?"

This one I just had to share with Faizan :)

So small.....yet so meaningful

From this book I'm reading came this line:

"As they say, life is a journey not a destination. Sadly, when you go along the journey with your eyes closed, you arrive at the destination empty handed".

Eyes open, we get to pick up these little things..... the little things that you capture and collect into your repertoire....like the most wonderous back pack collection. A metaphorical back pack..... what we store away in memory, and I personally, in my diary and in this blog as well :)

An anecdote in instance:

Each time I visit my parents, it starts and ends with a little kiss. Last week when I entered, dad was sitting in the balcony..... the hello and the kiss done, I came back and settled into my favourite chair.

He calls me back. Says "bend down". I do. And I get a nice proper kiss planted on my cheek. I'm looking incredulous as he says "It's always you who comes and kisses me, and I never get a chance to kiss you back"

Since then, I kiss and then wait.

Daddy, I can't even tell you how touching that was....and how much more beautiful you've made that moment each time now :)

Starbucks ...or Chutneys ?!?

It's quite amazing how over the last few months, three times I was meeting up with old friends, the venue of choice was Starbucks.

All different people mind you.

The first two times I went quietly......thought being 'why resist when they're suggesting'.

Yesterday though, when I got an "you good with Starbucks at 5?" I was like "yeah ok, but my personal preference is desi coffee over idly, rather than a cappuccino over muffin.... let me know"

And I got back a big smiley with "Idly wada dipped in Sambar and Coffee it is"

I could almost see the joy in the message...... and definitely felt it my end.

Then why...wonder why Starbucks comes to mind first. Think about it. It's like it becomes default, and then anything that becomes default, takes energy to change.

Starbucks and idly and coffee is just symbolic. Default is just about everywhere...they're such subtle expectations that we can so easily miss them. How much of life do we yield into default expectations....and then wonder why we're not deep down happy.

If you like idli and coffee.......helps to not just know it, and then to also be able to own it :)

"Owl ma..... not Eagle"

Diksha's words keep coming back to me.......this one even inspiring a post.

It was the day of the passport fiasco......peak stressful situation, and as she's heading back home to get her passport, I'm giving instructions:

"Deech, it's in the narnia cupboard.....the draw on the right. The draw is unlocked but the cupboard is locked........... listen carefully..... the key is in my room, my miscy shelf, right side of the top most draw, the white eagle keychain......

and she's like "owl ma, owl.....not eagle, in fact Hedwig, not even just owl".

That keychain is from Dhruva's keychain collection (he had quite a collection when in class four ), a keychain of Harry Potter's owl that he'd gifted me back then, and I have continued to use since.

This reminiscence brought such a deep sense of joy..... one part nostalgic from Dhruva and one part quirky smirky from Diksha......and I'm thinking 'how does one miss them when they're always with you'. 

People Don’t Change

From Seth

People don’t change

(Unless they want to)

Humans are unique in their ability to willingly change. We can change our attitude, our appearance and our skillset.

But only when we want to.

The hard part, then, isn’t the changing it.

It’s the wanting it.