Pan 23 - stuff that touches the heart

Diksha has doggy friends wherever she goes. Can be in college, on a beach in mahabalipuram, a cafe in cochin, down our street.....just about everywhere.

I recall, when she got back from Australia for her vacation break in November, she took me to meet one such doggy friend.... a street dog near one of her fav'rite haunts in Jubilee Hills. I was telling her "it's six months since you've been gone deech, how are you going to find him". 

She was a little skeptical too....she wasn't even sure he'd recognize her.  

It was a busy main road.... rd no 10, Jubilee Hills, and in all that traffic there was no way she could call out. She'd named him poofy, but she wasn't sure he'd remember his name. To my total amazement, she had this particular low long whistle.............and sure enough, within minutes there was this super warm reunion :)

This time round when she was back, what with quarantine and lock down, she was concerned for him. She posted on some instagram groups........dog lover groups I think, asking if anyone could feed poofy, and she actually had three responses. I was so surprised..... all from strangers....strangers who thought alike.... so so amazing.

And last week, since her own quarantine ended, she has taken on the onus of feeding stray dogs in our area. Whatever essentials are or are not at home, the supply of bread and biscuits for the dogs are definitely there :)

A little clip of the doggies eating.

Deech, and all the other kids who are doing their bit and beyond to look after the strays which have no way to fend for themselves during this lockdown.........wonderful wonderful work, so proud of all of you !

Pan 22 - So Cute

Another one that diksha sent me. 

While the caption is nicely creative, even the picture made us curious. She researched to find that in a zoo in Canada, this is a frequent occurrence where the otters in the moat around the orangutan's enclosure come up like this quite regularly.

Pan 21 - Towards Better

From Seth

Towards Better

There’s rarely a straight line from here to better.

But there’s usually an arc.

The slog won’t last forever.

And winning streaks aren’t endless either.

As we move through time, we’re often presented with opportunities that are carefully disguised as problems. And every day we’re forced to make a choice. The default might be to hold back, but it’s not the only option.

The chance to move toward better can become a habit.

Pan 20 - Have you ever seen the rain

A few days back we had this sudden really heavy downpour, an actual hailstorm. Diksha and I opened the front door to see if we could collect some of the hail, before we literally got swept back into the house with the force of the rain.

Within a few minutes she created this post for her instagram account with the picture from our terrace.

I felt it was incredibly lovely.........the terrace, the rain and the song...each among my favorites :)

Pan 19 - Seeing Synchronicity

Something we all experience......

It's not often that we actually get to capture it......so when it does happen it gives me a personal high. It's almost like feeling more in tune with the universe.

Synchronicity is not the same as us noticing more of what we have on mind. For instance, if you're thinking of buying a washing machine, you'll start to see more hoardings and ads of washing machines. This is basically tuning into what's already existing.

Synchronicity, on the other hand, is mysterious and meaningful coincidences.

Synchronicity is a concept, first introduced by analytical psychologist Carl Jung, which holds that events are "meaningful coincidences" if they occur with no causal relationship yet seem to be meaningfully related. 

The other day I had three such experiences. And I get excited because it seems to tell me I'm at my optimal frequency.....and it's precious just by virtue of it being rare....as before long something will happen to make life go topsy turvy again. 

It's like my barometer of resonance with my inner self and with the universe. 

The instances, I'll write about as I also want to preserve it for posterity. 

I was listening to this rather powerful meditation on gratitude, one that shifted approach from 'I feel gratitude' to 'I am gratitude'.

I finish listening, and as if on cue I get a message from Anita, an individual who I can quite comfortably say was instrumental in changing my life. I recall the moment the shift began...I was in the middle of a meeting at SELCO...........and she and that began the moment of my shift........and have over this period impacted my awareness, my decision making, my life, my attitudes, my career.....everything. 

It was like the universe telling me this was my chance to express gratitude to her.....and that went onto her joining into the fourteen day meditation program I was doing....a nice level to connect on.

Second was; it was a few days since I'd spoken to a friend, and I'm wondering if I ought to call....and within minutes the call comes in.

They're little incidents......but when your mind picks up the amazement at the coincidence is when you realize they stand for something more.

Fine tune your radar........you'll tune into a subtle but distinctive shift in life !!

Pan 18 - Thanks Dr Praneeth

Dr Praneeth is someone we met during dad's emergency admission into hospital a few months back.

It was under really difficult circumstances that we met him...this was about eight months back when we went into Care Hospital with some apprehension, as daddy's regular doc had left to join at policy level with the central govt.

In the midst of what appears like chaos, but is in reality an emergency being taken under control was the calming presence of Dr Praneeth, who I could see very quietly take over the situation. 

That was all of eight months back.

And like I was telling Dr Praneeth yesterday, he has touched our lives in such deep ways over this period, that it's left an indelible impact.

Infact, there's this book 'when breath becomes air', one which brought out for me how a doctor can heal not just through medication, but also through his very being. Dr. Praneeth reminded me of that. At the cost of sounding a little overboard, I'd still say  'he espouses the very values of the profession....and of being a wonderful human'

We even started on opposite sides of the table in more ways then one. He strongly recommended surgery, while daddy had decided that he didn't want surgery, and it took us time and space to navigate that difference and gradually align.

Any questions we had......it's almost like he knew our thoughts and would take the time out of his crazy busy schedule to make himself available, and enable us to understand, however basic or complex the questions.

He seems to have the ability to say the most difficult things with a 'clarity and kindness' that are remarkable as a combination.

And what's more, in February when we were at the hospital we had mentioned that March 7th was dad's birthday, and how it was a very significant one for him....... and imagine our complete surprise when March 7th, he comes home with his whole team.....and a cake and bouquet of chocolates too.

A gesture that created history in the family... no one in our friends or family circle had ever seen anything like that. 

Dr.Praneeth, Dhruva, Daddy and Praveen.......unfortunately, don't have picture with the rest of the team and the cake. 

It sure made his birthday a more special day.

Dr Praneeth, a simple thanks is not enough, not even many would be....for all that you've been and done through this process..... and lastly for yesterday.....for having allowed us to take daddy back home against medical advise..... for having supported us through that very difficult decision....for having understood that at this point we were catering more to his emotional needs.

And I must add, like mom said, he has this ever present smile..... one which just puts such a pleasant context to each interaction with him. And it's something I personally place a really high premium on too, my blog's not called 'keep smiling....' for nothing see  :)

You will be remembered Dr Praneeth, with admiration and gratitude. 🙏

Pan 17 - A Super Pink Full Moon

Thanks to now spending entire evenings on the terrace, the full moon today came closer not just by virtue of it's being at it's nearest to the earth, but also be becoming part of an entire evening.

It's apparently the biggest and best moon of the year.

Actually it started last night or rather early this morning as the moon set.... it shone so bright through my window that it's light actually woke me up at around 5....imagine :)

When I saw how spectacularly it rose this evening, I not just called diksha out, I also told a few friends as I was talking to them (evenings on the terrace have become walk and talk time). While Diksha got me a few pictures, I was pleasantly surprised to get a couple of pictures from Mumbai, alongwith their 'wows'.

And what's more, Monica who is big time into astrology said this was best time to do a moon meditation and that it was time 'to let go of old patterns' . The thought appealed so I did that too :)

As it rose through the cloud cover

Thanks Vishakha, that's some zoom

Thanks Suvir, that's a beautifully framed picture

Thanks again Suvir, for having added in another, it's stunning

Thanks Deech, that's panoramic

That was one super moon evening (pun intended :)

Pan 16 - Two good pieces

I received these links with the message "two good pieces on it....in case you haven't come across them yet".

One, an article in the NY times magazine which came with the message "it's frighteningly brilliant ! the best you might ever read on the virus"

And the other a write up by Yuval Noah Harari, author of Sapiens, with the message "why good writing and quality journalism is one that regenerates humanity and strengthens liberal democracies by informing them"

https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/03/the-story-of-a-coronavirus-infection.html

https://www.ft.com/content/19d90308-6858-11ea-a3c9-1fe6fedcca75

Both totally totally worth reading.

Thanks Swaroop for sharing these.

Pan 15 - Thoughts.....Conversations......Aha's

Will it change the world as we know it ?

As analogy I read somewhere that the way we know time as 'Before Christ' and 'After Christ'.....it will now be 'Before Carona' and 'After Carona'. As big as that.

At an individual level, while Covid has pushed a lot of us back to basics....into the 'life of detail', it has done a lot more.

At an individual level, the space and time to be with ones own thoughts, feelings, sensations.

I've heard people talk of taking up personal level vipassana, people who are delving deeper into meditation, conscious reevaluation, stretching imagination.....

And there's also the collective level. That's even more new.  No single thing has impacted the whole world as covid has.

Collective energy is powerful.

While regular conversations are throwing up words like 'apocalyptic' 'dystopic' 'disruptive'........what's underlying maybe fear of a virus and of death.....there's also no one immune to the fact that the world needed something like this.

I read somewhere how 'ego' is being pushed to be replaced by 'eco'. As subtle and as sweeping as that.

Conversations are also throwing up the deeper stuff. Folks saying this will reveal some truths for a lot of us.....what do our lives stand for..... what do our relationships mean..... what does success mean....what does work mean.

While these questions have always existed, they've always sat on the outer eco system for most, on the fringe for some.....and now it's like the tipping point....it's walked right into the doors for many.

We are being shown the mirror. 

Do we have the courage to see it....at the collective, as also the individual levels.

Pan 14 - Ain't No Sunshine

Why is 'ain't no sunshine' part of my Pandemic series?

Well, yest as I was washing dishes, my radar picked up the song playing behind Diksha's closed door......and what would have been a moment that would have been like 'noticed and passed', grew larger.

She peeped out to say "your song ma.....heard?...... and Bill Withers passed away yesterday". And in response to my look, she goes on "no, not of covid, he was 81, and died of some heart thing".

While I asked her to replay twice as I went back to my dishes, my mind would no longer be contained. It was one of my favorites, in a collection that was not just cherished, but listened to like a million times.

And sure enough it brought up feelings of nostalgia......and nostalgia in it's essence, deep feelings of happiness and of sadness that can take you over.

So a post in tribute to Bill Withers ....  Thanks and Rest in Peace.

Pan 13 - Sparrow on our terrace

This was one of those simply amazing moments

Ones that can occur even in the midst of difficulty and turmoil.

At first I couldn't believe my eyes, I checked and rechecked to see if I wasn't mistaking a munia, or flower bird, or bulbul.....but no it was definitely a sparrow.

And what's more I saw another the next morning, and this time for long enough to get a picture.

I wasn't as excited even when I saw three peacocks on my terrace (yes, that happened once, but then while that was thrilling, seeing how close I live to kbr, guess it still doesn't amount to amazing)

So why is this amazing?

Because sparrows have completely disappeared from the city, for years now, likely over twenty  years......and they were an integral part of our growing up days.

This one appearing was like so, almost potent....an indication of how quickly things can change......how quickly does the earth heal.....how deep is this impact......that kind of thing.

Seeing more stars in the sky has a logical and simple enough explanation.....less smog.

Hearing more birds does too......more silence around... more time to listen, and maybe happier birds too.

But the sparrow.....that is such a wonder.

Pan 12 - Lamp of gratitude...

At this point the underlying, or rather overpowering emotions in the air sit on the spectrum of uncertainty, fear, anxiety, frustration, sadness, worry, boredom......and yes also amazement, wonder, gratitude

Likely more, maybe way more, of the difficult emotions than the happier ones.... essentially because so much change in so little time doesn't allow for processing time.

For this post, I'm picking gratitude.

I realized this as I lit the lamp this morning, and I was overwhelmed with the feeling.

Diksha testing negative was only the immediate and visible part of why. There's so much more to be in gratitude for...... at the micro level and macro level.

Starting from her even being back with us, for dhruva being here too, for my parents being able to cope, for ravi helping them out as much as he is, for being able to connect with family and friends and know they are safe........

for the government showing the kind of leadership and solidarity, for the essential supplies chain continuing to keep us provided, for the grocer remaining open under the circumstances, for medicines being available, for the garbage guy still coming to collect the garbage.......

and a special call out to my kirana guy who even with his shutters down, was willing to give me 'ensure' from the back door for dad...

for the net and phone that have become our connect with the world outside....

for that experience of more birds...and more stars in the sky

and that list goes on.

On the way back from the hospital diksha didn't want to stop anywhere, but I was like "I need match boxes deech". And she's like "ma, how is that an essential item"

I needed it to light the lamp.

I don't have a religious altar at home..... the lamp in my drawing room symbolizes my hotline with the universe. Any conversation happens through it....and today it got named lamp of gratitude :)

Like I heard in a recent talk.....it's about shifting from 'I feel gratitude' to 'I am gratitude'

Can we continue to feel it in 'complete empathy and acceptance' even as we see life unfold in unprecedented and mysterious ways. 

Can gratitude and acceptance become core.

Pan 11 - The Covid test

Based on inputs from the doctors in family, we headed to the 'Government Fever Hospital' in nallakunta........koranti hospital as it's locally called.

When I told diksha we were going to 'fever hospital', she was like "what??? there's a hospital called 'fever hospital'?". 

Well, there is. While it's called the 'Ronald Ross Institute of Tropical and Communicable Diseases', all old hyderabadis will know it as 'koranti dawakhana' or 'fever hospital'.

And strangely enough 'koranti' is the localized word for 'quarantine'. for which this hospital was established all of hundred years back, in what was then the city's outskirts.

While I've passed it a thousand times going to my mom's and ammamma's place of work which was further down the road, I hadn't even seen this massive name board ever.

Infact ammamma had told me a story of how during the plague they had created a shelter  in the area, with a lot of tents, which was mandatory for all people who lived in tiled houses as they would invariably have rats in their rafters....and how some of our relatives had to also move.

My mum also recalls how they would bring the clothes of infected people and burn them at a lake in front of their house, also in the same area (this must have likely been the spanish flu)

Anyways, to come back to the present.....

As we drove there with those tight covid masks on,  I'm telling diksha "how on earth did you wear this mask for all of twenty hours ma........I'm sweating within it.... so much so I think I'm drinking my sweat", and she's like, "chiiiii maaa, just stop talking no" :)

We entered the fever hospital with that tight knot in the pit of the stomach.....guess it represented a mixture of apprehension and anxiety.........not as much of covid at that point, but of just a 'government hospital',  we've all heard enough to feel that way I guess, right?

We drove into an iron gate........down a long driveway (guess that fits for isolation and quarantines), past a spattering of people in coats and masks......and then really old looking boards which read; 'malaria ward'..... 'small pox ward'......the knot getting tighter......and then took a left to ward VII as directed, and drove into a nice parking lot. (an urban relief even amidst covid :)

The hospital itself is a sprawling complex of single storied buildings......old yes, but otherwise nice. The isolation ward we went to had about twenty beds, with new mattresses on each of the beds, the fans were new and working, the bedsheets were old and worn out but visibly just back from laundry.

The bedsheet on diksha's bed had a potent looking stain on it.......and I went hunting for another bedsheet to cover that. Those are also scary moments as you don't know what you can touch and what not. 

Sure it's not your five star corporate hospital, but it's nothing like what people are posting online. People don't seem to have the maturity to reset expectations depending on context. It only reaffirmed to me that people who think negative will be cribbers no matter what, and unfortunately they are the loudest and most visible too.

Infact, as diksha waited for her test, I even braved a peep into the bathrooms, everyone's nightmare right.......and while old, it was yet clean.

And old means really really old....when I was searching online for how old, I found a Hansindia article saying it completed hundred years  in 2015

While everyone in the premises, the doctors, the nurses, the lab assistants were all in their hazmat coats, and talking through their masks....I found each of them pleasant, friendly and efficient.

(While Diksha was the only one in the ward when we went in, within the hour a large bunch of people came in, and I learnt from one of them that they were a team of airport employees who have been doing the passenger covid checks.....and one of their colleagues had tested positive, and that's why they were all asked to take the test)

At first a doctor came in and took a detailed report of diksha's symptoms and some medical background. And then diksha had to wait a while for the lab assistant. Those were her rather tense minutes I think, as she was like "ma, ask them if it will hurt". (it took effort to not let my tears escape)

The test itself is a swab taken from deep inside the throat and the nasal chamber. Not painful at all.

And then it was waiting for the results......twenty four nail biting hours, a twenty four hours that we spent away from talking or even thinking covid.

She tested negative. omg, omg.......the relief experienced is near impossible to describe :)

Pan 10 - When the sneezing began......

This was Day 4 after Diksha's return....... 25th March.

Very much in 'home quarantine'......and even before we could fully settle into the self isolation drill ......it looked like life had more in store for us.

It started that evening, with Diksha sniffling....... we attributed it to journey fatigue.

Next morning she started to cough......... we hoped it was a common cold.

By evening she was running a fever. I searched for a thermometer I haven't used in years. I found one. She checked and it read 100.5. 

I said, "no deech, can't trust these digital ones, may be a battery malfunction...let me find another". I actually found one... the old fashioned mercury one. I prefer the old ones. So we checked again. It also showed 100.3. 

It could still be a common cold (flu) we thought.

She did a lot of steam inhalation and salt water gargling. Put her on wikoryl and dolo.

We monitored with bated breath and fingers crossed.....for two days.....the fever was going down in the morning, and coming back at night. The cough was getting worse. Her cold was bad. The symptoms were ominous.

It was time to sit up.

We spoke to doctors.... doctors in the family, doctors among friends...... and the opinion was unanimous and clear; she needed to be taken to the government hospital for a covid test.

There was a phase where I was indecisive. Guess I was looking for excuses. I'd read about waiting for seven days before getting worried,  treating it at home till it gets severe...  stuff like that was interfering with thought process.

The stress was like the proverbial elephant in the room. We were both fluctuating. The thought of exposing her to a crowd during the test..... the thought of 14 days quarantine in Gandhi hospital...they were making our thinking nebulous.

While 27th evening I went to sleep with the decision of waiting two more days, 28th morning I got up with complete clarity.

Be it good sense, be it our sense of responsibility, be it fear, be it collective consciousness........whatever.....we knew we needed to do it.

Decision made, we were ill equipped in even knowing what to expect. I was like "pack a bag deech, you may not be allowed to come back if you test positive....and I'm not sure you'll have charging points and the like...so best you take a couple of books too...it's fourteen days after all"

She browses my book shelf, rejects all my suggestions....and picks what?

'For One More Day' by Mitch Albom......a philosophical book that explores mortality as central theme
and
'Sapiens, A Brief History of Humankind' by Yuvah Noal Harari

I could only stand and look on....with a cauldron of emotions within.......with anxiety, with fear.... with admiration, with respect.......... and most of all with tenderness and love ...........overflowing yet invisible ......and all from five feet away.

Her emotions we can only imagine. If anything, her choice of books spoke volumes.

What was visible on surface, for both of us, was a pragmatic, no nonsense air......and we left, backpack, sanitizer and masks in tow.