Interview With Poojari Uncle

I've known Poojari uncle since I was ten. We lived in the same apartment for almost fifteen years, in fact right since ten till I got married and left. His daughters, Surekha and Sujata are both very close friends of mine and I spent so much time in their house back in the day, that I speak Marathi just from time spent there. Uncle still lives there.

Last week was his eightieth birthday, and his daughters all got together at Hyderabad, to give him a wonderful party, and a vacation at Ooty (without husbands and children).

Before they left for the trip, I went to meet with all of them for a while, and we decided that an interview would be a good idea. 

He is a really really quiet person, so to get him to actually interview and talk, and open up......no mean feat :)

That's him in his favorite seat, I've seen him in that very same chair for forty years now 

I had to get a picture of this old radio in, a gramophone cum radio which he's still holding onto. Tells you quite a bit about him. Trupthi, his youngest daughter, was telling me how much even she has listened to lp's on it.

Well, here's the interview itself:

Me: You've just had your 80th birthday celebrations uncle. What were your inner most thoughts during the time.

Uncle: I was happy, and I was also simultaneously worried. I was worried about the future, especially in terms of health. I was happy to see the enthusiasm of my daughters who came down from America and New Zealand and Hubli to do this for me. But deep inside I was not feeling very great for reaching 80. 

Me: Uncle, tell us two of your largest achievements in life.

Uncle: I don't think I have any achievements. Or maybe I can say, leading a contented life.

Me: Hmmm.....Girls ( all three of them were there) can you think of any, maybe trigger his thought

Each of them came up with something, which seemed to have got uncle thinking, for then he said

Uncle: I am the eldest of 12 children, and my parents could not afford much, so I have helped not just my parents but each of my brothers and sisters all through. I didn't have enough money for myself, but I used to make sure to send as much as I could back home. I studied more than any of them, so this just continued.

I have also helped Kala aunty's side of the family, her brothers and sisters (Kala aunty, their mother passed away of cancer thirty years ago)

Also in 1969, I was one of three selected by my company, Grindwell Norton, for a study tour to US, UK and France.

Also, I'm an active member of Lions Club, Balanagar since 22 years and also served as President for one year.

Me: That sure sounds like an achievement, rather achievements. What do you think is the largest risk you took in life 

Uncle: I quit my job, quit Ceat Tyres and moved from Mumbai to Hyderabad. I didn't like Mumbai. I shifted to hyderabad and started my own venture in 1976. That was the biggest risk I took.  I was forty. Children were all very small.

That didn't work out. There was an issue with the partner, and though we had bought land in Jeedimatla, constructed the building, installed the machinery, and all of that, we had to abandon the project.

I had no income at that stage. And that's when I started Sunita Enterprises. I decided against partnerships, decided to do it alone. Started with marketing, though I knew nothing about marketing, and built it up slowly over the years.

Me: Wouldn't you count that also as one of your achievements uncle?

Uncle: Hmm...yes, I guess it was. I ran it for twenty five years. It was very tough for ten years, it wasn't financially sound. But I did it. That was my work and my source of income. A few years back I sold it.

Me: Tell us, what makes you happy

Uncle: Not having any problems. I have had problems for too long in life. Some very difficult patches. Difficult childhood. My wife expired. Then my eldest daughters husband absconded soon after their marriage. I got her married again. Another very difficult patch was you know... Sunita (Sunita his eldest, passed away nine years back). It has been many difficult times.

(there was a silence and a heaviness which took a while for each of us to process, before we could move on)

Me: Uncle, I recall you used to travel a lot

Uncle: Yes, I like travelling, and I have made sure I go on a trip atleast once every two years. That made me happy.

Me: What makes you angry

Uncle: People not keeping their word

Me: And sad?

Uncle: Not being successful in certain areas. When things did not go as I wanted or expected them to.

Me: What is your definition of success

Uncle: Leading a peaceful life. Being able to solve the hurdles that come up along the way.

Me: By this definition would you say you've been successful

Uncle: By this definition yes, to quite an extent

Me: What do you find most challenging now, in your present

Uncle: Keeping myself balanced, mentally balanced, and physically fit.

Me: What are the mechanisms or resources you are using to enable you to do those

Uncle: I do yoga regularly for physical fitness. I have been doing it for many years. And meditation and reading. 

If we could have been more financially sound, it would have been easier.

Me: Tell us about some of your most cherished experiences

Uncle: I can't recall any specific experiences, but I would say, my daughters being very good to me. Being able to have a second spouse who is really understanding. Not many conflicts in the family.

My childhood was a struggle. I left home when I was just 5. My father was a station master and his posting was in small villages. I was the eldest of twelve children. So they sent me to my maternal uncle's place to study, in Mumbai. It was a tough life. My father could not support my studying. I've studied many years under street lights. And even engineering I did on scholarship, and even from that scholarship, I used to send half the money home. 

At times they didn't even get two meals a day. It is only after I got a job, then I started sending money home regularly. But then this was always a point of conflict with Kala aunty, which was also totally understandable.

I miss my parents a lot. I never had a childhood or love from parents. It still hurts.

(at this point I know sujata and surekha both choked up, it was an emotionally difficult space for everyone in the room)

Me: Can you talk of one instance when you moved out of your comfort zone, did something for yourself

Uncle: Marrying a second time was a challenge. Others questioned it. There was resistance. But it was a lonely life.

I did it, and I was lucky to get a good partner.

Me: What were the two resources that gave you strength through all these difficulties.

Uncle: Love music. I've always listened to music. Even now, it goes on at 5 am. And reading.

Me: And your drink uncle? I recall thinking, who drinks alongside green salad, and cheese right?

Uncle: Yes (at last we saw a wide smile) Every evening I would relax with a glass of whisky. Whisky with green salad, and yes cheese when possible. I enjoyed that.

Also reading, I like reading spiritual literature.

I've been independent. I used to drive the scooter, till recently.  In fact just two weeks back we had a fall, and then Nirmala aunty said no more scooter.

We go to Melkote park every morning for a walk, now we go by auto. An auto guy comes and picks us up everyday.

Me: If I asked you to tell us about your personality, what are the adjectives you would use

Uncle: Co-operative, Courage, More importance to Peace of Mind, Staying Fit, Helping peers and family members

Me: What is the advice you would give your grandchildren

Uncle: Pay more attention to your studies, and Consider being helpful to your family members

Me: Uncle, your first three daughters are called Sunita, Surekha and Sujata. tell us the story of why you called your youngest Trupti. 

Uncle: Aunty was very keen on a son, so we kept trying.  And when the fourth one was a daughter, one of our friends, Pratima Parekh I remember, she jokingly said 'abhi bas, iska trupthi naam rakh do'. I liked the idea, so we called her Trupthi.

(at this point Sujata, and then Surekha and Trupthi too said one thing " baba, never, not once did we ever hear you say you wish you had a son. You gave us all the freedom we needed, and we're each so successful because of that. We're grateful and appreciative", and this brought a deep and satisfied smile to uncles face)

Me: I have one last question. Would you like to be born again.

Uncle: NO

Me:Anything else that you'd like to say uncle. 

Uncle: Yes, I just remembered, I used to enjoy playing cricket in school. That is a cherished memory. 

Me: I'm happy this brought up that memory. It's a nice space to close.