An Interview With Mom

When I sat down to write today, I found myself sitting and staring at this blank page for almost ten minutes. Didn't know where to start. Guess that happens when writing about something that touches us deepest..... how does one capture all that you want to say to your mom. I wanted a mothers day tribute kinds you see.

I've seen my mom radically change over the years...evolve at many levels. I've seen her grow from being a housewife to a career woman, a protected woman to a solo traveler, dependency to strength, conditioned thinking to independent thought, until today.........where she's an inspiration and a tower of strength to all of us.

That's when I decided that letting her speak would be best, an interview. So shut the laptop, got into the car and got there right away.

That's her in her favorite corner and favorite zone......with her crosswords

Me: Ma, at 78, how does life look to you

Mom: My own space. I like my own space.

Singing to myself... every evening I sit in the balcony and sing to myself

I spend time with crossword puzzles. That's something I really enjoy doing and I've done it for many many years on a daily basis.

I like painting, but I don't do enough, I don't pursue it.
I go for leisurely and aimless long walks.

It's totally day to day. Nothing planned, nothing built in.

Me: What makes you happy

Mom: I love travelling. I like travelling to peaceful places, like Yercaud, where I can just go and sit in the mountains.

I don't need jewellery, or fancy clothes or anything else. It's just travel that appeals to me. And I've luckily done a lot of it. With daddy in jungles and wild places because of his work as a geologist. And later also across America with Praveen. In fact I would love to make a list of all the places I've been to, starting from Niagara falls. 

Me: Lovely, let's do that sometime soon. Moving on, tell me about the biggest risk you took in life

Mom: Going out to work. I wasn't a working woman, I was a stay home mom. It happened when I was 38 yrs old, when you were ten and Praveen was six. The opportunity came.

I stepped out for the first time. Up until then I was very dependent, in thatha's home and even after marriage.

I was scared, I had never gone out. I knew nothing, I didn't even know what a cheque book was. Vijayalaxmi aunty took me under her wings, taught me how to work right from scratch.

At home I used to feel useless, but there I was respected and I developed my own personality. The job was an entry into another world. I discovered I could do it, and I discovered myself. I discovered my worth. 

It was the best part of my life. I worked for twenty four years, and it made me a different person.

Me: What would you say are two of your biggest achievements

Mom: One as I said, was moving out to work.

Me: That is a big one...and beyond that ma?

Mom: Hmmm......let me see....starting 'Smile Foundation' with you and Kamlesh, and also volunteering at the 'Shelter for Street Children' for many years after retirement

Me: Pick 5 words you'd associate with yourself

Mom:
'Detached' : I love so many things, but I can as easily let go of them all
'Keep no negativity inside'
'No Fear'
'Kindness' : Poverty impacts me deeply
'Sensitive to animals'

Me: What makes you angry

Mom: Lying makes me very angry. Disorderliness irritates me, and meanness, I don't like meanness in a person.

Me: And what would you say makes you sad
(she thought and she thought)

Mom: It is momentary. In fact I can't think of anything that makes me sad.

Me: What about you do you think might be annoying for others

Mom: Short temper. Me saying things that might hurt others.

Me: What does 'being successful' mean to you

Mom: Completeness

Me: Can you elaborate a little, what exactly does 'completeness' mean

Mom: It means fulfilling your desires. Like, even me....I consider myself successful, as inspite of going through so many ups and downs, before marriage and after, I still feel fulfilled. Life is like a roller coaster, as long as you still enjoy the ride. That's successful to me. And it means no further desires.

And for me...life has taken a full circle, two loving children and no worries. 

Me: Nice. Profound. Tell me about some childhood experiences that come to mind

Mom: I'll tell you two.

We were three families living in Barkatpura, three large families, it was like that back then. Just these three independent houses in this huge area. Not even a compound wall. There was a lake to one side, and kachiguda station on the other.

This was during the Razakar movement, an anti Nizam movement by another group of muslims, and the men were known to be totally ruthless and violent. Each night we would finish dinner before dark, not use lights, and all of us from the three houses would go and sleep on the terrace of one house. They would come and throw huge stones on the houses, and it was a time we all lived under enormous fear.

I remember one muslim woman, who was a brahmin mans keep, a very beautiful woman, she lived in one of the outhouses. I used to go sit with her. She was so traumatized by it, and would tell us stories about it. That experience is etched in memory, though I must have been just 5 or 6 years old then.

Another thing I distinctly remember is my great grandfather taking me to the station to watch the trains. Kachiguda was just behind our house. He had a jhutu and a walkingstick, and he would hold me with his other hand and take me. He used to call me chukipilla ( moms name is sukrutha, diksha used to call her chuku ammamma, strange)

I somehow feel, in life, I got genuine affection only from him, and his death when I was ten really impacted me, that was one time I felt sad...and I think that was one time I cried. I don't cry much otherwise. ( I agree, I've hardly ever seen her cry I think)

Me: You studied in Telugu medium. How did you learn to speak English so well

Mom: I didn't know English at all. When bhava ( an aunts husband ) used to come home and speak, which was twice a year, I'd listen agape. That was my first exposure to English.

Then after becoming a friend of Kamala ( vishakhas mom) and seeing all those communist books in their house, I picked up the habit of reading, and that continued through college. It's only through reading that I learnt how to speak English. We had a lovely library in college. Let's go one day.

Me: Sure. Which would you say was the best phase of your life

Mom: Without a doubt the three years of koti womens college. It was three years of a happy and carefree life. ( I could almost see the joy come through as she recollected those memories)

Me:What's your favorite motto ma

Mom: Never worry. Never Fear. Be Happy.

Me:What would your message for your grandchildren be

Mom: Be good human beings

( I waited thinking there would be more. ) But she said, "that's it, that's all I'd say.....and that I love them unconditionally"

Take a bow ma, what a deep thought...amazing, so proud of you.

Me: Tell me two of your non known facts, facts even I don't know.

Mom: Hmmm......I always won at debates. I'd participate in any debate competition I could go to.

I played Draupadi in a play at school, and me and my long and thick plait became stars of the show.

I was also the main protagonist for two other plays, one called 'ma' , when I wore a saree when still in school, and the other 'gossip near the well'. This was a lovely play directed by Mayura aunty.

Me: What scares you ma

Mom: Nothing scares me. I don't know fear at all.

One instance comes to mind though. I went to Mumbai to attend a workshop from office. I was travelling alone for the first time. I got off at Kurla, and there was a Shiv Sena strike and the mob got into the train with sticks and other weapons. I had no idea what to do. There were no autos. buses, taxis, nothing. From somewhere, god sent I think, one auto guy came and said 'math daro amma, hum lekar jathe'. And he took me out. 

That trip was an experience from beginning to end. On the way back, I went to Bandra to take the train back to Hyd. I was sitting and reading on the platform, when I hear an announcement saying my train is passing through Bandra. I asked and the station master said it doesn't stop there. I had no idea what to do. I had no place to stay and very little money too. No phones. We didn't even have a phone at home in Hyderabad then.

Again luckily, a taxi driver said we could catch it at the next station and I don't remember a thing after. He drove me there, and he actually pulled my hand and put me in the train. I think I went numb.

That was a really tough experience for me.

Me: Wow, that sure sounds scary. Any more such intense experiences you can recall.

Mom: I have another train incident.

We were going from Bangalore to Surat, and we needed to change trains at Pune. Our train was late into Pune. We ran. The train was almost starting. I got into the train carrying you. You were two years old. I thought daddy might have got in somewhere else. And after a while as the train moved, I saw daddy and the luggage still on the platform.

I pulled the chain.

The TC came and asked why, and I said, 'my husbands not got in', and he said he would have fined me, but because I had a small child he was letting me go.

(My dad piped in.....he still remembers the TC shouting 'what sort of fool is your husband')

And yes, your big fall was one of my most intense experiences

Me: Tell, tell (full excited I was. I've never really heard the whole story surprisingly)

Context: When I was sixteen, I fell off the terrace of our building, off the fourth floor, all the way to the ground floor

Mom: I was just back from office, still getting off the auto and Kavita (the maid) came running and said "sumitha didi upar se ghirgaye". I thought it was Poojari's daughter Sunita and went into their house, and then saw that it was you. You had fallen into their backyard, and they had brought you in. I touched you. Maybe I wanted to see where you were hurting, broken bones, still alive, I don't know what. I was trying to talk to you. But you had gone so blank, eyes open, just staring into space. There was no response from you at all. 

Luckily, my auto guy had also come in, so we put you into the auto and took you straight to AMS (that's where she worked). I told the doctor and he said, where is the patient. He was expecting you on a stretcher I guess, but you had walked in, by then you were totally fine. Not even a bruise. 

At that time Praveen was cycling down from somewhere and Reddy uncle told him that you'd fallen off the terrace, and Praveen just threw down his cycle and ran saying 'sachipoyindha?' (is she dead)

I went to ammamma and told her, and she started beating her head and crying loudly, she was so fond of you, she also thought you were dead. And it was me who had to give courage to everyone else. I didn't even know what was happening to me.

Next day, daddy who was out of station, came back and it was when I saw him that I held him and broke down. 

(dad had tears in his eyes I think, even as it was being narrated)

Me: Ma, I know you turned vegetarian for Praveen, and that was another close call you had. Tell me about that too.

Mom: Praveen was diagnosed with the nephrotic syndrome. He was just 3 years old. And it was then not curable. Doctors had given up on him.

I remember, Dr Y R Reddy said, "Sukrutha, unfortunately there is no treatment, we can't help. Take him home. And remember, your worrying won't help too"

At that point I decided to give up something Praveen was very fond of, and so was I, I gave up non vegetarian food, even eggs. I didn't give up immediately. I said I would go to tirupati and give up. I did. And strangely, I have never ever wanted to eat it since.

And I am glad and grateful that he got over his ailment. Also, to add, it is because of his fondness for non vegetarian food; he used to eat fish everyday, and the doctor said "It is no wonder he has survived, as that is what replaced the loss of protein on a daily basis".

And ironically, he got hooked to a pretty, pure vegetarian girl.

Both of these instances, with you and with Praveen affirm to me that there is a guiding hand always coming to your rescue.

Me: Amma, that's too much real intense stuff, I'm moving into surreal and the concluding phase. A pet question, would you want to be born again?

Mom: Yeessss. But as what is a big question.

I'm very attracted to water. I feel a strong connection. One day I just want to walk into the ocean. (suicide ma?) No,  not suicide, (like a fish then?) no, no, not as a fish also, (mermaid aa?). Cha, no...just as me.... I just have this beautiful visual of me walking into the ocean and disappearing into the water, becoming one with the water. It keeps coming back to me. It's a very peaceful visual.

Me: My god, you're still there. I don't know how to react. When years back I told Dhruva this, he said 'you mean she wants to walk by the shore, right ?'

Mom: (smiles her sweet dimpled smile and says) "no no, not on the shore.......into the ocean"