Sunday, September 29, 2019

Cinemadamare - An Interview with Dhruva

'Cinemadamare', by definition, sounds like a dream program. 

A 'travelling movie campus' that brings together about 200 young film makers from across the world, travelling through Italy, over three months, one week in each town, making films and screening them in the town squares. Nothing like this seems to exist anywhere else in the world.

This year was Dhruva's second stint with Cinemadamare. Literally translated it is 'Love of Cinema'..... guess that's exactly what drew him there the second time too.

Once back, as Dhruva was talking of his experiences, everyone in the family was telling him that he should write about it. Yest when Dhruva was telling Praveen about it, he also tried telling him that he ought to journal it, as there's no way he'll remember it all.

When mom told him to write, he said "I know I ought to ammamma, but my form of expression is Cinema, not writing really".

And dad turns to me and says "why don't you write about it".

Guess that got the idea going. I did a formal interview with Dhruva, one that went on over three hours. Between that, and the innumerable other conversations, here's a go at trying to capture some part of his experience.

Me: Dhruva, full formal ok..........let's start with this. The other day you said; "I now feel I have more access to the world", I thought that was a fascinating line, tell me a little about what that means.

Dhruva: Yeah, it's a whole shift in feeling, one that no amount of travelling gives you. You feel that way because you actually spend three full months sharing your life with people from across the world, from so many countries. I now have close friends in so many countries. That's the literal access.

And even otherwise, we have this feeling about 'foreigners', one that creates distance. I feel that kind of drops away.... as you live their way of life .... do so much adapting....get really close.....you grow beyond that, to feeling anywhere is comfortable, anywhere is fine.

Even the Venice Film Festival, right? Earlier Hollywood was this fantasy land, A distant concept, abstract, something you saw only in movies, in the Oscars. Being at the festival, standing by the red carpet, meeting eyes with stars... seeing them all in real time....just brings it all within a reality realm. It's like being 'in' Hollywood, Hollywood doesn't feel impossible anymore.

Me: Wow, that's a lot. So the participants in Cinemadamare....how many countries were they from?

Dhruva: About 50 to 60 countries, and it's not just meeting them, You get to know them personally, intimately. In fact I now have people there I know well enough to  consider family

Me: Who's close enough to be family? (the word caught me see :)

Dhruva: I hung out with people from Belgium, from Brazil...like Raphael....and this time I got really close to Uruguayians. There's Augustina...and Belen and I just love their accent and their style of speaking English. Listen, it's so cute.

And the friends from Uruguay cooked a lot, so I cooked and ate a lot with them.

Me: This time you said acted in two films. One as Jesus (which ammamma didn't find surprising at all) and one in a lead role too. How was the acting experience?

Dhruva: Not two, I was in about five to six films. Two were like lead roles. It was tough. Tough and interesting. It taught me a lot about what an actor goes through.

A director runs on adrenalin....once the shooting starts it's all a blur.... days on end go into a blur. Even the tiredness comes in only after the shoot ends.

But for actors it's different, they feel it even during the process, as they are emotionally there.

It has helped me be more empathetic, helped me bring out their best, and that in turn brings out the best in the film.

I understood how difficult it is for actors to hold the emotions of the character...for example, I now realize why it's important  to bring them onto site only just before the shoot.

It's like an exam, how much ever preparation happens earlier, those last few minutes matter. Often,  they are called in earlier, and that's so distracting for them as those last few minutes matter so much.... we need to give them that.

Me: Tell me about one difficult experience during acting.

Dhruva: This was a film of Viktor's, he's a really good director...... eccentric, abstract vision. I was this character who hated water. This was a scene where I was lying on the ground, with a burning cross behind my back, and people were throwing water at me. No shirt on and it was really cold...... and it was intense emotions.

And acting is tough because sometimes you reach those emotional spaces with so much difficulty that you can't switch back out and in, so you stay in character for the duration of the shoot, and that makes regular life difficult. So yeah.

Me: Woah, that sounds intense. Will we get to see that film?

Dhruva: Yeah, but I think he's still editing it. I'll ask.

Me: Other then acting did you do any other facet of film making?

Dhruva: Did one editing, which was also tough as the Director didn't seem clear on what he wanted and the DoP and I had different opinions.

I also did 'sound' for six to seven films this time.

Me: Nice. How many films did you yourself do, like direct? Tell me a little about them.

Dhruva: I made 4 films.  One is called 'the pyre', it's in Italian. Two of them are like a series, the series was interesting because it gives opportunity to play around with many facets of the film. They are about 'nature' and 'man'. And how nature enters one man to represent itself, and how that conflict plays out in him.

The fourth one was inspired by a town there. The first three I had the concept in mind even before I went, for one I had even written out the screenplay, the script.

Me: Would you say Cinemadamare is what enabled you to shift from animation to live action?

Dhruva: Well, no, not really. Even in my fourth year of college I started getting more interested in 'live action' and guess would have done it anyway....but then, Cinemadamare helped me get there in a comprehensive kind of way.

Me: What would it have taken for you to make these films here? Why did you need to go there for it?

Dhruva: It's not like you can't do it here, but there the entire crew and cast are handed to me on a platter, there's people with expertise in every facet of film making. And everyone's there with the talent, the expertise, the intent...it's to create film and learn, which is a whole different energy.

Plus the nice feeling that soon as it's made, it's going to be screened for the entire town, and they are very enthusiastic about it.

Me: What about language, did you have an issue with that?

Dhruva: We're mostly in small towns, so yeah you need to know some little Italian, especially as director as we need to find a producer who will help put together locales and some basic props and stuff. We also need it in the supermarkets or restaurants as they don't understand english there at all.

Me: So, can you speak a little Italian now?

Dhruva: Well, I can manage a little. I guess I can understand in context. I also need to introduce the movie in Italian, so yeah I do a teeny weeny bit.

Me: Tell me some of the most difficult or challenging facets of the experience.

Dhruva: Privacy. There is no privacy for the entire duration of the three months. None at all. Not to sit, work, stand, talk, no alone time at all ....none, infact not even to shower. Initially the guys showered in one section and the girls in another, but after a while even that disappeared. It's hard to explain how it changes you. Some places even the bathroom doors don't lock.

You just can't be physically conscious about anything. At some level it just makes you so much more comfortable with your own body.

But yeah, a lot of this keeps people on edge. And at times it's difficult to handle it, for some even more than for others.  There was this really sweet guy from Japan, mid thirties, a teacher of Manga (Japanese comics). His Japanese etiquette was really interesting.

Me: What's your biggest challenge as a Director?

Dhruva: Ego gets crushed. You have to put your whole cast and crew together yourself. Ask around, until you find all the sign ups.....then make sure everyone's mood is right, all factors come together, and knowing there's only one week per film. It's tough.

Everyone has their own challenges, it's either mentally, physically or (at times 'and') emotionally exhausting.

Me: Sounds tough. So what draws people to Cinemadamare?

Dhruva: It's the whole concept, it's so beautifully packaged that given the opportunity you just want to experience it. I went back again didn't I? There are people who come on very tight budgets, maybe do it for just a couple weeks, but they'll still come.

Me: Having taken to Directing, how would you say you've grown as a director over these last two years?

Dhruva: I am constantly exposing myself to learning, be it through watching cinema, watching backend interviews, finding the research and break down of the films, watching masterclasses...I'm always at it.

Me: What about in terms of general growth. How does that fit here?

Dhruva: It's tremendous. You become aware of how little you know, especially about other countries and cultures. You come with what you later realize are your own assumptions and expectations....and people can be just so different, and at times so similar......... sometimes even what you think is fact you'll see is different. For instance I learnt that China doesn't think Kashmir is part of India, that's how they teach it in school.

It widens perspective, you just constantly become so much more aware of things.

You also stop caring about judgement, opinion.....you also become less judgmental..... you stop being conscious of so many little things that take away unnecessary energy.

Me: Were there any moments that you got homesick?

Dhruva: No, not really, because you are so involved, and enjoying every minute of it. Material comforts, sometimes yes, but otherwise no.

We're all there for the love of films and to make films, to be part of films...... it's such a creative environment, and at times even competitive ....  overall it is an addictive environment I'd say.

Me: Did you ever get into any risky spots?

Dhruva: There was one shot that I needed to get the town square in the dark, and I got permission to access the street light switchboard. But somehow we missed picking up the key, so i got a ladder and climbed and I did it a couple of times, and I guess I didn't know it was LED and takes time, so something made a weird noise and I thought I had blown it, like ruined the whole switchboard. We all actually ran.

It was damn tense. Until I was back in Rukan's restaurant it felt scary.

Me: Who's Rukan?

Dhruva: This was in a little town called Monzambano, and Rukan is this lady who runs a family restaurant. She became close friend. She's a yoga instructor, and she likes anything India. She infact adopted me for the week.

I go to know her whole family, and one night they even let me stay over in the restaurant, they locked me in as I had to do an all night editing. I walked her dogs for her and all.

Another time was when we were shooting in tall grasses, at night.....and we suddenly saw this largish animal move..... they have a lot of wild boar and bears.

Me: Did you face any kind of racism there?

Dhruva: The most racist country I've seen so far is India, nothing can even come close.

Me: How was your visit to Rome?

Dhruva: Really nice. I did one day of sightseeing with Belan from Uruguay, and another two with Rafeal from Brazil. Rafeal and I watched Angels and Demons before going to the Vatican. The art and sculpture is at a whole different level, imposing, intimidating....so extremely beautiful. I'll show you that through some pictures, though I didn't take too many.

Even Venice, it's as beautiful and fairy tale like as we hear. But even that through pictures.

Some pictures:

Rukan, who runs the restaurant in Monzambano.


With a group of friends


Playing Jesus in a film


Another shoot, this was apparently an ambitious project shot in the waters


Rafeal, from Brazil, who has become close friend


With Belan, when the two of them went off to see Rome


Chilling, very apparently


So pretty


With Krzysztof Zanussi, a well known Polish director, who did a master class for them


A campfire night


One of their town square screenings


One of Dhruva's instagram pictures with caption 'most of these folks transcended into family'


Picture card perfect...he said all the houses in this town have these pretty paintings on them, like this one here


With Johanna from Poland


St Peter's square at the Vatican


They apparently spent all night on this wall


Another instagram picture of his



They acted as zombies in another film. That's Dhruva standing right, I didn't recognize him until he told me :(


With Izem, a close friend from Turkey


What a beautiful sunset to chill with


A little video clip at one of their town square screenings.  Apparently a group of them started dancing in the middle of the square after the screening, and initially the town folk were taken aback, but gradually they also joined in and it went on till late into the night



These are pictures I happened to have as he'd sent them to me earlier in some sorting process, so there's no real sequence or anything.

Dhruva, I realize we've likely touched just the surface level of the experience, but glad we had this chat. It definitely widened my perspective, of not just your trip, but also of you.

It sure is one intense experience. Glad you discovered it, got selected, did it not once but twice. Way to go Kanna !!

Of course it could be better

From Seth

That’s not the question, not really.

The question is, “what are you going to do about it?”

And, to follow up, “what effort are you willing to put in to make it better?”

If you’re not willing to make it better, it’s probably going to stay the way it is.

The first day of summer is right around the corner (or winter, if you live in the other hemisphere).

The changing of seasons is as good a time as any to say, “now, I’m going to make it better.”

The key word isn’t ‘better’. The key words are now and I.

Saturday, September 28, 2019

Where do I begin......







Words.......for times when that's all that we have...and for times when it's all beyond.

Friday, September 27, 2019

'Heaviest rain in a hundred years'

Yesterdays rain, day before actually,  is said to have been the heaviest for September in a 100 years.Wow !

This completely justifies and validates taking almost three hours to get home.....something after hundred years is momentous enough, how can it not touch your life right? 

What fascinated me through those three hours is the GPS. It competed with 'Radio Mirchi and Shadab'. Shadab was so brilliant that evening. He was like  "भारिश और ट्रैफिक में थो फसे हो , उसका कुछ नहीं कर सकता , पर अच्छे अच्छे गाने जरूर सुनासक्ता  हूँ " (rain and traffic I can't do anything about, but I can surely play you great music) 

And he so did. In fact, if I've been thinking I need to make my own CD (my car's ten years old so no aux port and stuff :), this evening I almost felt I needn't. Radio was that good.

Now for the GPS story:

I got off work at 6, and as I reached the parking is when I heard the thunder, and immediately felt that zing in the body, the excitement of driving through rain see :)

When I left work, it said '42 minutes to home, and ETA of 6.50 pm'

Rest of drive, GPS fascinated me.....  it just seemed so alert and alive. 

At 6 it said 42 minutes

An hour later, at 7 it said 58 minutes

At 7.30 it had shifted further up.... to 1 hour.  And how sweetly she'll say "this road looks closed, shall I devert?" "this road looks clogged, would you like to take an alternative route?". She was being great company...and then my battery died :(



Another wonderful thing I observed.....the traffic police.

Every junction they were there... in the pouring rain.... in raincoats.... at places standing in the middle of knee deep water.... yet controlling the traffic. So heartening to see. It's thanks to them we were continuously moving, never a full gridlock jam......just at that literal snails pace. Can't imagine what it would have been like without them.

Huge kudos to the the Hyderabad traffic police !!!

At close to 9, if I was dead tired when I reached home, it was just for having my feet constantly on the clutch, just that little bit release- hold-release-hold through the three hours....... but otherwise yet another fascinating drive.... with the rain and Shadab and GPS and the traffic police....it just so so was  :)

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Driving through the rains

We've been having some torrential rains in Hyderabad.

And if enjoying the rains from home wasn't enough, this last two days has been driving through some of the heaviest rains I've ever driven through.

At a signal I turned off my wipers to just watch the water pour and flow down the windshield.


This evening it felt like driving through streams, there was that much water flowing on the roads. This picture's not mine but I thought it represented it well


What a pretty picture, courtesy Google...also from this evening


While I get that there's water logging and flooding and seeping........and what drive normally takes me an hour took me two hours this evening, one yet can't miss the absolute beauty of the rains too.

Even as I write, it's like in surround sound of thunder and the lightening and heavy heavy rain....and I couldn't not capture the experience here :)

Monday, September 23, 2019

Meeting Star and Ganesh

I had heard of this dog rescue a couple weeks back.

I happened to overhear a conversation between Dad and Mr. Joshi.  Daddy was asking him a lot of questions; how the boys had got into the well .... how they'd lifted the dog up.... who were these boys and so on. He then showed me a paper article on the rescue.

The whole incident came to life again yesterday.

When I was at dad's, Star and Ganesh came there. They were the boys who'd done the rescue, and we got to hear the story first hand. (there was Govind who was part of the team, but didn't come yest)

This was at Dhoolpalli, in the suburbs of Hyderabad. A dog had fallen into a 100 foot deep gorge. It had apparently fallen in two weeks back.

And how did they come to know?

Through a video that someone from the locality had uploaded on fb (a big thumbs up to social media there). They decided to go help. Ganesh works with PFA (people for animals) and Star, who is otherwise doing his graduation, volunteers when he can. 

They roped in two fire department personnel too, and set about the rescue mission. They said it took over four hours. Not easy getting down that deep gorge. They had to do it mountain climbing style with ropes and all. And even more difficult was to then catch the dog, what with it being as scared and prone to bite.  And then to get it back up. Can only imagine the courage and effort it must have taken.

Here's some pictures:






A groupie of the successful rescue team I'm guessing. Star to the extreme right, and Ganesh fourth from right. I'm guessing there's Govind, and don't know the others names.


A short video clip of it 


After the rescue, the dog was kept in the shelter for a week, as it was dehydrated and needed saline and care. And only after it was fit enough was it left back in the same area...it's home.

One with dad, who they'd come to meet as he'd offered a token cash incentive as appreciation for their commitment and effort.... and love and courage, and all else that it takes to so selflessly go about something like this. So deserved.


This is to add in my kudos to them, and also to Mr Joshi who has been doing the selfless job of animal rescues since a long time,  I'm not even sure how long, it's ever since I can remember. 

Star and Ganesh, it was wonderful and inspiring to meet you....the world surely needs more people like you !

Friday, September 20, 2019

A Curious 'On The Road' Episode

So curious, that I was even wondering what I could title it.

This happened as I was driving to Cognizant, busy part of city, heavy traffic, fully focused on driving and radio mirchi. 

At a u-turn point some auto guy suddenly turned almost onto my car from the right, and I had to swerve a little to the left. Soon as I did, I saw this guy to my left give me a dirty look. While it was no fault of mine that I had swerved, I could also see why he'd be annoyed. 

I caught up with him a few minutes later, edged towards him, rolled down my glass and said 'sorry'. And in return I got this brilliant flash of a smile. Such a wide genuine nice smile that I was like 'omg, who smiles like that at a stranger'. And to be able to see it despite a helmet.

Anyways, with a nice warm feeling in my heart for having received a smile like that, I drove on.

About ten minutes later, at a junction, he turned left. Funny thing is, he was about two hundred yards in, and I was driving ahead, and for some reason I turned to see (impact of that warm smile I guess) and at that same moment he turned and looked, almost loosing his balance. I waved, and he waved back. It just happened. 

And we went our ways, him left and me straight.........or so I thought.

Fifteen minutes later imagine my amazement when I find him behind me again. I couldn't figure it out. I just drove on as I didn't know what to make of it. 

A little later I take a left, and sure enough he did too. 

At this point I knew this was getting weird, and trust me there was zero creepy there, you could feel the honesty. Just didn't understand it.  

I pulled over. 

He pulled over next to my door. I rolled down my glass. It was like a magical moment, a moment when one ought to have said 'this is so interesting, want to catch a coffee?'. But we didn't. In fact I didn't, he tried. I blew it...so we both mumbled jumbled something and left.

It's only in retrospect that I'm able to capture the connect that was felt. A spontaneous and compelling one. And if nothing, it gave us a beautiful moment... captured here forever.

Thursday, September 19, 2019

When will we learn


It’s essential that we make new mistakes.

We don’t make nearly enough of them. Not enough original effort, not enough generous intent, not enough daring in search of something better.

But at the same time, we need to stop making the old mistakes again and again. What did you expect to happen when you did the very same thing that didn’t work last time?

For some of us, it’s more frightening to do something new than it is to retry something that failed.

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

The Other Side of Diksha in Perth

If there are questions on "how's Diksha doing" how's she settling" duh duh duh.....

on the other side are these questions  "did you come back to a sad and lonely house?" "are you finding it tough without her?" "are you still keeping your cook?" "don't you get scared sleeping alone?" "I keep wondering how you manage all alone" 

I find it quite amazing to see how much assumption lies behind these questions. Well meaning, but so defaulted..... so conditioned.

Alone and Lonely - two different things

Missing someone and Being Sad - two different things

Alone and Scared - two different things

Conditioning seems to put these together as pairs, as synonyms. They are so not.

Sure, I miss her, but her being happy there, doing well there, more than makes up....it in fact brings so much joy and depth of fulfillment, that there's hardly any space left for missing.....none in fact. (sure I had a couple of meltdowns, but you surrender to them and it's dealt with :)

And as to being alone, I simply love it......it's in fact quite exhilarating

And lonely?....  how? I have so many people in my life who matter......with who I have deep and authentic relationships. And there's the birds and the flowers....the sun, the moon and the stars.........books and movies......and shows like 'cosmos'.....and my work and my clients. How can that ever even begin to be lonely? (pssst......plus I love my own company too much see :)

And Fear? now that's an interesting one. It was a nice learning for me as well, one that's evolved. Over the years I could see that fear had less and less to do with actual risk, and more and more to do with perceived threat and state of mind.  Less external triggered, and  more internally owned, and once you see that, it's pretty much gone, puffff. 

Guess that answers them all.

No wait, there's the cook. So many folks are surprised that I'd have a cook just for myself. But then, when you think for yourself, you figure what you really want to do with your time and thus with your life, what you'll keep and what you won't. And cooking was not on my list of what I enjoy doing. So you see.

It's about believing you deserve good stuff, about giving yourself permission to enjoy life.....not just at a cognitive level, but deep in, in your very fabric of being......and trust me, the universe conspires to make it happen, in totally customized packages :)

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

The spectrum feel (pun intended)

This weekend....it was around 4 pm, a nice sunny afternoon, and I was engrossed in watching the 'Cosmos - A Space Time Odyssey'.  Even as I was watching an episode on 'the phenomenon of light', it started to rain, suddenly pour in fact.

While I jumped up to check the windows, what came to mind was the timing. It was that time of day when rain can bring out that most beautiful of phenomena...a rainbow. I stood by the balcony, almost waiting for the rainbow. It made me wait but a few minutes.  Even as I watched, it started to appear.

Such an ethereal experience. Something that's across the sky, starts to form right before your eyes....and in under a minute..... in it's full glory......one horizon to the other. 

I stayed watching (except for a message to Dhruva to catch the rainbow :), I stayed with it from formation to dissipation, on the terrace, through the slight drizzle. It's like the fabric of the experience also gets stretched across spectrum, wider, subtler, so much more beautiful.

An experience of the entire spectrum...... of colour...... of time......of space.....and above all 'of feel'.





Also the moment I decided to get myself a better camera phone :)

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Deech's first month in Perth

I'm myself amazed. I opened drafts today to find this in title there. Apparently something I started a while back and left off. And today it's actually two months since she's been in Perth.

As good a day to do it I guess.

"how is Diksha doing?" "has she settled?" "how's she coping?"

I still get a lot of these questions.

My response is one vague "I think she'd doing alright...seems to have settled quite well.. course is tough... she also does some fun stuff... overall looks good only"

This morning I put together some pictures she's been randomly sending on what's app....and I now start seeing a nice story emerge.  

Yes, she's being pushed to her limits on academics, there's days she'll message late night and say "brrrr, it's 3 degrees, and I still have four more submissions"

then days she'll say "lab today was so stressful ma, I almost died"

"guess what, I got an 18/20 in the ecology quiz"

"I'm going on a field trip, and we're setting up night cameras, I'm so excited"

and today a "guess what ma, I got my first A, and in a discussion where so many friends even got C's and B-'s" , 

Plus there's the days to the beach, days to the city, days strawberry picking, days at the pub. days with alpacas, night trips to the lagoons.........made some wonderful friends.

I believe my response ought to be "she's actually doing very well.... I believe, she's in fact having a ball"

Some of the pictures I put together:


A kangaroo care center she went to


Whenever I ask about what she's been cooking, I'll get a picture


Some really breathtaking vistas....and she does these almost every weekend



they sometimes come across wild kangaroos on their walks


Meal prepping.....making and stocking meals for a few days


Wind speed measuring , as part of learning weather prediction


These Alpacas were brought to the campus one weekend. In fact even as I was talking to Diksha she said "omg ma, they've arrived, in a truck....and they're so incredibly cute, I'm going down to meet them"


Straw berry picking


She made a pentagram with wine bottles for a Friday the 13th party !


An exciting find for her, roti and pickles ....I got that picture with a Yusssss !


Standing by the heater in her warmies (what she calls her slippers ) on a super cold day


With Woojin, who'd become close friend


A different country.... different studying....different experiences......different way of life.

Deech, must say a 'well done'.....on successfully doing the two months with as much commitment and effort and joy and fun as you have, way to go girl!!