This movie was recommended to me more from the counselling perspective, a significant part of the movie. And true enough, it was a nice watch from that angle. Even otherwise, a pretty hard hitting film in it's honest touching of the issue of intimacy in set and patterned relationships, in fact in even apparently good marriages.
And with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones, well, their sensitive and vulnerable portrayals took the movie to a whole different level.
After three decades of being together, it's a marriage that's well set, a couple who evidently care for each other, yet a deeper look reveals serious cracks. The effort is to bridge those cracks, bring back the intimacy that's faded over the years. Intimacy in terms of sharing authentic space, not just physical intimacy, but also thoughts and feelings.
The movie starts with life in daily routine, one of respectability and safety. Children and grandchildren visiting for an anniversary and on the surface it all seems fine.
While Arnold (Jones) seems set into the pattern, Kay (Streep) is in very unhappy space. She wants to be able to express and share more than just routine, and he doesn't believe in talking about feelings, in fact he doesn't seem to even feel any.
It's subtle in its bringing out how seemingly stable marriage can rot from within, even when there is nothing said, no shouting, no throwing dishes, no objections.....in fact no nothing. Just the life of detail. It is a state of two people having drifted apart, and having different expectations of a marriage. Common enough I guess.
She's unhappy, near breaking point, and she wants to do something about it. There's one conversation with her friend which brings out the risk she's taking by shaking that perfect fascade, but she seems determined. Says she doesn't want to be lonely in a relationship.
While Arnold (Jones) seems set into the pattern, Kay (Streep) is in very unhappy space. She wants to be able to express and share more than just routine, and he doesn't believe in talking about feelings, in fact he doesn't seem to even feel any.
It's subtle in its bringing out how seemingly stable marriage can rot from within, even when there is nothing said, no shouting, no throwing dishes, no objections.....in fact no nothing. Just the life of detail. It is a state of two people having drifted apart, and having different expectations of a marriage. Common enough I guess.
She's unhappy, near breaking point, and she wants to do something about it. There's one conversation with her friend which brings out the risk she's taking by shaking that perfect fascade, but she seems determined. Says she doesn't want to be lonely in a relationship.
Kay takes the plunge, and manages to get a most reluctant Arnold to a one week intensive couple counselling therapy. Arnold goes just to keep the peace.
The therapist Dr. Feld (Steve Carell) was amazing. He holds out against Arnolds explicit scepticism and anger.
He goes in step by step, layer by layer, exercise by exercise. And as each layer unpeels, you realize how differences and misunderstandings have accumulated baggage over the years. Arnold has withdrawn into a shell, he can't bear even being touched. Net net they live in the same physical space with solid walls around each other.
In the end when they're leaving, yet not sorted, Carell says, "there are many clients who come to me where it is evident they should never have been married in the first place, you are not one of them, so continue to try".
It ends happy, but you know it's not been reached easy, and could as easily have gone the other way. The movie is audacious enough to attempt to ask the tough questions with less drama, and more authenticity.
It's a tough choice.....to even ask those questions.
The therapist Dr. Feld (Steve Carell) was amazing. He holds out against Arnolds explicit scepticism and anger.
He goes in step by step, layer by layer, exercise by exercise. And as each layer unpeels, you realize how differences and misunderstandings have accumulated baggage over the years. Arnold has withdrawn into a shell, he can't bear even being touched. Net net they live in the same physical space with solid walls around each other.
In the end when they're leaving, yet not sorted, Carell says, "there are many clients who come to me where it is evident they should never have been married in the first place, you are not one of them, so continue to try".
It ends happy, but you know it's not been reached easy, and could as easily have gone the other way. The movie is audacious enough to attempt to ask the tough questions with less drama, and more authenticity.
It's a tough choice.....to even ask those questions.
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