Real different.......I was in hospital four days…… admitted under emergency conditions, to what’s apparently been a close call.
What does an experience like that do to you?
It could radically alter..... to up level and appreciate, or to whimper and shrivel. It’s really a choice. One thing it does enable is a whole different level of Mindfulness. It’s a sure knock on the door.
And the learning never seems to stop for sure. The experience itself has been as intense and interesting, as say the Bihar experience or the Coorg Drive. Not underplaying…….. just a defense mechanism to accept something as crazy or extreme as a situation, which the doc says could have gone either way.
The huge learning is that you don’t know as much as you think you do, even about pretty basic stuff, like your own body at first level needs.... one wake up call there.
The actual story: I’ve been having a slight wheeze for a while now, like a month, but only in Bangalore. It went away in Bihar and in Hyd, so I presumed it was the supposedly awful Bangalore weather (which I just love) or the cat kitten brood I have around (as I’m kind of allergic, but again love).
Sunday night it got bad and I had major breathing difficulty. It happened kind of real fast and kind of real slow.... a funny mix. I just couldn’t lay down all night, not for a second, and I just sat and watched myself getting worse….just kept waiting for it to be morning. One part of me said I would be fine in the morning and that I needed to reschedule work meetings to the afternoon. At 3 am I actually decided to watch a movie just to distract, as I needed to keep my mind off the pain that was growing by the minute. It was full dramatic, when I went to throw up, I banged against a wall piece ........it toppled over with the Ganesha and Shiva Thandava figurines…and I’m thinking…that’s why films are so dramatic and filmy. All this actually happens :)
Another part of me took the trouble of putting my diary back in, as the thought was that I wouldn’t want anyone picking it up and browsing through should I not be around anymore. Funny contrasts. You start to experience your mind, and you, as two separate entities at very distinct levels.
But in and through all that, while my body was going through distress because of oxygen depravation and my right side was hurting like mad, going numb, and I had parts of my body on fire, I didn’t think I needed to rush to the hospital. My mind thought only so far as to say….. left side is known alarm signals…right side…well, I didn’t know. Inability to think or Stupid False Bravado....... I don’t know…..but big big mistake.
Take away? When things go wrong, do not rationalize, do not think….go get help.
PS: I'm back home and fine, and actually listing out even the smaller and subtler want-to-dos in life :)
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