Being single: what it’s about and why it may be a great way to live life

There are worse things than being alone. But it often takes decades to realize this. And most often when you do, it’s too late. And there’s nothing worse than too late - Charles Bukowski

It’s kind of ironical, but even writing this is difficult. People make you feel you need to be defensive and apologetic for being single. Starting from how, when you say you’re single, the reaction is ‘I’m sorry’ and I’m like, for what? Isn’t it relevant that it’s a choice. 

Initially, I found myself bending to it. But no more. I can now vouch for the fact that the single years can actually be the most liberating and productive. I now don’t even understand why many people wear their single status reluctantly, like it’s a waiting period. That’s how conditioned society is, and how it has such a stranglehold on people’s expectations, of others and of themselves. It’s a shame that most people view relationships as an end in themselves, like there’s no real life without one.

From last weeks flight to Hyd*

* Little story here: I was on the right side of the plane, and this was the view from the left. I caught a glimpse, and it looked brilliant, but I was seeing across heads and shoulders. Then the want, the decision, the walk across the aisle to search for a window on the left...effort...... found it.. stayed till the sun set........and it was sooooo worth it. Analogy ? Maybe yes :)

Trust me, it’s happy space. 

Being single enables you to experience so much more, which life in a relationship doesn’t allow, what with all the demands on your time, on your space, on your thinking, the life of detail.... the financial and emotional pressures, all of those just take away so much of your energy.

Instead of viewing it as a time to wait for another relationship or shifting dependence to other equations like children, parents and stuff, if folks could actually see the positive of it, of using it to grow and evolve, it will show its magic indeed.

Let me actually list out why I think it can be the most wonderful time of your life:

1. There’s no rules; no expectations, no demands, no moods, to deal with…..the biggest of yay’s. 

2. You get all the time and opportunity to get to know yourself in all your various facets……you have the time, space and biggest of all, the energy to spend on yourself. Your strengths, your weaknesses, your insecurities…..the good, the bad, the indifferent, all laid bare. You get to pick and learn and iron out the creases. You’ll find the graph change direction. It’s hockey stick growth and a fun journey to boot.

3. You get to explore what you want to do with your life…..starting from where you actually get to honestly ask the question of what matters to you, what you’d like to be doing, where you’d like to be living and then go out and do it too. It’s somehow tragic how many dreams and ambitions disappear under the responsibility and wrap of relationships. And what’s worse , this gets covered under some kind of nobility of compromise and sacrifice. Think….would we want out closest ones, say our children to give themselves up for others? Then why do we think it’s right when it comes to us? 

4. Its about gaining confidence; you are in full control and responsibility, and yet it all works…in fact you slowly realize you are capable of way more than you thought, brilliant feel good factor

5. Its about knowledge…..and actually wisdom too; that’s like bonus, the journey of self discovery the time and space available to focus on the things you like, all just happen, and it’s headying and exhilarating stuff!

6. Its about adventure, you get to do so many things alone, like travel for instance, it’s a lot of fun

7. Its about regaining your health…..I’m not just talking time for yoga and walking. It’s about how the emotional and physical bodies are linked. No energy sappers, no unresolved baggage, no energy drains to deal with……and you can get your energy from sources which are sure shot, and changeable by whim and choice, it's high energy space

8. Its about loving yourself……..if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love another its said. So true, and all that baggage, it sadly brings out your not so nice side more often than not. And with those traps of lack, regret, guilt, low self esteem, conflict…not easy to stay positive all the time. Not saying you won’t have your downs single, but they become so much easier to tackle, cause you’re just more energized. 

9. It’s about being able to give so much more because you’re just a so much more happier person yourself. It's like the easiest and the biggest. Happy...... so you give...... you give.... and you get happier, no flip side to this :)

10. It’s about learning to climb new highs each day as there’s the space and fresh air to look above and beyond

Can you do all of these in a relationship? Sure, you can, but sadly, it’s more often not. So, I’m not saying relationships are bad; I'm saying Single is brilliant !!!!!