This, I'm finding, is one of those spaces where, the more you know....the more you know there is to know.
One facet of listening which is often not articulated is the Objective of listening.
There's times it helps to be aware. To recognize and to know the objective of the listening. Especially in emotionally disturbed spaces the objective is to give comfort, give solace, lend that shoulder, that sleeve.....be there.
Start observing yourself.....the normal tendency is to provide solutions. Many a times, it's our need to provide solutions that takes over. Most times, the person already knows the solution (maybe theoretically, but yet does)....often times it's like 'I know I need to step out of that space, but I can't, so don't stand there and tell me I need to....just be by me, hold me, understand me'.
Do just that....show that you care, show that you understand. Don't give solutions. Don't point out mistakes. Don't give reassurances or platitudes. Don't talk about your experience in a similar situation. Don't talk about others similar experiences. Don't even enable thought. All of these can happen later when the person is in a frame to be receptive. Do just what's needed..... listen, hold, understand........ and let them know you are holding, supporting, understanding.
One facet of listening which is often not articulated is the Objective of listening.
There's times it helps to be aware. To recognize and to know the objective of the listening. Especially in emotionally disturbed spaces the objective is to give comfort, give solace, lend that shoulder, that sleeve.....be there.
Start observing yourself.....the normal tendency is to provide solutions. Many a times, it's our need to provide solutions that takes over. Most times, the person already knows the solution (maybe theoretically, but yet does)....often times it's like 'I know I need to step out of that space, but I can't, so don't stand there and tell me I need to....just be by me, hold me, understand me'.
Do just that....show that you care, show that you understand. Don't give solutions. Don't point out mistakes. Don't give reassurances or platitudes. Don't talk about your experience in a similar situation. Don't talk about others similar experiences. Don't even enable thought. All of these can happen later when the person is in a frame to be receptive. Do just what's needed..... listen, hold, understand........ and let them know you are holding, supporting, understanding.
This is a subtle shift.......quiet but active...... can be very very powerful.
So true.. so easy and yet so tough to just listen...
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