This is an interesting experiment on how good social behavior is picked up without one even noticing it. The surprise there is that the generally held belief is that bad behavior gets picked up faster. Looks like it's not necessarily true. So to move to the next level, from compliments being the best positive reinforcement to high productivity, is how good behavior is a social script that's naturally picked up.
So let’s see how:
The experiment:
A group of graduate students were asked to cut into movie theater lines. The goal was to count how many people would typically say something to the line cutter. In the laid-back Mountain West where the experiment was conducted, no matter the gender, size, or demeanor of the line cutter, nobody spoke up. Better to stay mum, the subjects concluded, and avoid any potential conflicts.
Next, one student was asked to cut in front of—not a stranger—but a fellow student who was secretly placed in line. The student was instructed to become upset. “Hey, what do you think you're doing, quit cutting in line!” the student would brusquely say to the cutter, who would then go to the end of the queue. Next, we waited a minute and cut in front of the person standing behind the student who had just yelled out the line cutter. Would experimental subjects be informed and emboldened from the demonstration they had just witnessed, and now speak their minds?
Observation: Not one person spoke harshly after watching someone else do the same.
For the third trial, they cut in front of a student who was instructed to be polite. The student was to smile and say, “Excuse me. Perhaps you’re unaware. We’ve been waiting in line for over fifteen minutes.” The cutter would then apologize and go to the end of the line.
They waited a minute, and then cut in front of the subject standing behind the positive role model and watched what took place and this was done in fifty different lines. Now for the big question; would onlookers learn and use their new and nice sounding line-cutting script?
The results were startling. Over 80% of people who observed the effective interaction, spoke up. In fact, they said the exact same words they heard modeled. They proved it. By using a positive role model, they taught strangers a social script that they immediately put into action. And this without them even knowing.
The implications of this research are obvious. Humans, despite the fact that they’re born without a scrap of useful knowledge, can observe, learn, and put into play, a whole host of skills, including social scripts.
On a personal level.....this morning Diksha calls to say she had a really interesting conversation with the auto driver when she got off at Hyderabad. He apparently told her how many issues he had, that his father was in jail for murder, that it's pointless to fall in love and get married because he did that and now he's in love with another woman, and that he had three sons but he wished he had a daughter. Now I was amazed at how she had managed to exude that much personal conversation from an auto driver. Reading this experiment made me realize that she'd learnt by seeing. Learnt how to show concern and care to even random strangers. It totally validated it for me. I used to think she'd picked up so many negatives from me, but guess what I'm doing now....I'm shifting focus to the positives :)
And yet, most of us spend little time observing, learning, and teaching social scripts. We exert more effort learning French than studying human interaction. But this can change simply by watching people in tough social interactions, spotting what works and what doesn't, and then practicing the skills yourself. Eventually, you can teach the skills to others.
Don’t rely on chance. Take what you've learned through observing others, break it into component skills, and teach these social snippets to those around you. Teaching others social skills is one of the best gifts you can give them. Plus, if you get really good at handling high-stakes conversations, you no longer have to put up with line cutters.
And the best way of teaching? Make sure you live it and exhibit it to the extent possible. For all those you interact with on regular, occasional or even random basis, that will be their best way of learning.
Gandhi said, 'be the change you want to see in the world'. This is what it is at a very fundamental level. Nice reiteration, huh?!!
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