Day bus to Hyd II

This was my second time on a day bus from B'lore to Hyd. A day bus.....almost twelve hours, awake and alone on the bus is a distinctive and discerning experience ( by choice of course, as an alternative can be a movie or sleep :). The solitude and beauty of the experience gives it a depth that seems to evoke yet another layer for introspection.

Half way through it occurred to me that I'd opted for a day bus the first time, and now again immediately after moving out of a significant work responsibility. Told me how we need to clear our own head space to even listen to ourselves. Yet again the realization that our deepest wants talk in whispers.......and how the needs and demands of daily life clamor attention that can override any of those whispers....and how it's also easy to hide under those, as listening to our own takes more....

Yes, my bus :)

Dark looming clouds, which made the journey that much more romantic and exciting.

A marigold field, adding a flash of orange in an otherwise green countryside

Picture perfect countryside

Was a lovely light drizzle

The wonderful green of fresh paddy

One of the many lakes on the way, with their monsoon fullness

Grazing sheep

River Tungabhadra Handri, that passes through Kurnool 

The High Court, after reaching Hyd. The auto guy saying 'hau' just gave my reaching Hyderabad the perfect touch......I knew I was home 

Mom's Letter in DC Today

When I got to Hyd the day before, almost the very first thing my mom spoke about is one Wilson getting the Magsaysay award for his immense work against manual scavenging. She seemed visibly impacted and went into some of the stories from him she'd read about.

And then I see this in today's paper: (Sukrutha is her :)

The grammar is skewed and the editor missed out a line where she'd spoken about basic human dignity, but the fact that she felt strongly enough to shoot off a letter to the editor (and neither my dad or I even knew). In fact we didn't get the newspaper today for some reason, and I just happened to pick it up from a coffee shop I'd visited this morning. So so glad I did.

And then I saw also the difference between knowing something theoretically and having experienced it personally......she was telling me about when and how manual scavenging was a way of life when they were young, which is why she could feel for what Wilson had accomplished.

And another thing she could recall was how back then, the only attire for girls was lehenga jacket or lehenga odni, and those who dared to wear the salwar were teased saying 'why are you dressing like the metrani ( which was the manual scavenger community). That's how biased and racist or casteist our society was (or is? ) . 

Another Salute Wilson, your effort and accomplishment is deeply felt indeed!

Chapter 2 Verse 47 - A Corollary

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।

मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि

Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,
Ma Karmaphalaheturbhurma Te Sangostvakarmani

While we understand the 'Detachment' aspect of this, does it mean we act without expectations?

Surely not. Why would we do anything at all without expectations? Why would we even want to do it? It has to be giving you something...... also, where would the enthusiasm and exuberance come from without the 'want' or the 'expectation'. 

If Arjuna lifts that bow and shoots, it's because he wants the arrow to hit the enemy, he expects it to hit the enemy. If I get into a cab, I want to go some place, I expect that the driver drive me safe to my destination. If I write in here, it's because I want you to read, because I expect that you read.

But what space do the 'want' or 'expectation' sit in? Do you own them, or do they own you ?

That I think is the defining question.

To be able to 'want' and 'expect'........have the energy and effort to do.....but the ability to take the happening or non happening of the occurrence in one's stride. Not let it take you over, or break you.

Guess that's also why it's so aspirational. 

LalBagh Yet Again

I did a walk at Lalbagh.....and this after a few months. It made me realize two things:

One, that you need to be at peace, to do things which add to that peace..... a paradox kinds :)

Second, that a walk, especially in such pretty surroundings, is so beautiful .....visually, physically, mentally.....experientially...........that, it kind of slows you down.....helps you create that pause. Then you find yourself wondering why you don't do it more often. Then the aha..... it's one of those wants that just whispers to you, and so, is easy to ignore. We need to learn to listen to those whispers :)

I decided to do a mindful walk....a fully present walk.

The walk in pictures:

A cluster of trees in the middle of the lake... with so many exotic birds. I also love to catch birds in flight :)

Noticed the cycle stand at the entrance for the very first time

A lone and happy Pelican

Well....just trees 

The trees made prettier :)

A pretty pond filled with lotus

More lotuses

More pelicans, they are my favorite there, as they always remind me of childhood story books 

A kid in full on posing mode

This was on way back home, the kids all set for early morning cricket were sweet enough to pose and smile for me :)

The moment I stopped to take a pic, this cow which was quietly eating from the basket, turned and came to me for food. She was fortunately gentle enough to turn back when i said i had nothing for her :)

My regular vegetable bandi, she sweetly turned and smiled for me. Luckily her husband wasn't there (he's a grouch :)

At the entrance to our house....I'd never noticed how many spider lilies were in bloom, and the traveler tree behind makes such a pretty backdrop

As you can see, mindful walking surely helps observe more :)

What have we become? (And what are we becoming?)

From Seth

Every day, we change. We move (slowly) toward the person we'll end up being.

Not just us, but our organizations. Our political systems. Our culture.

Are you more generous than the you of five or ten years ago? More confident? More willing to explore?

Have you become more brittle? Selfish? Afraid?

Grumpy and bitter isn't a place we begin. It's a place we end up.

Do we intentionally choose the optimistic path? Are we eagerly more open to change and possibility?

Every day we make the hard decisions that build a culture, an organization, a life.

Since yesterday, since last week, since you were twelve, have you been making deposits or withdrawals from the circles of supporters around you?

People don't become selfish, hateful and afraid all at once. They do it gradually.

When we see the dystopian worlds depicted in movies and books, are we closer to those outcomes than a generation ago? Do we find ourselves taking actions that make our conversations more considered, our arguments more informed, our engagements more civil? Or precisely the opposite, because it's easier?

Your brand, your company, your community: it has so much, is it still playing the short game? 

When your great-grandfather arrives by time machine, what will you show him? What have you built, what are you building? When your great-grandchildren remember the choices we made, at a moment when we actually had a choice, what will they remember?

We are always becoming, and we can always make the choice to start becoming something else, if we care.

AuRevoir to SELCO

Today brings to end one of my most cherished and deeply enriching journeys of my work life....no actually, even in life itself. 

The decision to join SELCO, was at one time the most spontaneous, and I guess courageous steps I've taken,  as it was the quintessential stepping out of comfort zone moment.

It started when I was comfortably ensconced in my job at Google. One (well) fated day, I attended a talk  by Harish in one of the Google speaker sessions. His passion, commitment,and statement that 'forty percent of India is not even connected to the grid', touched me somewhere deep. And the seed was sown.

When I started to talk about it to friends and family, they were like, 'kya selco selco rut rakhi hai, its not easy, you don't know what kind of place it is, how the work will be.... if you have to go, just go on a sabbatical and try, but don't quit'. 

The want stayed. Then the usual conflict...want to do it, but all reason says 'no'. Agreed I knew only the romantic part of the story, 'solar energy for the underserved', but guess that's where taking the plunge comes in.

And here is where a conversation with a friend comes to mind, he quoted Brucelee ' when you go into a fight, you can't let bruises and broken bones stop you'. And that, I believe, was the defining moment.

I called Harish, and I'm proud of that moment when I put everything at stake and said ' Harish, I want to work with you, give me a role....... any role......any salary.... I'll quit and come'.

And that's how it began........living shifted from Hyderabad to Bangalore, pay shifted from grand to basic, offsites shifted from LasVegas to Udipi, travel shifted from international flying to local buses, fancy hotels to rural lodges, cutting edge technology to single bulb lighting systems.........and I'm happy to say...... it's one of the best decisions I could have taken.

Also, through this experience, the real significance of 'know what you want' got sorted. The experience of living in 'what you want' is what so fulfills you as an individual, that nothing seems like stress or hard work, no issue or problem too big. You seem to then be equipped with an abundance of energy and love, and you actually become a better...more complete, individual, not just within but also without.

And there's bonus...once your mind can think and experience at that level of clarity, it's already an acquired trait....before you even know it, life has changed for you. Each thing you do is just that much more clear, decisive, focused, energized and fulfilling. (allowing for the mistakes and the learnings ofcourse :)

A few pictures to relive the experience:

Our office at Dharwad

Kariyamannagrahara, a slum in Bangalore. It's a slum of 600 shacks, with no infrastructure of any kind, no electricity, no water, no bathrooms, and ironically situated plumb in the middle of the hitech part of the city. 

You can see the small solar panels on the poles.

In the Kariyamannagrahara Slum. We had an entrepreneur here, Kumar, whose pan shop we extended to make into a small integrated energy center, from where he would charge and supply batteries on hire to the residents of the slum at Rs.8 for 4 hours of light. He also had a mini theater with a solar projector, and charge Rs.10 for adults and Rs.5 for children for a movie twice a week. He was also our pilot for a solar refrigerator. 

Another slum we worked with. This one had about 50 shacks, and it was pretty much all daily labour. We started a energy center there and tied up with an education based ngo to hold classes for the children and women during the evenings.

One of our solar sewing machine entrepreneurs, they are a tailoring couple. This was a small village of about four thousand I think. I remember they said that practically all the youngsters of the village had migrated into cities, and that had impacted their tailoring business badly. So they could get large contracts from the nearest town provided they could meet dead lines, and it's for that we did the solarization of their existing sewing machines.

Yet another village not connected to the grid. The solar panel is seen above the hut. This is a hamlet of about thirty houses, high in the hills. Their houses are so dark on the inside even during the day, that I couldn't imagine what it would be like at night. One of the residents we spoke to said, 'now I can see what I am eating'.

A petty shop on a highway, she was one of our solar fridge entrepreneurs. I remember she had so many questions, smart lady she was for sure. She'd said the highway authorities could ask them to vacate anytime, and what then would she do with the fridge and the loan. It's for her that we incorporated a buy back arrangement in case of such crisis.

This is Deshpande trust in Belgaum, a center for aids affected children. I'm talking to this really smart lady who helps run the center, must have been about thirty years old, and we're sitting and talking about AIDS and the stigma and difficulties, and then after the whole discussion, she tells me that she is aids affected too. One of my most lost for words moments. 

At Tiptur, a dhabha where we did biogas cook stoves. This was an amusing episode, where i ask this dhabha owner, how many customers he might have per day, and he says "kaise patha chalega madam, kaise ginenge, phir bhi ......kaisa behuda sawaal hai wo" :)

A picture which, to me, symbolizes the Entrepreneur Fund Project, one of my most fulfilling projects ever. We conceptualized, struggled,  innovated and implemented fifty micro solar entrepreneurs in Karnataka, Bihar and Orissa. Micro, meaning from Rs.20,000 to Rs.3,00,00 of loan at interest rates below 5% and repayments matched to inflows. 

And I'm so happy to note that the concept has now been scaled through the banking system, with a start with Syndicate Bank. 

This was Ganesh mess, our favorite lunch time joint near office, hot paratas, dal, and a sabji of his choice, all at Rs.40.

And this was our daily supply of dessert, on the walk back from Ganesh mess, we'd buy mysore pak for Rs.5. I know it sounds a little stretched, but I guess it epitomizes our identification with our role, our company and our work.

Today, after I left office, I got this message on what's app: ' You can try leaving SELCO, but SELCO will never leave you'. That was the best possible farewell. 

Why Showing Vulnerability Actually Proves Your Strength

A write up from Lifehack which so well resonated :

             

            

"There was a time when I would never shed a tear. There was a time when I would never let on that I felt fear. If something bad in life happened, I would show my face with the biggest smile, and nobody would know about it. If they did, nobody would realize that it even bothered me. I would be that bubbly, outgoing personality that everyone knew. I was tough. No one and nothing could break me. I didn’t need any one and I could look after myself. Why? Because I was strong. Nowadays, I look back at that girl I once was and realize just how wrong I was.

Pain. We have all felt it in some shape or form. There are two types of pain: physical and emotional. Both are completely different from each other yet so similar, both can leave us vulnerable.

Don’t Be Afraid To Be Vulnerable

There are numerous ways we can be made vulnerable. For example, when you are going through something significant, like a break up, job loss or even a death? Everyone goes through these things. It’s a part of life. 

Fear. We all know this is the one factor that can stop us from achieving our goals. We read about it, we hear about it, and we know about it subconsciously. Why would we want to be vulnerable and put ourselves out there when we can just happily keep doing whatever it is that we are doing and be perfectly just fine. It’s comfortable, right?

Most of us have heard of the old sayings, 'Life begins at the end of your comfort zone', and, 'A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there'. However, take a moment and really think about this. Why would these be famous sayings if there wasn’t any truth to them? 

Dealing With Struggles

So, you just got fired, you just got dumped, or someone close to you has passed away. You don’t have to tell the world (every one you meet) your problems, but by the same token, you most certainly don’t have to hold it all in and suffer in silence. One of the best things about friendship is that true friends will be there for you. There are people out there that want to see you happy.

Vulnerability = Strength

I believe putting yourself out there, taking that leap, and showing vulnerability takes a lot more courage and strength than to keep quiet and do nothing. It is a sign of strength when you can accept that you are in pain and and are struggling to handle things.  It shows strength when you can swallow your pride and ask for help. It takes courage to open your heart and let someone in. 

Risk it! Put yourself out there, chase your dreams, and allow yourself to fall in love. Being vulnerable and stepping outside of your comfort zone could very well be the best thing you could ever do."