What I'll also miss

When I started to blog, I initially had this practice of running every post past Diksha. She was like my editor.

It gradually became more selective 'check this one for flow'....'does this even make sense'.....'this one for segue'......'this one for grammar' (times when she was "did you skip learning commas  ma?").

The other day when I did the post on the Sadhguru quote, I went to her again and she's like, 'what am I looking for'? and I was like "tell if this is even postable?"

And I get  "sure, looks fine"....."and ma, that's the whole thing about a blog right, that they are your thoughts".

Somethings are just pure joy.....hearing stuff like this for instance.....the little affirmations you already know, that yet evoke that warm fuzzy feel.

Also something I'm definitely going to miss.

A diksha and me overdose

Well, anyone who's been reading here knows the frame of mind I'm currently in, so ride at your own risk :)

Diksha and I decided we'd pick one of our pictures, print and make two frames, one for me to keep and one for her to take. I started to look.....and I looked and I looked and I looked.

Out of that came this beautiful journey in pictures.

A picture story for you deech......starting at the very beginning.

Yet within..... and likely anna's first communication with you. I so love how focused he is..... hand covering the other ear, eyes turned inward......so intent.

You entered the real world the next day. May 1st....my may day baby.

So little....so cute.....around six months old

In tirupathi, not yet an year old

An overflow of love happening there, our home in adarshnagar....your first home in fact

A picture I just love and have on my desk. Even through the picture you feel like a spring of energy, ready to jump out of my hands. I used to call your hugs 'my instant cup of energy' (you know I still do)

Likely your first experience with the ocean....and you just loved it. Just over an year old... I think Mangalore.

All arms and legs....visibly enjoying each other....at our earlier home in Bangalore

we still have the shells we collected here.....mahabs i think.

you look like you were expecting the lamp to sparkle...there's that sparkle in your eyes....our first diwali in Bangalore

Goa or was it kovalam......it's no wonder you love the beach....we seem to have done so many trips with you even so little

at pedda polam, in jangareddygudem.....where you went on to create our own little 'enchanted farm'...... with it's geese and goats and hens and guinea fowl and rabbits and cows....lovely. (and what's more, it's as I write this that I received your message that you're hen shopping for the farm in jangareddygudem...enjoy your visit deech !)

Also jrg...naana, anna and you....actually getting your legs and hands in the mud.

you so loved the swings and slides

This I think, was you already in Australia....or was it Mangalore  :)

Another picture I love...you were holding naana from falling off....in kodaikanal

Another cute picture of you and naana

This one looks so dicey....crazy dicey.....a picnic we'd gone on to ganganchukki bunganchukki falls 

Back home in Bangalore....nicely colour coordinated

helping me make the thoranam ....you sure made festivals so much fun

Older and naughtier, at Qutubminar....you had us go back the next day just to feed the squirrels out of your hand. Quite clearly, your deep love for animals showed up in little ways right from the beginning.

a trip to some theme park.....likely vpg near chennai

high up in the mountains......at Kufri. 

We saw our best ever night sky there......naana woke me up at 3 in the morning as he knew it's something I'd like, and for what I saw, I woke you and anna up too....a sight and an experience that has just stayed with me. We've shared so many such.

Gosh, there's so many pictures too, that I think I'm going to do it in lots. I started with thinking about fifteen pictures, but somewhere along I fully lost count.

This can be the baby picture series, let's say 'an under ten'.

And no excuses for it being predominantly you and me.... anna and naana were the after thoughts here you see :)

These were days before phone cameras, in fact even before we had a digital camera, making each picture that much more precious. No options of check and retake, or even multiple pictures in the same place, as each picture not only cost money, we'd invariably be counting the films we carried.

A whole different world for sure.......from the camera angle, and my own emotional angle as well. I owe you a thanks for even enabling this journey for me deech, for not approving the first three pictures I selected for the print :)

Even as I was looking I kept showing Diksha some pictures I was picking for our frame.....and was nice to hear her observations "what was I even doing....  I never seem to stand straight.....my hair was so straight....... looks like I was such a happy child" 

The suitcase vibes

I walked into this sight the other day. A big swanky new suitcase that Diksha had got herself, and it was sitting like this, right in the middle of the drawing room when I walked in.

I knew she'd gone suitcase shopping....yet.... yet it triggered so much. And what I found myself telling her was "I think I just got to know how kiwi used to feel when he saw suitcases come down".

We would literally see his eyes glaze over.... tail go down.....body slump......ears flop......and times he'd go and sit inside the suitcase, looking up at us with this completely forlorn expression.......not letting us pack.

I now know the feeling. It was, for that moment, literally like a pit inside the stomach...a hollow. I was prepared for mental vacuum..... this one felt just so physical.

A moment when I had to set aside the cerebral, and surrender to the feeling.

And yesterday I was like "okay deech, time to get to your clothes....... just pull them all out of your cupboards, and maybe first sort into piles of 'to go' and 'not to go".

Who would have thought it could mean literally pull out of the cupboard :)

It was such a sight, that I had to pretty much search for her in that mess (all sly pictures as she won't let me click otherwise )

And look at those piles. One of those cry or laugh moments :)

And she's like "ma, think....now each time you see the room clean, you're going to miss the mess "

She's right.....guess I will miss the mess.

A quote I'm pondering

Guess I ought to have said 'a quote that happily caught my attention, rather than pondering', as it's what I so believe in.

"To plunge into the core of life is the only sacredness there is. To live superficially is the only sin" - Sadhguru

I remember even back in college, one of my favourite ads was Wills 'Live Life Kingsize' (ofcourse the model being super hot only added)

I hope that didn't take away from the sanctity of the quote. Was only trying to enhance it :)

Anyways, to get to the 'How'

It can be outward in........or inward out, or both.

To nurture and nourish ones own curiosity, open mindedness, sense of wonder, and connect......with all that's out there ......and with oneself.

To delve into the nuances, touch those in between layers, intensify the experience......and through the joy of it, deepen not just the experience...... but also oneself.

To sharpen the radar, seek out and find experiences that precipitate depth......and then to clarify your own filters, your thoughts and emotions.......and the wonder then, is that all experiences get elevated to that magnified plane........it becomes a way of life.

The connect can deepen enough to actually have them merge....the outside and the inside. Aspirational space for sure. 

Crack it, and you'll find a different frequency of energy flow through you. 

Dhruva's trip - Continued

While Dhruva's calls give me snippets, the pictures from Girija give such a 'feel' of the experience.

When he got back from Italy last year, I realized it had been such a deep and intense experience that not much else can easily match up. Three whole months, 24 *7, with a bunch of like minded people from across the world, and the bonding and experience is by far extreme.

This time round he said there were about seventy people so far, and also mentioned that the quality felt upped....that they had some really good film makers and artists, and it was being a great learning experience all over again. First week he made a film, and second one he chose to help out on another film.

Apparently there's a heat wave in Europe and he said "it's crazy levels of heat, nothing like he's ever experienced in India ( infact my mom, from reading the newspapers said, maybe you should ask him to come back......if moms are soft, guess grandmoms are even more so :). 

He's currently at Cerveteri, a town close to Rome, giving him an opportunity he's been waiting for. He's taking the day off to go see Rome. Guess the mom in me came up quick, cause I was like "have somebody you're going with?" And he's like "just me, amma". And then that same mom me feels "so glad he has it in him to do that" :)

Some pictures ...all courtesy Girija.

Cerveteri

Their group

The bus....and dhruva to the right there

So quaint

Their stay is in these large spaces in schools or gyms....sleeping bags and space to plonk them down.

That's a cute selfie

The town people watching their movies

Dhruva with Franco Rina, the brain and force behind Cinemadamare

Girija, can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am for these pictures. It enables not just me, but rest of family, and friends to get a peep o into the trip.... and finally I'm sure Dhruva himself too when he's back, as he takes no pictures. 

When I asked him he said "I'll try amma, but I either experience it, or take pictures.....no time for both, and guess my choice is the experience " :)

An unusual experience

Yesterday I found myself in an unusual spot.

Likely came out of it being a 1st, and preceded by a weekend.....net net my schedule hadn't been circulated at Cognizant. This resulted in a no clients - no security clearances situation. I found myself in this room, with just myself. When I say 'just myself', I'm not exaggerating.....it was a no clients...no book, no phone, no paper, no pen.......they wouldn't let me take my bag in see. 

Not even coffee.....as they have a 'bring your own cup' policy, and my cup was in my bag.

Four hours of me and myself. The room didn't even have a window.

What's interesting is that we don't realize how rarely in life we find ourselves in situations such as this, with just ourselves and zero external stimulus. Like zero, zilch.

I was quite concerned.....four hours seemed long. While I initially thought it would be really difficult and that time would stand still, I surprised myself. 

While the first hour was part fidgety and part meditative (actually meditated:), I quite zoned in (pun intended) to the rest of it.......it's in essence all about how much you can enjoy your own company :)

The Learning Curve

While writing yesterday about acquiring new practices, using the term 'conscious competence', the thought process nicely segued into this space.

It's a core principal in coaching and  counselling.

The learning curve so beautifully brings out the process......that it enables you to identify the stage you are in, and what it'll take to get to where you want to get to. 

This fits with just about any learning. Could be a skill or a trait or a process.....could be used at work, at sport, at activities, in relationships, in attitudes...anywhere.

Most times we believe what we want to do or be should come naturally or just be easy. But like most things in life, we need to practice to get to a place where it just “flows”. Knowing these stages really helps. Helps to have the patience and grit and love to know where you are and where you want to get and almost what it takes. 

This picture nicely reflects the states of mind in each phase:

The four stages:

Unconscious incompetence: 

'you don't know what you don't know'

It's when you might not even recognize what's missing. There could be the restlessness or dissatisfaction. Incompetence sounds kind of harsh, it's basically a status quo space. When we're still doing the same thing or living the known pattern over and over, but expecting things to be different. 

It's when a stimulus for change might enter.....when that 'aha' moment can happen. The need or thought for change.

Conscious incompetence: 

'you know what you don't know'

This is a difficult phase. Where you recognize what you need to do, but don't have the wherewithal to get there. This is the stage where you get help, figure the what and how, find expertise, pave the path so to say. It's a stage dominated by hope, desire, goals, dreams.

Conscious competence:

'you know and you grow, and it starts to show'

A stage of raw effort, of conscious striving, training and practice. Engaging in the experience, keeping an open mind and working at it.  It can be a stage full of pitfalls as patterns and habits can kick in, and so it becomes important to be consciously striving towards whatever it is that you know you want to acquire.

Unconscious competence:

'you know and you've imbibed, it's become second nature'

You've learnt, you've practiced, you've imbibed, and it's become second nature now. Change has happened. It feels good and right. It can alter ones default ways of thinking or behaving or being. You've gotten to where you wanted to get. In flow.

It's a powerful tool of Self Awareness and Growth.