Authenticity - A Deep Dive

An oft heard term. A value I personally cherish.

As with any value or principle, it's easy to own it, until it actually gets put to the test. And that's when you are forced to ask some fundamental questions, perhaps starting right from  'so what exactly is it?'

What does it even mean to say a person, or a relationship is 'authentic' or is not.

Be or Do what you feel like, is not what authentic is about. It's not about 'not being fake'.

It's about being 'You'...discovering the 'You'....owning the 'You'......a process.

I like Seth's definition, it's crisp and covers well. He defines authenticity as "consistent emotional labour"

It's about how deep are you going within yourself......the effort to know what you are, the willingness to understand why you are what you are......to become comfortable with 'becoming'. To be able to see beyond the mask that we all wear for our public selves. (public as in anything beyond ourselves, and most times even for ourselves).

Is there a 'space within' where I meet the real me, is there a 'relationship' which allows for me to be fully me...... flawed, vulnerable, in process, whatever.

Because that is where we can stretch our wings to their fullest potential......our space for growth. 

Am I willing to ask myself those difficult questions. Meet and break through my deeper masks, my defense mechanisms, question my beliefs.....space for growth.

We often allow our own image of ourselves to limit us. When our behavior is aligned to what we know, when the outcome is comfortable, we are within our comfort zone. The signs that beckon towards authenticity is when we see our own behavior at odds with what we know, what we will call atypical. When we ask ourselves 'jeez, why would I do that....that's such an aberration.... so unlike me'.

That's you too. Are we willing to meet that 'you'.

Or will we allow our image of ourselves to become restrictive, and not want to look beyond.

"Authentic conversations are what enable authentic relationships" - (from notes, forgot to note author)

If you want authentic you have to be prepared to reveal yourselves, your feelings, your motives. And you can't talk openly and honestly until you have tried being honest with yourself first.

Level with yourself first. Use Inner dialogue, between the person that you think you are, and the inner self that operates at gut level. It exists. Are you willing to invite it in for dialogue.

It involves revelation, self analysis and re-evaluation.

Becoming authentic, then, means accepting not only contradiction and discomfort but personal faults and failures as well. Problematic aspects of our lives, emotions, and behaviors—the times we've yelled at the kids, lusted after the friends spouse, or fallen back on our promises —are not breaches of your true self, Moore insists. They're clues to the broader and more comprehensive mystery of selfhood. "In fact," he notes, "we are all very subtle and very complex, and there are forces and resources within us that we have no control over. We will never find the limits of who we are.

"Speaking our mind and heart is the most precious of human rights. The ability to speak our own truths forms the core of both, intimacy and self regard". We then not only reveal ourselves, the true path is that we then discover and deepen ourselves.

"An honest relationship is one in which we are trying, all the time, to extend the possibilities of truth between us........of life between us"

Socrates famously asserted "the unexamined life is not worth living"

It's not easy, and as I read somewhere, It's a choice, and it's not for the faint of heart.