Communication Skills That Schools Should Teach

I have enough belief and conviction in the power of communication to use the mantra 'repetition does not spoil the prayer', so here's yet another post on it.

Excerpts of an article from Lifehack, by Victor Ng an executive coach, speaker, and entrepreneur.

Essential Communication Skills That Aren't Taught in Schools at All

“I’ve never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain

We’re taught the basics of communication early in the classroom. To be able to read, write, and speak effectively, we had to learn vocabulary, grammar, spelling, handwriting, and pronunciation. They were, however, focused on the rudimentary goal of imparting or exchanging information.

Communication goes much further than the academics of the written or spoken word. The purpose of communication is to build and grow connections with others at an emotional level. This is where classroom learning stops short and life learning kicks in. For many people, this transition can be rather jarring.

The earlier you master communication skills, the better for you — and those around you. Here is the cheat-sheet to some essential communication skills your school missed:

Showing empathy

Theodore Roosevelt said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Empathy makes us human.

How-to:

Be present with the person and feel what he feels. When someone opens up with his problems, see it from his point of view. Suspend your own judgment of what’s right or wrong. Listen to his emotions. Reflect back his vulnerability. Ask questions to go deeper into his world. 

Resolving conflict

This is the bomb disposal equivalent of communication skills. Left unchecked, conflict can leave relationships tumultuous. Alternately, avoiding conflict altogether isn’t a solution either, as you’ll often be simmering with restrained and maybe subconscious frustration and resentment. To resolve conflict, what you’d need is better communication skills.

How-to:

Let the other person know your intention to work out a mutually acceptable solution. Very often, the gesture of extending an olive branch is more important than actually coming to a solution, as it shows the person how much you value the relationship. Respond, but never react.  Responding to the situation means you keep emotions in check and focus on the problem, not the person. Understand what counts as a ‘win’ — winning the argument or winning the other person over. The two are very different.

Asking great questions

To be a better communicator, don’t try to be the person with all the right answers. Instead, be the one who asks all the right questions. When you ask questions, you show that you’re open to engage and exploring more into the topic. Questions encourage the other party to share more of his opinions, stimulate discussion, and even create new ideas.

How-to:

Ask open ended questions that could lead to interesting answers.  Let your questions come from a place of genuine curiosity. When you practice good listening skills, thoughtful questions will suggest themselves to you.

Negotiating effectively

Many people find negotiation one of the hardest communication skills to learn. They must be nice people. There’s no avoiding it in life and work, to enter into a negotiation without negotiation skills is to go into a gunfight without a gun.

How-to:

Be assertive. Have options.  Listen to what they are saying (and not saying). Gather clues to how much they need what you have. Show them how you’re looking for a win-win outcome by satisfying their basic interests too.

Proactive listening

This is a most critical and underrated skill. When a person speaks, he believes he has something of value to share.  By listening to him intently, you immediately build a bond by validating his importance as a person .

How-to:

Be fully engaged and present with her. Block off all judgment of what she says or what that says about her. Keep your mind from thinking of what you’re going to say. Listen to not just her words, but also her emotions. 

Using body language

It’s not just about what you say, but the overall experience people take away from their encounter with you.

How-to:

Work on the three basics of good body language: the smile, eye contact, and the handshake. Smile from the heart when you look at someone, look them in the eye when you speaking and listening to them, and let that handshake be good and firm.

Inspiring others with an idea

An idea is one of the most powerful and contagious elements of any communication. Having an idea with someone can create a common bond built on the power of shared imagination.

How-to:

Share a unique thought that can energize others.  When you have one of these gems, don’t make the mistake of keeping it too close to your chest.

Acknowledging or Complimenting others

Acknowledging someone is the act of letting the person know something great about him or her. You’re not trying to benefit from the gesture, but to sincerely shine a spotlight on others. They will feel the difference.

How-to:

Look for the good in someone, and tell her how great it is. You can also acknowledge something in a person that few people would even notice, the subtler and smaller nice things about them.

Building authenticity and trust

While there are many best practices in communication, here is one rule above all: be true to yourself. Without trust, there can be no quality communication and connection.

How-to:

Keep it real. Never try to be someone you’re not. Be honest with your shortcomings, share inspiring personal experiences, hold yourself accountable to your words, and speak with conviction. Communicating with others will come naturally to you.