Listening - An Active Process

This is coming out of two recent experiences, both within the week.

One was when I was talking to this friend of mine, I was saying something with total involvement, really in the flow, and I suddenly got interrupted by her talking to a storekeeper on how long he was going to be open. She's back in a few seconds, asking me to continue, but poof!..…the moment was busted. I couldn’t continue. Why? Not because those few seconds in themselves mattered, but because I must have perceived that she wasn't paying me the attention I wanted.

Another instance found me at the other end of a similar situation. Again in the middle of a conversation, pleasant enough…..but suddenly I find myself in the middle of a full blown argument….the conversation had taken on an unpleasant turn without my even being aware. How? Had I really been listening and not been so full of what I wanted to say, I would have known when the shift was happening……

What does it tell us?

That somewhere we’re not doing a good job of listening. Talking is taking precedence over listening. Research suggests that we register only 25 to 50 percent of what we hear. That’s awful isn’t it. We seem to listen to the extent needed to talk back. Saaad :(

Listening is a big fundamental communication skill.  It’s not just listening, it’s also how you listen. It needs to be an active process where the listener is completely there, involved with all their senses.

Sounds kind of obvious, doesn’t it? But if you really observe around you, you’ll find that there’s really not enough listening happening. Let’s ask ourselves first.

How many times haven’t we seen or found ourselves in the situation where we’re talking and we’re getting the hmm..uh uhs…yeahs ….and we know the other person isn’t really listening. How does that feel?

We’re not absolved ourselves either. Do we really listen? Like with full attention to what the other person is saying. Isn’t our mind parallely already working on response? Maybe even on something entirely different?

                         

Active listening means two things: 1) giving the speaker your full undivided attention, and letting them know that you are listening, either by way of non verbal communication and or by actually asking the occasional question  2) by also allowing the speaker to think through their thoughts by not interrupting. Yes, it’s a whole process. And unlike some of the other things we’ve spoken about, this is one which is actually way more difficult than it seems. 

When you genuinely care, show it by genuinely listening. Try it and you’ll see a clear shift in the quality of the conversations you have. I’m trying hard to get there........ it needs a constant level of awareness and it's tough, but definitely worth pursuing.