Language Shapes Culture

I'm a big believer in the 'power of language'. In fact I firmly believe that it is language that fine tunes and qualifies our plane of existence. And that even at a micro level, a lot in life can be accomplished if we're able to clearly articulate around it....be it in our own thoughts or feelings, or in relationships, be they the one to one equations, or even larger level issues between companies or countries. 

A lot is dependent on the 'how of things' and language gives us our best shot at the how....enables understanding and gives us our real chance at sorting out. It allows for clearer decision making, and acceptance.

And growth...I believe growth happens by building upon what gets articulated.

As you can imagine, an article with title 'Language shapes culture' just caught my attention. And the more I read, the more fascinated I got.

It's a Wall Street Journal publication, by Lera Boroditsky a professor of psychology at Stanford University and editor in chief of Frontiers in Cultural Psychology.

Here's excerpts: 

"Do the languages we speak shape the way we think?

New cognitive research suggests that language profoundly influences the way people see the world.

The idea that language might shape thought was for a long time considered untestable at best and more often simply crazy and wrong. Now, a flurry of new cognitive science research is showing that in fact, language does profoundly influence how we see the world.

For example, in Pormpuraaw, a remote Aboriginal community in Australia, the indigenous languages don't use terms like "left" and "right." Instead, everything is talked about in terms of absolute cardinal directions (north, south, east, west), which means you say things like, "There's an ant on your southwest leg." To say hello in Pormpuraaw, one asks, "Where are you going?" If you don't know which way is which, you literally can't get past hello.

About a third of the world's languages (spoken in all kinds of physical environments) rely on absolute directions for space. As a result of this constant linguistic training, speakers of such languages are remarkably good at staying oriented and keeping track of where they are, even in unfamiliar landscapes. They perform navigational feats scientists once thought were beyond human capabilities. This is a big difference, a fundamentally different way of conceptualizing space...... trained by language.

Differences in how people think about space don't end there. People rely on their spatial knowledge to build many other more complex or abstract representations including time, number, musical pitch, kinship relations, morality and emotions. 

In addition to space and time, languages also shape how we understand causality. For example, English likes to describe events in terms of agents doing things. English speakers tend to say things like "John broke the vase" even for accidents. Speakers of Spanish or Japanese would be more likely to say "the vase broke itself." Such differences between languages have profound consequences for how their speakers understand events, construct notions of causality and agency, what they remember as eyewitnesses and how much they blame and punish others.

In another study, English speakers watched the video of Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction" accompanied by one of two written reports. The reports were identical except in the last sentence where one used the agentive phrase "she ripped the costume" while the other said "the costume ripped." Even though everyone watched the same video and witnessed the ripping with their own eyes, language mattered. Not only did people who read "ripped the costume" blame Justin Timberlake more, they also levied a whopping 53% more in fines.

Beyond space, time and causality, patterns in language have been shown to shape many other domains of thought. Russian speakers, who make an extra distinction between light and dark blues in their language, are better able to visually discriminate shades of blue. The Piraha, a tribe in the Amazon in Brazil, whose language eschews number words in favor of terms like few and many, are not able to keep track of exact quantities. And Shakespeare, it turns out, was wrong about roses: Roses by many other names (as told to blindfolded subjects) do not smell as sweet.

It turns out that if you change how people talk, that changes how they think. 

If you take away people's ability to use language in what should be a simple nonlinguistic task, their performance can change dramatically, sometimes making them look no smarter than rats or infants. (For example, in recent studies, MIT students were shown dots on a screen and asked to say how many there were. If they were allowed to count normally, they did great.  But if they did a verbal task when shown the dots—like repeating the words spoken in a news report—their counting fell apart. In other words, they needed their language skills to count.)

All this new research shows us that the languages we speak not only reflect or express our thoughts, but also shape the very thoughts we wish to express.

The structures that exist in our languages profoundly shape how we construct reality, and help make us as smart and sophisticated as we are.

Language is a uniquely human gift. When we study language, we are uncovering in part what makes us human, getting a peek at the very nature of human nature. The next steps are to understand the mechanisms through which languages help us construct the incredibly complex knowledge systems we have. Understanding how knowledge is built will allow us to create ideas that go beyond the currently thinkable. This research cuts right to the fundamental questions we all ask about ourselves. How do we come to be the way we are? Why do we think the way we do?

An important part of the answer, it turns out, is in the languages we speak. "

Vignettes and Quotes - 'Attitude'

As I read, each time I come across an interesting piece of writing, or a quote that resonates, I write it down in my diary. At times even long paragraphs (in even the process of writing there is a deeper connect that happens, is what I believe). 

The other day I'm sitting with my diary, looking for one quote......... and I so wished it had a ' Ctrl f '.

How do you find a quote in a diary, corrected. diar(ies :). I had to look through almost three diaries, over two hours, before I found it. So the decision to do it here, going forward. It's nice in two ways. One, I get to access more efficiently, and second, you get to read too. 

Here's my first one, the one I was looking for.

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.”-William James 

I'm working on a website for counselling, and this was almost the first quote I picked for it......it's in essence what counselling can enable. (a shift in attitude, yet in alignment with ones own core beliefs and values) 

There's times quotes will give you insightful aha's, and there's times they'll make you smile....like feel good by reiterating what you already are, or do. Both are equally powerful.

Musings - To Look Within

Three interviews in a row, and I had this buzz in my head. I was feeling the intensity of the experience, thoughts coming in from all directions, like a series of aha's.

An interview is defined as a one to one conversation, where questions are asked by one and answers given by the other. There is one definition by Bingham which I liked ‘conversation with a purpose'

And I asked myself, what was my purpose.

It seemed to have several components.......getting perspective, evoking thought, enabling deeper understanding, widening horizons, enhancing self awareness. And the realization that you cannot enter those deep spaces and come out untouched. It is invariably a mutually enriching experience.

Based on the few interviews,  ( and several counselling sessions), I sought to dig a little deeper and articulate what was surfacing through the experience. I share some of those thoughts:

• Societal conditioning creates so much rigidity around 'right and wrong' 'success and failure' 'good and bad', that by default 'there's strong tendency to run oneself down, to self critique....and self esteem pays the price'

• Our deepest thoughts and feelings are often kept hidden. We are concerned about not being understood, about being hurt, about rejection. We'd rather live behind walls and defenses, even or especially, with our closest family. In the process, we compromise authenticity and self acceptance.

• Popular opinion is that lives and opinions of celebrities and experts are worth knowing about, why would anyone care to know about me. So not true. Each has a story worth sharing. 

• Also, the human nature of negativity trumps positivity. We're good with looking at what we didn't do, what we could have done, what could have happened, what chances we missed.......and that list goes on.  They occupy so much emotional and memory space, that we don't seem to have recall of our own positives and achievements. Of our moments of resilience when we rose above those issues. Moments when we took risks. Time when we made decisions against the tide. Times we backed our friends. Times we stood by our family. Times we gave. The good times. 

If we don't give to ourselves, we can't give to others,  a follow through..... 'if we don't give ourselves credit, we can't give credit to others'. Maybe that's why there's so little compliments going around.

Net net a lot of us seem to be living in fairly superfluous spaces. Based off external expectations. Caught in the life of detail. In busyness. And there exists this gap between what I really am, and what I am expected to be.

Self awareness is key

Within each of us is this potential of abundance, of beauty, of peace, of joy. A sanctum sanctorium. If we can open those doors, we don't need temples. God is within us can literally come true. 

Goa, A Different Vantage

Just back from a deeply meaningful, and absolutely amazing four day trip to Goa. 

This was a just vishakha and me time, and one that was being planned on and off for over three years now. And it finally fell in place. It was so well worth the wait,  that we've decided to now make up for all the earlier years, by making it an annual feature :)

Why does it become so special?

There's multiple factors. Travel with friends, especially girl friends is something the millenial generation might take for granted, but to us, it comes at a cherished and earned space of choice. At the cost of sounding dramatic, a space reached through the proverbial blood, toil and tears. In fact Diksha was quite amazed when I said it was our first trip together. We go back a long long way, and we've done travel together......with families, initially parents, then husbands, then husbands and children, but never just us. And considering our relationship is a core space between us, this is where it really fits to perfection.

A vanilla trip.... no occasion, no sight seeing, no frills, no add ons......just being together, just getting our 'selves' there minus all the other facets that make us, family, work, interests...the life of detail so to say. And that was reveletory. A space where magic happens.

We did what we love best, walked and talked. Walked and talked along the shore almost twenty kilometers a day, and in that process discovered that 'something great can get greater'.

We so lucked out in getting miles and miles of empty beach...to walk barefoot in the sand, with the waves lapping the feet

Not to miss our footsteps here

Stretched those boundaries in ways more than one... how else do we move out of comfort zone, how else do we bridge gaps that you first need to find, how else does growth happen.

The mind reached such uncluttered space that the aha's started to flow.

This is to say how we can by choice enter the unfrettered spaces to discover more of ourselves. Unfrettered is not as much goa, as it is within you. Goa and the ocean was the enabler, offering its varying facets....it's quiet, it's fun, its abundance, its beauty, it's relentlessness, it's resilience, it's power. And you soon see all of that reflected within. Seek and you shall find. Ask and you shall receive.

This is beginning to sound poetic and abstract to my own ears....know that that's but the surface of the experience.

Here's pictures of the less abstract...pictures in time and space

River Mandovi as we came in to land. I love catching rivers from flight...talk of different vantage points :)

Bridges over Mandovi and the Delta, where the river merges with the sea

From Airport to South Goa

Some yummy pakodas and mirchi bhajjis shared with Ibrahim (my cab driver) on the way from the airport to Varca beach, and also took back for vishakha of course (and lots of wine too:)

The Mahindra Resort at Varca, a lovely lush and green property bang on the shore. Thanks vishakha, was a lovely choice.

A huge python that crossed the path of our car one evening....it's an unclear picture but I had to put it in to preserve memory.

A couple of selfies :)

Sunburnt and Satiated

An Interview With Akhtar

Akhtar Hussain has been an integral part of helping me settle into this house. In fact I remember him from the last time I stayed in this house, 5 years back, before moving to Bangalore. When Diksha and I had first walked into the apartment, we straight off fell in love with the place. We just needed the wall color changed, it was a dark purple. 

The owner was reluctant,  he said, same color one coat will do, but different color would mean more work and more money.  It was Akhtar who managed to convince him, and he got me my favorite 'off white' even on those dark purple walls. 

This time round, when I came back to this house, I called our owner and said "could you please send Akhtar, I have a few little things to get done". He's been helping with everything. The carpentry, the painting, the plumbing.....even the polishing of chairs for the therapy room. You tell him and it'll be done.

He seems this quiet, focused, deep, intelligent, no nonsense kind of individual, and I thought it would be nice to get to know him a little better.......or should I say to see life from his perspective. And hopefully enable him to see a little bit more of himself too. So I decided to interview. (yes, I'm fired up on that:)

My first obstacle - having to answer the 'Why'.

"kyon karenge mera interview aap" he asked

Next...what's the purpose he said,  'fayada kya hoga'.  And you can imagine my struggle at trying to get something so abstract across, and that too in Hindi. 

Eventually I guess I got there. He agreed see. I told him there might be no 'fayada' materially, but it's something that might be an interesting experience for both..... that I'd like to do it, and it could possibly be something he may like too. Was he willing to try, I asked.

End of the interview two things became apparent. One, I better understood the validity of his question. Akhtar is a man who does nothing beyond the absolutely necessary in life. It's all about work and family, or maybe even work for family.

Second, before end of the hour,  I daresay he did connect into the experience; for a person who talks so little, he sure opened up, way beyond my questions too.

It was a heart warming experience. 

Here it is in his own words:
(while we spoke in hindi, I'm putting here a translated version, which unfortunately takes away a lot of the beautiful hyderabadi urdu of the original)

Me: Are you from Hyderabad

Akhtar: हौ,  पैदाइश हैदराबादी हूँ  ( just for the flavor of the urdu. Guess being from hyd, I simply love the language)

Me: Tell me a little about your family. The one you were born into. What did your father do, how many brothers and sisters were you

Akhtar: My father had a book binding workshop. We are 9 siblings, 6 sisters and 3 brothers.

Me: How much have you studied

Akhtar: I studied until 7th class. When I was 9 yrs old my father passed away, very suddenly, a heart attack. It became very difficult for the family. My elder brother was already helping my father in the book binding work, but he couldn't manage alone.

So I dropped out of school after 7th, and joined my brother in the book binding workshop, as our family had no other source of income, and we couldn't manage.

Me: From there how did you shift into painting and carpentry and all the other things you are now an expert at.

Akhtar: For five years I did only book binding, till I was sixteen. Then my jeejaji introduced me into the furniture line

It was a factory in katedaan which was making wooden cabinets for Bharath TVs, do you remember, the TVs used to come in nice boxes with two doors then. (I recalled too) .

I did very well there. Within three years I learnt everything about carpentry, and they made me the supervisor.

Those three years were extremely difficult though. I used to go to Katedaan by cycle. I used to work there for twelve hours, come home, eat and then go to the book binding workshop to help my brother, and work till 2 in the morning. The money just wasn't enough. I worked like that without sleep for so many months.

Then the factory owners cousin was starting his own workshop in Himayatnagar, and he wanted me to join him. I did, and there I picked up expertise in lamination coating which was just coming in then. I worked a long time with them, twenty two years, and as they were in the construction line, I learnt everything about everything. They made me in charge of the complexes they were constructing. I also built a strong network of skilled people.

Soon after that my mother died, and after that I went to Dubai for three years.

Me: How was it in Dubai

Akhtar: It was alright. They had a factory there making furniture. We had AC rooms, dormitories with bunk beds, but there AC is a necessity. It was only work work and work.

Also, they didn't have expertise. They were inefficient, they were using a lot more paint than necessary. I did a significant contribution, I changed the way they did their furniture painting, brought down cost by 60%. But they took it for granted. I don't like it when people don't value my work. So after 3 years though they didn't let me go, I took leave and came off.

With the money saved I came back and got two of my sisters married. Then I also got married

Me: How many children do you have

Akhtar: I have four children. 2 daughters and 2 sons. Both my daughters are studying computer engineering, and sons, one is in school and one doing graduation.

Me: I'm so happy to see you educating all your children, especially your daughters to such an extent.

Akhtar: I've told them they can study till how much ever they want to. I will support it.

Me: You don't feel any pressure from the family and others, especially to get them married?

Akhtar: Yes, I do. I have started getting marriage proposals for them, but they want to study and then they want to work. I want to let them do that.

I could not study because of my circumstances. I feel bad when I think about it. That's why I want to atleast let my children study till they want. It makes me happy to see them studying

Me: That must take a lot of courage.  What else makes you happy

Akhtar: What else can make me happy. I don't know.

Me: What about your work, I find you so involved and diligent with your work

Akhtar: Yes, I like my work, and I feel happy when my work gets appreciated and valued. I liked it when people recognized my work.

Wherever I work, I am so committed that I build a relationship with the people there, and it becomes permanent.

Me: What makes you angry

Akhtar: I don't get angry. I never shout at people.

Me: What makes you sad

Akhtar: (the question seemed strange to him. he took a while to answer) I don't  know if it is sad, but it bothers me and worries me a lot that inspite of working so hard, for so many years, everything I earn gets spent equally fast. There is never extra money. Even after so many years I have no savings.

Life is so different today. Our days, if we wanted fruits we used to climb trees and get. Today everything is so expensive.

Me: Are your children very close to you

Akhtar: I think they are a little scared of me. They are very close to their mother. (with an embarassed smile)

Me: Other than work and family, what do you do. What are the other interests you have

Akhtar: When I started to work,  at the age of twelve,  I left everything behind. I have no friends, I don't go for movies. No habits. Nothing. All that went off with my lost childhood.

All day I work. I go home and sit in front of the TV until I go to sleep at 11.

In fact even my neighbors won't know me. My life is only work and home.

Me: What scares you

Akhtar: He actually laughed at the question. (his response made it sound like I don't have the luxury of being scared)

Me: What food do you like

Akhtar: Dal khanna. I don't even pay attention to what I eat. I never complain. In fact I won't even know if there is salt, or anything else is too much or too little. Sometimes my wife asks me how I am eating it without saying anything when there is not even salt in it. But I won't even know.

Since childhood, it was never about what food. It was just about having food to eat.

My younger son, he loves to cook. He'll watch on the net and make all kinds of things, one day he even made chocolates with nice covers. It's that different now. He said he'll go and sell it to shops and I said 'paagal hogaya kya'. (he laughed recollecting the incident)

Me: If he wants to become a chef will you let him

Akhtar: (smiles, seems a little perplexed. I told him I had friends who were chefs and it is a possible profession, even for the educated) I suppose so, I think he can become whatever interests him... maybe

Me: Do you meet with your brothers and sisters often

Akhtar: I have always been helping my brothers and sisters. There is always a need in someones family. I am the only one who helps.

One of my sisters daughter needed to be given blood every month. They were selling things in the house to buy the blood. I helped them to the extent I could.

Another sister, she died and her husband wasn't a dependable man. Both her sons are with me now. I am bringing them up as my own. They are part of our family now.

One brother has a health issue and needs an injection every month. Sometimes he resists. I am the one who meets the doctor and makes sure he takes his injection every month. I have been doing that for twenty years, every single month now.

Me: Does anybody know you have taken on all these responsibilities and how much you do.

Akhtar: Who will know madam. I feel I should do what I can, and I keep doing it.

Me: How does your wife react to all this

Akhtar: My wife never objects. She is very understanding and co-operative.

Me: What's on top of your mind now

Akhtar: Life has been a real struggle. It is always about how will each month go by. I have had a lot of responsibility since a very young age.

I will relax only when all my children are settled.

This ended the question answer part of it.

On request, I'm putting neither his photograph, nor names of his wife or children (they have the prettiest of names :).  His thinking in terms of why no photograph or any identifiable information, was so deep and meaningful, that we spent yet another hour discussing just that, and I came away humbled by his reasoning.

It was indeed an intense two hours. And when he said will you talk to my daughters if they want to know about jobs and things, I gladly said yes.

Akhtar, it was really nice talking to you, and Inshallah, may all your aspirations for your children and for yourself, get fulfilled.

Reading Newspapers Is A Drag - A Reiteration

Since I've been in Hyderabad, ever so often I'm at my parents place. Invariably, I pick up the newspaper and browse through. Almost like an instinctual thing. Or maybe hopeful thing. I don't know which.

And each time, I've found I close it in disgust. And yesterday I patted myself on the back for the decision to have kicked the habit, (it's been over two years since I've stopped subscription). It was no easy process, mornings starting with coffee and the newspaper was such an ingrained habit.

I'd say 'negativity trumps positivity' lives it's epitome in Newspapers.  Crime, Terrorism, Rape, Cheating, Politics, Death, Suicides, Accidents, Teacher crimes against children. You have to search to find a piece of positive or empowering news. And by the time you get there (if you do), the negative stuff has already seeped in. 

We're human, empathy comes naturally to us. We can't read about a child being molested or a farmer suicide without feeling angry or hurt or sad.

And seriously, what good is that doing. I've been accused of being an ostrich and shying away from reality. Is that our Reality? Really? Something so imbalanced?

Guess if you chose it to become your reality, it does. It's definitely crept into our houses and our systems. Considering how connected the world is, by reading and feeling, if anything we are adding more than our share of sadness and negative energy to it. 

A Harvard Review states :

''We’ve known for some time now that hearing negative news broadcasts can have an immediate effect on your stress level, but new research we just conducted in partnership with Huffington shows how significant these negative effects can be on us.

Just a few minutes spent consuming negative news in the morning can affect the entire emotional trajectory of your day"

We have the choice. Why do we let newspapers and reporters hijack our space.  Can we respect our own time, ourselves a little more. Put in that little effort to instead find and read  articles, and magazines and books (maybe blogs ;)  of interest to you.  And trust me, you miss nothing; news you need will find it's way to you.

Ask yourself .... Are you happy playing a passive role in your own life, can you do this for yourself.

If I'm coming across strong, no excuses.....it's because I feel that strongly about it :)

Reading what's relevant and interesting to you enables clearer thoughts, more valuable insights and better decision making.  And each of those means a more enriched life.

Feedback vs Criticism

Yesterday, I spoke defending each persons right 'to be'.

Nothing in life is an absolute. So how does this work. What are it's differing ramifications.

An obvious one would be, you can be you, long as you do not negatively impinge on another's space. That I'd think is pretty apparent, and even sacrosanct.

At the deeper level, does it mean we don't express opinion, don't share feelings, don't express expectation, don't talk of behavior, don't talk of traits.....don't enter the other's space ever ?

No, not saying that. In fact not at all.

To understand this, let's look a little deeper into what a relationship is (or could be)... be it between spouses, friends, partners, parental, any relationship.

A relationship at a core level is ideally about a space that empowers, that supports, that enables ...one that has at it's core 'mutual learning and growth'. ( Most relationships we see are living out the life of detail, akin to 'existing'). It's like someone said 'taking black and white photographs of the very colorful scenes of our lives'

Based off this ideal space of  'mutual learning and growth', to empower and to enable would become pretty core. And that is something that can happen primarily through 'feedback'. Thus feedback becomes not just a good to have, but almost an obligation we carry.

It's beautifully explained by the Johari window. We need others to help us recognize our blind spots, our areas of growth.

We need Feedback

An indicator could come from 'what is the motive behind the feedback'.When we find ourselves in a position of wanting to point out an area of change, do we do it as 'my need' or 'for the other'.  If the feedback is something that will enable the growth of the other, it is not just okay to give, but almost becomes a moral responsibility to give. Can I confront with care. That's when it's a shift from criticism to feedback.

Criticism comes from arrogance  (you are wrong, I am right...and is the most common way of parents, spouses, teachers). Paradoxically, it's the most common and the most unsuccessful, in fact producing more resentment, than change or growth.

Feedback on the other hand is 'I see and I care, so I tell'. It comes from a space of genuine love and care. A space that recognizes the need of the other and not ones own. It is not common.  It requires a genuine extension of oneself, and is more likely to be beneficial and successful.

If done right, and received right. 

It's like what Scott Peck says "the final and possibly the greatest risk of love is the risk of exercising power with humility. There are a significant number of individuals who for one reason or another have learned to inhibit their instinctive tendency to criticize or correct, but who go no further, hiding in the moral safety of meekness, never daring to assume power

To fail to confront when confrontation is required for the nurture of spiritual growth represents a failure to love equally, as much as does thoughtless criticism"

Can we have a space of love and nurturing that allows for feedback. It becomes then the responsibility of each to express, and to listen, within that ambit, and then the whole space reverberates with an energy of positivity and growth.

Worth an aspirational goal you'd think?