Immersion '2017

This is a really personal journey. I'm surprisingly finding that, not withstanding extensive diary writing, putting it out here forces yet another perspective.

How?

I get to see it as a finished product.

A diary is all about process. It questions, it meanders, it sorts, it feels, it cries, it holds............here you get to the end. The smile....the pat on the back comes from here.

People have asked me why anybody else would be interested in reading about my life. Valid question?

I don't know. I only know I'm digging deeper and deeper, and sometimes it throws up stuff that can provide perspective. In fact that's what anything does. Whether it's watching a movie, or reading a book, or talking to friends, or reading an interview. Why are reality shows so popular. Why would anybody watch 'big boss'? I've known many who do, in fact even people who get up in the night to watch them sleep. What makes that happen?

The essence is when something out there resonates with the you, when you can make that connection. And use that, in turn, to make a connection into yourself. Get that fresh perspective. Grow with the perspective. It's always about us. Watching or Reading or Writing or What have you.....

The other day Diksha was telling me that there are personal diaries for sale on the net.

I was totally taken aback. I'm like "why would anybody be interested in buying someone else's diary deech?" And she's like, "well, guess it can be interesting ma, how often do you really get to see into another person's mind". (My thought - 'how often do we even look into our own minds?')

That's when the stark difference between process and product hit me. How many of us can claim to know ourselves? be ourselves? emotions, thoughts, feelings....to the extent of being secure enough to be able to 'own' it. 

Not saying I can,  I have my own thresholds, but pushing that boundary is an ongoing process. 

"For most people, the level of self-awareness is quite modest, and we all tend to operate on surface-level emotions and behaviors, adding our own interpretation through a set of complex, sub-conscious perceptual and egoic filters".

Process. The Path.....It's about getting on it.

Unbelievable, but a second try at getting to actual recap, and side tracked again :)

Recap '2017

Yesterday, I was driving past this place near home which has several cute and fancy eating joints, and I found them all lit up, festive, and felt the new year vibe yet alive.

So actually did a glass of wine and went through a recap, a recap of the year that's been. Something I was told I owed myself :)

I figured why. The years been big. Way bigger then I realized. (which is why recaps are so brilliant). In nutshell, what stands out is:

• Shifted living back to Hyderabad
• Completion of the most impactful course I've ever done
• Travel has yet again been phenomenal - 8 trips, of which 4 are to states I've not been to before
• Launching of the next phase in my career
• Consciously, Effortfully and Significantly deepening bonds with each of the people who are special in my life
• The brilliant Sunrises and Moonrises I've connected into, from a train, from flight, and likely, the best ones from home

And I think I need to add, each of these was a conscious effort, a decision. (ok, ok, I won't take credit for the sunrises :). Decisions that took a high level of awareness and thought...and not to forget, 'Risk'.

In this context, there's a couple of quotes that stuck (random jottings, so sadly don't have the author names):

"If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary"

and this

"She took the leap and built her wings on the way down"

Brilliant stuff. It's the kind of stuff that if imbibed, enables. Enables and empowers you to move beyond what's doled out to you and carve for yourself a life that's about 'living' and not 'existing'. Sure there's pitfalls and at times big gaping holes on the way, (which look at times like they can swallow you whole) ,but that's where you grow your wings too, when needed, again and again and again.

Each of these has so much in terms of real time, and emotional experience that I'm wondering how to write it all in one post.

I'm giving it a shot, as I'm already so connecting into the process....just this looking back and calling out the big ones, gave me opportunity to embrace the year one more time, and in process become more appreciative and grateful, not just for the joys and successes, but for the times I've fallen, and had the shoulders, the support (thanks there to all those who've been there) and the grit to get up and go on again.

This brings to mind a conversation from years back, in Google. Kiran had asked "Smitha, tell me, from where do you get this crazy level of energy, this ability to be more than hundred percent in everything that you do".

I was stumped for a bit. I've had people tell me this, but no one had asked me the 'how'. I was thinking and articulating it likely for the first time. And I found my answer was simple...... "I love life".

This is not to say I do or have something special, not at all.....but surely, to say, it's that simple. And these recaps can tell you why you can love life, it just has so much to offer. You don't need a blog to recap, just pick up that pen and paper, it's just so so worth it.

I've gotten so caught up in just the intro space, that I'll do the rest in next :)

Hiding from the mission

From Seth

We do this in two ways:

The first is refusing to be clear and precise about what the mission is. Avoiding specifics about what we hope to accomplish and for whom. Being vague about success and (thus about failure).

After all, if no one knows exactly what the mission is, it's hard feel like a failure if it doesn't succeed.

The second is even more insidious. We degrade the urgency of the mission. We become diffuse. We get distracted. Anything to avoid planting a stake and saying, "I made this."

It's possible to spend 7 hours and 52 minutes out of an eight-hour day in doing nothing but hiding from the mission. And it's exhausting.

The Home-stay At Amritsar

Each trip I find that there is stuff to write about specific places seen and experienced,, and then there's one very misc one, of times in between, or place of stay, or culture as felt....that kind.

This is that one... the home stay experience.

The house, it's so massive, that I couldn't get it all into one picture.

Once we booked on Air B&B, this is the lovely message I got from Hargun

Once we landed, we had to find it with the map, as neither us nor Savinder was familiar. Mom was like, "what's the name", and I was like "Ma, you wanted a home-stay, it's an actual home, it has no name" :)

Mom with Romy, in her verandah

Inside. This pic is off the confirmation mail though, as we somehow missed taking a picture inside

A street dog outside her house. I was so impressed with my mom, she carried her uneaten sandwich from the flight, 'to give to some dog she said', and she actually found one a day later. The doggy enjoying the Vistara sandwich.

A walk in the colony. The size of the houses are jaw drop unbelievable

Romy and me, the day we were leaving. We felt like friends by then. Her smiling face still comes to mind every once in a while. She's so affectionate, that the second day she waited for me outside to catch me and say, "you're not wearing the right kind of clothes for Amritsar", and gave me her sweater. That sweet.

Mom enjoying her morning cup of coffee in the veranda outside our room. The fog was so thick and beautiful. 

A final picture ...... a Shiva that I just fell in love with it when I saw it at a store outside the Golden Temple, and now sits at home.

Ma, this one's for you.....it's only your desire and will that made this trip come true..... one that will remain in the heart forever.....and ever.

Tarn Taran...For Real

The Darbar Sahib, the gurudwara at Tarn Taran was actually as beautiful, as peaceful...actually no, more serene, more peaceful, more beautiful even, than the golden temple. 

It was spell binding. Entering the space felt like being held...like being engulfed by this feeling of expanse and serenity. It mesmerized I believe.

The path leading upto the Gurudwara. You don't see the sarovar until you walk through that gate ahead.

The sarovar is enclosed on all sides by what they call the parikrama, the meditation chambers.

Entrance, you walk through  this water pool. Water's nice and warm, which feels heavenly in that cold.

Mom, not withstanding her bad knee, took this huge massive step to get a touch of the water. And I was simply shocked at how, until I figured how the space had taken over. It just inspires.

The old gate

Me. Background, all those arches, they are the meditation spaces.

The meditation spaces run all around this massive sarovar

The main Gurudwara building

I thought that made an interesting picture. Mom was totally oblivious to this group walking behind. Interestingly, most of them had not just the little kirpans, but the big ones the swords. No connection, but just saying.

Outside the temple. That's phulkari work, the Punjabi handwork on textiles.

The sarson ( don't know what the singlular is) plants being transported. He made such a sweet picture

Way back I asked Savinder if we could stop for chai, and he said 'Langar ka chai peethe hain', and he took us to this small gurudwara where there's langar tea all the time. It's served in these shallow bowls.

(courtesy Google Picture)

Savinder said "हम्हारे पंजाब में, जो भी हो या न हो , कोई एक आदमी भी भूखा पेट नहीं सोता है ! हर जगह गुरुद्वारा होता है और खाना ज़रूर मिलता है !"   (In our Punjab, whatever else true or not, one thing is, no one person ever goes to bed hungry, there is always a gurudwara nearby that provides food)

I thought that was really powerful, and something to be rightfully proud off. You could hear it in his voice.

Thanks again to Savinder.....he changed the texture of our visit.

Lost in Time - Namita Gokhale

A fascinating and wonderful read.

Made me feel like I was listening to a magical story.....on a rainy day, warm blanket, steaming cup of coffee, when anything can seem true. Couldn't help but pause to wonder at her wonderful style of writing,  the humor, the wildly imaginative mind, and the depth and profundity of story.

Lost in Time - Ghatotkacha and the Game of Illusions by Namita Gokhale.

A story on time travel, and a strange and intense friendship between a fourteen year old boy from Gurgaon, and Ghatotkacha, the first born son of the Pandavas.

Young Chintamani Dev Gupta, sent on on a bird watching camp at Lake Sat Tal, finds himself transported through a time portal to the times of the Mahabharata during the Dwapara Yuga, and meets Gatotkacha and his mother Hidimba, and an amazing friendship grows between him and Ghatotkacha. One that seems to be able to segue across any kind of difference.

"I am the rakshasa Ghatotkacha, born of the lord Bhimasena and the lady Hidimba. I rule over the hills and vale, jungle and stream, to protect the spirit of the forest and all who live in it"

Ghatotkacha  introduces himself, and the gentle giant, using a mastery of illusions and  rakshasa technology imparts some very simple and beautiful lessons, on love and the elemental forces of nature. And intertwined is Chintu's love for Ghatotkacha, the fascination for his time travel experience...... interrupted by cravings for Pizza and yearning for football. Wonderful stuff.

Was an absolute  joy to read !

Tarn Taran

What a lovely name for a town.

Yet another totally chance finding. Second day of trip, we've done Sadda Pind in the morning, a second visit to the Golden temple in the evening, dinner in a simple daaba, and back home fully satiated. We have nothing much planned for the next day, and our flights only in the evening.

We'd decided we'll just stay home and read. Thanks to long flights, we were well set on books :)

Night, all set to sleep, mom picks up this little book on Punjab that's sitting on the bedside shelf, and says "Smitha, take a look na, there's some interesting stuff in it about Amritsar"

I browse a while..... and this name Tarn Taran, I just kept rolling it around on my tongue for a while, and it rolls so beautifully. In a while I'm like "what a find ma, this looks doable, an hour from here, there's an interesting sounding place, 'tarn taran', want to go?".

She's like 'what's in it?'

"Not too sure ma, sounds like another Gurudwara...but actually chumma only, we'll go?"

She was fully game, I so love that about her. Her ability to go along with vagueness and spontaneity. (likely that gene is from her :)

First thing in the morning is a frantic call to Savinder.

He's like "abhi aana hai?......tarn taran? haan jaantha hoon........wahan jaana hai? ......kyon?"

"bas, aise hi.....jaa sakthe hain?"

He was here within half hour, and we were on our way. Through a beautifully foggy morning, going through country side Punjab, across these exquisitely beautiful yellow sprayed fields, 'sarson da keth'.

Mom daring the cold to get off the car for that nicer picture, or maybe just to experience the space. At that point I generously asked her "want to go sit in the front ma?". "No, I'm fine". Then the hesitant, "I'll go?". And she's like "antha daddy laaga ne nuvvu". 

And you realize that when with parents, you will never fully move away from being a child. You can resist it or flow with it. Well, I moved to the front, chose to smile and flow with it :)

When we kept seeing signboards that read 'batinda' it was sounding familiar, and then it struck. Jab we Met, this lovely road trip movie, and it somehow felt like we were on the right road too :)

A drive like this, countryside Punjab, and we were like, even if there's nothing in Tarn Taran, we're good.

I love the fog filled pictures of this post.......will do actual Tarn Taran in the next :)