Belief System

'Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of them' - Epictetus

Belief systems are the basis for the stories we tell ourselves to define our personal sense of "reality". Every human being has a belief system that they utilize, and it is through this mechanism that we individually, "make sense" of the world around us.

We all have our own set of beliefs........which create a framework for our perspectives, our values, our world view. Our beliefs gets formed right through childhood...in early childhood from parents or other adults around us...... and as we grow, the social group around us..... we imbibe them through our underlying need to be loved and accepted.

Another major source is our own need for emotional and physical well being, to protect ourselves from painful emotions like hurt, loss, to create an underlying framework of self worth.

Becoming aware of our own belief system can become a useful tool in self awareness. Especially so, as many of these beliefs can also become self negating or self defeating. They become the very basis of the stories we tell ourselves which cause us hurt and pain. 

Here are a few instances to get how they can work;

If our belief is 'I must be a success in life to be worthwhile'; When this pushes you to work hard and you succeed it's a good thing, but on the other hand if you experience failure or a set back in your career, you could slip into a feeling of worthlessness.

If our belief is 'Being punctual reflects character'; when you have someone who is not necessarily the most punctual, you could judge him on a much larger personality scale, or when you get delayed at times you could be unforgiving on yourself.

If your belief is 'I need to be there for the family to be a responsible person'; While in itself it can be a positive thing, there's many a time when it reaches a space where it doesn't give us permission to being any other way. 

And what's interesting to note is that a lot of our beliefs are absolute. Any breach is a reason for judgement;  they do not allow too much place for flexibility.

It's useful to become aware, and when you catch yourself in a vulnerable or low space, to see which of your belief system landed you there, and how irrational that belief really is. 

Here are some Irrational Beliefs suggested by Psychologists, Albert Ellis and Davis:

1. You are helpless and have no control over what you experience or feel
2. When people disapprove of you, it invariably means you are wrong or bad
3. Happiness and fulfillment can only occur in the presence of others, and being alone is horrible
4. It is absolutely necessary for an adult to have love and approval from peers, family and friends
5. You need something other or stronger or greater than yourself to rely on
6. People are fragile and should never be hurt
7. Good relationships are based on mutual sacrifice and a focus on giving
8. Your worth as a person depends on how much you achieve and produce
9. Anger is automatically bad and destructive
10. It is bad or wrong to be selfish

This is by no means a comprehensive list....but knowing we all have our own, is a good first step to figuring out which ones are working for you and which not, or more significantly that none needs be absolute......that there can always be other perspectives which could be as true.