Listening

The more I learn about listening, the more there is to it.

If I once thought I listened well, I now know how,  it can also be a process of continuous growth.  

This kind of ties in to what we spoke of the other day in difficult conversations.......that we all have our perspectives, own framework of rationalization........... and when we listen, we typically take in through that framework. That would create an automatic process of interpretation, judgement and reaction.

We need to watch out for that.

To be able to really listen, we need to be able to set ourselves aside. And to set aside, you first need to know. You need to know your own framework, your feelings, your thinking....so you can actually step out of them and then listen. Listen not just to what the other is saying, but to what the other is feeling.

(while listening applies in a lot of spaces, this becomes imperative in emotion or feeling based conversations)

First off, why is listening even important?

Because, as it turns out, 'being heard'....'being understood' is one of the most fulfilling, and unfortunately not so easy or commonplace, as you'd think, of experiences. Can be with a friend who has been through a difficult situation or something as simple as listening to your little one narrate her experience at play. It's what makes the other person feel they matter. It's so worth it.

A nicely said piece from 'In the path of the barefoot counsellor' Fr.Joe Currie

"Listening is more than hearing. It's not about let the other person speak, or about giving advice or opinion. The basic purpose is to really understand the other person. We are constantly speaking the language of feelings, but rarely listening at that level. If you don't understand how a person feels, you haven't understood him. 

What the other person wants above all else is to be understood. That would make it active listening. You cannot listen to another unless you are listening to yourself. If you cannot hear your own feelings, you will never hear theirs."