Ricky and The Flash

This was possibly my first Meryl Streep movie in a theater, or atleast after a long long while. Possibly after Kramer Vs Kramer, so in itself a treat. 

It's Meryl in a  really different kind of gig.... she plays a rock 'n roll singer and guitarist.... and I thought she put the stage on fire. When she's singing on stage, I almost forgot it was a movie, and wanted to clap after a number. The energy she brings in is captivating.

Her love interest in the movie was played by Rick Springfield, an Australian guitarist, and per girija, he was h.h.hot . Music was good, it had something like 12 to 13 numbers, mostly by the band Ricky and Flash, his band.

But in terms of a story and depth of emotions I thought it sort of fell short, unless the intent was to do a shallow touch of some really complex and deep feelings.

She is a one time wife and mother, who left behind her husband and three little children to follow her dream, and she is called back to be with her daughter, who is depressed and suicidal because her husband left her for another woman.  It's about her chance for redemption kinds, how she deals with the resentment and anger of her three children, the difficult daughter, a son who is engaged but doesn't want his mother at the engagement, and the other son who is gay but feels she never accepted his being gay.

She struggles with the whole situation, you see signs of pain, fear, guilt maybe.....she does what she can, and does it the way she knows best, even if it means getting her daughter to skip a therapy session and have an evening smoking marijuana. And it seems to work too.

The eventual loyalty to her dream and clarity of thought was endearing. The nice part was that she stays loyal to her dream, her music and is comfortable admitting to the world that she might have fallen short as a mother in giving to the children, but the one thing she could give was her music. 

The scene of a confrontation with her husbands wife was well done, where the now wife is this cocksure, confident, nice person but who puts Meryl into a defensive position as she's showing her who's mom now......and in that state Meryl is at her weakest and the cracks show....but guess it goes to show those cracks could surface, long as you can deal with them and deep down you fundamentally know.

Also, liked the last scene at her sons wedding, where she's standing by the side with her daughter, which was like the final acceptance from the daughter, and this was played by her real daughter, Mamie Gummer. This one....

Another Meryl Streep winner....as just a movie, I'd say ok,ok.....but if you're a big one for Meryl Streep and or for Music, you should go.

Thanks Girija, and with this, you sure become our full time planner for movies and events :)

On The Paradox of Friendship and Separation by Simone Weil

This came into my inbox this morning, a write up by Maria Popova, and I guess it touched me somewhere deep enough to want to put it  'as is' in here:

"Friendship is one of life's greatest graces, and yet we hardly understand the gossamer threads of sympathy and love by which it binds us together. C.S. Lewis likened it to philosophy, art, and the universe itself in that "it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival." Aristotle saw it as a mirror we hold up to one another. For Emerson, it was the product of truth and tenderness. For David Whyte, it is "a mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness."

One of the most profound meditations on friendship comes from French philosopher Simone Weil, 1909 - 1943, a woman of immense insight on such complexities as how to make use of our suffering and what it takes to be a complete human being.

                              

It is a fault to wish to be understood before we have made ourselves clear to ourselves.

To desire friendship is a great fault. Friendship should be a gratuitous joy like those afforded by art or life. It is one of those things which are added unto us. Every dream of friendship deserves to be shattered… Friendship is not to be sought, not to be dreamed, not to be desired; it is to be exercised 

Friendship cannot be separated from reality any more than the beautiful. It is a miracle, like the beautiful. And the miracle consists simply in the fact that it exists.

In keeping with this Zen-like notion, Weil argues that the sympathetic communion of friendship is a complement, not a counterpoint, to our essential capacity for solitude:

Keep your solitude… When you are given true affection there will be no opposition between interior solitude and friendship, quite the reverse.

But Weil's most striking stance of friendship bridged the philosophical with the practical – the very survival of her ideas is the direct product of friendship.

In June of 1941, when the antisemitic laws of the Nazi administration barred her from teaching philosophy at the University, Weil decided to work on a farm in the country for the same reason she had labored incognito at a car factory some years earlier – to better understand the human experience and its most trying dimensions. A friend of Weil's introduced her to a farmer named Gustave Thibon, six years her senior, who she hoped would take her on as a worker.

                                      

In the introduction to Gravity and Grace, Thibon – who eventually became a philosopher himself and lived to be ninety-seven, outliving Weil by nearly six decades – recounts his initial skepticism:

I am a little suspicious of graduates in philosophy, and so for intellectuals who want to return to the land, I am well enough acquainted with them to know that, with a few rare exceptions, they belong to that order of ranks whose undertakings generally come to a bad end. My first impulse was therefore to refuse.

Still, he relented and took a chance on this earnest young woman. The relationship, Thibon writes, was "friendly but uncomfortable" at first and the two "disagreed on practically everything." But he soon came to see that Weil was indeed one of those rare exceptions – her combination of sincerity, goodwill, and genius won him over and the two developed a deep friendship that outlasted Weil's weeks on the farm.

In 1942, as the Nazi occupation drove Weil out of her homeland and she reluctantly headed to New York, Thibon met her at the train station. She handed him a giant portfolio of her papers with the instruction of taking care of them during her exile. And so he did, binding them with the thread of friendship into a lasting volume of ideas that continue to ennoble and illuminate long after Weil's untimely death – Thibon curated her writings for posterity, in the truest sense of the word, which has its roots in the Latin cura, "to care for."

In a letter to Thibon, included in his book Simone Weil as We Knew Her, Weil writes from America:

The joy of meeting and the sorrow of separation … we should welcome these gifts … with our whole soul, and experience to the full, and with the same gratitude, all the sweetness or bitterness as the case may be. Meeting and separation are two forms of friendship that contain the same good, in the one case through pleasure and in the other through sorrow… Soon there will be distance between us. Let us love this distance which is wholly woven of friendship, for those who do not love each other are not separated.

In the introduction to Gravity and Grace, Thibon shares another 1942 letter from Weil, which further speaks to her idealism about friendship:

Dear Friend,

It seems as though the time has now really come for us to say goodbye to each other... Human existence is so fragile a thing and exposed to such dangers that I cannot love without trembling.

I also like to think that after the slight shock of separation you will not feel any sorrow ... and that if you should sometimes happen to think of me you will do so as one thinks of a book one read in childhood. I do not want ever to occupy a different place from that in the hearts of those I love, because then I can be sure of never causing them any unhappiness.

A few months later, Weil left for England, where she died on August 24, 1943, at the age of only thirty-four. Her ideas, collected in Gravity and Grace, endure as the book one is always reading in childhood – that is, in the sincerest, truest, most ennobled part of the psyche.

Decision Making

People often say that they find it hard to make decisions.

Unfortunately we all have to make decisions all the time, ranging from trivial issues like what to have for lunch, what to wear to work, right up to life-changing decisions like what to study, what kind of job, who to live with, where to live....

Some people put off making decisions by endlessly searching for more information or more clarity, and meanwhile maybe have the 'no decision' become a decision, or have the decision taken for them.

When I start with Calvin, I can't seem to stop :)

Anyways, not sure how cultural it is, but I think it's highly influenced by culture, atleast in India we know. Here, neither our parenting approach nor our education system really gear us for decision making, leave alone good decision making. 

Parents mostly just make the decisions for children, they largely don't think it's even required that children be involved in a family decision. Leave alone family decisions.....even decisions to do with the children themselves. 

I remember when Dhruva had his hair to shoulder length, and someone said to me that we should get it cut. I was like, 'he likes it, it's his hair, let him be.... and he won't let us anyways'. And they were like, 'what do you mean he won't let you, just take him and get it done'. A very typical attitude. 

Our education system...... just that bit worse. They don't even motivate or encourage any original thinking......it's mostly rote and reproduce that gets rewarded, so decision making never seems to come into the picture.

Quite naturally the outcome would be that as adults, we are ill equipped to take decision. And net net....most folks are happy letting decisions get taken for them, and most things are done...well because that's the way it's always been done. They seem to forget that they have a choice.

Maybe that’s why people who do make decisions will say, 'I’m a very determined person, once I make a decision, it's done, there’s no way I’m changing it'. And that’s something that's like a credit.... like a good thing. God knows how, but its stuff people are proud of. 

In this sphere, one thing which I learnt, again at Google......... a seemingly innocuous lesson, as simple as its sensible:

When you take a decision on Monday, and there's a factor that effects it on Tuesday, revisit your decision on Wednesday.

The Celestine Prophecy - James Redfield

The Celestine Prophecy is a spiritual adventure, weaving into its fold  beauty, energy, coincidence, auras, psychic phenomena, mystical experiences, engaging the flow...all towards a spiritual awakening.

I'd read this book twenty years back, and did a re-read now. Back then I read it with wonder and fascination, as it was my first exposure to the concept of energy underlying everything, especially being controlled by thought. Today I think I read it as yeah sure, this is what it is, yet enjoyed it as much.

He basically talks about how nothing in life is a co-incidence and how we can tune into the energy of the universe to increase our own energy, and how we can use this energy to have better and more energized relationships, at an individual level and an evolution level.

It was the biggest selling title in the world for three years in a row from 1996 to 1999. And what's best is that it was just word of mouth that turned it into a hyperseller. In fact it was self published, and it's when it started catching on that Warner bought the rights. 

Reactions to it apparently, fell into two distinct buckets; 'It is utter trash' and 'It changed my life'.  I'll undoubtedly fit myself into the latter...... anything mystical has been my thing since I was ten I think, actually even before, considering I was named using the Ouija board by my grandfathers spirit, with my grandmother as medium :) 

The underlying theme is what I found interesting this time round; an emerging humanity-wide consciousness, which kind of fits, it's also what is spoken of in another iconic book 'The Autobiography of a Yogi' by Paramahamsa Yogananda. And it so fits the story of all these new age spiritual gurus and the growth of their following.

Like, the 'Art of Living' is having their silver jubilee event next year and they are expecting a whopping 35 lakh people from across the world, and they will all be doing the sudarshan kriya at one place at one time. Imagine the energy vibration that can create. Could be an amazing experience.

The book talks through nine insights that will change the way you look at yourself, your relationships, and the world. It is set in Peru and ,it's made me add Machu Picchu to my 'to see' list. 

The idea of synchronicity was first postulated by Carl Jung, but Redfield revived interest in it by saying that coincidences were happening more often, to a greater number of people, and that they were somehow linked to our evolution as a species.

Start watching for the ones that happen in your life, and the more you become aware of them, and the more you connect to the energy, the more you'll find them happen. Really :)

As the author notes in the introduction, this tale will appeal to seekers who know that "life is really about spiritual unfolding that is personal and enchanting — an unfolding that no science or philosophy or religion has yet fully charted."

How do we relate to our external circumstances

How much do external factors influence our inner well being?

No, it's not an obvious answer. Think about it. It's all about how much you LET it happen. Atleast, I'd say, that's the aspirational space to be.

                                                          Diksha, doing something inception style with the camera

This piece of gyan came to me first, the hard way, like twenty years back. I was working in IDBI Bangalore, and I wanted Leave to go to Hyd, and I go tell my boss. He looks at me and very casually says 'you seem to be always on leave'. You wouldn't believe impact. I got so upset, and so mad that I walked out of his room with not just high adrenaline but tears smarting my eyes.

That it may have been in jest, or casual, or the truth...all became irrelevant, I was hurt and angry and that's all that mattered.  Anyways, I walk out and pick up a random newspaper, and through those tears this small snippet caught my eye. Guess God put it there :)

It said, Íf you let others influence the way you feel, it means you are giving them control over your life'. And something just clicked. Manogaran controlling my life? No way. I wasn't going to be giving Manogaran any level of control over my life. Again ego I guess, but it worked; and poof....all anger and resentment was gone.

That worked brilliantly for Manogaran, and with it a lot of other facets, but it took me years and years and years before it worked for rest of life. And just when I thought I'd gotten to where I wanted to be, life gives you these jolts to show you you're still in process :)

But considering it's aspirational space and all that, let's see how it can be enabled, what does it take to be so grounded that the control vests within.

A loose form of Tamasik, Rajasik and Saatvik:

• I let a lot of things rattle me......I function majorly through the ego or I easily move into victim space
• I'm mostly at peace...... I've risen above most things, but there's an inner circle of influence that continues to impact me
• I'm beyond it all, nothing touches me........Highest level of awareness and consciousness

We could identify where we are and where we'd like to be. Maybe use a scale of 0 to 10, with say buckets of 3, fit ourselves in and then set a goal. There are ways and means of moving up that scale, so many tools you can use. 10 can be the utopic space, so we'll leave that out for a while.

A key is to have these core principles that guide you, just have your own and bring them up when you're in a dilemma. Also awareness. There's this guy who wrote this book called 'The art of thinking clearly', in which he talks of errors of thinking, and he says when he has to make a decision, like a major decision, he actually runs through it like a checklist to make sure his thinking is not caught up in those errors.  Our mind is way more conditioned than we think, you know.

If one can center oneself enough to let that clarity come in, it could be an interesting road to take.

I'm going to try :)

On Giving - Kahlil Gibran

You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked,
through understanding;
And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive
is joy greater than giving.
And is there aught you would withhold?
All you have shall some day be given;
Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be
yours and not your inheritors'.

And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies
in the courage and the confidence,
nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride,
that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.
For in truth it is life that gives unto life while you,
who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers... and you are all receivers...
assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke
upon yourself and upon him who gives.
Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;
For to be over mindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity
who has the free hearted earth for mother, and God for father.

Labeling Emotions - A Deep Dive

'The ability to recognize and label feelings is a core component of emotional mindfulness.'

We've spoken about Living in Mindfulness. Even the Cherokee tale of yesterday is essentially that, right....be mindful of which wolf you're feeding. 

So let's go a little deeper, like a 101 on mindfulness, and maybe this will be the sequel to the emotional intelligence post, which to some sounded like just a teaser :)

                                        

Apparently, it is difficult to properly identify and label the myriad emotions we experience on a regular basis and there is growing evidence that as a culture we are largely emotionally illiterate (Gratz & Roemer, 2004). To draw an analogy, we are constantly taking black and white photographs of the very colorful scenes of our lives.

Simply put, this is to say that, one, there are multiple emotions which we need to be able to recognize and understand, in order to be able to better navigate. That said, it's not an endless list and with a little effort, you'll get pretty good at it. What's to watch out for is when they come nuanced or disguised, as it's not uncommon to simultaneously experience multiple emotions, sometimes even conflicting emotions.  Then other times, feelings may seem to switch rapidly between one and another. But once you start to label, you'll find it getting easier by the day. It's just like in any other sphere; practice makes perfect.

Now, why do we need to label? Can't we just let it pass. You know it will go away, so we typically either push it away, or distract ourselves.  Well.......you can be sure that what's pushed under the carpet is accumulating as baggage.

Instead of trying to push an emotion away, the idea is to draw it closer by feeling it, identifying it, and putting a label on it. Recognizing and naming an emotion can have a powerful effect on quelling it and enabling acceptance.

Psych professor Matthew Lieberman, calls it “affect labeling.” You can use affect labeling to help yourself and others. Using brain imaging, Lieberman and colleagues noticed that when asked to label a strong emotion, research subjects showed less activity in the amygdala and greater activity in a region of the brain associated with vigilance and discrimination.

The less aware we are of our emotions, the less likely we are to figure out how to best regulate them. (Vine & Aldao, 2014).

If you want to control your emotions better during difficult conversations, do something counter-intuitive: Give up trying not to feel them. Instead, put a label on them.

For the sceptics.....does it take away spontaneity? No, mindfulness helps handle the negative emotions and thereby build healthier relationships....no ones saying fiddle with the positive ones. Let those flow and be as joyful as they can be. 

As a practice, emotional intelligence enables more empowering relationships.