Musings

As a child I had this huge diary for noting down quotations which touched me. I had a nice collection, and I spent a good many hours with the book.

I guess they must have been inspiring ones, and hopefully over the years they seeped in at some level...,.......and hopefully some manifested in some form too

A little older, I had this online space ( it was earlier a book, and about ten years back I brought it online) called 'Random Stuff'

It has just that...stuff...anything and everything that caught my attention, from within or without.

A few years back that got retitled 'Musings'...and while still personal, I find that it has some interesting learnings...my aha moments, maybe not too well articulated, but it's still there in essence. 

A resolution this new year is to sieve through that, and see what from there can be put here, so here's one:

Let's Own Ourselves

Can we take more ownership of ourselves, own the whole of us...our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions, our actions.....

We're all so used to holding circumstance responsible... either a situation or role or a person or persons.

Pause for a moment and see how much of your happiness (or unhappiness) you are holding the outside responsible for.

The happy space is good space, let it be. Pick the not so happy space.

Let's ask ourselves...'what is it giving me'. Why am I putting up with that unhappy space?

Take an honest look at what shows up. It's giving us something right? Be it a trade off, or a fulfillment of ego, your sense of responsibility, your love, your security, your commitment, your need.....can be anything.

Let's take a couple of daily life examples:

A guy takes his wife shopping on a Sunday evening. He's hanging around outside the changing room, and in his mind are these nagging thoughts. I didn't want to come, What a pain, I hate shopping, I could have been watching cricket.....on and on. Really? Nobody held a gun to his head right. He took her shopping because he knows she'd like that, or that she'll be mad if he doesn't, or he feels he owes it to her..whatever. The choice was his.

I want to watch a dance program. Husband doesn't want to go. Daughter is busy. I want to go alone. Then the fear...Will they let me, what will my mother in law say, my husband might be mad, or worse, sulk....yet, the choice is mine. I stay.  I choose to not face the consequences, because it's less effort, easier for me.

It would be good to become aware and acknowledge that.

Awareness of why you are there....knowing it's what you at some level want, or need....it'll likely enable shift from a space of resentment to acceptance.

Just to know that we are where we are, out of our own choice.....it's Empowering

Arrival

A film that touches deep....it touches the heart, and then..... it touches the mind much more.

                                    

By genre it is Sci-Fi and Aliens, but it's very different perspective. It's really more about time, freewill, meaning, language, compassion,....and really not so much about speed, or space ships or space travel. 

It's a couple weeks since I've seen it, and it's so thought provoking that I was actually hoping to catch it one more time before writing about it  (sadly didn't)

The concepts are subtle and layered, and it looked like Denis Villeneave intended it to be such. It challenges thinking, forces questions. 

There is the sudden appearance of twelve gigantic spaceships at different locations around the world. Louise Banks, (Amy Adams) a linguistics professor is chosen to lead a team of investigators to find a way to communicate with the beings within, find out why they're here.

There's a strong focus on linguistics, using the real world theory of linguistic relativity, which states that the language we speak effects the way we think. Here Louise's effort to communicate with the extra terrestrials, enables her understanding of time without an order, and thus her experiences are not just flashback of memories but a cognitive experience in the future as well. Her future self influences occurrences in the present, in parallel time, so actually terms 'past' and 'future' take on a whole different connotation.

As the story unfolds, Louise realizes that having her daughter, knowing she was going to suffer cancer and die young was still a choice, a choice her husband chose not to take. He leaves..and she has the baby. This can be looked at as having the choice to change occurrences, or living the occurrences with the choice of  'how' to live it, based on the knowing.

The movie also nicely brings out how little the public is told about what's actually happening, how leaders across the globe attempt to work together, and how country head insecurities tether nations on the verge of war. War not just against the Aliens, but also among the nations. Is the driving force insecurity or compassion.

While the cinematography is breathtaking, the sensitivity with which the communication between Amy and the heptapods (as they are called) is handled is as breathtaking.

I'd say it's above all else a  philosophical film, asking some deep questions on free will, personal responsibility and non linearity of time.

Still hoping to watch again.

Moving A Conversation Forward

From Seth

Moving a Conversation Forward

That next thing you're going to say, what's it for?

Is it to advance the conversation, to get a client, to make them go away, to find intimacy, to share a truth, to ask for help, to offer help, to pass the time, to learn something, to teach something, to build trust...

Talking about the weather is a stall. Stalling has a function, but it's not the best we can do.

Intention opens the door to forward motion.

The Lenovo Experience

Towards the end of last month my laptop started throwing up an error, a repetitive error, which needed me to restart each time.  I was beginning to worry......because if we now know the phone is considered an extended mind, in my case my laptop is more so.

I was sitting with this worry, unsure of what to do....which I guess we all do with our body as well right, not go see the doc until it gets bad. Did the same.

Finally it happened. On Dec 31st, almost symbolically....kaput...wouldn't connect to wifi. ( That's as good as crashed to me, google loyalist see...I don't even use word and excel...only cloud computing). 

I then get into action. Called Just Dial to get the service center numbers. It's late at night so I need to wait till working hours next morning ( not easy...my morning starts with my laptop). I keep trying and finally get through. That guy asked me some preliminary questions and says some technical stuff...and the only thing I registered is  'you'll have to leave it here for two days'. My heart sank. 

I then decided to call customer care. Went through that whole IVR process, not once but three times, it's tough to crack. But so so worth it........because end of it, I got this angel online. 

He was so amazing. He said you can either take it to the service center or you follow my instructions. I said 'follow instructions'. He gave me detailed instructions....hold your breath....for almost two hours. And it was like magic. Error gone. In fact he was sweet enough to say, I'll call you two days later to see if it's all fine, and only then will I close the case.

And through the entire process he was so genuine, warm and reassuring.... he was exemplary, not just in his work, but as a human being, it just came through (for instance, in between he says..take off your ear phones, put phone on mike and go, this step will take ten minutes, I'll call out when you're needed) 

I could have given him a hug, not just for getting my laptop going from the comfort of my home...but also for making an otherwise difficult interaction so pleasant and easy.

I write here about it, because it's wonderful when we come across those blips of absolute beauty in the most unexpected places. Janardhan gave me a wow experience...as consequence he's made me into a lenovo lifetime loyalist. Whether it was just him...or his company....they've definitely got something darn right !!

Savitribai Phule

Till this morning I had no idea who Savitribai Phule was.

                                    

I was on Google, and the doodle caught my attention. I'd already clicked for my search word, but I found the picture stayed in mind, so I opened again just to hover over the doodle. The name then struck....'savitri' is one of my favorite characters (from the amar chitra katha times :), so I clicked.

                                               

What an inspiring and interesting story, a social reformer (1831 to 1897), one of the first generation women's reformists of India....I read about her almost open mouthed

Just look at the list...she raised a voice against child marriage, organized a strike against barbers to prevent them shaving the heads of widows, had a well dug in her house for the lower castes who weren't allowed water from other wells, opened and ran a care center for pregnant rape victims, founded the first women's school, was a poet....and died while caring for plague victims. 

It initially felt heavy even to read....and to write....but just pause to think of her. It's just so inspiring. It takes so much courage and intelligence to think and live like that. Couldn't help but wonder what she was made off, and what it must have taken to do all that she did back then. When people talk of societal norms and believe that they ought to be followed just because so many people believe in it, it's nice to have a story like this to remind us all over again just how very meaningless, and even cruel societal norms can be. 

This is where I love Somerset Maugham's 'If 50 million people say something foolish, it is still foolish'.

Also to thank Google....it never ceases to amaze.

Recap ' 2016

Continuing with the recaps... this is recap of peak experiences of the year.

Last year, 2015 was crazy high on travel, I'd done twelve big trips between personal and work and it created a proper Travelogue 2015.......this year I'd say is more of an internal journey, equally.... if not more, significant.

I share my peaks here ( I might be leaving out the troughs..... saying, just so you don't think they weren't there.... I had pretty major ones )

Earlier this exercise used to happen through my diary, a longish process, and maybe more intense too.... but like with so many other facets of life, today it's much simpler. I just need to browse through the archives here, and....ting...... they're all there :)

1) Visit to Mastani Mahal:

I so fell in love with Mastani after watching Bajirao Mastani, that on a trip to visit Dhruva, I added it into agenda. And it was adventure for sure...actually needed to trace it out, and I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said it was pretty close to a rendezvous. Thanks Sagari, for being company on this.

What stays with me is not just the poignancy and profundity of the visit, but the deep satisfaction today, that the post on Mastani Mahal is by far my most read one.

2) Road trip to Coonoor:



This was a special trip for more reasons than one. A road trip with Diksha is an as is cherished experience.......it was also a true pushing the boundaries for me.

I'd never driven the ghats, and I used to believe I couldn't.  Figured that the 'couldn'ts' are mostly in the mind.

We were toying with the idea of a road trip, but were thinking closer home...then sudden inspiration from a movie, and we decided on Coonoor. And it had so many experiences built in......the drive itself, Coonoor, Sans Souci, Isha Yoga Center.

Deech....just saying again...a trip that'll stay close to my heart forever and forever more.

3) An Intensive Course on Hypnotherapy:

This was one of the whackiest, yet most fascinating courses that I've done. Deep learnings that so stretched my belief systems....and have left me surely richer for it.

In fact last week Monica, a friend from Parivarthan asked me how I'd rate that course as against Parivarthan's, and I had to really think  to say:

The hypnotherapy course was an external experience, it altered my world view, even if a lot of it was about the subconscious mind, (it's also about the collective consciousness and so almost breaks barriers between the external and internal), while Parivarthan is an entirely inner journey. I know myself like never before.

4) A One Year Program On Counselling At Parivarthan:  

This is yet ongoing, but eight months into it, and I just want to send up a prayer for having found this space in life. I think it found me. It was such a chance happening, and now I know it's not just my present but my future too. I'm shifting career to Counselling, so life changing in more ways than one.

The other day my personal counsellor was asking me about it as well, and I told her that on my death bed if asked for the significant events of life, the course at Parivarthan would in all likelihood be somewhere on top of that list

5) Closing of the SELCO chapter

While this is not peak experience in terms of joyful, it was still end of a truly cherished chapter in life. The spectrum of experience through SELCO, in terms of emotional connect to rural India, implementing the Entreprenuer Fund Project, and the travel it enabled across rural Karnataka and Bihar, and Orissa...over the top experiences.

6) An Interview With Dad



Why this became way more significant than just a regular chat between father and daughter. Once we did it in the form of an interview, I found that it enabled a connect and acceptance of a situation at an altogether different level.

Also realized it's a great way to enable a connect into experiences and memories which are by far our most cherished possessions. 

6) The Kittens Story



While this can't technically be said to be my doing, for the extent to which it impacted life and for the experiences it forced and enabled, including Goldy's rescue or giving me a new name, it's getting a place here.

7) Shaam-e-Mehfil in Hyd



An evening devoted to singing old old hindi songs, with farmaish from mom and dad, singing by mom (and me too)...such a beautiful evening, that it just stays through its musical.... and I guess, emotional feel (add in the wine and it feel out of Omar Khayyam)

Hoping to do more of those on trips to Hyd

8) Trip to Mahabalipuram

 

While Diksha was at the beaches of Mahabs for a month,  I visited for three days. Was an altogether different kind of holiday....never stayed at a shack before....it was fun, different kind of fun, as the camaraderie shared is like nothing I've seen before.

And it couldn't have been more secular........we covered the Velankanni church, a dargha at Nagore, and temples at Kanchipuram

9) A Trek at Channanarayanadarga



This was a sure once-in-a-lifetime experience....for the simple reason that I'll never do one again. It was so horribly scary. I'm game to walk any distance, but mountaineering is just not my thing.

Again just for that reason, the sense of achievement it gave us was massive. All in hindsight. Sujata, thanks for the experience ( I was looking for another word in place of thanks :)

10) A Rainbow Bonanza



A rainbow is just one of my favoritest things in the world. And that evening we had a spectacular rainbow...a full arch on the horizon, quickly followed by a double rainbow, an absolute first for me in Hyd, and my parents balcony offers this amazing view of the horizon.

Also tells that you can have brilliant experiences right in your backyard !!

And to all those who've shared in the joy, been there to lend a shoulder, been part of life, put up with me, trusted in me......a deep thanks.....you matter.

A Second Interview With Dad

I'm starting the year here, with an interview with my dad.

The thought of an interview with dad came out of rather specific space......'the diagnosis of a life threatening aneurysm, and his decision to not go for surgery.....to let life take it's course'.

My effort was to capture his emotions and thoughts through that process. And that was 'An Interview with Dad' done in Aug '2016.

On his 83rd birthday, a month back (I wasn't in Hyd...thanks Ravi and 

Diksha, and ma, for enabling the celebration)

By the time we were at the end of that interview, I knew I wanted to do another one....... a not so specific one. We did one over the visit to Hyderabad last week. The context was plain and simple....capture his frame in the present.

The interview setting was with my mother and brother present, and there were quite a few surprises for all of us, dad included.  Opinions of his which surprised my mom, Instances from his life to which Praveen was like 'when did that happen?', Other interesting experiences which none of us knew of. Even an attribute which started with one answer and ended with a diametrically opposite answer.......... Yes, also a process of self discovery for dad himself.

So here goes:

Me: What about your present do you like most...pick a couple if needed 

Dad: The leisure which I have...'nothing to do'. I get up, read, eat, watch TV, and go back to bed.......get up, browse a little, read, eat, go back to bed.

I enjoy the fact that I have nothing to worry about. Correction, I have nothing to worry about for the future. My only worry is how to manage the pain today (his knee)....should i use oils, tablets, calipers, walk......maybe do some more research on pain management, but that's it.

No financial worries at all. 90% of worries are typically about financial worries...and I no more have any.

Second, I enjoy kitty....and feeding the pigeons, it gives me a lot of satisfaction

Me: What makes you happy

Dad: Having 'no problem around me'

Everything quiet around me is good. But ‘crying’ anywhere disturbs me..even a dog crying disturbs, most distressing is cruelty in any form to animals.

And sometimes it's all so quiet that I look for worry.......I'll start with Diksha, then Dhruva's course, then I'll think about you, how you are managing.....or I'll think about Praveen, his not getting a tenant, how serious it is....will they listen to me

When I am peaceful, suddenly these thoughts flash in... 100% peaceful is not possible. Even when I'm reading, I'll put my book down, close my eyes and I'll start looking for what to worry about.

Me: So, when you have worries, they are about the family

Dad: No, if I think about others, the next thought is....they can take care of themselves. My concern 'centers around me first.......'how will it end'...'when will it end'

Me: Is that scary daddy...'how will it end'...'when will it end'

Dad: No, not really, because I also know that there is no insurmountable problem...every problem has an inherent solution.....when the time comes the problem will take care of itself. But the thoughts still come.

Me: Okay, moving on....tell us two facts or facets about yourself that we don't know

Dad: I'll tell you one time when I was very scared; when i was learning how to fly, we do about twenty four hours of dual flying with the instructor, and when they think you are ready, you have to go solo.

This day, we did a dual sortie, landed....the instructor just got off, abruptly in the middle of the field, and told me to take off.

I took off, and I took off quite well, but when I was coming in for landing, I completely forgot how to land. I blanked out. I was in the grip of panic, I thought I was going to crash at that moment.

Then somehow everything shifted to instinct. The instructors voice came back into my mind....throttle back..throttle back...stick back .....stick back.....it all played out;

It's only after I landed that I started to sweat profusely..it's a moment I can never forget. (Dad flew many hours of solo after that, and got his pilot’s license)

A related fact, A weakness in me is that I don't plan, maturity is very low. In fact that's how I moved away from flying. I regret that.

Another thing I regret is quitting my job, it was a wrong decision (he quit government service when he was 48)

Me: What is the biggest risk you took in your life

Dad: Quitting my job. You were still in college, Praveen was also still studying, nobody was settled. We didn't have a house. The only thing I had was a pension. I'd call it a blunder....but somehow it worked out. I was so keen on quitting that I took a vow that I'd shave my head when they relieved me....but I think it was a mistake.

Me: What makes you sad

Dad: Any suffering anywhere makes me sad, including animals...actually, especially animals, because they cannot even tell.

Poverty makes me very sad.

The state of affairs in the country , especially seeing people in the queues who need money for their daily living, standing in queues for their own money......people suffering because of this.....it's the helplessness I feel...as this fool is in charge...makes me angry and helpless

Me: Tell me 5 words that you would associate with yourself

Dad: 

1. Inquisitive...Curious

2. Courage ( also very fearful, but I will act on the knowledge that nothing will happen)

3. Love Travelling

4. Very careful with who I associate myself

5. Love for animals

6. Easy sense of humor ...but not sportive about a joke that's on me

( this evoked a lot of discussion, in fact he got pounced on with 'what???? you can't even take a joke' and that's how he added the second bit of non sportive :)

Me: It's gotten too serious, let's ease off....so tell me some of your favorite foods

Dad: Sweets...Rasogolla and Sonpapdi, then...Poori Aloo, Masala Dosa, Tomato Rice....Spicy podi

Me: If you could take three things from here into your afterlife, what would they be 

Dad: 

1. good book to read

2. TV

3. good bed

Me: What makes you angry

Dad: Insubordination

Me: What does insubordination mean to you

Dad: People not listening to what I say

Me: People who

Dad: Anybody.......I agree it is wrong, but I still believe I am correct

( I had to put in effort to stay in the role of an interviewer, and not slip into that of an indignant daughter there...for that matter, Praveen and mom didn't need to and they didn't.....because we now saw where the expectations come from)

Me: What are two of your favorite pastimes

Dad: Reading and Watching TV. Serious watching is ‘Animal Planet’, ‘Discovery’, ‘National Geographic’...and then I'll also browse other channels

Me:What is the one talent you wish you had

Dad: Writing

Me: But you did write

Dad: That was a technical book, that's different

Me: Who are some of your favorite authors?

Dad: Thomas Hardy, Amitav Ghosh, Kushwanth Singh...I mostly like non fiction

Me: What was your greatest extravagance?

Dad: A visit to the US when you both were very young, Mummy's sister was sponsoring her ticket, I had savings for my ticket, but I wanted both of you also, so I sold my scooter to buy the tickets.

Me: Wowww, thanks, in case I didn't say it then, which I'm sure I didn't. Ok....moving on...so, what do you think is your most overrated virtue

Dad: My own intelligence. I think I'm very intelligent, but I also know there's a lot more out there

Me: What do you appreciate the most in your friends

Dad: Intelligence. High level of general knowledge

Me: What would you say are a few of your largest achievements

Dad:

Living life through in spite of so many hurdles and difficulties....still making life comfortable.

While in Govt Service, though we were mere cogs in the massive wheels that drive the huge country like India, still we have done our bit – like discovering underground reservoirs in remote dry areas, discovering and convincing the authorities that 'Basalt' is an alternative to 'concrete’, which I did when I was working as a Geologist at the Ukai dam, across Tapti river. The Ukai dam was built with Basalt, at a fraction of the cost of concrete.

Starting my own consultancy service after I quit, and running it successfully is an achievement

Writing and publishing a book

Bringing up my children, both of you.... shared with mummy on equal terms too.

Thanks daddy, for the honesty and enthusiasm... it made it so worthwhile and interesting

We ended on that note, though more for lack of time. If I ended my first interview in July feeling I want to do another one, this time I have ideas not just for a third interview but for a few more, as I realized two things through the interview. 

1) there's so much really interesting stuff about his life that we don't even know, and we would love to know

2) that reconnecting into the past.... into oneself, enables not just a reliving of memories but also changes in the present.

There are possibilities to relive achievements, make peace with regrets, acknowledge strengths, recognize issues, let go of worries....and if lucky even discover some new perspectives about oneself....and above all, to definitely bring in joy.