The Excruciating Opening of Blind Spots

This is a pretty personal story, and I did hesitate on whether it's a bit much to put up here. But then, it's what getting out of comfort zone is, it's what breaching boundary walls is, it's what being transparent is.......all stuff I talk about, I believe in.....so here goes.

I found myself in a rare, sulky mood one recent morning. I knew it was triggered by something Diksha had said or done (or not said or not done). No amount of reasoning with self could shake it off....in fact the more I resisted it, the more it seemed to settle.

One part of me understood, felt it was justified........but then there's times emotions do not listen to reason, and this was one of those.

I was in the grip of a low.

She tried talking... I responded with mumbles and shrugs; she probed... and I graduated to indecipherable words.

Evening she messaged, and I was still abrupt. She's like 'why are you being like this ma, what is wrong? I changed topic.

She says.."so you are choosing to ignore my question"?

I ignore that as well.

Bad behavior on my part.

Now this behavior, roles reversed.......... I would have been livid. (I would have felt snubbed....I'd have been thinking... 'I'm trying to talk, I'm trying to find out, I'm making an effort.....and you're just being stuck up')

And there came my lesson.

She handled it so differently. She dropped asking. She instead pulled two rabbits from the hat. She very gently, over the evening had me into one, and then another activity that we do together...stuff I so love doing with her.

So subtly and beautifully done.

Left me with a huge lesson learnt. That there's spaces I have double standards. And that's been a blind spot for a long long time. If there's one thing I couldn't stand it was 'double standards' and I would have never believed I had them.

A painful seeing......has taken me years to admit....but well....the time had come.

Deech.....for having shown me that mirror. Thanks.

Self awareness is such a dynamic process, and no easy one (A nice tool to understanding blind spots - The Johari Window). An open mind...feedback...insights and it can be a nice journey, albeit adventurous too :)