Dear Zindagi Again.....

It's a new 'aha' kind of moment for me.

I love going to the theater, watching a movie on big screen....... the all enveloping experience, the larger than life feel.....but sadly, I'm so picky about the movies I watch, that I don't get to go as much as I'd like to.
                       

Over the last year, I've noticed I look for excuses to go a second time. Someone needs company, I want someone else to watch, I like that song....duh, duh, duh. And I find that each time I watch, I enjoy....in fact I see more.  Or atleast until I do, I go.

So when I suggested Dear Zindagi again, and Diksha was like, "are you sure ma..... you can watch online you know",  I was like "na, I've now decided, no more excuses, if I like a movie...I'll just go as many times as I enjoy it" So we both did a night show yesterday. And needless to say I loved it...and yes, I did see more too

Maybe this time round I also looked more from a therapist lens, so I thought I'd write from that perspective. Maybe like x number of learnings.

1) Self Respect above everything else, please: Our society tends to confuse self respect with selfish. You think of yourself and you're called selfish. And a fundamental truth like....'If you can't respect and love yourself, there's slim chance you can do an honest job of it with others' is entirely missed.

Sometimes, giving up on something, losing out on something might turn out to be the biggest turning point of our lives. It's important to know which battles are okay to give up or lose..... because they end up giving us our deepest lessons in life.

2) Don't self critique based on societal norms. Belief systems are mostly formed based on external opinion, and it's possible that our own belief systems can be dragging us down.

It's not about others opinion of you, you need to get totally comfortable with yourself, and other opinions will naturally cease to matter. It's about getting secure within yourself.

3) Grieving is completely okay; If you can't cry wholeheartedly, how can you laugh wholeheartedly.....it's in essence about the extent to which you use your 'expression scale'. Identify and express your emotions.......You will likely also experience life on a similar scale.

"बचपन में जब रोना आता है, थो  बड़े बोलते है आसूं पोंचो। जब गुस्सा आता है थो  बड़े कहते हैं smile ताकि घर की शान्ति बानी रहे, नफरत करना चाहे थो इजाज़त नहीं दी. And जब प्यार करना चाहे थो  पता चला ये साल emotional system ही गड़बड़ा गया, काम ही नहीं कर रहा, Cannot function."

When a relationship ends, you deserve to heal yourself. Don't rush into the whole process of 'being okay'. Sometimes not being okay for a while is very important for being really okay.

4) Sometimes it's fine to choose the easier way: It helps to keep this in mind in times of conflict, especially between emotional and practical, or emotional and professional as is the case with Kaira....especially when you know you are not ready to handle the tough path. In essence, you don't have to always be right. It's what works best for you.

5) Know what matters to you....who are the people who really matter, who you share an intimate relationship with

It's the five ( give or take some) who you share an intimate relationship with. Intimate as defined by 'people who you can be completely yourself with, they will accept you with not just your strengths and virtues, but also your weaknesses and vices..... who will understand your moods, your dreams, your spaces. It is their opinion that you could listen to, as they understand you, think for you, the rest of the worlds opinion really does not matter.

6) Take Ownership, don't let your past continue to determine your future. Allow your parents to be human... get them off the pedestal. Allow them their mistakes, allow them their human errors. This will enable and empower you to take ownership for your life in the present. No more excuses.

7) Most of the therapy happens in the very relationship between therapist and client...from the space to be themselves..discover themselves. So, build trust, however long that takes. 

8) Seeking help and sharing vulnerabilities comes from strength, not weakness: It's a common perception that when we seek help......when we seek counselling, it means we are not strong enough

With Kaira....is she seeking counselling because she's not strong enough? She cannot cope by herself?

Kaira is a more intelligent, bold and self determined piece of work than most people are......enough to know when she's in a dip...to know that you can stay there and struggle, alternatively to proactively seek help and grow out....and when you grow out, you grow out stronger....and happier.

So to know...It takes intelligence, awareness, confidence and courage to seek help. To accept that the best of us, at some point can be caught up in emotional spaces, that the rough and tumble of life can get to you, that life will throw those curved balls at you. Do we want to just stay there and fight the swamp ourselves, or can we hold that stick that's available.

And to know that when we get out of there, you're one up for the experience

It's like tending to a garden.....but then to remember, gardening is tough and continuous work. Also to note...the more love and care and weeding done, the healthier and prettier the garden.