At what point in a relationship does awareness kick in, like to not get caught in the Sunk Cost Fallacy?
This thought came out of a conversation with a friend. She's like..."Do you have a your type of guy? Do you think they exist? I've just broken off from a relationship, and I'm hurting too, cause it was good.....but you know what? He wasn't my type at all."
I have two anecdotes that come to mind:
This thought came out of a conversation with a friend. She's like..."Do you have a your type of guy? Do you think they exist? I've just broken off from a relationship, and I'm hurting too, cause it was good.....but you know what? He wasn't my type at all."
I have two anecdotes that come to mind:
Kutti and Rani are two adopted strays that came into our life totally out of the blue. One fine afternoon, Diksha walks in with this scrawny dirty looking puppy whose mother died in an accident on the road, and she couldn't bear to leave the puppy alone. She said, 'just one week, till he can eat on his own, and I promise I'll find an owner ma, please'. So I reluctantly took him in. End of the week, Diksha was ready to take him away, but I'd gotten too attached and he stayed :)
And then two months later Rani, this cute little kitten came into our lives. This picture above captures their first meeting. In a few days they were best friends. It was wonderful to watch them playing together, so cute and so endearing. In a few months the play started to get rough, and we'd see Rani go hide on the car, then disappear for a couple of days. And then she missed him I guess, so she'd come back, get battered and go into hiding again. This went on for a while.....until I guess she became aware of the sunk cost fallacy, and she disappeared :)
The second one:
A conversation with a friend from Google comes to mind. This friend was dating this girl and after a period realized she was just not his type, her priorities were different, she was possessive, kind of negative in outlook too, and while they had fun together, there were these issues. And one day he's like, "do you think she'll ever change? will we reach a space of peace?" And I'm like...'Sure, I think we all do rub off onto one another and when you're giving so much space and freedom, she will eventually get into more positive space". And he's like...'sure...rub off eventually huh? by which time I'll be a nice rounded shiny ball" :).
And I think that says it.....it can happen, we can find that balance I guess, but like any difficult goal it's about putting in that much energy and that much effort. And we need to figure out if it's worth the energy and effort.
It's about how positive the journey can be. A relationship cannot be sustained on hope, it's got to be in the here and now.
Crack the now...... and you'll have it going.
I enjoyed this post and the picture..Your question "At what point in a relationship does awareness kick in?" reminded me of two quotes:
ReplyDelete1. That was the beginning and the idea seemed so obvious to me that I fell deeply in love with it. And, like falling in love with a woman, it is only possible if you don't know too much about her, so you cannot see her faults. The faults will become apparent later, but after the love is strong enough to hold you to her. So, I was held to this theory, in spite of all the difficulties, by my youthful enthusiasm. —Richard Feynman, 1966 Nobel Prize lecture
2. In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,
For they in thee a thousand errors note;
But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise,
Who in despite of view is pleased to dote;
- Shakespeare
I think it's not enough to just have the awareness, it's about knowing what you know what will be your next step? that makes the difference. Pursue or Ensue..:-)
Hey Kiran, Glad you liked the post and the pic...love the pic too. And 'awareness' does include knowing what you know, you know :)
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteLove happens because you cannot see faults. But later when you see it ,can it withstand the pressures of these faults??? Wondering.
Girija, straight and blunt..so you :). But yeah, that’s the whole crux of the issue, and that’s where you start to question the whole edifice of an institution that demands that you stand by the commitment irrespective of anything, a lifetime gone in managing and coping. That’s where I love Osho, who talks of living by your heart and mind, a more authentic life.
ReplyDeleteAnd Kiran, I love Feynman too, forgot to add the thanks there earlier :)
The love becomes a habit over life time .one becomes frightened to accept the fact that love has died and has been replaced with emotions like care,duty,need,etc etc.
ReplyDeletelove is the most dynamic emotions.it cannot be forever and for one and only.