Sunday, November 9, 2014

We are our own biggest obstacle

This has been one of my all time favorite stories:

One night, driving through an interior rural district, was this man who suddenly found he had a flat tyre. He got out of his car and went to open his boot, only to find that he didn’t have his jack.

He waited around hoping for a car with a kind driver to pass by, but in a while he realized he was on a more lonely stretch than he had thought. He started to take note of his surroundings, and all he could hear were frogs and other insects, no human noises anywhere.

It was then that he noticed a light in the distance, and presumed it must be a farm house. He was sure a farmer living so far from civilization would have a jack, so he decided to give it a go; he had no other option anyways.

So he headed off towards the light. Trudging along in the dark, cursing the darkness of rural countryside, and wondering how people managed to live in such stark areas, he walked. He was sure the farmer would actually be happy for some company too, considered how there seemed no neighborhood worth its name around. It was the only light he could see for miles.

Five minutes of walking and he tripped on a stick and felt the splash of muddy water, he’d tripped into a puddle. Cursing, he tried to dust off the filth and found his designer shirt getting dirty too. As he walked along he was thinking to himself. There’s a chance the farmer won’t even open the door, what with all the crime and murders coming up in the news on regular basis. Why would he open the door to an absolute stranger? After all even murderers today come slickly dressed and dapper looking…damn those fancy crime serials.

As he drew closer he got more concerned. He thought, I’ve now walked all this way, and likely, even if the farmer opened the door a few inches, he’s likely to say he doesn’t have a jack just so he can avoid opening the door completely. And he’ll likely even slam the door in my face for bothering him at this odd hour.

At last the desperate man was at the door, and he was hesitant to knock, apprehensive of the reception from the farmer. But having come all the way, he decided to knock anyways. He knocked.

The farmer opened the door. And before he could even complete his sentence, our dear friend found himself saying ‘WHO WANTS YOUR STUPID JACK ANYWAY !!?!!’ and turned back and walked away.

                                    

This story brings out how, all of us tend to work ourselves up through these little stories in the head.

I know for sure that I have suffered consequences on account of this.

I think we invent these stories in an effort to understand the other, the world and then prepare ourselves to handle it. It’s a defense mechanism of sorts. Either to protect ourselves from possible disappointment, or to keep our own image intact.

For example, when we get into argument, we’re willing to blame the other person for it, and let ourselves off the hook by saying we were only reacting. Just as our friend in the story, he was actually reacting to the story in his head.

Sometimes the stories could be true, but just as often they are not. And what’s unfortunate is how if we tell the story with creativity and conviction, we totally believe the story, and then we don’t even make the effort to seek out the truth. We’re typically getting stuck in it. And when the circumstance gets repeated,  we would tell the same story again and again, and we develop so much faith in it that it ceases to be a story and becomes our reality. It can be extremely damaging to relationships.

So what can we do? Instead of preparing for the worst or imagining the worst, maybe it would help to keep an open mind……to just wonder what it might be and not presume things, not build stories.

Let’s try replacing our stories with a genuine desire to learn the truth. May actually be less fun than thinking those horrible thoughts; it’s true you know……. we actually enjoy the drama of feeling a victim.

But knowing the truth is definitely more effective and can actually enable healthier relationships. Maybe that way, you’ll actually get the jack when you need it, repair your punctures and be on your way !!

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