My latest crush

Anuradha Roy

While I usually pick up books based on recommendations or reviews, this one was a casual pick up at the airport.

And I was hooked right from the first sentence. Actually, no, I think from the very title. But like they say 'don't judge a book by it's cover'. With Anuradha Roy, I feel you can. She seems to give so much thought to title and book cover.

And the nuances and feel of the story to come seem visible right from the very start.

It's the varying nuances and her ability to dive in and out of layers and layers of human emotion that I found so endearing....a writer of great intelligence and subtlety. 

At a larger level, it can be said to be a period drama, as it is set in the background of World War I, and then you see this personal story unfold. It's told through the memories of an older Myshkin as he relives his love and loss of his mother ....... his mother, the beautiful and free spirited gayatri, who was in search of herself.

Through the narrative we see Myshkin trying to understand why his mother made the choices she did......and even as told by Myshkin, if you choose to, you can hear her voice independent of his understanding, spaces he chooses to not see. Exquisite.

She also interweaves her characters with some well known names of the times, like Rabindranath Tagore, Begum Akthar, Walter Spies and Beryl de Zoete (the latter two I didn't know but read up about after). 

I was so taken in by her, that yest I bought all her books, she has four to her credit, and I'm so looking forward to an Anuradha Roy immersion. Did say crush didn't I :)

Meet Kavati Jayashree.......

What could have been a casual and indulgent three hours turned into a deep and inspirational three hours......true for Jayashree, and true for me.

Last week was my first experience with 'urban clap', I've been hearing so much about it, I decided to open out of curiosity. It is such a neat and beautiful interface, evidently well designed, as I ended with booking a 'salon at home', which was by no means my intention when I started. 

Two days later, at exactly the allotted time of 3 pm, in walks this petite looking lady, in urban clap uniform, a huge backpack and suitcase in tow.

She set about her business rather professionally and I was quite impressed.

Over the next few hours we got talking, and somewhere along I found not just an interesting, but an intrinsically courageous story starting to unfold. Until towards the end I was surprised and touched when she says "I don't think I've spoken so much to anybody else.....you must know more about my life in two hours than anybody else does"

A story worth knowing.

While it was no formal interview, and I was in no position to take notes, what with masks on my face and cream on my arms.... I'm still going to present it as one from memory, as it was actually a way longer chat than any formal interviews I've done.

Me: So Jayashree, since when are you with Urban Clap?

KJ: Two months, this is my second month. 

Me: Aah..still new....is it working well for you? 

KJ: Very well. 

Me: Were you working elsewhere before? have you quit? how does it work?

KJ: I have my own salon at home, and before that I have worked in four to five salons.

Me: How did you hear about Urban Clap?

KJ: Urban Clap also has house cleaning services, and one of my relatives works with them, he told me about it.

Me: What is the process? Do they have many eligibility criteria?

KJ: Yes, they have an interview, with a long and detailed demo. Plus they need ten years experience. Actually, before the interview, there was a death in the family and I could not go, I missed the interview date and they said I can't join. I kept going and meeting them, saying please please please, give me an opportunity. Finally they agreed, and during the training, they called me aside as an example to others saying "look at her persistence, this is the attitude we need"

Me: Wow, that's wonderful, that you got in through sheer persistence.

KJ: Yes, and then they have training, where we have to take our own clients and practice on them,  and that was also very difficult, to find people who are willing to be demo clients........and then they also have an exam. It is quite tough.

Me: So, getting in itself sounds like quite an achievement. And what you're wearing is their uniform? It's very smart. Do you like it?

KJ: Madam, the first day that I wore the uniform I cried. I cried a lot.....because I felt so proud to be wearing a uniform. I always wanted to join something which has a uniform, and this was my way of reaching there. 

I had to drop out of college because my father passed away early, and that's when my sister made me do this beautician course. I didn't like it then, I didn't want to do this job.

After I got married I did a lot of jobs but it wasn't working out. That's when I decided to go back to this, but it was many years and I was out of touch.  I started by practicing on people at home, then gradually started doing it for neighbors at half price. Over two years, I saved up money and then did the course again. That's how I restarted. I faced a lot of opposition to going into this line,  but I was determined, and now I enjoy it a lot.  And now I am also earning very well.

Me: Wow, that's sounds like a long journey...one that's touching and impressive. You must have a lot of courage to do what you wanted despite opposition. And persistence, to have saved money yourself and done the course. And now with urbanclap....this sounds like it has pretty much changed your life.

KJ: That is true madam, it has changed my life. But it was very difficult madam, and I was also very scared sometimes. I was not allowed to take the training at Urban Clap, but I still went and did it. Within one month I have earned so much that I was able to help people at home through some difficult situations. But still people get angry. They say I have become arrogant because I am earning well.

Tell me madam, I have told you so much about me....I don't know how..,,,but tell me, how do we handle such situations....

Me: So Jayashree, first tell me, did you ever think you would be earning so much in life?

KJ: Never madam, not even in my dreams could I think I will earn so much (I could see the tears brimming in her eyes as she seemed to look right into my soul as she said it)

Me: Jayashree, what you have become because you are earning well....... is confident, independent, courageous.....not arrogant. So say 'yes, I have changed, not just because of money, but because of all that...the growth, the exposure, the confidence, the independence....that's a lot of new things in life...... accept it, own the change, don't get defensive about it. You've earned it and you deserve it. 

And I'm so happy to have met you, and to be sitting here and listening to your story of grit, courage......and success. 

You can be an inspiration to many others Jayashree

( I was so amazed at how keenly she asked, listened and absorbed)

The feel had become so heavy that even I had tears in my eyes, and needed to quickly lighten space...."so, how do you move around with so much luggage?"

KJ: I use Ola ma'am, in one month I spent ten thousand on Ola.

O Wow....Congratulations and Good luck Jayashree...... and keep that smile and that courage going !!

Also, a huge kudos to UrbanClap and Ola for enabling this level of empowerment to so many people, especially women !!

What's with people !?!

This is not to say each of us is not different, and that each will be what they are....it's rather on observation about the points at which they intersect

One sunday, early morning, a couple sundays back, I was on my way to kbr for my walk, I was almost at kbr when I got a call from my mother, an sos call saying come. 

I turned back right away.......I was about fifteen minutes from home. Something in her voice had conveyed a deep sense of urgency. I tried to hitch a ride back home. I thumbed down atleast five cars, even cars with couples in them. But not one stopped. In two of the cars I could even see the couple talk to themselves over the decision.

While I ran walked home, and we got to the hospital on time, and that ended well.......something on this stayed with me, this inability of people to respond to an unusual situation.

Look at the situation.

Evidently a walker from my tracks and shoes.... no autos there so early in the morning......worry writ large on my face......an age which should not evoke suspicion............how much of a threat could I have looked.

What stopped them from stopping for me? 

Fear..........lack of trust...........lack of discernment........inability to be adaptive.......stuck in their own worlds......lack of empathy .......what?

Likely, some or all of those.

I write because I'd like for this to be a nudge, for whoever it can be, and definitely for me........if that were me in the car, I'd like to be someone who stops.

Chilled Out....

Well, this one as literal as metaphorical....likely more

A story about my fridge. The fridge conked out a couple weeks back, rather one part did. The deep freeze component continued to work, and until I could sync my time and the LG guys time,  we pretty much managed with the deep freeze section alone. 

One fine day the guy comes, spends ten minutes looking into it, says "the defreezing is not working... it's an over fifteen year old fridge... this model no longer exists.... so can't get spares"....net net he said I needed to buy a new one, and then charges me 464 for the visit.

While I was thinking I might need to get a new one, advice (good and solid) floating around was to check with the local repair guys.

Yesterday finally, just back from a nice 'chilled out' trip, I called just dial to say "I need someone to repair my fridge please".

Just that.... no make, no model, no nothing. And within a couple hours, I had Azhar and Basheer at home. 

Half hour on the fridge....some intense work on it.....a pcb replaced, and the fridge was purring so beautifully.

And ofcourse it was chilling out. It and me.

I was so engrossed in watching what they were doing, that I forgot to take a picture while they were at it. When I asked them for one later, they were like 'photo kyon madam?'. Told them about the blog and how this would add as expression of gratitude and joy.  That extra smile was so beautiful to see....for them and for me.

Numaish - A Nostalgic Visit

Anyone who is even part hyderabadi knows the numaish....it was just such an integral part of growing up in hyderabad.

An exhibition, at one time said to be the world's largest industrial exhibition, that comes to town every Jan, since the last eighty years.....thus dating back to the pre-independence era. Apparently this year they got the name 'Numaish' trademarked .

There was a time when we'd make multiple trips each year, one with parents, one with boy friend, one bunking college with friends. (must confess, we did some crazy naughty things, like even shoplifting trinkets from shops for the kicks.......omg, so difficult to even admit to it). And ofcourse the giant wheel, the motorbikes in a round globe.....the mirchibajjis et al.

And at one time we used to even shop there....bedsheets, clothes, keychains....and definitely the calendar.

After many many years we did a for-old-times-sake visit this year.

When mom later asked how it was, I found myself saying "it's exactly what it's always been ma.....just that we've changed, the world around has changed....and it's just so not relatable any more".

But in there, the atmosphere is still the same, the crazy crowds, the little toy train, the dust, the stalls, the mini amusement park .....even the old city folks bringing food and picnicing in there. Quite amazing....like time from back then standing still. 

Yes, it was kind of like stepping back in time.

Rest in pictures:

Yes, that's how crowded it was :)

the little toy train that comes hooting along ....and it's fun to see how there's more adults than kids in it, and how it seems to bring out the child in everyone

a little cute girl who was evidently delighted by it all

a must have....the mirchi bhajjis

the picnicing

caught dhruva unawares with his kulfi

the queue at a marchi bhajji place....loved the curtain of mirchis

a quintessential part of the numaish, those little balls with a stretch rubberband.....used to be a must buy. Even today I couldn't resist that chat with shoiab akthar, and bought a bunch for the kids in the colony

the giant wheel, the merry go round, the columbus....all reminders of old time fun

this little boy was so cute, and this elderly gentleman was having such a sweet chat with him

this was like highlight....we parked here....dad's old old office, the Geological Survey of India, and as we walked by the entrance it was nice to tell Dhruva "thatha must have walked these very stairs so many times as a youngster, nice feel no"

Thanks ravi, for having gotten inspired enough to suggest we make an evening out of the numaish........was as quaint and interesting as nostalgia gets.

Nocebo......The Power of Fear

We're all familiar with the placebo effect.

Likely some of us are familiar with the progress in the field, with scientific research indicating that it is not as much  'just placebo', as it was thought to be earlier.....lightly and dismissively treated by many, especially in the field of medicine. 

Placebo is now known as that element which triggers the brains own pharmacy and has the most wonderous and efficacious of treatments. The trigger can come from anywhere.....the medication, the doctor, the alternative treatment, faith, hypnosis, anywhere. It's yet nascent, but appears to have immense possibilities.

Similar is nocebo. The darkside of placebo. 

Placebo and Nocebo are in essence the expectation set by the mind. If it's ruled by the power of fear, it could have aligned outcomes. It is said that nocebos are probably more powerful than placebos...and all evidence shows that the human mind finds them easier to create and they last longer.

This is because survival is the deepest instinct and there is nothing more powerful that happens in our brains and bodies than fear.

And if you think about it, from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense. Which is a more important feeling to have, as we’re surviving in the forest, fear, or hope and optimism? Probably the fear, because it’ll keep you from getting eaten by the lion. So it makes sense why it’s more powerful.

It's a legacy we carry. It's now about being aware. 

While fear is needed as a protector, what happens when we are overtaken by irrational fears.

In fact this is what caught my attention in what I was reading; the author giving an example of when he found himself irrationally fearful when his child was to be vaccinated. He spoke of how there was this one part of him that was overtaken by fear, and the other, more rational part of him that was embarrassed by the other part and he's like "i don't know this guy, I'm not here, I don't know where he came from".....and how the little boy said "does daddy need a lollipop?". And he says he did.

He talks of how even as a science writer, he decided to write about it. 

"I understand fully why anything with your kids is that much more powerful— why there’s so much fear around not just vaccinations, but a lot of things with your kids, because it’s our most vulnerable space. 

And at this stage what we need is empathy, someone who understands, who is willing to look at the fear and not the irrationality of it"

This awareness ties in beautifully to 'the most awkward thoughts are the ones that need airing'.

To acknowledge our fears,  know when they're irrational....and find the way to deal with them. Else they'll become your nocebos.

Aquascaping

A term I hadn't heard until yesterday....and one I learnt in the most beautiful of ways. From my son.

It's Dhruva's new found interest, and he did such a beautiful job of it:

We once had an aquarium at home, when the kids were little.....a couple plants, some stones and ofcourse some fish.  Now when Dhruva got one of his own, he's taken it to a whole different level.

So amazingly beautiful....that it looked like a work of art.

Aquascaping is defined as the craft of arranging aquatic plants, as well as rocks, stones or driftwood in an aesthetically pleasing manner within an aquarium....in effect gardening under water...and it may or may not actually house fish. It's almost creating a microcosmic ecosystem.

Caught an interesting (the reflection :) picture of him looking closely at some little transparent snails that have arrived in there, see what I mean by it's own eco system...

By the time I finished writing this post (started two days ago :), he got a little school of fish, here's one of them:

What also comes to mind is the extreme that he goes to in anything he does. Dinosaurs when he was little....he could name close to a hundred kind of dinosaurs...those were days I thought he might want to become an archeologist. And then pokemon....omg, leave alone him, I could name around fifty myself I think...gengar was my favourite.

Then harry potter, and wwf....music, football, movies.......it's fascinating to see that level of passion and attention to detail in anything he does. I see it again now...and I can only imagine how he must be with his filming.

Thanks for adding that new dimension to life, and that added beauty to the house kanna.....and needless to say, may you enjoy the experience !!