I recently heard a psychoanalyst tell how "we all often come across potentially life changing moments. It's our radars that need to be tuned enough to capture the Ahas in them. And then, does capturing them at a conscious level suffice? " Well, quite apparently not
Why? Why is it that even when an aha resonates, we yet have a problem imbibing it?
Because our subconscious drivers and motivators are way more powerful. Those are the ones which are already well imbibed, likely from childhood. There's ones that we identify with and own, and there's also ones we own but that don't serve us, what are called self defeating beliefs ....and they can become obstacles to growth.
They are the ones we need to let go off and replace with the ahas which we like, the learnings which appeal.....and that's the growth process, we could be on our way to living and being what we aspire to.
Needs that much more effort and awareness
Some of mine which have been either strengthened or reiterated over the year:
1. Clarity enables good decision making:
I can't emphasize this enough. Clarity is about knowing the 'why' and 'what' of anything from it's depths, from it's layers and nuances. It's more about yourself, and what makes you tick. Once there, you'll recognize it, because it's the space you know you know.
Clarity can enable you to be you. To be the you beyond role and societal expectation. It's what enables the seemingly unusual and difficult decisions.
Once you've sharpened clarity, you don't even need courage to take those difficult decisions ( you can use all the courage for the implementation thereof :)
2. Make a difference:
Do this beyond role and relationship. When you bring yourself a hundred percent to any interaction, there is a qualitative difference. It's about going beyond the role, being there fully in that situation.
It can happen with shopkeepers, cabdrivers, children on the street.....in whichever interaction it might be.... be it with family, friends, acquaintances, dogs, cats, cows...........if you believe your opinion or action can add value, care enough to put it out there.
It takes so much energy, that if we can do it even to the extent we can, we're in good space...and we'll yet make that difference.
3. With more freedom comes more responsibility:
In fact more freedom means more responsibility. Freedom is about choice.... It gives you the space to choose. There's no default, no framework, no role, no rule. Once you make your own choices, every moment thereafter is one of responsibility to live those choices.
4. Make Gratitude second nature:
When you feel gratitude, grateful you are already in good space, it means you have something to be grateful for. And when you feel good about yourself, you are quite naturally good to others. Nice to be good no.
5. Find yourself:
This is no static process.
Find those spaces within, and with others where you can be on that path of discovering 'you'.... to become comfortable with 'becoming'....and in that process meet yourself behind your mask... vulnerable, in process, flaws included,whatever. Invest in becoming a fuller you. There's a deeper fulfillment there.
A couple of quotes that say it so well:
Socrates - "the unexamined life is not worth living"
Virginia Wolff “a self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.”
6. Get past your own Assumptions and Presumptions :
Become aware of how many of our thoughts have no real basis. So many of them which we think are facts, are really only assumptions.
Assumptions are second nature to us, arising out of our own and societal conditioning. There's so much of ourselves and our responses to life which come out of these assumptions.
Worth making the question into habit...... Is this fact or is this assumption?
Like Buddha said "know the why" of anything and everything.
7. Own your Emotions:
What makes us, more than our thoughts, is our emotions, our feelings.
What would it take to recognize and own our emotions.... not just the good ones, but even the difficult ones. There is enough research today to show that you cannot selectively numb dark emotions. By numbing vulnerability and fear, you by default numb joy and excitement.
Feel them all, they are your pathway to a life that's enhanced and magnified.
8. Emotional Expressiveness:
Next step to owning those emotions, find those spaces in life where you can express them. Don't just talk thoughts, talk feelings. Talk vulnerable spaces. It's where you'll find the true stories, where you'll make meaning.
A litmus test is, if you're scared to talk of it, you are being vulnerable. It's what enables you to dig in deeper, know yourself that notch better.....and there's joy and fulfillment there.
Carl Jung - "The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it."
What are those spaces which lets you loose yourself. Where you are so engrossed that you loose sense of time. You are done, and you come out feeling so good, so 'put together'.
Find those spaces ....... be it an activity, a book, a relationship, a game, a place, a project......just about anything that can get you there. It is one of those most fulfilling of feelings, the feelings that add stories and meaning to life.
10. Let's get Generous :
No, I'm not talking just money, though that could be a nice starting point. Trust me, we each have a lot more in us which is of more value.....it could be our time, our thoughts, our words, our feelings.
And when generous.....be generous with self too; because, what you can't do to yourself, is difficult to do for another.
There's neither order or priority to this, it's just about which ones will resonate, which ones talk to you......to me, it's my year end recap again.
While primary source for ahas is personal experience and conversation with friends, I'd like to add here thanks to Seth Godin, Maria Popova, Christa Tippett and Jason Gots for having been consistent thoughts provokers. These are all folks whose writings I subscribe to, who've in a sense replaced my newspaper......and I love that they are a part of life.
