An Old Writeup

Did I Miss Writing - Dec 21 '2016

And how....

Ever since I started to blog (August 2014), I've never been this low on writing. The gaps I allowed myself were only travel gaps, so this made me wonder. I was very much in Bangalore, not in a full time job, the course gave me enough time.....yet I wasn't writing.

It made me step back and look deeper into the space. What's that relationship made off. ( the me with my writing one :)

And I got some startling answers.

It's pretty literally space to connect into oneself.

Writing can be ( is) in essence such an internal process, like a space inside of you that you make connection with........it's space to feel, to process, to be. And when that space gets taken up by other stuff, be it the life of detail, the demands of relationships, the concerns on specific issues, deeper internal processing........poof, it takes away this connect space.

My clock might show me available hours, but the connect may not happen. The mind space is taken see.....

Guess I did yesterday's post on 'know thyself' for a reason (nothing happens without reason). Maybe actually used 'meta cognition' to see what's up....look to what's blocking....all that jazz.

Made me all over again understand what being in the flow is....and to watch for how we can unknowingly, in a default kind of way, slowly drift off. And then to make a conscious choice; let the drift be for a while, the reason makes sense.... alternatively, to reconnect.

Taking the choice makes you realize that 'writing happens not when one has time, but to enable time'. Time is not a concept out there....it's the clarity inside the head........and that's what enables a lot of time, time to do all the things you want to do.

Enables living more consciously.

I've Missed Writing

And how.....

It's been two months. When I sat down to write today, while I thought I'd write about the visit to Tirupathi that I'm just back from, what came first was this thought that 'I'd missed writing'.

And then it started to feel like a deja vu. 

Pluses of a blog, almost like an alter ego space. I went and put in search word 'writing', and I was amazed to read what came up from two years back....so close to what I'd want to say now, that I decided to just post the same thing :)

A couple things I'd like to add though; while I primarily write for the love of writing itself, to hear it was missed is a whole other wonderful feeling : 

Mom: " I think my ipad has a technical glitch, I've been trying and it's each time opening an old post". (glitch was here ma, not in your ipad)

Vijji aunty calls, and even without a hello says "What Is Wrong With You??!!?? "(well well, closer to the truth than you know aunty :)

Swaroop: " what's up Smitha akka.....the silence is deafening"

Girija "It struck me only now that if not for your blog I would have missed so many wonderful, meaningful stories, events, thoughts.....it's what I start my day with.....really missing it re..."

Now you know why that wonderful feeling. It added so much more meaning and feeling.....thanks much for having let me know.

ooops....forgot to add the other post. Will do that separately, this one can be just to get into the feel of being back :)

Tumbbad

A film that I'd say reinvents horror in Indian Cinema.

A visually stunning film about folklore and metaphor and greed. Greed not just of man, but even God....demons not just out there, but as much within the mind.

Visually rich doesn't say enough of the brilliant cinematography, in terms of atmosphere, open landscapes juxtaposed with gripping claustrophobia. The incessant rain, which also the village is cursed with. create some stunning landscapes. Beautiful and eerie. Even to pick a picture to put in here, I got lost in looking as each is like a stunning painting.

A beautifully structured film, that gets told in three chapters between 1913 and 1947, with components of folklore, horror, drama and beauty.

It's a story set in Tumbbad, a cursed village that has created a temple to a god who was shunned for his greed. Ancestors of the god, continue to manifest the greed.  There's horror so yes, there are demons too. 

Rural Maharashtra of the pre-independence era......Brahmin patriarchy, the caste and gender oppression, the demons of greed....are all enmeshed into one weave of evil. It can't but haunt and overwhelm. 

It's rigorously and gloriously detailed, and I read later that it was seven years in the making, and you get why. And what's fascinating was to learn that Tumbbad really exists, close to Pune, and the film was shot in the Wada (fort) there. And what's more, the village does have a legend of a hidden treasure too.

I'm not going into storyline as it's yet in theatres, and I'd strongly recommend, especially the opportunity to catch it in large screen, so don't want to be a spoiler.

I'm not one to watch horror, but with Dhruva's strong recommendation, and willingness to come with me a second time,  I guess that one part of me caved. With reluctance I booked. And in the car when he said "amma, if there are scenes in the film you can't handle, don't get up and leave ok, just close your eyes and ears", I was all set for a real trip. 

It delivered that and way more. So so glad I went. 

Ungodly hours?!?

4 am.....yes, 4 in the morning

That hour today became our overlap time......Diksha hadn't slept yet, and I'd just gotten up.

We caught sunrise alongwith coffee, music and a movie. And the ungodly hour became oh so godly.

Some of our favourite songs, videos on youtube. Then came a song from Moana, and then one from Tangled, and then from Beauty and the Beast.

Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorites, and I'm telling her I could watch that any times over, and she's like "Up to watching now" ??

Well, why not was the thought... and we settled down in the kitchen and watched. 

And as with any great book or movie, each revisit throws up new stuff. This time I saw what I believe ought to have been the most obvious. The actual transformation of the beast. How had I even missed it?

Fairytales see. When you start with a fairytale frame, you already have this storyline 'good prince......wicked witch.....a spell .....the kiss of a beautiful princess....and they lived happily ever after"

Earlier times I'd seen how she falls in love with him as she sees layer by layer get revealed. She was the heroine.

It's only this time round that I saw layer by layer getting transformed ....and not just revealed. Suddenly he was the hero. Was fascinating.

To capture the mood: A song by Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson

Me Too

No newspaper, no TV.....yet what news needs to reach me, I believe, does.

The 'Me Too' movement is one such. The first I heard of it was a couple weeks back from Dhruva, when he asked " Did you hear of the Tanushree Dutta accusation of Nana Patekar amma? I've been following the US Me Too movement, and I'm so happy to see it picking up in India as well",  and that triggered a long discussion on it.

Apart from being glad that women are finally finding the space and the voice to speak out, I also felt good just listening to him be so vocally supportive.

Especially so, when what I'm hearing on the other end is so many men being critical... almost playing victim. To the extent of saying "I'd be scared to hire women in the work place", "I'm now scared to even talk friendly" "There are women who will misuse it".....and so on and so forth.

So sad.

That so many women have lived with it for so long is seemingly not visible to them. I know hardly anyone (my age group) who hasn't faced some form of sexual abuse or sexual harassment at some point in life. To think women have finally found the courage, the strength to overcome the stickiness and difficulties to talk about it........the issues it carries with it once out, and to not be even understood by their own male peer group.

Where is the fairness in this?

And this fear of misuse, which these men don't seem to be able to see beyond..... I can see two arguments against it. 

One; what it takes to come out is so sensitive and painful, that most women would cringe at the process, (look at what Chetan Bhagat's doing), and the courage it needs can come only from those who've suffered it. 

Two; no one's saying all women are paragons of virtue, they (we) are as human as the men. So even if there is a segment that does misuse, is that reason enough to let the rest of the female demographic suffer and suppress in silence?

What would it take for these men to know that all that's being asked of them is to understand 'consensual'. Or is that something that's not part of their lexicon...  part of a larger social issue of equality. 

Is what they are afraid of just simple 'fair and equal behavior' ??!!??

Wonder in your backyard

As metaphorical as real.....and as real as metaphorical

As incident, a couple days back I was just setting out for my morning walk, when Diksha and I got into a deep conversation. While my walk time went past, not wanting to interrupt the flow, I stayed put.

At 7.30, we're kind of done and she's like, "no, no, you should go....you've just about started walking after a two month break, so just go ma".

I went, and on impulse, instead of doing my usual route to KBR, I decided to walk the opposite way. I kept going into lanes and by-lanes I hadn't been in before. Allowed myself to get fully lost. And I was amazed to find that it was indeed an interesting and beautiful walk. Some lovely streets, beautiful houses, squirrels, old trees, and bonus was discovering two cute little parks.

In Pictures.

One of the parks I discovered. And I walked in to find just one lady walking, and then she comes up and says "aap lock karke chaavi wahan dena". Apparently a government park, but privately maintained. Nice.

Another angle of the same park.

A pretty lane

I love these bright yellow flowers

One of the streets

The BSNL tower plot from the opposite side...so old time it looks

Such pretty Bougenvillae

Another park, with a fancy name. It's called the hornbill park.

Another side of the park

Sure was an interesting walk. And what stayed with me was just that; 'the wonder in the backyard'.

Why did it take a negative stimulus like getting delayed for my walk, to even discover such pretty stuff ?

How much do we allow ourselves to be limited by our own patterns ...real time or in thought?

I'd read a quote recently: "Cages are made not only from rods, but from thoughts".  So fits !

Original Wisdom

'Original Wisdom - Stories Of An Ancient Way of Knowing' by Robert Wolff

A book that you feel, more than read.  

Robert Wolff, working in Kaula Lampur got to stay with and know several of the aborigines of Malay. To the extent that he got accepted by them enough to learn their ways of being (they believe in enabling learning rather than teaching).

He writes his experiences almost as they happened to him. A way of life when each person was so connected..... not just into others of the community, but into the naturalness of things.  Where they seem so part of nature that they can feel and communicate with trees and animals, and live as one with their environment. 

A world where extra sensory perceptions, energies, emotions and intentions underly life.... and how intuitions enable decisions and actions.

It's a life that seems to take as natural the concept of one consciousness. An instance in example: as practice, each morning the group sits together to discuss their dreams, puts together pieces of each others dream, and uses that as direction for the day.  According to them dreams are an alternate world, and more real than the physical one.  And Robert was able to bring this practice into his regular life, and piece together the message by imagining the group from the community. 

The naturalness is so pervasive that there is no structure or ownership, be it of property or people, no concept of family, finding ones own work by choice,  a natural way of healing and a space of joy and being.

Most aborigines in the world have been moved away from their habitat and legacy, and in that, to atleast get a glimpse of what it was.....  a book worth reading.

Swaroop, thanks for the book. 

Your sending it that day by speed post was more well timed than you know. It reached me the day I was leaving for Hawaii, and I even carried it with me. Had I read it then, I might have got to meet Robert Wolff, who has now settled in Hilo, Hawaii :)