Birthday Bakra

I haven't been much of a radio listener, essentially preferring to listen to my own select songs on CD. But three days back I tuned into the radio in the car, and happened to catch the birthday bakhra by pandit prithvi on 94.3.

It was this most silly and obnoxious idea  ( something about an innovative formula that converts cowdung to concrete, and being used to cover the potholes of Bangalore roads, and needing fresh dung, so taking the cows along), like it was that ridiculous. 

Yet the listener ( apparently a biogas specialist) listened respectfully with neither disdain nor belief, like no real drama......so the joke was really not on the listener......but on the 'how' it was done.

I'm typically not given in to slapstick kind of humour ( I consider myself a fairly serious kind of person, and friends who know me will confirm the low rating on a sense of humor scale) yet, the deliverance of that bakhra thingy was so well done, that it had me in splits. I was driving by myself, and I almost got concerned, because my eyes started to tear up, and I just couldn't stop laughing, especially when prithvi himself burst out laughing without even completing the story. It was all in the way it was delivered I guess. And I write because, it can still bring up the smile.

Pandit Prithvi, take a bow dude, you were spectacular. Almost making me forget the potholes of Bangalore. And I've been listening since, and I really like your song selection too. So, from a new convert....Keep it going Radio One team !!

Empathy Builds On Self Awareness

Empathy builds on self-awareness; the more open we are to our own emotions, the more skilled we will be in reading feelings, our own as well as 'others'.

Self-awareness is the skill of being aware of and understanding your feelings and emotions as they occur, and as they evolve. It is not that emotions by themselves are either positive or negative....maybe a better way would be to think of them as appropriate or inappropriate. The feelings will happen, they come from an emotional brain, that's as real as the cognitive brain, and it's power is extraordinary.

And as your awareness grows, you'll start to recognize them even as they happen, and you then get a chance to figure what might have triggered them, if they're appropriate or not, and then design your behavior accordingly. You're in more conscious behavior space.

Self awareness is pretty much directly correlated to empathy. The higher your awareness of self, the higher will be your ability to empathize, to genuinely understand the other. The quality of self-awareness promotes (although it does not always guarantee) the development of ‘other' awareness. And needless to say, this is a useful attribute in a vast array of life arenas, from sales and management to romance and parenting, to compassion and political action.

"In tests with over seven thousand people in the United States and eighteen other countries, the benefits of being able to read feelings included being better adjusted emotionally, more sensitive, more outgoing, and, perhaps not surprisingly, more popular. And Empathy, it should be no surprise to learn, helps with romantic life." - Daniel Goleman

Here's also a piece I read on this in Psychology Today:

"Here's an interesting caveat; if self-awareness, and empathy by association, are evolutionary imperatives shared by higher functioning species, why is it that human beings can exercise a lack of empathy? It is because we choose to do so.

Chimpanzees, gorillas, bottle-nosed dolphins and elephants all demonstrate unbidden and unconditional empathy toward their brethren whenever the situation calls for it. Yes, chimpanzees will hunt (with spears, no less), kill and eat bush babies (another type of monkey), but it is unlikely that we will ever witness the primate equivalent of Rwanda or holocaust, or even apartheid.

It would appear, once again, that the very thing that makes us human - free will -- continues to be our greatest obstacle and challenge, even in the face of a force as relentless as evolution."

One way to think about talent

From Seth

If you've worked hard for it, it's a skill.

If it's something that other people have that you believe you can't possibly achieve, it's a talent.

Of course, they think the same thing about your skill, don't they?

Being jealous of talents that are actually skills is a great way to let yourself off the hook and make yourself miserable at the same time.

Dear Zindagi

Dear Gouri....that's how I feel like starting this.

It's yet another lovely deliverance from Gauri Shinde. She's brilliant in how she picks her themes, such sensitive and core human issues, and turns them into beautiful celluloid. 

                                  

If English Vinglish spoke through a wife's (and mothers) angst, this one did from a young woman's.

Dear Zindagi is a story of Kaira ( Alia Bhatt) an upcoming cinematographer, caught up in the issues and turbulence of existence..... she's in messed up relationships, shopping binges... and then she meets a DD ( dimaag ka doctor) as she calls it. Shah Rukh Khan is charming (I'm a huge fan) and plays the role well, he's the right amount of involved, right amount of professional, underplayed yet profound, and allows center stage to Alia. Alia of course is ...now an ofcourse, brilliant.

Kaira, through the therapy sessions, finds herself face to face with some of her innermost demons and is onto the process of awareness and acceptance. The providential couch is not always the therapy space here. While outdoor therapy is unconventional, I loved that it was all Goa.

The movie not only brings out the idea of using help at the emotional and mind level, be it from counselling, therapy, coaching....but also in itself carries some significant life lessons. 

I also like how Gauri rips through the judgmental side of society...... it comes through not just in the writing, but also in the littler things, like single women finding it hard to rent homes, easy acceptance of gay, multiple relationships, parental expectations...even the clothes, attitudes et al 

At a very personal level, I'm thrilled to see how the movie opens up the idea of visiting a therapist with as simple a trigger as 'couldn't sleep well for three days'...after all don't we visit the doctor for a simple sore throat....for either there's always a deeper reason. And when there's enablers of healing and growth, why wouldn't we use them !

Hideaway

Well, a definitely different experience for our counselling group.

Last eight months we've together been through so much incisive and intense learning and introspection, that we decided we'd do a weekend of just plain and simple fun. And we chose this lovely little place called 'Hideaway' to spend the weekend. (thanks to Monica there)

Hideaway is a thirty four acre estate, an agricultural farm, converted into a..... well a hideaway :). It's not too far from Bangalore, maybe about  two hours into Hosur Road, thus falling into Tamilnadu. A nicely maintained, well landscaped and tastefully done place...just nature and quiet. 

We of course broke that quiet for a bit...some games (details of which are best left unsaid), singing, dancing, walking, talking et al.

That's as we drove into the estate

That's the entire bunch, out for a trek.......a nice six km countryside walk. I'm yet to get rid of the thorns on my tracks. L to R Meby, Thomas, Kshitij, Swetha, Fariha, Saurabh, Malini, Asha and Monica

                       

Kshitij did a selfie on which he caught a nice high jump from Meby. Thomas and me sharing in her joy

                      

Fariha, Monica, Suma and Meby, l to r

This was proper bhooth bungalow, a massive, abandoned house...story said  an american couple built it to house an orphanage...but never completed it....it's now used only be some shepherds as a rest place while grazing.

We couldn't resist going in to explore

Pretty pretty dew drops on a cobweb

That's in the estate itself

Some cute art, at the cycle shed

That's some leg shaking that we did, with Asha leading, and some of us following.....and while it was a lot of fun, I have to add..... Saurabh, you were simply simply mind blowing, take a bow pal  !!

A bonfire that burnt well into the night, or rather, early hours of the morning...

Some intense photography by Kshitij, the bonfire in his shadow, corrected...his shadow over the bonfire

Well..that's Venus and the Moon, and much as it's a bad picture it had to come in to here to capture the musical hours that it inspired......... started with so many chand taare gaane...the most obvious, न ये चाँद होगा , न तारे रहेंगे... .मग़र हम हमेशा तुम्हारे रहेंगे

It was a cold cold night.....but at the cost of sounding cheesy, the hours around the fire warmed not just our feet, but as much our hearts. ( feeling or thought folks....)

As said by Saurabh, while being an assorted and eclectic group, the experience shared over the year has created a space and a bond that will last for years and years to come. All cheers of the evening was to that. (preeti, we missed you...just make sure you're on for next year :)

Was a wonderful weekend girls and guys....am just so glad we made it happen!

A Cup of Tea

Why just a cup of tea became worth writing about......

Well, for the very first time I got called an angel, and I did no manifesting of a horse carriage, or horses, or horsemen, or ball gown :)

The anecdote itself : I got to Parivarthan a little before my scheduled appointment, and sitting in the veranda was Fariha, furiously writing away...she's yet completing some notes for her supervision. As I was going in to make myself some tea, basic courtesy,  I asked her if she'd like me to make her a cup as well. 

And she was like मेरे लिए...आप बनाओगी, मेरेलिया चाय बनाओगी?  (for me..you'll make tea for me? ).... Well ofcourse...and I got her a cup of tea.

And then she was like 'इतनी प्यारी कप में लयेहो , मैंने थो इतनी प्यारे कप कभी नहीं देखा .बहुत अच्छा लग रहा है .'

After my tea was done, she was like मेरी कप से पिखे देखो कितना अच्छा लग रहा  (drink from my cup and see how good the tea is) . For a second I was amazed....I was wondering what....I'd not only just had my tea, but I'd even made the tea you know.....but I quickly realized she was serious. She insisted I take a sip from her cup, saying the prettiness of the cup had made the tea that much better. And she speaks in that lilting and soft bhopal hindi which made it that much more beautiful.

And then she said it  'आप ने न, आज एक angel की तरह आये, में इतनी स्ट्रेस्ड थी, और चाय खा थो ख्याल भी नहीं आया था मुझे ' ( You came like an angel, i was so stressed, I hadn't even thought of tea). And there was such genuine gratitude in her eyes, that the look and feel of that cup of tea, and more of Fariha, just stayed with me.

Guess some people just have that innate capacity to make the other feel good. She had it in abundance. Thanks for enabling that experience Fariha, and I think you'll make a wonderfully genuine and warm counselor.

No Place for Self-Pity, No Room for Fear

No Place for Self-Pity, No Room for Fear, is a stunning essay by Toni Morrison, in which she explores the task of the artist as a grounding and elevating force in turbulent times 

Toni Morrison is a Nobel Prize- and Pulitzer Prize-winning American novelist, and editor, and Professor Emeritus at Princeton University. Her novels are known for their epic themes, vivid dialogue, and richly detailed characters. 

I've read 'Beloved', way back and I recall it taking me on 'a trip', in fact needing to read it twice. It's a novel based on slavery and its aftermath, and the way she weaves in the ego and the alter ego, the present and the past, and the past in the present...I think I read it mesmerized. So when I saw a write up on Toni Morrison in Brain Pickings, I not just read with fascination, but thought to share.

Morrison writes:

"Christmas, the day after, in 2004, following the presidential re-election of George W. Bush.

I am staring out of the window in an extremely dark mood, feeling helpless. Then a friend, a fellow artist, calls to wish me happy holidays. He asks, “How are you?” And instead of “Oh, fine — and you?”, I blurt out the truth: “Not well. Not only am I depressed, I can’t seem to work, to write; it’s as though I am paralyzed, unable to write anything more in the novel I’ve begun. I’ve never felt this way before, but the election….” I am about to explain with further detail when he interrupts, shouting: “No! No, no, no! This is precisely the time when artists go to work — not when everything is fine, but in times of dread. That’s our job!”

I felt foolish the rest of the morning, especially when I recalled the artists who had done their work in gulags, prison cells, hospital beds; who did their work while hounded, exiled, reviled, pilloried. And those who were executed.

This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.

I know the world is bruised and bleeding, and though it is important not to ignore its pain, it is also critical to refuse to succumb to its malevolence. Like failure, chaos contains information that can lead to knowledge — even wisdom. Like art."