Repost 3 - Levels of Communication

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Five Levels of Communication

An incisive model of human interaction.

Richard Francisco, of the Stanford School of Business and a psychologist at San José University talks of  "ways in which we communicate"  by mapping out  " five levels" that represent increasing degrees of difficulty, risk, and potential learning in our interactions. 

Level 1: Ritual

We begin with the most basic and fleeting form of communication, the "ritual." In this context, a ritual is a simple interaction that "allows two people to acknowledge each other as human beings."

Most of our greetings and goodbyes, particularly in passing, take the form of ritual communication. They are heavily influenced by the setting and the respective roles , and they tend toward the predictable and formulaic.

Typical forms of ritual include acknowledging an employee or manager when we pass them in the office, or beginning the conversation with a client as we sit down, or making small talk with a barista as we wait for our coffee.

Level 2: Extended Ritual

Ritual communication can be extended in several ways. We can have an ongoing, iterative relationship with someone we see repeatedly, and the basic ritual form within that relationship can evolve over time, or we can have a longer, more comprehensive interaction, in which we exhaust the most basic ritual forms and begin to explore new territory, while still staying within certain conversational limits.

Typical forms of extended ritual include the more variegated interactions we have with colleagues we bump into regularly, or the longer conversations we have with a neighbor. It's still "small talk," but it changes from day to day  as we move through a range of unofficially sanctioned topics.

While there is more depth to the level of communication in extended ritual than in ritual, it is nevertheless a very safe level of communication.

Level 3: Content (or Surface)

This is the level on which most of our professional interactions take place. "These involve giving and receiving information, analyzing projects...problem-solving...sharing and talking about tasks, and sharing information about ourselves," albeit in limited and safe forms of self-disclosure.

The distinctions between trivial small talk and more meaningful content are relative, and they may change from one setting to the next.

What's clear is what's missing from these first three levels:  feelings.

Level 4: Feelings About Content

Not talking about our feelings doesn't mean we're not having feelings during those conversations--we're just not talking about them. And because emotions are essential inputs in our decision-making and reasoning processes, not talking about them means that many Level 3 conversations get stuck, with issues going unresolved or being resolved in only a superficial way.

Level 5: Feelings About Each Other

This is where it gets really challenging--these conversations involve how I feel about you, and how you feel about me, one of the most direct forms of interpersonal conversations.

These conversations are the most difficult--because they can be extremely stressful--and the riskiest--because we often lack the practice that's critical to develop the necessary skills at this level, leading to inevitable missteps and misunderstandings.

When we are able to disclose how we feel about the issue at hand but still find ourselves stuck and unable to reach resolution, it's often because we have feelings about the other people involved (and vice versa) that are not being expressed.

Moving beyond Level 4 and sharing our feelings about each other can allow us to break out of these seemingly endless loops and achieve a deeper sense of mutual trust and understanding. 

By their very nature, Level 5 conversations carry the risk of embarrassment or threat--so we tend to avoid them, and so we don't develop the skills necessary to have them effectively, and the cycle perpetuates itself. But, when something feels risky to say, that's because saying it carries a short-term cost--and NOT saying it carries a long-term cost that will inevitably grow over time. We need to confront the risk of embarrassment or threat--prudently, not rashly--and break the cycle that keeps us silent.

So when we find ourselves struggling to communicate effectively in a given relationship or interaction, we should ask... 

• What level are we communicating at right now? Are we stuck on a more superficial level and avoiding a deeper conversation? 

• If we're not communicating at the level that best suits our needs at the moment, how might we shift the conversation up or down? Are we able to move fluidly to different levels, or are there certain levels we never  employ? 

• Are we able to talk about our feelings in the framework that defines this relationship or group?  

Why?

Because these conversations are also among the most powerful we can have, with the greatest potential for learning and growth.