Just Three Days !?!

The concept or rather, the feel of 'time' is so intriguing.

I'd have thought I hadn't written in here for easily over a week, I felt that distant from my blog :)

Guess feeling a little foolish has something to do with it, these little negative feelings..... like feeling foolish, or guilty can really exaggerate and multiply, eventually warping perception.

Why foolish?

Because the reason that kept me away from here was such...I got hooked to a card game. And it was an unbelievable experience. It almost took me over. I'd be telling myself, 'ok, last game girl...enough..need to eat, need to work, need to write, need to sleep' and then all I'd find myself doing was clicking on 'new game'. It's just so much fun....I almost got how game addictions happen.

Pssst...I'm not even over it yet, have had to resist it and write :)

More seriously, I had another nice and sober reason too. I did a speaker series talk at a women's forum group, from this company called 'International Paper'. Was a super interesting experience.

The topic given me was 'Change Management - Professional and Personal'. A one and half hour session.

An absolute first for me. I might have done speaking to audiences at work, but never really a talk to an outside formal audience.

And yes, was crazy nervous. And my friends saying, "why would you be nervous, you can talk", wasn't really helping, as I was slowly figuring that being able to talk, wanting to talk, knowing your content, sincere preparation....none seemed to have anything to do with nerves and butterflies in the stomach. They were just there.

And then I had an 'aha'. As part of my talk I was touching on the issue of 'becoming aware of ones own inner voice as against societal norms and conditioning', and then the realization that my nerves was coming from there as well.

I was carrying conditioning that public speaking meant nervousness and it was just playing out...a pattern, like a stuck record. And trust me, the moment I figured that .....I was actually able to talk myself out of it. 

Anyways, nerves gone, the session was a lovely experience. More coming :)