Freedom and Trust

'Trust', appears to be one of the most misunderstood and abused of terms. It's often used in context of 'I trust you to do what I think is right', and that's almost the absolute opposite of what 'Trust' really is

Can we trust the other to do what they think right. Can we give them space to be themselves. Can we trust them to make the right choices.

And that's where it goes hand in hand with freedom. Freedom and Trust would then grow to become a virtuous cycle. 

In the context of a Parent Child equation, the typical attitude seems to be quite the opposite; Protection and Control. I love you, and I know what's good for you. And I guess this works in the short term, it would, as the rules by themselves will ensure nothing goes wrong. But then, are we equipping them for a truly independent life? For growth? For a life of true choice?

It is a process. One that would start right from when the child is maybe three or four, and can express want and need. And as the child grows up in freedom and choice, the trust becomes something they earn, until they are truly adult, and can fly off to live their life by their choices.

Until it reaches the hundred percent level, it's a fine balance that would enable a seamless growth into the ability of handling freedom with responsibility. Will there be mistakes and errors? Sure, there will be. And that's where our own ability to understand and support through the balance gets called forth. There's no cycling without falling and bruising

A Gallup survey indicated that 83% of teens who were given freedom, felt their parents trusted them while in contrast only 48% of children who weren't given enough freedom, believed their parents trusted them.

Research has indicated that there's a decline of trustful parenting and an increase of protective-directive parenting

Trustful parents are those who trust their children to play and explore on their own, to make their own decisions, and to make and learn from their own mistakes. 

Directive-protective parents direct their children’s activities and limit their freedom today because they fear for their children’s safety and for their futures, and they believe they can make better decisions for their children than their children can themselves, that children develop best when they follow a path that has been carefully laid out for them by adults.

What societal changes have occurred over the past several decades to create the perception that children today need more adult-direction and protection than they did in the past?

Dr.Peter Gray, a research professor in psychology says 'I’m sure that a full answer to this question would describe a large number of interconnected changes in the social world. Here are a few of them that seem to me most relevant:

• The decline of neighborhoods and loss of children’s outdoor play groups

• The decline of local common sense about parenting and the rise of a worldwide network of fear, essentially fed by the media

• The increased uncertainty about the future and the competitive mode in vogue

• The continuous rise in the power of school systems, and the need to conform to schools’ ever-more restrictive requirements

Perhaps the most significant of all of the contributors to the rise of directive-protective parenting and the decline in children’s freedom has been the continuous rise in the power of schools to interfere with the lives of children and families.

Schools are places where children are confined, against their wills, and are required to perform tasks that often seem meaningless to them, and often really are meaningless. Schools are and always have been places where children are, for a good share of the day, not allowed to explore or play. Today not even during recess, lunch breaks or vacations.

How can enlightened parents—-who believe in the values of freedom, exploration, and play, and who would like to raise their children in a trusting way—-buck this trend that has become a torrent? Given all of the forces working against the trust of children, how can anyone today raise children in a trusting way?

Think about it