Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi ...Again

Guess being caught in 'the flow' (pun intended) can do this.

While he gives several instances of how people can cultivate and create flow experiences for themselves.... at work, for themselves and in relationships, I'm picking one area, that on 'friendships' to give instance in example . 

Here's excerpts:

"It is not surprising that in our studies of the quality of daily experience it has been demonstrated again and again that people report the most positive moods overall when they are with friends. This is not only true of teenagers, but also of young adults and even retirees who are happier when they are with friends than with anybody else. 

Because a friendship usually involves common goals and common activities, it is 'naturally' enjoyable. But like any other activity, this relationship can take a variety of forms, ranging from the destructive to the highly complex.

When a friendship is primarily a way of validating one's own insecure sense of self, it will give pleasure, but it will not be enjoyable in our sense......that of fostering growth. 

For instance drinking buddies; it's a congenial atmosphere, talking, teasing, arguing and everyone feels his existence validated by the reciprocal attention paid to one another's ideas or idiosyncrasies. It is rather like collective form of television watching, and although more complex, it's actions and phrases tend to be rigidly scripted and highly predictable.

Socializing of this kind mimics friendship relations, but it provides few of the benefits of the real thing.

It is in the context of intimate friendships, however, that the most intense experiences occur. 

To enjoy such one-to-one relationships requires the same conditions that are present in other flow activities. It is necessary not only to have common goals and to provide reciprocal feedback, which even interactions at parties and taverns provide, but also to find new challenges in each other's company. These may amount simply to learning more and more about the friend, discovering new facets of his or her unique individuality, and disclosing more of one's own individuality in the process.

There are few things as enjoyable as freely sharing one's most secret feelings and thoughts with another person. Even though this sounds commonplace, it in fact requires concentrated attention, openness, and sensitivity. In practice, this degree of investment of psychic energy in a friendship is unfortunately rare. 

Friendships allow us to express parts of our beings that we seldom have the opportunity to act out otherwise. It is in the company of friends that we can most clearly experience the freedom of the self and learn who we really are.

Friendship is not enjoyable unless we take up it's expressive challenges. If a person surrounds himself with "friends" who simply reaffirm his public persona, who never questions his dreams or desires, who never forces him to try out new ways of being, he misses out on the opportunities friendship presents. A person who lives only by instrumental actions without experiencing the spontaneous flow of expressivity, eventually becomes indistinguishable from a robot who has been programmed to mimic human behavior.

A true friend is someone we can occasionally be crazy with, someone who does not expect us to be always true to form. It is someone who shares our goals of self realization, and therefore is willing to share the risks that any increase in complexity entails.

While we'd like to believe that friendships happen naturally, and if they fail there is nothing to be done about it but feel sorry for oneself ... while this might be true in adolescence, later in life they rarely happen by chance and one must cultivate them as assiduously as one must cultivate a family or a job.

These are the kinds of ties about which Aristotle wrote, 'For without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods'."

Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Flow - The Psychology of Optimal Experience

The book is as brilliant, as it is complex. No easy read....almost like his name I'd say. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Seemingly impossible, but you crack it and you know it :)

The term 'flow' is now an oft used word....  used to denote that experience of, of....well 'flow' . And to see it elucidated from all perspectives, was like getting to meet the guru. A thrilling experience.

He talks of 'flow' as an 'optimal experience'. Nothing alien. Everyone of us has experienced it at some point, and will recognize its characteristics.....a state of deep concentration, fully involved, alert, where time gets distorted, and you lose all sense of not just time, but also of self.

It's not about pleasure or happiness that's happening through the experience, but the sense of exhilaration and achievement you experience after.

He says after each instance of flow the person is more than the person they were before. He uses the term 'more put together'.

And what he says he 'discovered' is that this does not always just happen. It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. Not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but on what we make happen and more significantly how we interpret them.

It is a circuitous path that begins with achieving control over the contents of our consciousness.

He talks of the best moments not as the normal or leisure moments which are passive, receptive, relaxing but moments when your body or mind are stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile, not so difficult that it builds anxiety, but also not so easy that it can get boring, its the band in between...... and they are the moments that add up to 'magnifying ones spirit'. 

Magnifying ones spirit....what a lovely phrase.

And that's where we grow and enhance the quality of our lives.

He talks of the universe as 'order' and 'entropy (chaos), and how flow enables bringing order to consciousness.....and is therefore the key to growth and happiness.

It is not necessarily about being involved with the known creative spaces, or art or sports, it's about learning to transform jobs and relationships into flow producing activities.

A concept he brings in here that had me intrigued was 'increasing complexity'. Increasing complexity not just in the external challenges and thus the required skills, but also in how we capture and expand our consciousness.

The experience of flow does not need an explanation for those who enjoy it; we are simply aware that it gives us the two things vital to happiness: a sense of purpose and self-knowledge.

Each piece of knowledge absorbed, each new refinement of a skill, enlarges the self and makes it more highly ordered, forming, in his words, ‘an increasingly extraordinary individual.’

This is why opportunities to create flow can be addictive. Flow makes you feel more alive, certainly, and it has another, perhaps surprising effect: the growth in complexity entails both awareness of your uniqueness simultaneously with renewed understanding of how you fit into your world and your relationships with other people. 

He explains this complexity in terms of two psychological processes: differentiation and integration. Differentiation implies a movement towards uniqueness, towards separating oneself from others. It's opposite, Integration refers to a union with others, with ideas and entities beyond the self. A complex self is one that succeeds in combining these two opposite tendencies.

This double effect has tremendous implications for the rejuvenation of communities and nations. The author suggests that the most successful nations and societies of the 21st century will be those that make sure people have the maximum opportunities to be involved in flow-inducing activity.

As the German philosopher Nietzsche put it, maturity is ‘the rediscovery of the seriousness we had as a child – at play.’

“Flow helps to integrate the self because in that state of deep concentration consciousness is unusually well ordered. Thoughts, intentions, feelings, and all the senses are focused on the same goal. Experience is in harmony. And when the flow episode is over, one feels more ‘together’ than before, not only internally but with respect to other people and the world in general." — Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

I'd say just reading the book can enable a 'flow' experience. I'm just so glad and grateful that the book landed in my hands....reading it twice wasn't enough, I'm going to go buy myself a copy :)

When a 'word' can make your day

A little (?) conversation with Faizan that brought this out.

An anecdote that took place over Faizan doing the monthly washing of all the brass stuff at home, and one of those times I chose to help.

She picks up the one copper bowl amongst all the brassware and says "इसके ऊपर कितना मैल है देखो अम्मा " (this one has so much more dirt on it). And I'm trying to tell her it's not dirt, it's because it is copper, an alloy which has a different composition, and so a different level of oxidization and that's why it's turned black......so to use more imli (tamarind) than sabina.

You can imagine my struggle trying to do that in Hindi...I'm going all over the place, and suddenly she's like :

 "मतलब वोह पैदाइशी है, वोह उसका फ़िदरथ है ?"

फ़िदरथ.... fidhrath...I rolled it around on my tongue a couple of times, new word to me, so exotic, almost like out of a shaayari.....but just by the sound of it, and the way she'd said it, I knew she'd got it. 

And from there came deep conversation, about how intrinsic is फ़िदरथ to people ...... about our beliefs and values, and how at times we can have self defeating beliefs.... and what it takes to change what's not working for us, even our own फ़िदरथ.

Fascinating....a conversation that led both of us into the deepest recesses of our minds.......and left us happy watching the copper bowl go from an almost black to a shiny copper.

Fort Kochi, with Monu

A happening month I guess.....just realized that I hadn't completed the Kerala Chronicles.

While the trip had on agenda the wedding in Thrissur and reception at Cochin, plus a three days at Munnar, somewhere in between Diksha was like " we're in kerala and not doing the beach ma?". And that's all I needed.

Monu was sweet enough to offer, and plan was to hit the beach early morning to avoid the heat. 

In fact an interesting thing was that Beena was totally sceptical, she said "I can't imagine Monu getting up early, so it's best you have alternative arrangements". I had the cab numbers ready and all. But Monu totally surprised everyone, he was ready even before we were :)

And he did such a brilliant job of it. In the few hours we had, he took us to the beach, and then the ferry from Ernakulam to Fort Kochi, the one which takes the car itself, and then some quaint shopping and a cute little cafe at Fort Kochi. 

Here's that morning in pictures.

The backwaters before we reached the beach. It was just so pretty, with so many birds and fishermen, that we got off for a bit

Another side of the backwaters

That black line in between....it's all birds

Monu and Diksha by the car, on this road which had water both sides

Early morning, actually not so early, by the sea

Deech, lost in that gaze into the horizon

Fish drying, and monu moving out of there

Well, us and some doggies too

So many falcons on those trees, or maybe kites, I can never tell the difference

No surprise ...Diksha had to get to know those random dogs on the beach

After some nice time at the beach, our next target was to hit Fort Kochi, and Monu came up with this idea of doing the ferry by car.....this was the car queue waiting to get on the ferry

The ferry which takes the cars, amazing how many cars and bikes it can take at one go, and there's one every ten or twenty minutes....unique experience

From within the car on the ferry, we had the best possible vantage, as we drove in first

A cargo ship, on the way

Also from aboard the car, on the ferry...it really was a unique experience

Fort Kochi's marine drive, and it's choppy seas

This one I had to take. Katari Bagh, named after my grandfather, Admiral Katari, India's first Naval Chief

The quaint streets of Fort Kochi, which yet have a distinctive Portuguese feel. Not that I know how Portugal feels, but the European influence is yet so evident, and considering it was a Portuguese colony...Lilly street and Peter House and the like

Such a cute house.....

Another street there

Searching for a book shop, getting equipped for Munnar, and we found a cute one, Idiom Books

Diksha in Idiom Books

 Loafers Corner, a super cute cafe that Monu took us to

B'fast at Loafers Corner 

What a wonderful morning that was, and I had one of my best cheese veggie omelettes with cold coffee.

Monu, thanks much for that well thought out morning, so thoroughly enjoyed the loafing and your company ! Reinviting you to Hyd ....do come :)

The Aha's that have the potential to alter life

There's no overstating this.

What we are, our self awareness, builds not just by being tuned into ourselves, but by being as tuned into the messages coming to us from the universe...from everywhere.

To catch those aha's and epiphanies as they happen.

It's a process. The trigger is outside of you. Can we put the hook into it, contextualize it, allow it to talk to us..... The Aha happens. Then to own it.  An aha, once captured, needs articulation and consolidation, else the patterns of the mind and the grind of life can make it go poof again.

It's like a fragile thought, one that's hovering. With the potential to alter life. Is our radar tuned well enough?

This can be about anything....an attitude, a belief, a story you've told yourself, a judgement, or even a creative idea (or a post for me :), anything at all can touch your life...some with the potential to alter it forever.

After all, as is said, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it (how you perceive it)

I thought this picture said it super cute. When the thought comes, do what it takes to capture it :)

It's a picture of Oliver Sacks, the late well known neurologist and poet, who in his essay on 'creativity and the brain' enthused about, (in two colors, underlined)  'the buzzing, blooming chaos of the mind engaged in creative work...but, contrary to the archetypal myth of the lone genius struck with a sudden Eureka! moment, this chaos doesn’t occur in a vacuum. Rather, it coalesces from a particulate cloud of influences and inspirations without which creativity, that is, birthing of something meaningful that hadn’t exist before, cannot come about'

Tune that radar....trust me....it's so well worth it. And what's more....practice makes perfect fits here as well, you make it practice and it can get into fast track. Enjoy the ride, it's yours after all :)

Woohoo ! Dhruva

It's five days since Dhruva's been in Italy. I know very little of what's happening as he's pretty much disappeared into the experience.

The experience of Cinemadamare

They started work on filming,  Day 2 itself.

Yesterday was one rare chat and I was like "I understand no calls, no sending pictures.... but why you not putting any pictures even on instagram, or even changing your dp?" and he's like "I will, I will....just that there's so much better stuff to do here every minute amma". 

And suddenly I have news....with pictures too. No, not from Dhruva. My news now comes from my good loyal friend, Girija, a net browsing expert, who has proclaimed herself my press reporter for the trip. Must say she's done brilliantly well, from sending me a picture of his bus, a group picture of his, press coverage of the event, and even telling me that his film was being screened yesterday. Imagine.

I msgd Dhruva to ask about the screening and he's like "how did you know ma.....yeah, my first Italian film, I directed, wasn't great because we did it in two days, but it's a start"

And today he messages that he won the 'Best Director' for his film, 'The Search'.

Wow Dhruva !

They have a weekly competition of films, of what they've filmed during the week, and his was best film. I was so thrilled, especially so because he's been really keen on Direction, and this was his first go at it. His first live action film.

Girija asks me how it feels.....and that's when I looked in to see. 

I saw not just a deeply happy and fulfilling space, but quickly so many dots from life connected. His crazy passion for films since he was four, and one that never waned through the years. I remember family saying "picture picchi vaadiki, you should control it". And me seeing a joy and focus that I could only stand back and watch in amazement.

I've myself seen Jungle book with him about forty times, Bambi twenty, Jurassic park six, Harry Potters countless I think.... until more recently, Interstellar three times. Ofcourse I'll go only for those which I like. He's a huge Star Wars fan and wanted me to watch avengers, but that's just not my kind :)

He's as picky as I am... wouldn't watch any and every film. It was just those few that he'd go again and again. And understand them from different perspectives each time. Then he'll watch interviews of the directors, actors, screen play writers, music composers, any angle that took his fancy....read up about them..the extent to which he goes amazes me.

Our discussions on movies would hold me spell bound even years before he was into filming.... "did you notice the lighting shift from light to shadow ma, you get what that means" "close your ears and imagine this scene without sound, you'll understand it differently " "I love how they don't break it down for you, and you yet get it"...." ...that's what I love about Nolan".....and on and on.

A couple months back he went all the way to Mumbai just to attend a Christopher Nolan talk.

Today I see all of that manifest in the winning of that competition.

In Italy.....in two days...competing against so many others....a first film ( he has otherwise trained in animation and not live action). If I sound like I'm going overboard, well it's a moms version :)

While up until yesterday I was just so happy for him having the experience of filming with experts and young filmmakers from around the world, and in Italy, the win is surely a recognition and a validation.

Last night Diksha saw a clip that her anna was streaming live on instagram,...and she's like "I don't think I heard even two people in that whole group with the same accent". That says a lot for the experience and exposure he's having there.

Here's some pictures I managed, between his Instagram stories which has one video of his film screening, and what Girija sent me:

The bus in which they're touring Italy, each week in a different town. They've now moved from Fimucino to Genzano he wrote, and while the drive was in the night he said it was amazingly beautiful. Even the bus is so cute.

From his Instagram Stories, his first film screening

Audience watching

The Cinemadamare Facebook page, reading 'Best Film - Dhruva Prasad Devara' ....and it even has a cash prize apparently.

Press coverage in Genzano...though it's all in Italian

Dhruva in blue standing behind. Pic again sent by Girija.

So so happy for you Dhruva......and thanks much Girija, for enabling and inspiring this post :)

Talk on Counselling

Yesterday morning was spent giving a talk at one of the larger corporates in the city. They are having a 'safety week' for their employees, and it was such a lovely surprise to see them flag it off with a session on 'emotional wellness'.

9 cities logged in....me at bottom right taking the picture before we started 

My talk was ofcourse about the role of 'Counselling' in emotional wellness.  Right from how life is dynamic....the graph will go up and down.....how we can get stuck in our own thought spirals at times... how that can lead to stress...and how while most times we cope, there's times it creates baggage.....and that can have undesired consequences. 

That's when 'sometimes help helps' fits.

What it takes to identify when we're crossing our own thresholds, and without our even knowing it, impact getting into deeper levels, and how counselling plays a role in enabling clarity, insights, better decision making, dealing with emotions and yes, all towards emotional wellness.

The company was doing this across the country, several sessions. My talk was to folks from Guntur, Rajahmundry, Vizag, Tirupati, Nellore, Eluru and Vijayawada..all on video conference. It was quite an experience for me as I'd never spoken to such a large audience before, around 2500, and what's more, it was in Telugu.

While during the talk it's hard to understand how engaged the audience is on video conference, I was so happy to see that they'd connected from the questions they had after.

And some very interesting and valid questions at that:

One guy was like "We are unhappy ...we come and talk to you......you'll help us understand....but the fault is actually my team mates...he's doing the wrong thing....then what ?"

Another " I'm from marketing....my customer is difficult....my sales guy makes a mistake...I get very angry....I come back and shout at the sales guy.....when I shout I feel relief.....how ?"

I enjoyed taking those questions.....just to be able to directly connect into the audience was so nice after the complex video conferencing.

What became also special is a deeper connect I have with the company...going back a long long way.... one I felt through goose bumps as I walked in their doors.

The company is huge, very swanky, high tech........felt a lot like walking into Google.

Why the goosebumps?

Because I was part of the company's birth. Year 2000, when the company was set up as a broad band company and the application came to me in IDBI (as I was already handling the parent company)

Those were days we knew nothing about optic fiber or broad band, they were new words......wifi was not even part of vocabulary, even wired connectivity was new. The application was such a challenge, and it took me, and Prakash my team mate, a crazy level of research to even put up an appraisal note.

If all other notes were about ten pages long, this one was thirty pages long, and we sent it up with a lot of apprehension wondering who would even read, so it was a lovely surprise when we got a lot of commendation from management . Even the recall brings a smile :)

What I experienced was actually that deep connect, almost bordering on pride....being part of the birthing team, and to now see where they had grown today. I was awestruck....A lovely feeling. Made more so by Sheeba, from their HR team, who was standing right at the entrance with the biggest bunch of roses I've ever seen :)

While I forgot to take a picture of either Sheeba or the bunch, the small part of it I could fit into my vase at home needed to come out here :)

Thanks much 'Innersight', Mahesh and Ajanta for having enabled this for me, was a wonderful and enriching experience for sure !

Congratulations Swaroop !!

When Swaroop sent me his article this morning, I felt a whoop of joy. And like I was telling him, for so many reasons; starting from finally seeing him put his skill and passion together beyond work, (though he does the same at work too ...his work of fame being 'A lot can happen over coffee' for Coffee Day when they launched, which yet uses it as their tagline). And what's more, having the article published within the day.

'Afghanistan Cricket: The new graduates from the school of hard knocks', written by him and published in Sportskreeda today. 

And the write up itself....even for me, a not so big fan of cricket... it touched an emotional chord somewhere. Even his messages through our chat:

"They are something else, that team" "What great smiles ...despite everything, they have such big smiles " "and all they have seen is war for the last 30 years...one after another" "and often the whole country has suffered for the actions of a few...very sad". 

Figures why the article came so much from the heart.

Huge Huge Congratulations Swaroop, not just for getting it published straight off, but for the write up itself....it's honest and deep stuff !!

And over to him:

Afghanistan Cricket: The new graduates from the school of hard knocks

From not having a national team to playing all three formats in less than a decade, Afghanistan's rise has been meteoric, and heartwarming 

Swaroop Dev

CONTRIBUTOR

Feature 2 hrs ago

Keith Miller, Australia’s flamboyant all-rounder from the 50’s, was once asked if he felt any pressure playing cricket. A Royal Australian Fighter Pilot during World War 2, Miller famously replied saying 'I'll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse. Playing cricket is not'."

The boys from Afghanistan, the latest entrant's to cricket's elite test club, can more than relate to the late Hall-of-Famer’s words. Doused in stories of violence and tragedy, the rise has been incredible, and most heart-warming. Their biggest names have scars that are far more serious than leather ball bruises. The portly, immensely likable Mohammad Shahzad, who idolizes MS Dhoni and insists on being referred to as MS, was born in a Peshawar refugee camp and spent his first eight years enveloped by barbed wire and stern Pakistani guards. Shapoor Zadran, who took Afghanistan over the line for their first ever world cup win, has been attacked by terrorists more than once. Mohammad Nabi’s father has been kidnapped for ransom in the recent past. Their superstar Rashid Khan was playing in the IPL just a few weeks ago when bombs ripped through a local game in his home city of Jalalabad, killing eight and injuring dozens. His teammate Karim Sadiq carried the wounded while Khan appealed for peace and understanding. They have crossed hurdles that most athletes have hardly encountered, and arrived in India wearing smiles that hide more misery than most can handle.

Salim Durrani, India’s yesteryear swashbuckler who flirted with Bollywood and was born in Kabul, was a part of the welcoming committee in Bangalore. It was a nice touch, reminding us of once shared borders, and a common interest in sports, film, music and the arts. If Hollywood was even remotely interested in cricket, this had the potential of a feel-good blockbuster, a tearjerker that goes beyond just being extraordinary in the cricket world, but across all sports.

They deserved a packed stadium, but that seemed wishful thinking on a workday morning in a city filled with people chasing their dreams. A smattering of a few hundred spectators that increased as the day went on and word spread that India's delightful batting line up was on display, cheered generously. The rotund Shahzad was applauded every time he touched the ball, and naughty cheers of 'RCB' rang out when the home team's IPL nemesis Rashid Khan began doing his thing. The Afghan flags in the crowd were hard to miss, waved relentlessly by students like Hazrat Umar Shenwari from Nangarhar, who currently studies business administration in Hyderabad and is a part of a community of 1,000-odd Afghan students there. He proudly wears a ‘Pashteen hat’ right through the day. “This team brings happiness to everyone in Afghanistan” he beamed, as he continued to wave that flag, whether Dhawan swatted a four or Rashid Khan beat the bat.

The fact that they are here in the first place is scarcely believable. They are currently the only cricket playing country in the world where the colonials didn’t influence the game. Ironically, it took two non-cricketing nations for them to gravitate towards cricket. When the cold war superpowers Russia and the US were settling ego scores on Afghani soil, millions spilled into Pakistan with nothing to lose. Many of them returned, sometimes with hopes of building a new life, and infected by cricket. The border was virtually open for decades, with unaccounted thousands crossing over each day to escape a war that they had little to do with. If that wasn’t bad enough, along came the Taliban to rule post-war Afghanistan. Their imposed excesses stretched from forbidding girls from going to school to banning cricket, burying a million dreams and silencing a generation. The US-led invasion followed, driving the Taliban up the hills but also reducing playing fields to rubble. Large parts of the country reeled under relentless bombing, suicide attacks, and senseless violence, and cricket was the last thing on a young kids’ mind until even a few years ago. Yet, here they are today, from not having a national team to playing all three formats, all within the last decade.

Over two days in Bengaluru, they played for the joy of sports, sometimes swinging from the hip like ‘an impetuous child’ as Matthew Hayden said on air. Bred on a fast food cricket diet, they failed to build an innings of substance with the bat, and their spinning stars didn’t prise batsmen out via the hard grind that test cricket demands. They got bowled out twice in two sessions, denying the Chinnaswamy of a potential bumper weekend. They aren’t ready yet by far, and it’s going to be a long, hard road ahead to make a mark in test cricket. But long, hard roads filled with tough battles, scars, losses and heartbreaks have hardly deterred this bunch in the past, have they now?

Stretching

From Seth

There are two polar opposites: Staying still and Breaking. It's easy to visualize each end of the axis, whatever the activity.

In between is stretching.

Stretching is growth. Extending our reach. Becoming more resilient, limber and powerful. Stretching hurts a bit, and maybe leaves us just a little bit sore.

But then, tomorrow, we can stretch further than we could yesterday. Because stretching compounds.

If you're afraid of breaking, the answer isn't to stay still. No, if you're afraid of breaking, the answer is to dedicate yourself to stretching.

CinemadaMare, Italy

Dhruva first mentioned this sometime last June, a casual mention, saying he wanted to apply to a program in Italy, and are we okay with it. It meant setting aside an year after college, and on the 'if' chance that he gets selected. Knowing very little about it, as he'd come across it by chance while submitting his film for a festival, he was likely more hopeful, than confident.....yet really keen, and he got his go ahead.

February this year came the intimation that he'd been selected... it was a wow feeling. Then began the process of visa application. 

Three days back he says "now I'm beginning to feel the excitement", and I was like "what ?!!?... and all this while?". Unlike me, he doesn't believe in building anticipation...says he doesn't like handling disappointment.

Two weeks after submitting application, he'd got a call from the consulate saying his application was weak, and they wanted additional documentation. Can only imagine what that must have felt like to him. Then started the frenzied work of getting in touch with the sponsors and another trip to his university at Pune. (we'd already booked tickets per program itinerary ) 

And finally, just last week came the Visa !

CinemadaMare in Italy

This is one of the most enticing and interesting sounding programs I've heard off. It's called the 'biggest gathering of young film makers in the world'.

Last years poster

A three month program, one hundred film makers from across the world, with not more than ten from any one country, (they've had participation from 65 countries) , travelling across Italy, one week in each town, shooting films, completing one film a week.

They call the program 'travelling movie campus and production house'. While airfare to Italy and food is paid for by the participant, the stay during the three months, and travel within Italy is completely taken care of by CinemadaMare. 

Participants need to pick any area of filming they are interested in, and can even try their hands at other facets including screenplay, acting, anything. The selection is done based on application and portfolio. Dhruva has picked Editing and Direction as option 1 and 2, and is hoping to do both, and maybe more as he has a really keen ear for sound.

It starts in Rome in June, and ends in Venice at the 'Venice International Film Festival' in September. Travelling through Fiumicino, Genzano, Cattolica, Foligno, Potenza, Vasto, Maratea, Erice, Matera, Nova Siri, Napoli, Vercelli, and Venezia. I know none, but they all sounded to intriguing and Astrixy, that I just had to write :)

They also have well known film professionals taking classes and workshops in each town. Plus screenings of their films in open air town squares where city municipalities sponsor the events.

In the 'practical advice' on their site, alongside the more serious stuff of 'bring your laptop and your camera as your first job is filming', it also says, 'don't forget your bathing suit as you will also get to enjoy some of the most beautiful Italian beaches'. And it ends with:

'And finally...bring with you many ideas and resilience.....get in the game, it will be fun'

Filming with film makers from across the globe.... road travel across Italy.....live masterclasses.......screenings in town squares.....italian beaches.....a pretty exotic program design.

His thatha was saying "lucky fellow, getting such a wonderful opportunity so early in his career" While I agree, I'd also like to give full credit to Dhruva, as this was an opportunity that didn't come of it's own. It's one he pretty much created for himself, and I'm super proud of him for having done that.

There's now full excitement in the air...he leaves tomorrow !

First phase of packing today

A nice surprise last week was that Dhruva's film 'The End', got selected at the CinemadaMare Film Festival too.

Many Congratulations Dhruva ! For the film being selected, and for you being selected too. And like they said ....go join in the game, enjoy the filming, and have loads of fun. 

For all that exposure and experience, three months from now, I guess we'll welcome you back a changed young man :)

Seetharampuram

Nostalgia trip continuing...

Seetharampuram was literally in the jungles.......living in tents, amongst the wilderness, the clouds and the local adivasis.

It's located in the Ananthagiri hills of Araku valley, about 50 kms from Vizag. Another 4 year posting for dad. While we didn't live there with him, we spent all our school vacations there.

While there are several instances recounted of seeing cheetahs, pythons, cobras, and even tigers, one which I myself distinctly remember is this; dad had come for lunch...our dining area was a small folding aluminium table and four folding chairs, placed under a tree, a little distance outside the tent. We were sitting at the table, and suddenly there was this snake that came dangling out of the tree .....almost onto the table.

I'm recalling this incident, and mom's like "yeah, a green snake, long.... and it's tail was still wound to the branch ...rest was hanging in front of us..... you remember, it was beautiful". 

And I could only go 'omg', I was like "emi ma...I'm amazed that dad and you did this, that too with us so little......tell me more about it...how did we even live there, what was it like, didn't snakes come into the tent?".

Dad: We had what's called a snake trench dug all around the tent. It has specifications, per which a snake cannot cross in. But there were many outside.

Mom: There was once this massive python that came into the area, and someone came running to us saying you both were sitting very close to it, looking into its face. We go with them to find it true, you were still sitting with it .... just that the python couldn't move as it had swallowed a hen whole which was stuck in it's throat.

Dad: We used to have mosquito nets for each cot, we had only camp cots, and they were different kind of mosquito nets.  There was no electricity there. ( I was like, what !!??!! we lived without electricity...how?!? ) .

Mom: It was only lanterns and petromax, we used to finish everything before dark, and at times even going out to the bathroom in the night was a big issue as we had to use the lantern and go. (so we had bathrooms?). Not really, that was just another tent, one for a bath, and one with deep holes in it, which would keep shifting. Hard to imagine, but that's how it was.

Dad: I used to read a lot, even in lantern light, and once when I finished reading, and as habit I overturned my pillow, there was this huge black spider with hairy legs under my pillow. I jumped out of my skin, as the only thing I can't stand is spiders.

Mom: We had to have gemaxin powder put all through the snake trench regularly. In the market what we get is 10% potency, but for the scorpions and spiders we needed much higher potency, so we needed special permission, which had to each time be signed by the collector of the area. Many mornings we would find scorpions in the trench, not the usual ones we see ( really ma, usual scorpions?), but big...huge black ones.

Dad: There were times we had to go find new mining sites, and there would be no paths, we'd have to walk through jungle for four to five days at a stretch. They would give us 20 labour to carry the head load, and we'd carry about 50 phulkas, raw rice, onion and green chillies and that would be our entire ration for days, we would have to manage on that.

When I took Geology, they had told us that we should opt for it only if we liked outdoor life, but at that time I never thought that this was what they meant. There were times it was very tough ...I've gone days without food, and just rain water for drinking.

Mom: While snakes and scorpions were kept out, there would be big rats on the roof of the tent between the flaps, we could hear them running around in the night.

Then there were days that were so beautiful that clouds would pass through us, just sitting outside the tent. It's after all in araku valley.

Dad: Once it rained really heavy, this was when you weren't with me, and my surveyors tent collapsed. He had brought his wife to camp, newly married, they'd arrived just that week. When their tent collapsed, they both came and sat in my tent. Water was flowing through my tent as well. We were sitting on opposite cots and in between there was my trunk, which also served as table. I sensed something and turned on the torch for a moment, and saw a huge snake sitting curled up on the trunk. It must have got carried through with the flowing water and when it found a foothold it settled. I didn't tell them, as I also didn't know what to do, but those were definitely very tense hours. His wife packed up and left the next day.

Most of our officers wives and family wouldn't want to stay in camp, but mummy is that way very different, very courageous, more than me in fact, she was always game, and that's how we could take you two also.

Mom: If I think back now, even I wonder how I did it, but back then it was a wonderful life. After Seetharampuram, Srisailam was like a luxury. It was after all a town, so what if it had only one street for market and only one theatre.

And it had electricity. Seetharampuram, after dark was just lanterns.

Dad: Vizag was the nearest town and once in a while we would go there as outing... watch a movie, eat and come back. On the way back , we had to cross Gosthani river and once we got caught in floods. One of my most harrowing experiences, a time I thought we were all finished.

It was dark, and though the headlights picked up the water, we didn't think it was deep, and we didn't realize the river was in floods.  As we drove onto the causeway, we felt the water flow through the jeep...... within a minute the headlights failed... and then the engine went off. It was pitch dark, and the sound of the gushing water was terrifying. The jeep started to swing.....you started crying then. (what a detail to remember).

What saved us was a pen torch that Haq's wife was carrying in her bag. When Hussain, our driver got off, the water lifted his legs, and I had to pull him back in. Then I got off the other side, against the flow, and holding the jeep and then the trailer, walked back and managed to get to the village. I had to also unhook the trailer and let it go with all our stores, as it would have tilted the jeep which was already swinging. I knew the post master in that village, so I went and woke him up, and he brought help. That night we all slept in the post office.'

By this time I was pretty much listening dazed and open mouthed.

Next morning, I scouted all their old albums, and found a few pictures from then. In fact like Diksha asked, what kind of camera did they even have back then?

Hard to imagine....big cameras, black and white pictures, loading film, getting it developed, printing the pictures....a different world....with a different and wonderful charm to it. 

I simply love this picture: (what they're sitting on is the back seat of the jeep serving as chair :)

Praveen and me, in one of the camps...

Dad with his surveyor outside our tent

 Both of us with dad

Back home in Mehdipatnam, the only picture from there I could find

Daddy and Ma, I'm so so amazed at both of you....and so glad and grateful that you did what you did, and enabled all these experiences for us. Also a little overwhelmed.

Guess, it's only now I'm beginning to understand the level of exposure and independence you've allowed us.....for instance allowing, or rather encouraging me to not just go to the station and book my own train tickets, but even travel alone right from when I was twelve, letting me participate in the Asiad opening ceremony though it meant missing school and staying in tents outside Delhi for two months and many many such. 

This is an exceptional level of trust and faith in life. I now know where I get it from :)

Down the nostalgia road....

Post moms surgery, staying at their place a few days was opportunity to go down nostalgia road. In fact so many roads....so many triggers for stories from yore.

Some really interesting ones were from dads postings at remote places.

Dad being a Geologist, had several unusual and adventurous kind of postings...dam sites for foundation work and jungles for mineral mapping. The ones I have distinct memory from are Srisailam where we lived for four years, and Seetharampuram, again a four year posting, where we did vacation stays.

Srisailam holds some of my fondest memories ever...a phase that also had a large influence on my love for small town....anything rural and rustic... and not surprising as that was at the really young age of 8 to 12, when experience seems to get imbibed whole.

A casually triggered chat, but one I wanted captured :

Me: So how did the transfer to Srisailam come about? How did you feel about it ?

Dad: I was already working on the Srisailam dam foundation, you all were living here, in Hyderabad, in Mehdipatnam. I used to travel every opportunity I got and be as much as possible in Hyderabad.

One day over a dinner my boss asked why I go off so much to Hyderabad, and though I tried telling him it was work, someone else said it was because of family being in Hyd. He asked if I'd be willing to shift them, and they would take on all the arrangements, including quarters and a cook and everything. I straight away said yes.

Very same week they sent a truck home, packed up everything and we moved, at a speed which was like an evacuation.

Me: Ma, did you have any apprehensions? were you even consulted in this... small town.. our education.. leaving friends... anything?

Ma: I don't remember, but thinking back I feel I didn't have the maturity to do my own thinking. It was like, 'we've been transferred, so we move'.... And I was okay to living anywhere, I was anyways not doing anything. (she started work only after we moved back to Hyd)

Dad: In fact your school principal, Holy Mary High School, she tried a lot telling us to not move saying we were in a good school, why risk education...but I wasn't willing to listen, not because I was clear, but because I also didn't have the maturity to think that we might be making a mistake.

Me: I'm so glad both of you didn't think, I think I learnt more from my stay in Srisailam than any education, whatever good school could have given me. I also loved my school in Srisailam, Lutheran Convent, as small and sweet. Also gave me opportunity to be head girl :)

What comes to memory from life there? I remember you both used to go play shuttle, so many visits to camp office, visiting the dam, including inside the dam, going to the temple on the opposite flank, trips to Hyderabad in a Jeep, picnics at paaladhara panchadhaara waterfalls ......

Dad: I really liked our stay there too. I'm also glad we all moved. I enjoyed my work, I had comfortable timings. Go in the morning, come home for lunch, nap in the afternoon,  again go in the evenings, and come back at night.

Mom: Me too...It was a lovely life there. No TV, no relatives,  but good friends, Yashoda aunty, I am still in touch with because we formed such close relationships there. We used to go play shuttle during weekends.

Dad: There was only one theatre for the whole village, and we used to occasionally go there to watch movies.

Me: I remember a lovely garden, a stone wall, a sand pit in the garden.

Mom: Yes, daddy got a large sandpit made for you, half the garden he converted with a tipper full of sand. Every morning as soon as you got up you would go straight to the sand pit to play. You've spent a lot of time in it. You once saw a snake coming in through the wall as you were playing, and you just sat and watched it slither away. You weren't scared of snakes at all.

Me: I recall going down to the dam once when the went into floods.

Dad: Yes, you remember that? We were at the dam in the evening, some days I used to take you just to see how the dam was getting built, and as we were there, the waters rose and overflowed the foundation weir. It was a fascinating sight.

Me: I remember that, in fact there were others telling you to move us, but you allowed us to watch from really close, that's why I can recall the excitement even now.

Ma, you remember when I did a whole big function for my doll? Full marriage and all?

Mom: Vaguely ....

Me: Ayyo, vaguely aa? It was the marriage of my doll with another friends doll. Hussain, our driver and I went to the market to buy clothes for the doll, got them stitched, then bought lots of other stuff, including kumkum bharinis to give everyone. I myself embroidered their clothes. We had so many of our friends come, including your friends and daddy's. So much fun it was.

Mom: Yes, we had no TV or radio then, all entertainment was what we created, so I can imagine you doing it like that. One thing we would all do is read.

Me: Yes, each time daddy would come from Hyderabad he would bring me Enid Blytons. It was so exciting. I had them all catalogued and all...I had a small library by the time I was 10.

Looks like reading was a fancy even before I could read :)

 Praveen and me at the dam site foundation

With neighbours and friends ....thought it was a cute picture

L to R, Matheen, Mobeen, Me and Anita (Anita was my first best friend, who'd come from Hyd to spend vacation with me .... someone I'm still in touch with :)

 Our quarters there, back then

The very same house, still very there, when we went to visit in 2009

And the most amazing thing was that when we walked in and introduced ourselves, saying we lived there thirty odd years back, the lady knew of daddy, recognized him and had such wonderful things to say about him. She was a junior clerk back then. A wonderful way to end that recall.

Will save Seetharampuram for another post :)

Temple of God

I use this phrase in different perspective today.

Context is, we're just back from a surgery that mom underwent, and it yet again brought me close to not just the awesomeness of the human body....... but to the wonder at how surgeons set it right when it goes wrong.

So much so, 'temple of god' seemed apt metaphor for hospital and doctor too.

Discharge from hospital: Menaka, taking back the wrist band and saying 'enka meeru patient kaadu' :)

And this is really more of a wonder because, for over two weeks, up until yesterday, the process was filled with fear, stress, pain, ignorance, anger, confusion........not pleasant feelings... so, for something like that to end in such absolutely happy space, did take a 'temple of god' experience.

(the phrase popped out at me from a book I was reading just now......almost like a perfect fit :)

As with any disorder, the situation started with intermittent symptoms. When they became persistent enough to shake the antennae was when mom saw fit to visit a Doc. One Doc and then another as the Docs said the symptoms were indicative of something scary, very scary in fact.

Then started the tests. Tests...waiting..results....docs...more tests....more docs...and that cycle went on for a longish bit. Simple tests to complex tests. Spread over two weeks. 

This is space for a lot of stress and fear.....we're at our most vulnerable

Under duress, we couldn't help but wonder at tests being repeated within days, some within a day....seemingly illogical. 

It's very easy at that stage to point fingers. Talk of what's wrong with the system. And we so easily pass judgement, judge not just the system, but those who are part of the system too....doctors included. And from our judgement comes anger and pain, and that's not a conducive space, definitely not for sustained healing to happen.

There was a lesson there.....'what do you want to focus on'

There are tests done thrice....there's a doctor who is gentle.
There are queues and waiting time....there's a lady who will smile and make you sit.
The parking was a dread.....there's a valet guy who's sweet.
There's a cafe that's closed.....there's a nurse who comes along with coffee

Which one are you seeing?

Focus on the positives....and you'll make that space grow. This was an experience that surely validated that.

Every facet of the hospital experience was so positive. Right from the gentle and kind surgeon, Dr. Prasad Raju, and CARE hospital....which so fully stood by it's title, where not just it's doctors but even the nurses, the ayahs, the lift boys (girls), the tea boys, the cleaning staff...each of them did such a sensitive and marvellous job, that I have no doubt that mom is on her way to full recovery.

A couple of instances in example......

When mom was in post operative, yet groggy from the anesthesia, and I was allowed to meet her, the doctor asks for her name, and then gently nudges her shoulder saying 'sukrutha, sukrutha......you did great, everything is good' until she registers it........ and then tells me all other details. There was such a personal touch in how he did it. A gesture that brought out the tear and the smile ...one that will stay with me. 

Two days later when we were leaving, if mom raised her hands in a full namasthe to him, I could so totally see why. It's not just about a super efficient surgery...it's about what he evoked in her.

Our nurses, Tia, Stephie and Menaka.....were so sweet and pleasant...that they made the poking, the many many pills and other intrusions seem even nice and welcome.

Another person who left an impression was Parvathi, one of the lift operators. Two days there, and I could empathize with how tough a job that could be in a hospital....the way she handled a really irate and huge man who was just screaming at her. Patient and firm. I was so impressed, I told not just her, but met her manager to give him the positive feedback.

The hospital was doing something right at it's leadership and philosophy level. Every single person there had a nice energy and positive demeanor to them....and it's such a critical component  in a space that's so fragile and difficult. 

Overall, an experience that made my attitude towards hospitals shift...from one of underlying suspicion and fear.....to one of honour and respect.

And mom....well, such a wonderful and easy patient you were ma. Even the doctor later asked me about her, whether she was working, whether she was a doctor...stuff like that.

She handled it all so well.....quiet, calm, no unnecessary drama, focused, all energy conserved towards handling the issue......yet another lesson in courage, stoicism and positivity.  Proud of you ma!