August : Osage County

If I like the slow and subtle movies, this one was such an opposing experience, that it left me with something akin to a disturbed hangover. It’s intense, explicitly vituperative and darkly  funny as Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts take you through depths of intense, strong and seemingly ambivalent emotions. The acting is exceptional all the way round, but predominantly woman energy most of the way.

It’s about three sisters, with families, meeting up at their home for the funeral of their father who has committed suicide. They've all grown into their own complex and highly distant lives, and it's all about how they each relate to one another and more to their dominant dysfunctional mother (played brilliantly by Meryl Streep). Everyone seems to be digging claws into the other, and its so explosive, that not just the house, but even the plains of Oklahoma with their stark empty expanse starts to be claustrophobic.

With each caught up in ones own complexities of life, the coming together brings out the most tumultuous and worst of each of them. You could walk away from the movie, glad and relieved that nobody you know is in as bad a situation, but I suppose it also gives you a peep into whats potentially there beneath the surface in anyone too, like if truth be told. 

There was one instance which caught my attention: On the way to receiving their fathers body, Julia Roberts, at that point likely facing death of a close one (she's her fathers pet) for the first time, is telling her fourteen year old, ‘don’t die before me, whatever you do, don’t. You can live whatever life you want, get into trouble, lead any life you want, get messed up, but survive, just don’t die before me….please’. A touching moment there.

And the very next sequence is at the funeral lunch, when soon after the funeral, the same daughter rushes into the house to turn on the TV, and Julia Roberts loses it with her saying ‘you actually were rushing through the funeral, and were so anxious to not stop for a soda I wanted, just so you could make it back to watch phantom of the opera on TV?. And the daughter throws back a nonchalant ‘maybe’. And we get to the farthest from the touching moment of sentiment and liberation to, 'where is your character going? How insensitive are you? Is this what you're learning?' The contrasts of emotions in relationships.

Another sequence that captures depths of anger and remorse, is between Meryl Streep's sister (Margo Matindale) and her husband. (Chris Cooper). They have a son, around mid twenties, a laid back, soft spoken loser kinds, nice loser types, with Margo belittling and humiliating him, and Chris says ‘we’ve been married thirty eight years, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything, but one more mean thing from you and we won’t see through the thirty ninth year.’

Thirty eight years, and a moment of truth to identify and acknowledge a wrong behavior pattern that breaches tolerance thresholds.

Well....it's Relationships, Marriage, Parenting, with its built in drama, suppressions and contradictions maxed out.

A poignant hangover after a tumultuous ride is what this movie was. Either for the emotional complexities of relationships or the brilliant and powerful portrayals, I'd say it's a worthwhile watch.

Our Very Own Cherry Blossom Fest

The city's turned from the brilliant yellow to a pretty pretty pink…..differing hues of pink. All these pictures from the drive home from work yesterday. It’s so pretty that I had to put it in here, like for posterity too.

I'm in total awe, maybe because I'm yet developing a renewed relationship with Bangalore and these apparently little things just so add to the already deeply felt connection. Also, I somehow associate pretty pink flowers with little plants and shrubs. but to see these huge marvelous trees with only pink and not a single leaf is just jaw dropping beauty !! Whoever said, look to nature to see god....I so hear you.

Magical Search for Co-incidence

I post the write up on the purple flowers yesterday morning, and my thoughts are quite naturally flowing in the direction of what it is that makes simple wants come true. Does the thought actually go out there to explore, initiate and steer a course of action? Does a process get going?

Looks like yes. Because the creeper wasn't there earlier, and that's about how long it would have taken for it to grow in.  So if I wanted to be a believer, I'd have to say, it turned direction when I started to want it, and it took these months for it to settle in and now it bloomed. There was a process, it's just that it wasn't me working on the process. The want was working on it.

What's the medium through which thoughts transmit?  What makes them happen simply and what complicates them? A small anecdote comes to mind, one which was sent to me by Prakash, a friend, (thanks there pal) way back, almost twenty years back, which was my first ever exposure and initiation into the power of the mind. 

It was about this woman who was figuring out the kind of guy she wanted in her life. She was like...I want him to be intelligent, I want him to be trusting, I want him to be charming, I want him to be witty, I want him to be good looking, I want him to be a dreamer, I want him to be compassionate.....and in the end she would be like, gosh, this guy is so perfect that I'll never get him. And that one negative thought was the most powerful because while the rest were all wants, the last one was backed by belief, or rather disbelief. So while all her wants were well placed they would not come to be, because she had no faith that they would. You need to have faith in your wants.

The obvious other extreme of the explanation is 'co-incidence'. 

Soon after I post, I'm making my way through all these thoughts, and how they work and stuff and for no known reason I open TED talks and casually browse and I chance upon this talk titled 'magical search for coincidence'. I click on this link. Seriously I wasn't consciously searching, they were just vague thoughts, and it amazed me. I almost felt like I was led.

https://www.ted.com/talks/helder_guimaraes_a_magical_search_for_a_coincidence

Don't know enough about magic to know how it works, how much is manipulation, how much hallucination, skill, hypnosis or whatever, but I do know its as fascinating. I've dabbled a little in magic, the sleight of hand kinds, as a child. Maybe for that, or maybe for the surreal energy based possibilities it enables, it's always been a favorite, even the word itself ... m..a..g..i..c. Love it. And today it seemed to spring out of the laptop and say, 'Ask and You Shall Receive'. Even if it's just gyan, because at that moment I was just looking for, well....direction for thought. Simple wants :)

Simple Joys.....Huge Thanks

Guess it’s the pleasure from the unexpected.

These purple flowers…..these flowers are off a plant that’s growing on a small street abetting my garden. When I moved here I could see the flowers over the fence at a distance, and I so loved the purple that I scoured all possible nurseries to try and get the plant for the garden, but absolutely no luck there. 

So imagine my joy when I wake up one morning to see the flowers blooming way inside the garden. Well,  guess the creeper happened to grow right in through the last few months, and voila, its suddenly blooming in here. Talk about wanting something, and it happening all of its own. Sure brought in the smile....... the simple thrills and joys....and the thanks of course :)

Yet another SELCO story

This is a story of Kumar, a petty vendor, who had a small kiosk selling very basic stuff. 

SELCO facilitated an Integrated Energy Center, enabling him to supply lights to a community of migrant workers. Kumar has expanded this business from an initial 40 lights, to 70 lights within six months, 90 in a year, and to a current 120 lights.

He has also expanded his range of products to include a mobile charging station, a solar freezer and a projector. The freezer enables him to stock milk, curd and cool drinks, and the projector to show movies twice a week.  

He is now a proud and successful business man earning a monthly profit of over Rs.15,000, and rearing to grow, and what's more, all this within 2 years.

The growth story of Kumar’s Enterprise in pictures:

First conversation with Kumar

                                                          Kumar listening intently

Solar Panels on the expanded store

The store after

                                                    Kumar at business

Kumar showing his batteries

The Solar Freezer which enabled a huge shift in status and business

The king of his castle

Crucial Conversations: The What and How of It

All conversations are not equal. Some are Crucial. What makes them Crucial? 

No, not the importance or criticality of the issue.  It’s a conversation which has conflicting opinion and where emotions run high . 

AlSwitzer consultant and coauthor of the bestseller, Crucial Conversations says:

These are conversations that have a disproportionate impact.

Here's an excerpt from a talk of his: An instance in example of disproportionate impact:

In America two million people each year suffer from hospital acquired infections, and fifty thousand of them die . (Can't imagine what that number in India might be). The secret to resolving this was found to be Basic Hand Hygiene. 

However,  knowing the solution didn't resolve it, as the ones who didn't comply were mostly the people in authority, in power, plus it’s a private act so hard to build in accountability. Most hospitals managed a 50% compliance.

One large hospital decided to implement a simple three rule mandate:

· Wash in and out – each time you step into, or out of a patients room you wash your hands

· Accountability – ask when you see (if you see something say something)

· When Reminded, say Thanks and Wash up. Make it safe for people to tell you.

With just these three simple behavior changes, the compliance went up from 50% to 90%.

Disproportionate Impact of a Set of Simple Skills. Also true of crucial conversations. 

There are 3 things we can do when a conversation gets into the crucial mode:

· Avoid, avoid, avoid 

· Face it, and do it badly 

· Face it and do it well

Avoid: while this may seem the simplest, and easiest way to compliance and peace, what we lose in the process could be valuable inputs and diversity.  It’s typically done when we value relationships over results. We maintain status quo by saying good enough is good enough. What it really does is lower the bar. 

Its like having an automobile which can fire on eight cylinders actually fire on five.  

Face it and do it badly: There’s never a perfect balance of power, some people have more power but all people have some power. When you use your power inappropriately, either through position, expertise or even will power, others react the way they can. Feeling belittled, suppressed can have consequences like gossip, sabotage, and such.  In short there are negative consequences.

Face it and do it well; Here's five tips on how

1. Identify when: Notice when the shift is happening, when a conversation is going from a difficult or tricky one into a crucial mode. Observe when the emotions kick in, you'd typically know your own symptoms.  Learn to identify them as they happen. 

2. Use your Best skills: The moment you identify it as a crucial conversation, consciously use your best skills. Don’t withdraw, sulk or yell.  Ask, Listen and Diagnose. 

3. Time out and Reengage: If you keep doing what you’re doing, it’s not going to get you out of there, it could easily go into a negative spiral. At that point it's best to disengage. Let the adrenalin out of your blood. It could take 5 mins, 10 mins , might even need a walk, but come back in ten mins or whenever, and when you come back think of what you really want. Think of the healthy goals. Its not about being right, making peace, its about getting to the goals you want. 

4. We tend to say things the wrong way: Common incorrect approaches - Avoid,  Small talk, Bad Time, Emotions and Conclusions.

Lead with observations and a question and not with emotions and conclusions. It’s a mistake a lot of people make. Our approach presupposes our own conclusions. Lets be open.

5. End the conversation well: Ending well is important to avoid baggage accumulation. Bring in clarity.

All relationships will have problems. The difference between the good and best are how rapidly and how respectfully the problems get solved.

Too Rapid: Happens fast but compromises respect

Too Patient and Empathetic: Happens smooth but compromises quality 

Anytime you see yourself stuck, it means there's a crucial conversation you are not holding or not holding well. Remember, when you see something, say something. Try it, it will be worth the results. Just work on getting it right :)

Sound of Music

The hills fill my heart with the sound of music…….

Just that first opening line...that first scene up in the Austrian Alps, with the brilliant composition from Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein can literally fill your heart and lift it to such a high….

I must have watched this movie, and singing along too....so many times through those growing years, that when I watched yesterday I found I knew each scene and dialogue by heart, yet I enjoyed the movie all over again. 

Some of these creations are just made to last. Julia Andrews and Christopher Plummer, put so much real into the movie, that  though a lot of people think it's sugary and syrupy, I still feel it makes you believe in all the good things in the world.

She waltzes on her way to mass and whistles on the stair, she’s always late to chapel but her penetance is real…

That’s what one can wish for at any point, right? To be oneself in whatever one picks. To be able to find yourself and your meaning in whatever you do.......even when faced with a choice of the heavenly and serene love of penance or the earthy and passionate one for the captain that Maria chooses between. 

It's also got some brilliant poignant and beautiful moments. One of my top favorites and I'd say one of the most romantic by far, is one during the party, at the ball room dance when Julie Andrews is dancing outside with the younger son and Christopher Plummer comes up from behind with a 'May I' and then the dance itself, so much subtlety and depth there. It's one of those.. nothing said.. but everything palpable kinds.

Everything's done so gracefully that you don't get mad at even Eleanor Parker, the Baroness. Even her manipulations seem graceful. I know I'm going overboard, but then it is one of my forever movies :)

There’s an authenticity and quiet confidence in the characters that makes you believe you can..... 'climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow........till you find your dream'