Valentine's Day

Well, it's 14th February, Valentine’s Day. We could belong to the believers, the sceptics, the cynics or the agnostics, but there's no taking away from that one over arching beautiful emotion of Love.

                                              

I recall a 14th Feb of many years ago: Ravi and I were all set to go out to a romantic dinner and Diksha, who must have been six or so, says, ‘Ma, you don't love meeee?’ Somehow, Valentines day has come to stand for the romantic man woman kind of love,  and it took me that question to say......  it's about love, lets all go.

It’s surely felt for family, parents, children, uncles, aunts, cousins….all of you who matter…..

But some random thoughts on love beyond 

A little into the day today, I received an ‘I love you’ from a girl friend, with some really nice stuff said, and know what? It felt good. Love does transcend. And it’s surely not just the romantic kind of love, a friend love is also as deep, maybe even more, as it openly says a wanting for the person to be a part of life until the end. By choice.

Yet, these are equations that are never given the kind of space they deserve.

I’m talking to a friend, a girl friend, at six in the morning, a few quick minutes when she’s out to get milk, but before she walks into the house we need to hang up........ the husband may not understand why we’re talking so early in the morning.   Any amount of time spent with family is fine, any time of day or night is fine, but with friends? Ah…..ah, not easy to accept. Conditioning?

In fact ones marriages might not last a life time.... most familial situations might come with more restrictions and rules than freedom. Yet they are the accepted and glorified relationships. 

The other day I heard of this instance of a man, retired from work, in the US, who wanted to come back to India to be with his friend, but his wife didn’t want to move back. And he still took the decision to move, while she chose to stay, and he now has a house close to his friends in Chandigarh, and they meet up whenever they feel like it, a drink, cards, walks…… sounded idyllic to me. Takes courage and clarity. 

But our conditioning runs so deep, that to even make a trip out of town to just hang out with a friend is somehow not easy. There’s always something more important back home. There has to be a stronger justification for the trip and the secondary purpose can be a friend.

Now, is there a real difference between a  friend relationship and a romantic one ( the obvious one apart). In terms of intensity, longing, eagerness, there may actually be none. It’s the same desire to want to spend time together, to discover things together, to talk, to share secrets, to listen to good music with, to travel with, to be with.

I believe that a friend love is equally strong in terms of emotional and intellectual headiness and connect and even a couple of notches more peaceful as it comes minus those anxieties and insecurities which a typical romantic relationship invariably seems to come with. 

This one says it well ‘my ECG while waiting for a friend will show the same reading as waiting for a lover. Only I’m not caught up in figuring if his degree of excitement matches mine, and consequently behaving like a fool. There’s a relaxed quality to a friendship because there’s a kind of taking for granted the future.’

Maybe it's just that added layer of whatever that adds the longing, excitement and tenderness to romantic love.  The extra buzz of awareness that makes every cell tingle, that is an exclusive terrain. I'm not going more in there, as we're all familiar I'm sure. 

So be it the romantic liaisons or the friend love, It’s the relationships of choice at every moment of their existence that makes them so special.  Wonderful to love like that.....by choice…..In freedom.....because true love is that which really sets you free……

5 Ways to Become More Self Aware

Self-Awareness lies at the root of strong character, giving us the ability of purpose, openness, and acceptance.

Here's an excerpt from an article that actually tells you 5 ways to become more self aware. It's an article by Anthony Tjan, who is CEO, Managing Partner and Founder of the venture capital firm Cue Ball, vice chairman of the advisory firm Parthenon, and co-author of the New York Times bestseller Heart, Smarts, Guts, and Luck .

He talks specifically from becoming self aware in the perspective of leadership, but then it fits into any form of self awareness. 

                          

Meditate: Yes, meditate. As most people know, meditation is the practice of improving your moment-by-moment awareness. Most forms of meditation begin with focusing on, and appreciating the simplicity of, inhaling and exhaling. But these don’t need to be formal or ritualistic, greater clarity can also come from regular moments of pause and reflection. 

Write down your key plans and priorities: One of the best ways to increase self-awareness is to write down what you want to do and track your progress. Warren Buffet, for one, is known for carefully articulating the reasons he’s making an investment at the time he makes it. His journal entries serve as a historical record that helps him assess whether or not future outcomes can be attributable to sound judgment or just plain luck.

Take psychometric tests. Among the best known of these tests are Myers-Briggs and Predictive Index, but all are aimed as serving as a data point towards greater self-awareness. A common design point with all of them is that there are no particular right or wrong answers. Instead, they are designed to compel respondents to consider a set of traits or characteristics that most accurately describe them relative to other people. 

Ask trusted friends and get regular feedback at work: None of us is altogether aware of how we come across to others. We have to rely on the feedback of our peers, friends, and mentors. To have your friends play the role of honest mirror, let them know when you are seeking candid, critical, objective perspectives. Provided it is done well, constructive, formalized feedback allows us to better see our own strengths and weaknesses. 

In the end, everyone benefits from self-awareness. It’s only with self-awareness that one can journey closer to a state of “self-congruence”, where what we say, think, and feel are consistent. Building self-awareness is a life-long effort. You’re never “done.” And tools help. Pick the ones that work for you, they just make the process more efficient and their practice will help you move faster and further along the way.

A Bird In search of a Cage

The title first caught my attention, and then when I read what he’d said in just those three lines, it hit deep. This is from Seth Gordin’s blog.

'So much freedom, so much choice, so many opportunities to matter.

And yet, our cultural instinct is to find a place to hold us, a spot where we are safe from the responsibility/obligation/opportunity to choose. Because if we choose, then we are responsible, aren't we?'

Think about it; how many of us are either in search of that cage or are stuck in cages we’ve already found, and choose to stay in because we think we don’t have in us the ability to choose? How much of that is conditioning?

In fact this is exactly what Jiddu Krishnamurthy talks about. How the human mind has been conditioned, shaped, moulded since millions of years and how we still allow our basic instinct of fear to create the framework from which we operate, and that's what causes all forms of conflict. It is conflict when we force ourselves to fit into a particular pattern established by society, by religion, when we discipline ourselves to conform to a pattern.

And what would it take to break through? Not in some distant time but immediately? It is mindfulness, meditation, not in terms of sitting down to meditate per a system, but as in..... to ponder over, to observe, to pay attention, to learn. To make the mind extraordinarily sensitive, alive, not burdened by the past and therefore free.....in essence, to be aware !

Trip to Goa!!

Goa is like another world. Everyone’s in this super chilled out mood… a natural bonhomie in the air. It seems to come from more people just being that bit more themselves, like a window away from reality and that’s what renders itself to a genuinely fun atmosphere. The well known…… 'what happens in Goa stays in Goa' kinds.

We stayed at this place called Raman (pronounced Ramon) Cottages on Calangute Beach, a quaintish and quiet property, pretty much on the beach . And we picked Calangute as we wanted a proper Goan experience rather than a serene beach experience, and we got loads of that :)

Aunt and Mom as we got to Raman Cottages

They have a bunch of super friendly staff, and that’s a critical part of a nice holiday in Goa as you tend to spend a lot of time on the property itself. We had Manoj, the all round guy there, great cook, who also alternated as masseur ( I got a brilliant foot reflexology from him). Then there was Maity, a fit, honest and frank fellow full of little tidbits of interesting fundas on life.

Manoj and Maity in their kitchen

Mom, totally inspired by the special jadoos for sand :)

More inspiration from Sandy...a tattoo artist !

It was four days of awe inspiring sunsets, long walks, good food, streetside shopping, wine and music. 

I heard ma sing after a really long time and among the songs were; yeh raate, yeh mausam, nadi kaa kinara and suhaani raat dal chukhi...and one super cute telugu jaana padha geetaalu.......sure set the mood for a melodious night.

Beach side ware for sale.....
She was pretty as a painting I thought !

Very pretty stuff from Tibet

In terms of sightseeing, we did a visit to the Basilica of Bom Jesus, or Borea Jezuchi Bajilika in Portuguese, which has the mortal relics of St Xavier. It's more than 400 years old and can be visited any day of the year while the body itself is open to public viewing once every ten years with the last one having happened this January. This world heritage monument has emerged as a landmark in the  history of Christianity in the country. 

Basilica of Bom Jesus

                                                     

Fort Aguada Jail

Then it was a boat ride to see dolphins…we got to see a few tail fins and a few humps but the general excitement seems to get to everyone. Overall nice fun.

I did a lot of Jiddu Krishnamurthy there. His writing is so abstract, complex and I must say convoluted, that I can read a whole book and if asked what it’s about I’d basically have a couple of things to say. Guess that’s what philosophy is all about. But then I enjoyed reading him and I’d like to believe that there’s a couple of notches better understanding of things. :)

The Sea, the sunset and JK was nice !

This was a really special trip because it was with my mom and aunt, who are very dear to me. Considering seeing goa was a long standing desire for both of them and it was on the cards for over an year now, and to think we actually did it against all the odds...... it’s a different level of satisfaction in itself, and it enabled a deep down nice feeling. Thanks, both of you ! 

The girls at Goa !

Another SELCO Story - The Siddhi Community

Yesterday at work we had an Innovation Workshop, and trust me we had a tough time picking which projects to present as there are so many that involve innovations at various levels, product, financial, approach, collections, so many. That's the super interesting thing about SELCO, the focus on what and how best to customize to reach the outliers who typically get left behind by the system, rather than how to scale to reach the masses. Yet another level of 'focus on the user'

One of those stories is of the Siddhi Community:

The Siddhis are originally from South-East Africa and were brought to the Indian subcontinent as slaves by the Portuguese merchants between the 16th and 19th Centuries. After independence, apparently some went back to their own lands and many migrated into the forests of Karnataka.

Today, the Siddhis here live a rather secluded life and are fairly 'backward' educationally, socially, and financially. They live in real remote areas as there is a high level of discrimination they face from the locals on account of their different racial features and color ( and Indians complain of racism). 

Their livelihood centers around forest based activities like selling arecanut , de-husking forest products, honey and basket weaving. They still follow the barter system ( actually until SELCO happened and introduced them to the banking system and access to finance, but as Harish said, we don't know for good or bad :) ) .

Kerosene was their only source of fuel for lighting, and even for that they had to travel really far to the nearest access point, spending a lot of time and a good chunk of their earnings

The local branch manager was telling us how it took them two years from 2009 to 2011, to just earn the trust of the community, and then to convince the local bankers to extend loans to them. 

It's still an ongoing process that started in 2011, but now 59 of the households have a 2 bulb system installed. Each system costs Rs.8500 and it takes each household around 4 years to repay that loan. The total loan now is around Rs. 5 lakh and to convince the bank to sanction the loan, SELCO had to initially put in an amount equal to the loan as fixed deposit, and over the years, as the repayments were regular and their credit worthiness increased, the deposit amount needed have now come down to lower and lower levels. They now have 47 systems in Yellapur, 11 in Hunnashettykoppa and 1 in Umachagi. 

The Solar Panel on one of the huts

The reaction of one of the users ' It's like having sunlight by night' ( closer to the truth than regular electricity is huh?)

And some of the other impacts mentioned were, their being able to use their evenings for more income generating activities such as basket weaving, areca nut dehusking which in turn increases income levels, womenfolk no longer having to endure kerosene fumes while cooking, higher level of 

protection from the many many insects and reptiles in the area, as its deep forest and high rainfall, children doing better at school, and finally financial inclusion.

Yet another validation of the basic tenets of SELCO,  breaking the myths that a) the poor cannot afford sustainable technologies b) the poor cannot maintain sustainable technologies. The Siddhi community, with that little initial help, has done and built on both.

Pune Day 2 - Off Campus

Pune has a huge student populace and there’s a lot that the city offers to this yuppie crowd. We started the day with a really continental brunch, at this place called the Flour Works, where most of the menu was like totally unfamiliar stuff, atleast to me  What I really liked though, is this little cosy corner they had with a couch and a nice collection of books, and folks could stroll in and just sit around, munch and read. It’s a place you go to spend Sunday mornings, not a place you go to just eat, a concept that’s not part of the Idli Dosa culture I guess. (I still love my Idlis and Dosas)

Flour Works

And after a nice and conversational meal, we decided to actually do some sightseeing in Pune.

We first visited the AgaKhan Palace

The Aga Khan Palace was built by Sultan Muhammed Shah Aga Khan III  in 1892,as an act of charity to help the poor in the neighbouring areas of Pune, who were badly hit by famine.

The palace is a pretty and picturesque structure with huge arches and wide spread lawns. It is however, known more for its close link to the Indian Freedom movement as it served as a prison for Mahatma Gandhi, his wife Kasturba Gandhi, his secretary Mahadev Desai and Sarojini Naidu for two years following the Quit India Movement. It is also the place where Kasturba Gandhi and Mahadev Desai died and are buried.

The Aga Khan Palace

The Palace from another lens

Cold Cream used by the Gandhis.
I'm a complete cold cream loyalist, so I had to get this one :)

The Samadhis of Kasturba and Mahadev Desai

We next visited the Shaniwar Wada, an 18th century fort of the Peshwa rulers of the Maratha Empire. The fort itself was largely destroyed in 1828 by an unexplained fire, and what survives is mostly the ground floor walls and the foundation. It's even said to be haunted by the ghost of the young prince who was said to have been assassinated there, and local lore says they can hear his cries for help on new moon nights.

The Shaniwar Wada Fort

The entrance gate which is large enough to
allow for Elephants with howdahs

What's left after the fire....just the entrance (far end)
and the foundation

Dhruva looking at what he thought were graves
as they were below the foundation

The sightseeing trip ended with a nice nostalgic ganne ka ras  :)

Ajmer..... a Deeper Connect

When I visited Ajmer last month,and I said there was this whole feeling of ‘it was meant to be’, it was just this feeling, a want that you become aware of without understanding, but surrender to without question. 

This morning I’m talking to my mother and the conversation struck a cord……I realized the connect could actually be coming from way deeper than 'just a want'.  

What she said kind of intrigued me. Unlike what I had thought, this was apparently not my first trip to Ajmer. I’d been there as a child, maybe when aged one or two or maybe even earlier, and she'd felt such a deep connect to the Dargah, that she started sending them money every year, and they would send her back rose petals and some prasadam equivalent each time. And this she continued right through until just a few years ago and stopped only when the post office stopped doing money orders….a solid 40 years plus of the practice. And I wasn’t even aware of all this until she told me now, when she read the blog post. But I’m now wondering about the beyond-us factors that create connections.

You almost feel the something beyond that's at work, be it within yourself or in the universe. Like if one reaches out right, you can touch those channels which are otherwise beyond reach. It almost makes me wonder if we can work on the how.....living in the now, meditation, what have you, that enable access beyond the din and noise of the mind, into deeper recesses, be it within oneself, like into the subconscious levels, or even beyond, into the universe itself. That's as abstract as it gets :)

To me, even before I went, I knew the visit was going to be a tipping point in life. The take away? Listen to those wants, they are not as random as they seem. We may not immediately know all the connects, but they do enable energy shifts which have deep positive impacts.

Dargah Shareef

So thanks ma…grateful for the connect.

Rose petals.....focus and you can experience the fragrance, across space and time :)