'Seize the moment'

Setting off to Udaipur and Mount Abu later today.

Yesterday, Amit and I were talking about it....and he spoke of this 'seize the moment' stuff.

It's so true. That moment, that moment of the thought getting formulated can come so gently, so unannounced, so unassuming, that it's so easy to miss it. Then to allow it in.....let it take root....and bring it to fruition, all that is conscious space stuff.

It's the possibilities that come to be with ones radar being tuned enough to hear that whisper. You hear it.... and there can be so many more fulfilling experiences.

This one, of this trip, came while watching a movie, Dhadak....and mom and I watched it together. It's shot mostly in Udaipur, and during one of the breaks she said "would be nice to go to Udaipur, no". My initial response was one vague, rather sceptical smile. But somewhere through the movie, I guess it got captured.... because end of movie  I was like "shall we really go ma?".

Couple days later she's like "what's around Udaipur?", and then she walked into her kitchen where, almost innocuous in presence, she has a map of India (it's moved from her house to house :). And then we're searching, and she's like "Mount Abu is pretty close". I've always wanted to see the Dilwara temples, so I could feel a new tremor of excitement too. 

......and three months later we're all set to go.

Seize the moment is so right.

While what's exciting is the trip itself.....what's adding depth is also that it's yet another mom daughter trip :)

Meeting Max

Diksha had some friends over last week. As she introduced me to Max, she said "he's cycling through Nepal and India.........and he's going for Vipasanna next week."  

By sheer chance I got to spend a whole thirty minutes with just him, and that gave opportunity for a conversation worth capturing.

That's Max,  Maxmillan Richter

Me: So, tell me a little about it....tell me about what brought you to cycling in India.

Max: It's a long story, we started in Nepal and it's been an intense experience, parts wonderful and parts really tough. We don't have a planned itinerary, we kind of just go from one  place to another, as we find out about new places. In fact Diksha told me about Dhanushkodi, and I'm thinking I'll next do that, or Kanyakumari.

Me: Who's 'we', how many of you?

Max: There's this other couple...and I got to know them by chance, and then we got really close, they've now become almost like foster parents to me. It's the three of us who've been on this cycling trip so far...... they're now taking a break, and have gone to Srilanka. After the vipassana, I'm continuing on my own.

Me: So, from now on you're cycling by yourself ? How do you feel about that?

Max: It's a whole new thing, and I'm excited and also a little nervous about going solo. The whole experience is about stretching ones own boundaries, up until now I did it with these two friends.....so this is my next barrier I'm breaking.

Me: I'm going to take you back a little, to how this story started.....tell me a little about what inspired you to take on something so challenging, what made you choose to push beyond the usual? What's your background?

Max: Well....it all started a couple of years back. I'm from Berlin, I'd done my business management program, had a good job, and then I met this really interesting woman. She influenced me a great deal, and I somehow started to feel that if I really wanted to live life, I wouldn't be able to do it through a job. The thought began there.

Me: What made you pick India as against anywhere else in the world?

Max: I initially didn't quit, I took a sabbatical of sorts and first thought of trekking the Himalayas...I did that with a group of six, and that's where my attachment to India began.

It's later that I met this couple who were into cycling, and were going to Nepal, and I really liked them, I liked the idea of cross country cycling.

Me: Did you have to prepare a lot for the trip?

Max: Yes, I needed to get to a whole different level of fitness. I sold my car, bought a cycle and began cycling to work. It was interesting. I'd cycle to work, have a shower in office and then get into my suit and tie. It's quite conventional in Germany.

Me: What did your parents have to say? How old are you? Were they anxious, do they worry about where you are, how you are? How often do you keep in touch? That's the mom in me asking, so tell.

Max: My dad doesn't as much, but I think my mom does. She gets a little concerned so I make sure to keep her informed of my whereabouts, atleast whenever I have wifi.

Me: How do you plan the trip and how do you find your way around?

Max: The plan's kind of vague, we just decided to start on the east coast. And I have an app which enables me to download maps which I can access offline, and I use that for internal roads.

Me: Tell me about how the experience so far has been....some instances from the cycling itself.....good, great, tough...anything

Max: In Pharping, Nepal, the road was up a mountain, and there was no road, it was a gravel path, impossible to cycle, so we had to get off and push our cycles up.......it's cycles plus 40 to 50 kgs of luggage weight, and it's altitude, and gradient....so it takes a lot of energy.....it was very exhausting. But you have no go, you just have to keep going.

There's times when we can't stick to plan, something like that could go wrong, and if we'd planned for 50 kms that day, we need to accept only 25 kms and settle anywhere possible for the night.

Sometimes it'll become undoable and then we'd hitch a bus and ask if we can put the cycles on the bus.

But then, I also think Pharping is one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited. Even cycling, we went back to it twice because it was that beautiful.

We also had a lot of visa issues. India issues visa for 6 months, but only for 90 days at a stretch, so to stay longer I need to break and visit another country. That's why my friends have gone off to Srilanka, and I need to figure what I'll do.

I'm going off for the vipassana tomorrow for ten days and I'll figure after."

Some pictures he shared from his journey, put here with his comments (in quotes):

"Start in Kathmandu" ................the flag off moment !!

The cup of tea before the flag off moment

"On top of the road after a hard 'climb' south of Kathmandu, on the way to Pharping"

"Chai break, South Nepal"

"New friends in Bodhgaya"

"Last day in Nepal, Lumbini, 8th of January '2019"

"Chai in Calcutta"....a truly candid picture, the reactions of the onlookers are just so interesting :)

"On the way to Chennai on a highway"

"exchange of road experience, India" (lots of visibly non verbal communication happening there :)

"Getting a flat tyre repaired, I had three flat tyres that day..."

"Somewhere in India"

"My bicycle" ( he sent this with a lovely little red heart which just said sooooo much )

Off the trip, at home that evening....a picture with Diksha and Hamsa

Good luck Max, with your vipassana, and the rest of your cycling journey....and your deeper journey of self discovery. I'm so in awe of your nerve, energy and courage in taking on something like this....it's been fascinating talking to you about it !!

The moon yesterday

Well, day before yesterday actually.......we're all sitting around in the drawing room.....and mom suddenly, with this deep indrawn breath says " just look at that moon".

While these words can get evoked on most any day, and especially so on a full moon day, this moment when she said it......the vantage, and the moon were literally breathtaking. Red as red can be...that super blood moon. 

So much so, it made each of us, Dhruva, Praveen and me get up in turn and go to the balcony for that better view. In that moment it was just over the horizon, visible through her plant bushes in her balcony, and looking quite ethereal. 

And ofcourse the cameras had to come out, though they could but capture only a small part of the experience.

While the pictures above are from Praveen's phone, this one's from mine.....telling me why it's worth investing in a phone with a better camera .

And this one's from Google, just to show why the moon that evening took our breath away ..... and what we couldn't capture on our phones .

These are moments when one all over again, realizes why it's so worthwhile living in houses with a view of horizon, especially east facing horizon :)

Instant Gratification

This was a thought triggered while writing the post on the type writer.

More specifically when I wrote about how it took three days to a week for a letter to be sent out, this even after we shifted from typewriters to computers..... that was just the accepted norm.

In fact I remember the culture shock I had when I joined Google.

Google has this concept called TAT (turn around time), and it was one of the critical performance parameters, applied at all levels. TAT measured how quickly one went from one step to another, be it putting up a proposal, creating a presentation, or responding to an email. I had to adapt to a TAT which went from 'x number of days' into 'x number of hours'. It was a deep shift.

And that was ten years ago.

Today that shift has spread into all facets of life.

Diksha and I are driving someplace, there's a song playing, and before I can finish wondering whose voice........Diksha's shazam will have the answer.

My mom's reminiscing about old time water cans and how it was so much more fun to water plants, and I place that order on Amazon........ within minutes, specific colour, specific size, all delivered at home in a day.

If there's a middle of the night craving for a cream stone willy wonka, all one does is open swiggy....

Friends sitting around, and there's a quote one is trying to recall....well...no points for guessing.

Amazon, Netflix, GPS, Big basket, Dunzo, Ola, Myntra.....and the likes have all enabled a high level of instant gratification.

We all have several such instances in our lives......yet, yet we will grudge this generation their tuning into instant gratification. Process and effort have their space.......but then so does immediacy and access. We will try and teach them the value of patience, of waiting, without pausing to contextualize......and what's worse....be judgmental in the bargain.

Who really are the ones not tuned in here????

A Whacky Meet

This happened at the Mithai music launch, and was such an absolute surprise. This is a chance meet with Bhushan, who seems to have quite the whacky character in the film.

Once the launch was done, we're just chilling, then we get introduced to Bhushan. He looks at me and says "I know that face". After a couple minutes again "I know that face" ...and I can only smile.

In a little while he comes alongside and says "I definitely know you, come on Smitha, give me your line up". I start with central university, ramkote, rosary....no clues.....he says "my mother is Manjula Kalyan", and then my turn "is she by any chance associated with AMS... does Indira Katari or Sukrutha strike a gong?"

And he goes ....omg, that's it.....and within minutes he was like "how's nandita, and harshitha, and sheelu and samhitha, and bubu uncle and sagari .......and that list just went on and on".  

And then the stories started, of stuff done, how thick it was,  and he had such an amazing memory that soon Praveen and I could join into the recall, and it was then on stories and more stories. He not just knew cousins, but knew cousins boyfriends, movie escapades....just every itsy bitsy detail.

One cute story: "that man from Dunlop, what was his name he was something else really", and Swaroop's like "Sethu aunty's husband?" "yes him, what's his name" and Swaroop goes "Dunlop uncle?" :)

Praveen : "was it your dad who was called lebbe, (cause he said 'let be' to just about anything?)" "yes man, god bless him, he's no more, but that's him alright"

At one point Dhruva was like "wait, are you family or family friend?". And Bhushan was like "you see Dhruva, there is family, and there are friends, but this family was way more than friend, they have become family... likely more, they were like my inner most circle"

Bhushan is now a Tamil cinema director and more recently has forayed into acting, and again when Dhruva was like "so are you a Director or an Actor?" he's like "well, why can't I have a wife and a girl friend? Directing was what I got into seriously, but acting has always been my thing, right from school I'd want to be on stage, and everywhere I got a chance I'd go say 'select meeee', and so now I have it see "

Praveen, Bhushan and me:

It was quite the amazing thing, and so much fun.......till next time Bhushan :)

Mithai - Music Launch

My first movie music launch......

In a film world....there's quite a story that led upto it, and quite a story during too......so so filmy :)

First the movie. 

Mithai is a debut of film director Prashanth, a friend of Swaroop's from college, and he's quite the personality. You see him and you know it.....and you hear of him and you know it more. Prashanth is from Bihar, studied in Manipal, and landed in Hyd. As Shafi said on stage " "ఇతనికి ఒక్క ముక్క తెలుగు రాదూ , తెలుగు సినిమా ఎల్లా తీసాడో " (he doesn't speak even a word of telugu, it's a wonder he created a movie in telugu).

He apparently wrote the entire movie in english, and then got it translated. He has produced and directed the film, and going by the sequence of events, like Swaroop said, it's hats off that he managed to complete the film.

Infact, Prashanth himself spoke of how there would be days he would have no money on him at all, and he'd still start the shoot.

In terms of context; Swaroop was here on a visit a few months back when he went to meet up with Prashanth. He'd just quit his corporate advertising job, and Prashanth quickly roped him into advertising for the film, and that's how the story of Swaroop's involvement with the film came about.

Some stories I've heard over these last couple months:

Prashanth literally lived in his studio, he made the metaphor 'eat, sleep, breath film' pretty literal. Apparently, he would be up until two or three in the morning working........sleep right there in the middle of everything, no mattress, no pillow nothing, just pull up a mat and use a backpack for pillow......and then be up in a couple of hours back again at work. 

It's that madness of creativity, of faith, of a dream......it's a wow.....and I must say a huge big kudos to him for believing in himself, for that ability of putting everything he had at stake to make that dream true.

A quirky story......apparently he wanted a dog in the film, and when he asked around, found that trained dog actors are really really expensive.....and he said "I'm not even paying my stars that much.....let's just get a goat instead", and he actually has a goat for the role in the film.

If his dressing is fancy, his car is as flashy....it's painted this weirdest of colours for the movie, and I recall Swaroop saying it was such an experience when they would go out for lunch and give it for valet parking.

Even from my distant vantage I can see what an effort it's been. 

Here are some pictures from the event:

The ritual of the big CD being uncovered.

Prashanth with the lead actors and Vivek Sagar, his music director. I think this was also a moment where he connected into himself.....those deep moments of emotion.

He had this unique band from old Hyderabad, urdu folk music, which was a super hit with the audience.

Shreya, one of his lead singers....such a powerful and beautiful voice she has.

The audience. The launch was at Hylife.

Bhushan, one of the senior actors speaking.....Bhushan was a whole different story, which I must put into another post :)

Prashanth ( I told you flashy didn't I :), Swaroop to his right, Praveen and Dhruva

Me, with Prashanth and Swaroop

Huge Congratulations Prashanth !! So so deserved, and I'm sure you'll be an inspiration to many who aspire !! 

Many many best wishes with Mithai !!

Writing to Typewriting

This morning, I had an article titled 'Five Brilliant Writers and Their Advice to You" in my inbox........and I sat down to put some excerpts here. 

Well.......I found my mind unwilling to move beyond the picture .....the picture of this typewriter.  

Whooosh.....there was a memory onslaught !

It's so true that memories are stacked together in some fascinating order, cause once that thought process started........it seemed to just go on :)

I had visuals of dad's typewriter at home, and how it was so important that it would be kept covered , and how I'd need permission to use it. How for a period it had a key ( p) missing, and it had set me off on "you're missing your p's (and not q's) daddy".

Then at work.........guess what, we had one typewriter and one typist for the entire office. I'm talking a pretty large office here, but that was how it was, a specialized job. Once we had our letter ready, we'd have to put it in his tray and wait for his time and grace, and it could be anything like a day to three before it was typed and back on our table. That was the pace of life. 

And what's amazing, we had typewriting institutes that taught us how to type. I actually went one college summer. Did the course, not like I wanted to be a typist, but I just loved the typewriter, so I went.  

The sheer joy of that clickety clack click of the keys.....the kkrrrrr kkrrrr of the line change mechanism....don't know if it was as wonderful then, but the recall of it now sure feels such a joy :)

A Poem

THE MORE LOVING ONE 

by W.H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well

That, for all they care, I can go to hell,

But on earth indifference is the least

We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn

With a passion for us we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am

Of stars that do not give a damn,

I cannot, now I see them, say

I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,

I should learn to look at an empty sky

And feel its total dark sublime,

Though this might take me a little time.

A differently fulfilling hour

Sunday evenings, on the dot.... exactly 5 pm I'll hear the door bell ring ...my group of students for spoken english.  Unbelievable just how consistently punctual they are.

This was something I started a few months back, started with just three kids, Ramesh, Yogi and Pranit...... and that grew to five..... and now to seven.

The English apart, it has such unexpected wonderful moments.

The nice surprise was when Veni, Pranit's mother said, "madam, nenu kuda raavacha, vutti vintaanu "(can I also come, I won't disturb, I will only listen)

I could only look at her with awe. "Ofcourse, and why only listen...... if I have to learn football, they will be teacher and me the student, if I have to learn rangoli, you will be teacher and I the student....age doesn't matter, so of course come, and fully participate"

It's two weeks back that Vishnu and Bhaskar (Pandu) joined. Bhaskar is so shy, that leave alone talk, I won't see even expression on him, at best I'll hear a whisper when I talk to him. Second week, I sat him down next to me, and asked :

"so tell me, what do your friends call you?"

Bhaskar

"what do your teachers call you?"

Bhaskar

"what do your parents call you?"

Pandu

"what would you like me to call you?"

His face literally lit up with that shy and yet uncontrollable wide smile as he said "Pandu maam". Those are moments to die for.

And now even when they see me on the road, they will make sure they talk atleast that one sentence in English, giving me occasion for that one more smile.

Another picture, me included :)

While the explicit purpose is English, there's so much more that one can do in a group such as this. Widen horizons, enable aspirations, share culture, have fun......it's all there, and each of these holds good as much for me, as for them.

A 'tuned in' conversation with Diksha

done sunday lunch....we're both standing in the balcony and looking outward

there's almost ten minutes of absolute, comfortable silence... and then I break it to say:

"this money plant in the bottle here...I changed it's water this morning, after a longish while, and found it's roots have grown this long.....almost two feet long "

Diksha: hmmm...

Me: that's really long, and it was all squished within the bottle, so I gave it like a hair cut, gave it space to breath kinds

Diksha: hmmm....

Me: and what's funny is, there's not been one new leaf in over two months

Diksha: hmmm....

Me: Strange no, it's like it's growing one way and forgotten to grow the other

Diksha: hmmm....

(and I started laughing)

Diksha: Is that like your update for the day... your highlight of the day, or is it a cover up?

Me: sharp catch .... no, I've done two sessions, plus likely had one of my most intense conversations yet

Diksha: the money plant is not for no reason ma.....when you hit bottom, there's only one other way to go....and that's 'up'

I find myself just staring at her open mouthed......

and she's like  "cha, I'm becoming more and more like you "

I could only smile........after all metaphors are one of my favorite routes to aha's :)

Quote I’m pondering

“Without courage we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” — Maya Angelou

Why I'm even putting this quote here is because of a quirky, though interesting observation.

Last week I'd done a post titled "Courage". Today when I opened my analytics page I was kind of surprised to see that it stood out .....

Stood out for 'least read' post; So much so it caught my attention.

And I believe it's saying something.

Are we even afraid to know about 'courage'? Does it become a call to action which we are happy to look the other side of? Does it take energy which we believe we don't have?

And then this quote of Mary Angelou becomes even more relevant.

What are all the other values we are compromising by our unwillingness to get to that space of courage. 

Courage is an attitude....it's the 'how' we live life. It's what contributes to the quality of life we lead, living by our values....our feelings, our thoughts......living in integrity.

Connect the dots

This is one line of Steve Jobs that has stayed in my mind: "connect the dots"

He spoke of how the dots connect in retrospect. He gave the example of a calligraphy class he'd taken long ago when he was drifting...... and how that eventually led to the types of fonts that we now have on our computers. (I forget how he's responsible and not Bill Gates, but it's there somewhere :)

It's so true.... if you can connect the dots (in retrospect) to see that larger picture that emerges, it's a fascinating process, and you'll see an oh-so-beautiful picture emerge.

This comes to mind today because I've just started on an internship in Clinical Psychology, which was nowhere on the horizon even just a couple months back.......and it's this whole amazing opportunity and just such an exciting space to be in.

I couldn't help but connect the dots that led to this.

They are all just so so disparate. I'd say they happen when you tune into yourself, listen to those whisperings, articulate them, want them. It's actually like that connect the dots game we'd play as children, not linear, and so seemingly random. Definitely  not the default settings.

That's what I mean by saying we need to be tuned in.....need to catch the quiverings of the radar, be able to own that alternate route ...... and then have what it takes to walk that path. It will likely be an off the trodden path.....so it does take that extra something.

That extra something will involve listening, decision making, courage, process, effort, conviction.....a little bit of all of those and more :)

But find it in yourself and you'll see not just doors open, but whole new vistas beckon.

I so agree, it has made all the difference in my life too :)

Don't be afraid to do these .....

A write up from Marc and Angel, that sounded nicely articulated. We come across so many of these nice sounding write ups, that most times we don't read.......like don't really really read ...but when you do, when you absorb, when you process, when you can be that, bit by little bit......is when you'll see how much of a difference they make.

And I believe, repetition does not spoil the prayer........so here's excerpts

There’s nothing more inspiring than the complexity and beauty of human, heartfelt feelings. 

Sadly though, many people let the fear of judgment numb and silence them. Their deepest thoughts and feelings often go unspoken, and thus barely understood.

Don’t be afraid to accept and appreciate life’s changes.

You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. 

Sometimes the changes we don’t want are the changes we need to grow. Let this sink in. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck.

You may think holding on makes you strong, but oftentimes it’s letting go and starting anew that truly builds your inner strength.

Don’t be afraid to live your truth.

Accept your flaws. Admit your mistakes. Don’t hide and don’t lie.

Deal with the truth—your truth—every step of the way. Your truth won’t penalize you. Your mistakes won’t hurt you. Only your denial and cover-up will. 

Flawed and vulnerable people are powerful and strong. Liars and phonies are not. Every beautiful human being is made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with trials and errors. And remember that life’s best gifts may not always be wrapped the way you expect. 

Don’t be afraid to give yourself enough mental and emotional space.

Your biggest limitations are the ones you make up in your mind. The biggest causes of your unhappiness are the false beliefs you refuse to let go of.

You are capable of far more than you are often thinking, imagining, doing or being. But in time you will gradually become what you habitually contemplate, so clear your mind and let your hopes, not your fears, shape your future.

Don’t be afraid to make more time for the right relationships.

Never settle for being someone’s option when you have the potential to be someone’s priority. Choose yourself rather than settle for those who treat you as ordinary. 

Don’t be afraid to learn something new.

Life is a book and those who do not educate themselves read only a few pages.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” 

When you know better, you live better. Period.

Don’t be afraid to live out some of your dreams.

There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t settle for the default settings in life.

In a world with so much noise and clutter, you must make room for what matters. 

Seriously, too many people dream only at night in the quiet of their own minds, and then awake to find it was all an illusion. Don’t be one of them. Dream by day, too. Be one of the people who dream with their eyes wide open, and who works to make some of them come true.

Don’t ignore death (or any form of pain), but don’t be afraid of it either. Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take action on what matters most.

Truth be told, death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive and breathing.

Be bold. Be courageous. Be scared to death, and then take the next step anyway.

Soooo Cute....

Diksha messaged me one recent evening to say "ma, I bought us something"

"what?"

"It's soooo cute"

"tell...tell"

"I think you'll love it"

"arre...tell no what"

"you've got to wait till I'm home ma"

and then she brought in this little thing......and she was right, I think it's the cutest thing to enter our house. And that's why it's getting on here :)

I focus on the plant and get them from wherever I can, but she's got some real cute plant holders, like this one.

We're both now into succulents, it's like our latest add on and I'd daresay, challenge. These tiny little plants, in tiny little pots. They're very fussy...... need just the right amount of water at just the right frequency. It's taken us a few losses, and a few months to figure how to care for them. 

These are some of the others

But must say, we've put heart and mind into it....and now we've learnt enough to even propagate them.

And in process, experiencing the joy of a shared passion :)

When even nostalgia feels stretched

It does when it's from 38 years back !

It started with receiving these messages "hello stranger" "this feels unreal" "so, miss smitha mahendra......willing to catch up on 30 years of history?".

A few messages exchanged, identities confirmed....and he's like "get on a call baba, this feels surreal"......and that call went on over two hours.

So here's the bachpan ka love affair that was reminiscenced:

It was 1981. I was 17, actually we were both 17. He was this really sweet, crazily cute looking guy, in a college close to mine. His bus stop was on my way home, and each day he'd be sitting there across the road, waiting for his bus..... and each day we'd catch each others eye. This went on over a month. 

Until that one fated day, when I chose to cross the road to say " ankhon hi ankhon me bahuth hogaya....hi, I'm smitha".

It's no wonder today he said, "gosh, you had balls".

Back then a relationship meant, sitting in taj for hours at stretch and splitting a coffee by two (one never had more money than that),  and catching the occasional movie (pocket money day).......holding hands would be the big deal. Then again, he remembers me introducing him to my parents (I don't). Amazing thing is he seems to recall what my father looked like, but couldn't remember what I looked like. Can you believe that !?!

He only remembers me being this, hold your breath (cause I held mine)..... articulate, intelligent, bold, confident, put together girl, who didn't give a damn about anything.

That fairytale time went on a few months, and then he went off to London. Supposedly to visit his uncle, in fact to buy wrangler jeans he said.....and then never came back. No cell phone days, forget cellphone, neither of us even had a landline, and we didn't have each others address ......so that's how that story ended.

You can just about imagine how catching up now was like....so many quaint memories..... some remembered by both...many which only one of us remembered ....which made it even more fascinating....

as most of what we did was go 'omg... really... wow....crazy....nuts.... jeez ' :)

It's a choice

Yesterday I received a message and an email, from two different sources......both provoked by the death of a close one. 

Both started with how death makes us realize the fact that our lives can be way shorter than we expect them to be.....and then the message went two entirely different paths.

One spoke of how death should awaken us to appreciate what we have, to not nit pick and look at issues, to not look for what we don't have,  to be happy with what we have.........and so on

The other spoke of how it's about realizing that we live only once, and how we need to make it 'right', to find yourself now, you don't have forever, do those hard things, make those changes you've been wanting to.... don't settle for less.

They are so contrasting, that it all over again brought out how 'thoughts and quotes' are but contextual. 

My take:

If I'm living in a compromised space, no death of a close one can flip that around.....sure it can make me appreciate some part of it, for some period of time.....but you can't alter that into a fulfilled space. 

If somethings bothering you, look at it. You absolutely need to do those hard things to be fulfilled in the long run and from deep within, because it's those hard things that grow you and change your life. 

They make the difference between existing and living.... between knowing the path and walking it......between a default life and one filled with possibilities and optimism.

It's a choice.....

This day - 7 years ago

One of those times that the Google 'rediscover the day' took me back....

back to a family get together from 7 years back. Today, ammammaa is no more...... nor is the house in which this took place. Both gone.

How much more precious are the memories.....

So grateful to Google.....for enabling these moments.. to rekindle and relive cherished experiences.

When I received this in my inbox Shobha was here, in my kitchen, busy cooking ....so I showed her the picture, and told her about 'rediscover the day'. She and Upendra have lived in kamlesh aunty's house for longer than anyone in the family ...... watchman, maali, cook, driver, caretaker, confidante, companion........they were just everything there for all of twenty five years.  

Shobha looking at the pictures this morning, and she took it to a whole different level of worthwhile.

She had her own treasure of memories .....

"here was the sapota tree, and there the pomegranate tree, here the hens coop, one of those hens would follow me everywhere...... here the mandaara....."

"that day ammamma wanted to wear a saree......then we searched for her favourite housecoat....you liked my aapams...."

"you remember the snake that almost went over your leg? (like I could forget, it was a massive cobra, and when I all freaked out ran to Shobha, she'd said "oh yes, he comes quite regularly, it's ok :)"

"diksha would give kutti a bath here .....that day I had made dum biryani and pooris....... " 

and that conversation went on and on......over two hours....through so much laughter and joy.

Some more pictures from the day:

Janardhan Uncle, Diksha and Samhitha

Three stalwart uncles..... Ramu uncle who was Chief of Indian Navy, Bubu uncle Wing Commander in the Indian Airforce, and Janardhan uncle a cancer researcher and Professor at John Hopkins University (or Northwestern , I'm forgetting). Well, the picture spoke :)

Another family pic, with ammammaa in place of honor (and me next to her :)

And I had to add, Kutty and Rani.....what a riot pair they were, Rani's tail was kutty's favorite plaything, as you can see :)

Two hours of a wonderful wonderful reminiscence .....