An Intriguing Conversation

This is from yesterday:

I call a friend. She picks up the phone. I hear; "Heeyyy Smithaaaa, did I call you? or did you call me?"

I was naturally quite taken aback; "what?....I called......what kind of question is that ? "

She: " No, no...I've had you on my mind for a while....let me explain......I've been reading this book on Existentialism and Humanistic Psychology and their views on authenticity..........and to help process,  I've been having a continuous conversation with you, in my mind, over the last three days"

Me: "Wow....and how does that work? and I'm curious..... so what was my opinion on authenticity?"

She: "hmmmm......actually you just kept asking me questions....questions that helped me parse through for myself....I think I put you in a therapist seat, and thought of what you'd ask...or maybe you were there, through out of body consciousness"

I was blown.

Shree is a Shaman, and a Tasso practitioner, so I wouldn't be surprised if she could have actually swung something like that.

Shree, thanks pal. For the honesty with which you said it........and for putting me in that seat :)

The repetition of stories

From Seth

It’s not difficult to maintain a grey cloud and a sullen outlook. The event is long over, but the story remains.

A proven approach is to keep repeating the narrative that led us ever deeper into this memory hole. As with a missing tooth, we probe that spot, over and over, examining it from all angles, again and again, in order to keep the story fresh.

On the other hand, forgotten stories have little power.

And the same approach works for a feeling of optimism and possibility. Repeating stories (to ourselves and others) about good fortune and generosity makes those stories more powerful.

What happens to us matters a great deal, but even more powerful are the stories we repeat about what happened.

Did it at last !

The lovely feeling one gets when there's something gotten done.....that's not urgent....not necessarily even important....but just that little something that's nagging.... and sticky....and unsure

I had one such experience today:

This last month or so, there's this lady who drives by our road every morning, pulls over opposite our building and honks....likely a car pooling pick up.

She'll come in her fancy sun roofed car, and honk....and honk again....honk, honk, honk...again and again and again. Trust me that horn is as powerful as that car. It's bloody loud.

Each time, it stuns me......intrudes on the quiet, intrudes into thought. Sometimes I'll just wait for it to end....sometimes I'll get up and go to the window, but she has her glass rolled up and I can only retreat.

I vented to Diksha the other day, telling her just how insensitive it was and how annoying, and how I was wanting to complain, but wasn't sure. Diksha was like "you totally should ma, isn't that what you've told us.... to do the right thing... how does it change if it's a little thing ?"

Armed with that moral support, when it happened this morning, I did more than just get annoyed, I called our watchman and asked him to go knock on the car window, and get her to look up.

"I have a request.....can you please use your cell phone rather than honk, your honking sounds like it's for the entire colony"

That's all it took ....... did it at last ....... that feeling that can make you dance a jig :)

The Instigator

From Seth

In The Wizard of Oz, we meet a powerful heroine. Dorothy is resolute, focused and honest. A generous partner, leading her friends to where they seek to go.

“C’mon, let’s go,” is a great sentence, worth using more often.

It doesn’t require a permit, a badge or a degree.

It’s simply the work of someone who cares enough to lead, at least right now. And right now is enough.

The Marvelous Mrs Maisel

I binge watched yesterday. Had no intention of doing so....... was in fact looking for something to watch for a shortish gap, and picked this instead of a movie as it had come strongly recommended by Sagari.

And what was supposed to be a half hour, slowly stretched to over five....and still counting

A beautifully made series. It's set in New York of 1950's ....the period look, the attire, the culture, the hats, the black twirling telephones, the male chauvinism, class distinctions, the stuck upness............... with some super interesting characters to hold the story.

A story about a woman finding her voice (pun intended), no not music but stand up comedy. It's a riot....one filled with guts, gumption and sheer joy.

Diksha walks past me in the first ten minutes of watching, when I still had a 'should I...shouldn't I' look on my face and said "it grows on you ma, stick around some more".

Sagari had said "I think you'll really really like it...it's made by the same people who created Gilmore Girls, it gives you the same warmth and vibe"

Sagari and Diksha, thanks for egging me on....I'm loving it !

Crazy, Stupid, Love

Crazy enough title. The movie's pretty smart, not cynical at all........pretty charming...........goes around picking up some crazy things that happen to nice people...... and more, the crazy things nice people can also do. 

The movie starts with Cal and Emily, a middle aged couple, having a cozy dinner;  he asks her what she wants for dessert, and she says she wants a divorce. Cal, who has grown complacent in the marriage is stunned. There's other relationships, for him and for some other nice characters in the movie.

And it's a movie, so last twenty minutes you see a lot of unlikely things come together to make it an 'all's well that ends well' closing ........told you it's not cynical didn't I :)

A Lovely Feel

A heart lifting read: 

Amit, thanks much for this early morning smile.....for having sent me this clip..... and the warm fuzzy feeling I get with anything that rekindles my association with SELCO :)

Taramani

My first tamil movie, and that in itself was a nice experience. I so love the language.

I'd split the movie into two....the first half was nicely put together. An independent, free spirited and bold woman, Diya, who can so stand up for herself, in relationship with Prabhu, a nice but possessive guy ....each so different from the other....and the story of how they each discover themselves.

The second half seemed an effort to show up societal flaws ....just that it picked way too many, and in process scattered the plot thin. 

One that deserves mention was the handling of a gay relationship, which was done with sensitivity and care, and deserves a kudos.

A core character was also Chennai, with the urbanized culture, the hub dub of a busy metro and the ethereal beauty of it's beaches.... the characterization of the place was so well used.

The city and it's landscapes was beautifully brought out through some stunning cinematography, especially so as the story plays out from a pent house of a high rise, and from a little suburb station, Taramani.  Lovely music....haunting and melodious. 

Overall, very new age and must give credit to Ram, the director for the effort to show that mirror on society and it's very many anomalies, in the backdrop of a complex love story.

Courage

I'm continuing to read David Whyte, so here's another excerpt I found beautifully captured:

"Courage is a word that tempts us to think outwardly, to run bravely against opposing fire, to do something under besieging circumstance, and perhaps, above all, to be seen to do it in public, to show courage; to be celebrated in story, rewarded with medals, given the accolade, but a look at its linguistic origins is to look in a more interior direction and toward its original template, the old Norman French, Coeur, or heart.

Courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, with another, with a community, a work ; a future. To be courageous is not necessarily to go anywhere or do anything except to make conscious those things we already feel deeply and then to live through the unending vulnerabilities of those consequences. 

The French philosopher Camus used to tell himself quietly to live to the point of tears, not as a call for maudlin sentimentality, but as an invitation to the deep privilege of belonging and the way belonging affects us, shapes us, and breaks our heart at a fundamental level. 

It is a fundamental dynamic of human incarnation to be moved by what we feel, as if surprised by the actuality and privilege of love and affection and its possible loss. 

To be courageous is to seat our feelings deeply in the body and in the world: to live up to and into the necessities of relationships that often already exist, with things we find we already care deeply about: with a person, a future, a possibility in our society, or with an unknown that begs us on and always has begged us on. To be courageous is to stay close to the way we were made."

Maturity

Any book on wisdom will tell us;  

'be in the present'

'it's the 'here and now'

'all you have is the present moment'

As with any quote or cliche, we know everything is nuanced...contextual...so also this.  There is no absolute truth. 

In the absolute, a "here and now" "be in the present" can strip life of depth and meaning. 

It is not about letting go of ones past or ones future, it's about the ability to hold both in each present moment.

Every thing that makes us what we are today is from our past, from the experiences we have, the connections we make, the meaning we've derived, the stories we hold....... to let go of all that would be to deprive ourselves of a lot that matters.

The future matters.. isn't everything I do or learn or teach or be also a step into the future...doesn't it hold my dreams. My dreams that took birth in my past, have brought me to my present and hold hope and trust and faith into the future, my next moments....

Can we expand the present moment to hold the past, the present and the future.

That is what enriches and empowers one to love life.

In this context, a write up on maturity by well known poet David Whyte, resonated:

"MATURITY is the ability to live fully and equally in multiple contexts; most especially, the ability, despite our grief and losses, to courageously inhabit the past, the present and the future all at once. The wisdom that comes from maturity is recognized through a disciplined refusal to choose between or isolate three powerful dynamics that form human identity: what has happened, what is happening now and what is about to occur.

Immaturity is shown by making false choices: living only in the past, or only in the present, or only in the future, or even, living only two out of the three.

Maturity is not a static arrived platform, where life is viewed from a calm, untouched oasis of wisdom, but a living elemental frontier between what has happened, what is happening now and the consequences of that past and present; first imagined and then lived into the waiting future.

Maturity calls us to risk ourselves as much as immaturity, but for a bigger picture, a larger horizon; for a powerfully generous outward incarnation of our inward qualities and not for gains that make us smaller, even in the winning.

Maturity beckons also, asking us to be larger, more fluid, more elemental, less cornered, less unilateral, a living conversational intuition between the inherited story, the one we are privileged to inhabit and the one, if we are large enough and broad enough, moveable enough and even, here enough, just, astonishingly, about to occur."

Waking Life

This is by far one of the most trippy movies I've seen.

It's a character walking around from one dream to another, the dream pulsating with more life and depth than real life is. In those dreams meeting people who throw out these  articulate, intelligent, probing ideas and theories on the meaning and purpose of existence.

It's the kind of questions and conversation that you might ask as you're growing up, and then adult life takes over and we are perforce moulded into norms and expectations. We move from 'what is the purpose' to 'what did you eat, or which mutual fund gives best returns'.

It's like literally trippy. When I asked a friend if she'd seen it, she said "is that the one where the thing is always in movement, in ripples, and nothing is static?" "That's how it feels when you're on LSD....it's a whole different dimension of experience" :)

It's so difficult to watch even visually, that I had to spread it over five days, else my head was beginning to spin for being unable to focus, plus to process those crazily intellectual and philosophical thoughts that are put there in abundance.

The movie has no real story, it's like listening in on someone else's fascinating conversations....as intriguing as crazy....i read the phrase 'deliriously verbal' somewhere which I think describes it best. 

It once again wakes you up to life, and ironically enough through dreams.

It's a Richard Linklater film, and he's so experimental...I've loved his films (the before sunrise, before sunset series), and I actually found this by searching for his movies. Will need another watch for sure.

A Quote I'm Pondering

“Those who do not weep, do not see.” — Victor Hugo

The more I think about it, the more profound I find it. 

This one I came across today in Tim Ferris's (of the Tribe of Mentors fame) weekly mail. In fact I  subscribe to it more for the quote he picks than anything else, as I find them nicely thought provoking.

This quote becomes profound from two angles:
one - how significantly it expands the scope of life experience, and ironically,
two - how much we are restrained from being there

Our deepest connections, our deepest joys, sorrows, fears, successes and failures.......they are all emotions. They are experienced in the space of feelings. And the more you tune in .... the more you nurture them, the more they expand experience.

The source for each is the same..........joys and sorrows, tenderness and vulnerability, achievement and failure....are all felt in the same space.

You limit one, you limit the other.

The expectation seems to be that you can feel joy, express joy........but not the other sticky feelings. Expectation seems to say (be it societal norms... our own near ones, and funnily enough, from self as well) that we 'shouldn't feel sorrow' 'shouldn't cry', or worse, you'll hear..... 'don't be a sissy' 'how weak are you' 'boys don't cry' 'how can an adult cry'. It's stifled right through.

We talk about finding ones passion.....but somehow seem to believe it has to give us only joy. How does one draw the line between passion for things we do, but not for the connections we make.....for the nice and positive emotions, but not for the intense and difficult ones. We want to get picky. Uh ..uh....not happening.

It's a package deal. Connect in. Embrace the feeling.

The mantra  is 'feelings, thoughts and actions aligned'.........the space of integrity.

And what's beautiful is that this alignment enables the deepest peace and fulfillment...it's what can be called true happiness, the one that comes from finding meaning and flow.

Carl Jung says it best: "if you're not in touch with your inner emotions, it's like having a colour television, and watching it in black and white".

or Kahlil Gibran - "weep all your tears, to laugh all your laughter"

and even Sadhguru today - "there is no substitute for involvement, where there is no involvement, there is no life"

Let's embrace that - get in touch with our selves, our full full selves

Go find a ladder

From Seth

While it might be fun (or appear expedient, or brave, or heroic) to try to scale a cliff with no tools, it turns out that ladders are a more effective way to level up.

When it’s time to drive a nail, a hammer is a lot more useful than a rock. Even if you have to invest in obtaining one.

Often, we spend most of our time throwing ourselves at the wall instead of investing the time to find a useful ladder instead.

Perhaps, instead of restating our audacious goals, we spent more time finding useful tools – insights, skills, trust, attention, access – instead.

It’s worth the search.

Another of Diksha's Puppy Rescues

This one started with a call at one in the night "ma, wake up please ma....ma listen......there's a puppy, he looks injured, he's alone......can I please bring him home?". 

A couple of sleepy questions and she had her 'okay'.

She's not home for an hour after, and finally comes to wake me up again with "ma, get up no, I took him to a clinic and got his shots and all....help me settle him in".  I don't even know why I bother saying 'no diksha' at first, because within ten minutes I'm searching for old towels and bowls.

Story was that, returning from a night show she found him lying in the middle of the road. She got off to put him on the kerb, and then found he was injured. As she was trying to figure, a car with a mom and daughter stopped by, but the mom was in a rush and they left.....then another car with another woman stopped, and Diksha says she was so helpful.

Together they took the puppy to Dr.Dog's, a round the clock dog clinic, where they got his wound cleaned and he got antibiotic shots as he seemed to have a severe infection.

Then the scene shifted home.

Next morning I'm only peeping at him through the window, but Diksha goes.... feels his pulse, looks in his eye and came back with "ma, I think he's dying....I need to take him to the doctors, and if they feel they can't treat him, I'll have him put down.... can you come "

I decided to go along. And I had this big question in my head "If he's sick, where's he going to stay...... if he dies, what are we going to do... if he gets better also, then what ", but Diksha was too focused and resolute on the puppy to even broach a discussion. Actually I tried, but was quickly put down with "ma, he's struggling to even breath, can we just look at this now please, rest I'll figure, don't worry...I'm already looking for places"

We drive to the docs, the AllVet clinic which is Diksha's favourite. While Diksha was holding the puppy, I'm telling the doc the story, and somewhere half way through I find myself choking on ...."I think he's dying as I speak, can you please look".

It's at that moment that I realized that Diksha's nerves were made of different mettle. I needed to wipe tears, but she held the puppy through the examination, the yelping, the cleaning, the saline....it's not nerves, it's a different kind of love....just so beautiful to even be witness to.

The whole of yesterday was pretty much puppy day. Saline done in the morning, they had asked us to try feeding it, else bring it back. It was way too weak even evening, take it back was the only option. 

Treatment done, search for  bigger carton done, back home and puppy tucked in..... and we're now off to get Diksha's shots. The last time round that she had done eight puppies they were clean and mother was around so we'd done no shots. This one was a whole different story. It had all signs of illness, bad signs. 

In fact the night he came he was frothing at the mouth, and I'm asking "Deech, I get how you feel, but to expose yourself like this is bit much no" and I get in return "so ma, I see a puppy, alone, scared and hurt on the road, and I leave him to die? that's the right thing to do ma?". 

How does one even argue this?

You don't. You support it.

By this time I was already down three thousand, worried about infection, like not bacterial infection...but stuff like tetanus and rabies...  and wondering what's next. 

And while one part of me is sitting with this question....I'm hearing myself tell diksha as she's getting her shot  "you're something else only deech, so proud of you ......and more than me, I'm sure thatha will be and he'll be happy to know that gene of his is safe and growing with you".

Just look at that puppy, and you'll understand:

 Literally skin and bones....

Diksha  asks "want to sit ma?" and I'm like "if I have to hold his hand and sit for half hour, no, it's okay, you only sit".(he was folding his hand in and that was stopping the drip going in, so diksha held his hand through the half hour each time). How that one glove was supposed to protect her god only knows.

Diksha had 'a moment' through the episode, which she narrated to me later, and I'd totally missed; the vet saying " I think  pre-exposure anti rabies shots should be enough for you, but better you ask the human doctors ". Says so much.(it's that subtle language bias see...vets and doctors as against animal doctors or human doctors...equates status nicely : )

For One More Day

For One More Day - Mitch Albom

Mitch Albom, seems to have  'Death' as central theme in his books. His well known 'Tuesdays with Morrie' did, and so does this. Death not as difficult or morose but to bring out how "it is an end, so what are the chances we are missing out on when alive".

He explores here the question of what you would do if you had that chance to come back for one more day.......what would you do? 

Mitch is a devout believer in the power of love and relationships, and in this book delves into the relationship between a mother and son, one that seems to flit between real and ghost....haunting, magical....real.

Charley, a broken man, not invited to the wedding of his own daughter, wants to die...and then gets a chance to spend a day with his mother who died eight years earlier, and that's his chance to fix things he did wrong by his mother, and in process deal with his own ghosts.

Alain de Botton on 'The Hard Work of Love'

I'm putting a few excerpts which I found nicely articulated......and while this is in the context of romantic love, several thoughts would fit any other relationships of love as well.

"One of the greatest insults that you can level at a lover in the modern world apparently is to say, “I want to change you.” The Ancient Greeks had a view of love which was essentially based around education, that's what love means. Love is a benevolent process whereby two people try to teach each other how to become the best versions of themselves"

"Of course by the time we’ve humiliated someone, they’re not going to learn anything....the problem is that the failures of our relationships have made us so anxious that we can’t be the teachers we should be. And therefore, some often genuine, legitimate things that we want to get across come across as insults, as attempts to wound, and are therefore rejected, and the arteries of the relationship start to fur"

"We don’t need people to be perfect, we just need people to be able to explain their imperfections to us in good time, before they’ve hurt us too much with them, and with a certain degree of humility. That’s already an enormous step"

"We must fiercely resist the idea that true love must mean conflict-free love, that the course of true love is smooth. It’s not. It’s no fault of mine or no fault of yours; it’s to do with being human. And the more generous we can be towards that flawed humanity, the better chance we’ll have of doing the true hard work of love"

"Psychological dynamics are everywhere, even in sex. And so often, we think of sex as just a sort of pneumatic activity, but really, it’s a psychological activity. And if you try to imagine why people are excited by sex, it’s not so much that it’s a pleasurable nerve-ending business; it’s ultimately that it’s about acceptance.

And the meaning we infuse into it is, “I accept you. And I accept you in a way that is incredibly intimate and that would be quite revolting with anyone else. I’m allowing you into my private space as a way of signaling, ‘I like you.’ We call it getting “turned on,” but what we’re really excited by is that someone accepts us .....takes delight in us. That’s what’s exciting about it."

"It’s when we are in love that we take particular offense when they get things wrong. Because the kind of the governing assumption of the relationship is, this person should know what’s in my mind ideally without me needing to tell them. And that’s such an extraordinary demand."

When people always say, “Communicate,” we have to be generous towards the reasons why we don’t. And we don’t because we’re operating with this mad idea that true love means intuitive understanding. No one can intuitively understand another beyond a quite limited range of topics.

It’s the work of love. 

"The work of love is to try, when we can manage it — we can’t always — to go behind the front of this rather depressing, challenging behavior and try and ask where it might’ve come from. Love is doing that work to ask oneself, “Where’s this rather aggressive, pained, noncommunicative, unpleasant behavior come from?” If we can do that, we’re on the road to knowing a little bit about what love really is.

And our friends don’t tell us because they just want a pleasant evening with us. So we’re left with a bubble of ignorance about our own natures. And often, you can be way into your 40s before you’re starting to get a sense of it"

"Let’s not forget that one of the things that makes relationships so scary is we need to be weak in front of other people. And most of us are just experts at being pretty strong. We’ve been doing it for years. We know how to be strong. What we don’t know how to do is to make ourselves safely vulnerable, and so we tend to get very twitchy, preternaturally aggressive, etc., when the moment has come to be weak.

But we feel often conflicted about it. "

"There’s a lot of fear of slippery slopes. In many situations, we can hang on on the slippery slope. It’s OK. It's about getting the tools to hang on in there."

Sapiens

A Brief History of Humankind - Yuval Noah Harari

This is one space I think 'brief' gets redefined.

What Yuval Harari does here is touch evolution from way way way back, and not as paleontology or archaeology or sociology.....but with Sapiens as center. It's an amazing macro level view of the journey.....how we've reached where we've reached. 

I heard that Harari did ten years of vipassana, a full month each year, before he wrote this book. Don't know how true or exaggerated that is, but I can clearly see why that would fit. Just the quantum and diversity of information that he has put together to create this tome, would need that kind of mind space.

The first two pages is the timeline, starting from 13.5 billion years ago when matter and energy appeared, down to 200 years ago of the Industrial Revolution, 50 years ago of the Scientific Revolution....onto the present.

I think I took a half hour or maybe even two days to just process those first two pages. It's the feeling you get when you're just stepping into the sanctum sanctorium of an old large church, an over whelming feeling that just takes you over. (I say church and not temple, because architecturally churches do that best)

One concept that seems to underlay it all is of the cognitive revolution, wherein man, rather Sapien created this reality or construct in shared imagination, which paves the way for each future evolution. And in that he brings out how so many constructs we accept as real are but creations from man's need for power and dominance at one end, and universality and convergence at another.......be it the economic system, system of caste, the institution of marriage, or even God.

While he's writing in full earnest about evolution of the Sapiens and the structures surrounding it, and you are engrossed in processing the complexity of the compression, there's humor that laces many an observation.......I had many a laugh aloud moment, especially as he inches closer home.

The chapter on the scientific revolution was electrifying in the connection and coherence he drew through it all. Columbus and Megallan and Amerigo Verpucci sprang alive from the ghosts of history text books to tell a tale of adventure and grit. Facets like cartographers creating maps with empty spaces, with an invitation to explorers to fill in was like out of a fascinating Sci-Fi novel....mind blowing stuff.

The Industrial revolution caught my fancy like a thriller novel, I was walking around with the book in my hand, through breakfast, lunch and dinner. Funny thing is there was nothing new. Yet when you read about something as simple as invention of electricity, how it changed lives, how in Mary Poppins even as late as in 1930 they yet used gas based street lamps, a lot of dots connect to create a wondrous story.

And those absolutely hilarious cultural quirks; like when aluminium was discovered, and how for decades it was more expensive than gold. In the 1860s Emperor Napolean commissioned aluminium cutlery to be laid out for his most distinguished guests. Less important visitors had to make do with gold knives and forks.

That said, I did find places in the book which seemed a tad opinionated, and perhaps didn't fit perfectly into the whole. For instance he seems to suggest that the shift from 'Hunters-Gatherers' to the Agricultural Revolution was detrimental to the Sapiens growth, he says that repeatedly, and then later in the book we have him say that the flux in human cultures does have a direction... it is moving towards unification.

How then can an agricultural revolution be not part of a unification direction. Felt like an aberration.

Anyways, that was one such thought.

In terms of pushing understanding of some seemingly unanswerable questions, the perspective is truly enabling...... and I'd say it's one of those direction changing books, where every once in a while you get to step back and reassess, and it's impossible to get the kind of vantage he provides in one place in 480 pages. Just for that, it's such a big wow !

It's not an easy read....  takes a lot of processing..........but for those up to it, totally worthwhile ! 

Once Again

A beautiful portrayal of a mature romance...... with brilliant and soul stirring performances by Shefali Chaaya and Neeraj Kabi.  

It's extremely slow moving, almost at a meditative pace............ through deep joys and soulful moments...through challenges and issues...... be they their own quirks and traits set over the years, or through their children or through the larger society.

There's tremendous chemistry....her huge and expressive eyes....his brooding personality ....and a lovely backdrop of the sounds of cooking and the streets of Mumbai, which add a lot of character to the film.

He a well known actor, and she a restaurateur running her own kitchen. A relationship that stays on the phone for many years, until they just have to meet. 

Some nice symbolism where she says she is afraid of the sea, and he of the mountains....looked to me like her fear of taking the deep dive, and his of  scaling those heights...... the struggle in embracing those deeper desires and the guilt and fear of judgement.

Another thing that stands out is the way the daughters, both sides, are supportive of the relationship, but the son is not...he is more sensitive to image and opinion, and becomes a thorn in the space., a thorn that rips the very fabric. Stereotyping I guess, but largely true that daughters are by nature more empathetic.

Soulful and melancholic music nicely blends with the mood...

I loved the movie....and it's time to say that thanks to Netflix , as I doubt such cinema would see the light of day in theaters. 

A Millennial Little Thing

Yet another anecdote which had me agape:

Yesterday Diksha said she's going out for a short bit, as Sav, her close friend, 'wants to go check out a bike' . 

They're back in under two hours.....bike in tow. A pulsar, not a cycle mind you.

To my astonished expression.... raised eyebrows, open mouthed et al, she says:

"that's how it works on OLX ma"

Apparently the guy they bought it from is someone from the army, and he himself was taken aback.  He'd put up the advertisement just that morning, and was thinking the process would take a week and that he would have the bike for the week, after which he was moving on transfer. But once Sav liked it, negotiations done, he was like "where's the nearest ATM, I'll take it now".

Honestly, for all my exposure to their generation and way of life, I still get amazed. 

If we can park judgement and keep that open mind, it's a crazy fun ride with them.... even pavilion view :)

When you know your children have grown beyond you

If there's one practice I'm glad to have developed, it's of how much I consult with Dhruva and Diksha. 

It's my 'pause for perspective' .... 'push those thoughts' time

Especially in spaces containing ambiguity or moral dilemma, be it within my circle of experience, or one witnessed from the outside, I will flesh it out with them. I've always loved to push thought...... get to the deeper 'whys'......enable connect into ones own beliefs, and many a time in process call out the conditioned responses and false assumptions.

And today, it's at one time annoying, and exhilarating when I see them use it on me.....call out my assumptions or quirks in behaviour. Especially if I'll try and defend, they will point out quite precisely where I'm being the hypocrite. 

Precious moments of learning and joy.

The deep joy you experience each time you get occasion to witness such clarity of thought. Especially when you see it articulated to the T.

One such recent moment was when Diksha helped me make a difficult decision, and in process had messaged me these few lines, which I thought were quote worthy:

"Some people are not strong enough to ask for help ma, but I'm sure they are glad when they get it"

Take a bow girl....it's times like this that make parenting even more worthwhile.

Elizabeth Town

A warm and gentle movie, around difficult spaces like failure, death and love......and some nice lines in between.

The movie opens with "a failure is simply the nonpresence of success. Any fool can accomplish a failure. But a fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions.” 

And that's what we journey through alongwith Drew 

                                

The fiasco is of Drew's atheletic shoe design, one that he has worked on for eight years, crashing at the market and bringing down with it a company of 972 million dollars. He is on the verge of suicide, all planned and ready for execution, when he learns that his father has died and he needs to go arrange things in his home town in Kentucky.

On the way is the meet cute with Clare, his flight attendant. Through that relationship and his meeting with family in his home town, is where we see the play of death and the exuberance of life.....and it's juxtaposed quite beautifully. 

What one will see is the possibility of recovering from failure and dealing with the loss of a loved one.

There's cute scenes and life lessons....a few which stayed

While they're great at long conversations on the phone, and are trying to be just friends, there's a moment when Crew kisses Claire.... passionately enough for her to say “Most of the sex I’ve had in my life was not as personal as that kiss.”  Another one I found cute: "You are always trying to break up with me and then saying we are not even together"

A couple of realizations that empower Drew;  ' a royal blunder never occurred from a quest for mere adequacy' and  'Success, not greatness, was the only god the entire world served' 

Plus it had good music .....a worthwhile watch I'd say.

The AMB Experience

Once we decided to go watch Mary Poppins, I told Dhruva I'd book in Prasads. His reaction was "why so far amma?"

I had no real reason, except maybe a subconscious one of popcorn being sensibly priced :)

I asked him to pick his choice, I'd book, I was open.....and imagine my surprise when ten minutes later he sends me ''can we go to AMB gachibowli amma ?". 

After my reaction of  "what?!? how is gachibowli nearer than prasads, kanna?", and Diksha's of "WTH ma, why we going to gachibowli for a movie?!? ", I still booked this theater I hadn't heard of until that moment.

And we went.

And was it fancy !

Inside the theater. That's almost the whole of it, just 5 rows. And this movie, there was a total of 6 people, including the 3 of us :)

Dhruva and Diksha well ensconced in their seats

Guess it does redefine movie watching. The seats, actually couches, are so comfortable and recline and stretch any direction..... and with my shawl, it was like how I'd cozy up at home to watch.....except watch large screen :)

Mary Poppins Returns

Couple days back when Diksha said "Ma, I want to go see Mary Poppins, want to come?", I was just so excited. I didn't know there was a 'Mary Poppins Returns' in town.

I roped in Dhruva as well, and said for old times sake we should all go.  They remember their ammamma getting them the video cassette of the movie from the US, and the the three of us likely having watched Mary Poppins on the DVD player maybe thirty to forty times. 

We each had our own favourite song recall from the movie, it was that etched in memory. Every time the children had to take a medicine I had a 'spoonful of sugar' humming, and I sometimes do even now with Diksha :)

It didn't disappoint. It's a totally new movie, and not a remake. Yet they did pretty much the same story with Mary Poppins visiting the same house on 17, cherry tree lane, just with the next generation.   Michael Banks, back then around ten years of age, twenty years later is now a widower, in debt and at the risk of losing his home. His sister Jane yet the more practical one is  helping bring up his three kids, and hopefully save the house.

Emily Blunt as Mary Poppins was brilliant, and until I saw her, that first few seconds landing in the grass on a kite, I was a little skeptical at seeing anyone but Julie Andrews in that role. Old London was brought out as beautifully.... lamp lighters, chimney sweepers and all...the first film was set in 1910, this one is 1930.

Meryl Streep as Topsy, a cousin of Mary Poppins, was super cute....a very gypsyish person whose entire world turns upside down every second Wednesday. What a cute concept.

Every song was plugged into very similar sequence, each equally beautifully choreographed, though I wished they had some clips of the old songs.....enough to have me back home and onto you tube :)

Overall a thoroughly enjoyable experience, as full of nostalgia as presence !

Leap Year

A simple, straight from the heart, sweetly and neatly delivered romance. It's like you know exactly what's going to happen.....the cute meet, the differences, the conflicts, the hurt, the love.....and yet you enjoy the watching.

What also definitely adds is the breathtaking locales of Ireland, the little villages, the cliffs and shorelines, a little bit of Dublin, the Irish pubs....would have made a lovely big screen watch. 

Couldn't help but see the similarities in the movie to DDLJ....and considering Leap Year was made way after, was wondering if it was a reverse rip off :)

Also brought back a memory........my only tryst with Dublin, a stopover at the airport; an Irish Coffee.......a cocktail of hot coffee, Irish whiskey, brown sugar and whipped cream, and that too at 6 in the morn ! 

Overall, I'd say cute movie....albeit made nicer by locales and memory :)

From Steinbeck

The Necessary Contradictions of Human Nature: 

"There are events in our personal lives and our collective history that seem categorically irredeemable, moments in which the grounds for gratefulness and hope have sunk so far below the sea level of sorrow that we have ceased to believe they exist. But we have within us the consecrating capacity to rise above those moments and behold the bigger picture in all of its complexity, complementarity, and temporal sweep, and to find in what we see not illusory consolation but the truest comfort there is:  that of perspective."

I so loved the paragraph, no, not for Steinbeck's inimitable style and intensity, but for how deep and uplifting the thought is.

All of us learn to deal with those moments, all of us have our own backpack of flaws and mistakes..... dealing with which is not the big deal. We all muddle through.....difference is  in 'how we deal with them'. We mostly cope and in so doing, let them leave scars.......either on Self or on Relationships.  

The uplifting and lucidly hopeful part is in the perspective......if we could look at it not just as coping, but as actually getting true perspective, we could do so without losing in the bargain. 

Yet be our fullest self, and likely grow through the perspective.

Why trying to do the right thing is difficult

An anecdote from yesterday evening:

I got home around 9.30 pm yesterday, to find all our gates getting quickly closed. When I asked Anjaneyulu what was happening he said "there's a mad man who is trying to get into houses in the neighbourhood".

And even as we spoke, this man came into one of our gates, and Anjaneyulu ran to shoo him out, that's literally what he did. There was an edge and fear in his voice, which I seemed to pick up because I found myself rolling up my car window.

I drove in, parked, got into the lift..... and then better sense took over.

I got off and went out to see what was happening. By this time there was a small group of four to five people, and there was this 'mad man', and all of them telling him to go, some of them shouting at him, some of them laughing at him.

I found that he was clearly disoriented, nor drunk, coherent but also not talking sense, middle aged to old. He had a band around his wrist, likely belonged in an institution. 

He'd just get shoo'd out. Then what?

I suggested one of them walk him to the police station and have them take over.

Raju, a driver here said he could take him on his bike. I thought it was really nice of him, and left the scene thinking it was done.

At 10.30 pm I get a call from Raju, very angry and upset saying " madam, I listened to you, and now I am stuck. The police are saying I have to take responsibility and take him to an old age home, and that they will send a vehicle and constable...I shouldn't have listened to you, I knew this would happen". 

He yelled and hung up. I was in a quandry.

I called him back and asked if I should come. I could see an immediate difference, he calmed down. (it's the difference that moral support makes, be it 'to us' or 'by us'). I asked if the SI would speak to me. He luckily did.  But I found we were talking at cross purposes....me telling him no old age home would take a random stranger in without any credentials, and he telling me he was putting him on the police whats app group for missing persons ( in the middle of all this I couldn't help but be impressed that they were using what's app like that). 

It took persistence....it took three calls to the SI, as he kept hanging up on me.....a tense three conversations as I wasn't sure what I was letting myself into.  But suddenly at some point it shifted....he got convinced.... he agreed to let Raju leave, and take over responsibility. 

End of incident, the feeling that I, and hopefully Raju, were left with is 'yes it's difficult to do the right thing.....but it's also possible to do the right thing'.

A Quote I'm Pondering

Quotes are interesting, as they say much in so little. They can be ones that resonate, or ones that push those buttons....provoke thought, make you look within,

This one in my morning mail caught my attention:

“What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact.” - Warren Buffet

Thought it's a good place to start the year too.........as any growth means change :)

Experiences and Stories '2018

The year's had several singularly fulfilling experiences, each with it's own stories and narratives......

1. Paint and wine evening at home with Diksha : 

This evening, last Jan was about painting and emotions. It was so deeply touching and wonderful..... and seemingly so easy to do, that I thought we could do it more often....but it somehow never happened again. All the more reason to cherish it.

2. Experiencing a Super Blue Blood Total Lunar Eclipse

A once in 150 years event, and it was like super bonus for me, as I had no inkling of it, and it was a chance occurrence that a friend happened to tell just as it was starting, and I could walk out onto my terrace to witness a spectacular viewing. And this eclipse told me a story that resonated real deep.

     

3. SELCO Again

Just to be back with SELCO again.....it was a two month consultancy project and so fascinating and so SELCO. The project involved interviewing thirty social entrepreneurs across the country from the perspective of Impact Investment, and analyzing and presenting the data at a global social forum. Also involved two trips to Bangalore which I missed including in my travel recap.

4. Mom's Innovative Idea

This deserves mention by virtue of it's continuing impact at home. A weekly one hour help with cleaning of what doesn't get cleaned on daily basis. And it's worked so brilliantly. I simply love it, and so does Faizan. It's a win win see.

5. The Charminar Food walk with Navin and Dhruv

What Navin started with us, is now a full fledged registered enterprise called 'The Hyderabad Walking Company'. This was one of the most fun 'being guinea pigs' experience I've had. Ambience was Charminar at night, food ranged across paaya, tandoori roti, shammi kebab, masala fish, falooda, kesar chai and osmania biscuit, Navin with his knowledge of the quaint lanes and stories about the place....very nice.

   

6. The Bamboo walk at Cubbon Park with Swaroop

This visit to Bangalore Swaroop came up with this irresistable suggestion of breakfast at Airlines ( a childhood favourite of ours) and a walk at Cubbon park....the Bamboo grove, was a fascinating surprise. 

    

7. A Talk on Counselling at a Corporate in Hyd

For all my love of talking and writing, I am not so comfortable with public speaking, I have crazy stage fright......so to actually have done a talk for 2500 people, was one massive explosive experience for me. That it was about Counselling is the one factor that motivated me there.

8. Ashutosh's visit, creating two days of nostalgia

A two days that took us back twenty five years, to my early stint with IDBI. Ashutosh visited from Mumbai with this exclusive purpose, and ensured Lan and I set aside two days for him. Starting the day with a visit to our old IDBI office itself, and pretty much on the road visiting old haunts rest of the two days. Very nostalgic indeed.

9. An early morning drive with Diksha

One of those totally spontaneous moments when Diksha's like "I'm in a long drive mood, want to come?" and we went on this real long drive. This was a break at Gandipet.

11. The gut level experience of watching a volcano in action

While this was part of the travel, as an experience I don't think there have many been many, if any, experience which got felt at such gut level. There's something at one time so powerful there, that it makes it almost surreal.

12. Double Rainbow from home

A rainbow by itself is one of my favouritest sights. The only double rainbow I'd seen my whole life was in Phoenix, Arizona; so to see one now from home...it was a wow.

13. Bryan Adams Concert

Bryan Adams has been part of growing up years..... and continues to be on my current play list. So to experience him in concert for real was exhilarating

14. A Smile Foundation Moment - Visiting Sukrutha

While I'm calling it a Smile Foundation moment, it runs deeper; Sukrutha being named after my mother, her education facilitated by Smile Foundation, and all this adding up to an absolute moment of celebration in her getting a job with ICICI. I went to visit her, actually more her mom, Kavita, as it was her dream come true. 

15. Writing exams after 30 years

Like I was telling a friend, this was actual hall ticket, pencil, scale kind of exams ( first year of a masters program in psychology). This comes on this list from sheer stretching of boundaries. The studying part, using those rusty memory cells, was so much tougher than I'd anticipated that I went through more than a few moments when I thought I'd drop it. 

While life does it's graph of ins and outs and ups and downs, these experiences do certainly stand out for me....fills me with a feeling of  glad and grateful .

Books and Movies '2018

On movies and books ....it's been, I guess a decent 32 on movies, and a low 12 on books. That's quite obviously judged by my yardstick.

And funnily, I don't really know what my yardstick is. So much for how easily we judge :)

My List of Movies:

1. The Hours
2. Tumhari Sulu
3. Tamasha
4. Home Again
5. Revolutionary Road
6. La La Land
7. As Good As It Gets
8. Padmaavat
9. October
10. Tangled
11. Enough Said
12. Call me by your name
13. My Dinner With Andre
14. Princess Mononoke
15. Dr Morsten & Wonder Woman
16. 28 days
17. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
18. Annamayya
19. Sagara Sangamam
20. Secret Superstar
21. Karwaan
22. Mahanati
23. Tumbbad
24. Beauty and The Beast
25. Before We Go
26. Bucket List
27. Bohemian Rhapsody
28. Dhadak
29. Grandma
30. The Perfect Match
31. Nothing to Hide
32. Roma

I'm kind of super picky about my movies ( read as slow, meaningful, romantic, thought provoking.......and with a super low threshold of violence), so my list is kind of skewed in the direction. And I'd find it hard to pick favourites, as I'm typically watching only what I think I'll like, and even walking out of theatres half way through if I don't like :)

Yet, if I had to pick top favourites, it would be La La Land, Mahanati, Tumbbad, Bohemian Rhapsody and Nothing to Hide.

My list of Books:

1. Falling in love again - Ruskin Bond
2. The Vine of Desire - Chitra Divakaruni
3. Lost in Time - Namita Gokhale
4. Maharani - Ruskin Bond
5. Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
6. Original Wisdom - Robert Wolff
7. I'm Ok - You're OK - Harris
8. For one more day - Mitch Album
9. Palace of Illusions - Chitra Divakaruni
10. Men are from Mars Women are from Venus - A reread
11. Tao of leadership - John Heider
12. How Proust can change your life - Alain De Botton

While the list is short, I've completely loved each of those reads.

Ruskin Bond and Chitra Divakaruni are already favourites, so no surprise there. Loved 'Lost in time' by Namita Gokhle, and high impact was 'Flow' by Mihaly C, which I hope to read again some day and How Proust can change your life.

A consolation on the books in terms of number, is that it didn't mean I did only this much reading. I did tons more reading for my exams :)

I'm taking this as opportunity to create my yardstick. I think for this year I'd like to touch 50 on movies and 25 on books. So next time no more casual judgement on self :)

Sunrise

I was looking for that 'right' post for New Years.....you know, the symbolically right kind of one.

One of the most spectacular sunrises I've seen

My mind was throwing up no worthwhile thoughts. Desperately needed inspiration, so I open up my photo gallery.

And that's where this came from. What better symbolism than a 'sunrise',  one from atop Mauna Kea.

Mauna Kea is a dormant volcano that towers over big island in Hawai'i, and by sheer vantage and location is home to the largest observatories in the world. We did a sunrise tour, one which starts at 2 in the morning and takes you up the volcanoe.

While planning I remember Tejas asking Diksha "Have you ever been above tree line?", and neither of us even knew what that was. That's the line above which trees don't grow...ecological reasons. And it's when we realized we'd never been above tree line. Not Ooty, Not Simla, Not Manali.

That was in itself a new experience, and then the sunrise....

Was yet dark when we got to the Maunakea summit

The moon was yet very there

As the sky started to change colour

Watching

Those magnificent hues

 As it rose

And it's up

 Jessa and Diksha in silhouette

Aunty and me

Some of the observatories

Our bunch

On a trip with so many awesome experiences, this was surely one.....so happy to have shared the experience with you, Aunty, Tejas, Jessa and Diksha.

A Very Very Happy New Years to all !!