Some Ahas' and Learnings Reiterated

Learnings captured....Learnings imbibed; two separate things :)

I recently heard a psychoanalyst tell how "we all often come across potentially life changing moments. It's our radars that need to be tuned enough to capture the Ahas in them. And then, does capturing them at a conscious level suffice? "  Well, quite apparently not 

Why? Why is it that even when an aha resonates, we yet have a problem imbibing it?

Because our subconscious drivers and motivators are way more powerful. Those are the ones which are already well imbibed, likely from childhood. There's ones that we identify with and own, and there's also ones we own but that don't serve us, what are called self defeating beliefs ....and they can become obstacles to growth. 

They are the ones we need to let go off and replace with the ahas which we like, the learnings which appeal.....and that's the growth process, we could be on our way to living and being what we aspire to.

Needs that much more effort and awareness

Some of mine which have been either strengthened or reiterated over the year:

1. Clarity enables good decision making:

I can't emphasize this enough. Clarity is about knowing the 'why' and 'what' of anything from it's depths, from it's layers and nuances. It's more about yourself, and what makes you tick. Once there, you'll recognize it, because it's the space you know you know.

Clarity can enable you to be you. To be the you beyond role and societal expectation. It's what enables the seemingly unusual and difficult decisions.

Once you've sharpened clarity, you don't even need courage to take those difficult decisions ( you can use all the courage for the implementation thereof :)

2. Make a difference: 

Do this beyond role and relationship. When you bring yourself a hundred percent to any interaction, there is a qualitative difference.  It's about going beyond the role, being there fully in that situation.

It can happen with shopkeepers, cabdrivers, children on the street.....in whichever interaction it might be.... be it with family, friends, acquaintances, dogs, cats, cows...........if  you believe your opinion or action can add value,  care enough to put it out there. 

It takes so much energy, that if we can do it even to the extent we can, we're in good space...and we'll yet make that difference. 

3. With more freedom comes more responsibility: 

In fact more freedom means more responsibility. Freedom is about choice.... It gives you the space to choose. There's no default, no framework, no role, no rule. Once you make your own choices, every moment thereafter is one of responsibility to live those choices. 

4. Make Gratitude second nature:

When you feel gratitude, grateful you are already in good space, it means you have something to be grateful for. And when you feel good about yourself, you are quite naturally good to others. Nice to be good no.

5. Find yourself:

This is no static process.

Find those spaces within, and with others where you can be on that path of  discovering 'you'.... to become comfortable with 'becoming'....and in that process meet yourself behind your mask... vulnerable, in process, flaws included,whatever. Invest in becoming a fuller you. There's a deeper fulfillment there.

A couple of quotes that say it so well:

Socrates - "the unexamined life is not worth living"
Virginia Wolff  “a self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.”

6. Get past your own Assumptions and Presumptions : 

Become aware of how many of our thoughts have no real basis. So many of them which we think are facts, are really only assumptions. 

Assumptions are second nature to us, arising out of our own and societal conditioning. There's so much of ourselves and our responses to life which come out of these assumptions.

Worth making the question into habit...... Is this fact or is this assumption?

Like Buddha said "know the why" of anything and everything.

7. Own your Emotions: 

What makes us, more than our thoughts, is our emotions, our feelings.

What would it take to recognize and own our emotions.... not just the good ones, but even the difficult ones. There is enough research today to show that you cannot selectively numb dark emotions. By numbing vulnerability and fear, you by default numb joy and excitement.

Feel them all, they are your pathway to a life that's enhanced and magnified.

8. Emotional Expressiveness: 

Next step to owning those emotions, find those spaces in life where you can express them. Don't just talk thoughts, talk feelings. Talk vulnerable spaces. It's where you'll find the true stories, where you'll make meaning.

A litmus test is, if you're scared to talk of it, you are being vulnerable. It's what enables you to dig in deeper, know yourself that notch better.....and there's joy and fulfillment there.

Carl Jung - "The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it."

9. Find those spaces of flow: 

What are those spaces which lets you loose yourself. Where you are so engrossed that you loose sense of time. You are done, and you come out feeling so good, so 'put together'.

Find those spaces ....... be it an activity, a book, a relationship, a game, a place, a project......just about anything that can get you there. It is one of those most fulfilling of feelings, the feelings that add stories and meaning to life.

10. Let's get Generous : 

No, I'm not talking just money, though that could be a nice starting point. Trust me, we each have a lot more in us which is of more value.....it could be our time, our thoughts, our words, our feelings.

And when generous.....be generous with self too; because, what you can't do to yourself, is difficult to do for another.

There's neither order or priority to this, it's just about which ones will resonate, which ones talk to you......to me, it's my year end recap again.

While primary source for ahas is personal experience and conversation with friends, I'd like to add here thanks to Seth Godin, Maria Popova, Christa Tippett and Jason Gots for having been consistent thoughts provokers. These are all folks whose writings I subscribe to, who've in a sense replaced my newspaper......and I love that they are a part of life.

Travel '2018

It's like the easiest to start with......the quintessential low hanging fruit....least effort, fulfilling outcome :)

It's not about a travel recap.....it's travel itself that is like that. It just lends itself to so much positive. The new places, new experiences, the fun element, the adventure, meeting interesting people, widening of horizons, relationships and bonding, the learnings, the replenishment of energy.....I'm sure there's lots more that can get included in that list...but there's some components of it always there........maybe different proportions, yet in some way or the other.

And when you get to do travel like the kind you want, where you want, and with who you want.......well, that much more of all that :)

What a lovely quote....and how well it fits here

1. My year (read blog :) started with a flight back from Calcutta, catching a sunrise at 35000 feet.  Need I say more about that !

      

2. Pune : This was special, Dhruvas convocation when he graduated after an intense 5 year study of design and animation. Also made special as we had dad and mom who came along to be part of a moment that mattered.

3. Corbett, Uttarkhand :  This was a super fun, adventure and beautiful trip with Dhruva and Diksha. Had just about all the elements a great trip can have, just a tad overboard on the adventure, but that we're alive to tell the tale, says it all.

4.  Delhi : A family wedding....with harshitha's brilliant planning....it had at one time lots of solemnity and glitz...all the ceremonies, mehendi, wedding, reception, sangeet et all....and lots and lots of fun family time

5. Cherai, Cochin: A trip with Vishakha, which is slowly and wonderfully becoming an annual feature. Lots of just us time....walking, talking and being together. Means much.

6. Trissur: Beena's son's wedding, the first in our group. This is with her and her son Pranav.

7. Fort Kochi: While the visit was for Trissur, we got to do a day at Fort Kochi, thanks to Monu taking us around.

8. Munnar: This was just Diksha and me.... a first to a hill station in the monsoons....it was a lot of cloud and rain and walks and music, and bonus was being there on my birthday....beautiful and meaningful.

9. Hawai'i: Well, I've written twenty one posts on it, and yet not done, so not even trying to capture in a sentence. These pictures though say a lot....about how it is literally this 'island unto itself', and how on that island amidst the beauty and mystery that is Hawai'i, we had such wonderful family time.

10. Los Angeles: I haven't even gotten down to writing about LA. Now fully inspired to, once this year end recap is done. This one's with backdrop of the famed Hollywood sign...as Hollywood or as LA as it can get.

11. Bangalore: A quick trip to Bangalore for Dev uncles 80th birthday, a special trip.....also did what I love doing, a day bus.

 

12. Tirupathi: A mom and me trip.



And that's the list of the years travels..... twelve trips .... fully satiated on that score :)

Coffee and Ruminations

It's that time of year

A time when you want to look back... look back and see, what has been, how it's been, relive what you like, gather takeaways, recognize those you imbibed, reiterate the ones you still want to. So much possible rumination.

the prettiest cup of coffee I've had

Each of us approaches the turn of the year our own way, be it recap and introspective time...or wild party time ....or both, or somewhere in between......but there's no denying it's special. I've heard kids sitting on the beach, quite sloshed and recounting experiences of the year......after all we all follow the same calendar.

This is another big bonus of writing a blog........a nicely encapsulated space of the years experiences. 

You'd think you remember, but our mind can nicely skew things. A browse of the years archives, and trust me, I had my share of surprises.

I saw that I had done a fair amount of travel this year as well. Hawai'i was so big..like long wise and intense wise, that it had pushed other trips into background. Also saw that I'd gone pretty low on movies, and what's more, low on books as well. Had gotten on to some new projects...some picking up traction.....and some not. Like the railway time table....it's all at a glance.

I thought my highlights would be 'travel' and 'learnings'......and then saw how there were several beautiful experiences hidden there......the forever moments, the ones that add magic to life.

This post is like preface....will wait to see how the actual recap goes :)

Stones Back to Pele

If I say it was difficult sending the stones back, it would be such an understatement. They seemed to make it as difficult as they could.

The most obvious choice was to send them to kamlesh aunty, but she was travelling on a long trip out of Hawai'i. Then Bablu, try as I might, he consistently thought I was joking :)

I meanwhile wrote to the only other person I knew in Hawai'i, Beth Evasong. Beth I'd met at the farmer's market.  She  makes her own little glasswork artifacts, and I'd bought gifts for close friends from her, and we had a sweet conversation, and I had pictures of her, so I just hoped she'd recall. 

The story started with a mail titled 'an unusual request', being sent to her two months after the meet, and quickly receiving a lovely response. She not only said yes, but said she'd do a small prayer and an offering to Pele, the Goddess of the Volcanoes (and added that Pele likes cigarettes and gin :)

Then started the effort to send it.  Multiple visits to the Post Office; this post office to the other, each one saying it should be packed differently, then official sealing.... and the final straw was when all things done, the guy says, "it won't clear customs". Any explanation and he was like, "No".  I reached a point of, "if you can't show me the rule under which it can't go, you cant say No". He finally agreed, but said it would get sent back from Mumbai. At that point I could only appeal with "let's please try".

Beth had similar reservations about issues at US customs. Those were nail biting days, because if anything I didn't want them lost in between countries.

A happy day was the day I received a mail saying "lava back on island" with this picture, and her lovely sense of humour and profundity. She said "madam Pele thanks you for respecting her, but I can only imagine what the US customs thought when they inspected" .

And what was so touching was how she went on to making this a wow experience.

I'm putting here her mail alongwith a couple of pictures she sent me a week later. This is to keep for posterity a reminder of the entire experience.

Aloha Smitha,

We hiked out to lava flow near my house, called Kaloli Point, the most EAST tip of the big island. The lava is from early 1800’s. I made a small alter and placed the stones and coral then snapped a picture with nice wave spray.

Mahalo plenty for the beautiful shawl wrap! I treasure our little encounter and was happy to help with this request.
Wishing you much good fortune now that everything is back home.

Beth

What a lovely picture......the lovingly made altar ... the spray in backdrop, the black lava mountain by the sea, the huge and beautiful hibiscus (the national flower of Hawai'i), and the little stones. Such a beautiful closure to the whole experience. A hug to you Beth. 

Beth.....a picture that will stay etched in memory

Beth, like I'd said, our connection did not happen for nothing.....not the goosebumps you got when we first met at the farmers market, not the goosebumps I got through your gesture and these pictures, not the little altar you created for the stones and Pele.

For all you've done to help me with this.....mahalo, mahalo, and more mahalo. 

Back to Hawai'i

It's been a while, almost four months in fact since our return from Hawai'i, and I come back today to complete the chronicles of the experience. 

Suffice it to say.... Pele, the goddess of the volcanoes, knows why this gap.

Mysterious? Well, definitely Yes.

Diksha and Me at Maunakea, one of the largest volcanoes in Hawai'i

Let me tell a story that had got me stuck.....no easy one....in fact a story I'm not too comfortable to admit to. But trying to walk the talk .....accepting my vulnerable and iffy facets :)

Legend and folklore says that no volcanic stones from Hawai'i ought to be taken beyond the island.  And what do we do? what I did atleast, is pooh pooh folklore. In fact even rationalized it saying, Hawai'i is all about compassion, why would the goddess be so stuck. And I got myself a few little stones as souvenirs, unique and pretty ones I picked up from Maunakea, when our van broke down and we spent a couple hours just walking around the mountain, and a couple from kamlesh aunty.

We're back in Hyd, and getting into the routine of life. But no, couldn't get to routine. Pretty much went headlong into a difficulties and issues galore. Huge ones, nothing like the normal handelable ones....almost like life and death ones. Not one , not two, but like a series.

I was cracking up under the pressure, but didn't make the connect. Not until this call one evening, when a friend seemingly whispered "get an envelope... put those stones in.... go to the courier office ....".

I was stunned into silence. 

And then the dots started to connect. All the stories I'd heard...Vijji aunty saying "hope you didn't bring back stones from Hawai'i", the unlikelihood and extremity of the issues happening. The final thought being 'if i believe in energy and mystery, why am I resisting, why am i insisting on rationality?'.

I saw reason, or rather I accepted I don't need to see reason. Just surrender to the mysterious laws of energy....even if through folklore, or maybe that's where they really sit.

Between August to now, trust me, life's done a U turn .....it's gone from crazy mad difficult to beautiful wonderful brilliant. 

The story of how the stones went back is fascinating in itself, will write :)

An Experience of Time

Guess (re)connecting of any kind by very definition happens as a consequence to some kind of a disconnect.

Context is the blog.....I've been away for a while now. This time round it's been for as objective and constructive a reason as can be ( exams :).

I love to blog, no two ways on that. Each time I write, which is aspirationally on daily basis, I love the process, I love what it enables, I love the flow, I love the learning .....yes, there's that many loves there.

Yet, yet getting back after a break is always a process. And I find that strange.... an alluring strange.

Why does it take effort to get back to even what we love doing?

It's no longer about time. It's about finding the connect....the right energy. That feeling of being 'more put together'.

We are such creatures of habit, so used to falling into the life of default, of detail, of neutral gear....... so used to a space that's neither dissonant nor reverberating, that to shift that gear, takes something....likely clarity and effort.

To do good even by ourselves is no easy path.....it's conscious effort. This reminds me of 'Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi , where he talks of the best moments not as the normal or leisure moments which are passive, receptive, relaxing but moments when your body or mind are stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile, not so difficult that it builds anxiety, but also not so easy that it can get boring, its the band in between...... and they are the moments that add up to 'magnifying ones spirit'. And that's where we grow and enhance the quality of our lives.

We each need to find what that something is that enables that shift of gear.....the one that let's you get on the path of optimum.

Why?

Because it's just so worth it :)

A Music Gig

An evening of 'blues' music.

Yest when Diksha called around eight and said "want to come for a music gig ma?", my first question was "what kind of music?". She said 'Blues'.... I wasn't too sure what that was, and by way of explanation she said "It's kind of Jazzy, folksy, I think it's music you'll like, want to come?". 

I went....for what turned out to be a lovely night.

It was the 'By2Blues' from Bangalore, playing at Tabula Rasa. Lovely ambience, fun atmosphere, a high energy band, and absolutely lovely music. 

Tabula Rasa (this ones from google, was too dark by the time we went)

By2Blues, Ananth Menon their lead singer and guitarist, Joe Anthony on the Cajon, and Vasudev Prabhu playing the harmonica. They're each brilliant at what they do, yet Vasudev on the harmonica was like a man possessed....adding one lingering and haunting element to the music.

Some of the songs they played were Super Star in my car, urban VIP, Devils got the wheel, On the road again, Idukki Gold, When I die, and Current affair, among many others.

Tabula Rasa is all pretty much outdoors, and lovelier for it...tried capturing some of the feel of the place, but it was too dark.

A couple of video clips

End of evening...Diksha with some friends, Aditya, Lashya and Mayur

Diksha with the inevitable doggy moment ...playing with a stray outside, as we were leaving

A picture that Shitabh, their official photographer got and sent Diksha this morning (he was also their official photographer when they did Infinite Cartwheel gigs). Dhruv,( a friend of Dikshas right from school),  Mayur, (he and Diksha were the Infinite cartwheels team), Me and Diksha.

Diksha and Mayur, thanks for having me join you guys for that lovely evening... totally loved it !

Mother - Daughter Trips

Why is this even a 'thing' to write about?

Well, because I figured it had become a 'thing' in my life. It's grown so subtly and organically that it's not until yesterday that I saw how it's etched it's own space in our lives. With my mother, and with my daughter....mom and me trips, and the Diksha and me trips.

Couple days back Mom and I happened to watch a movie together, Dhadak.....and while we both enjoyed the movie, what came out is also "Chalo, lets do a trip to Udaipur" (movie is mostly based out of Udaipur)

Yesterday was her birthday....so it became this more special thought.....and that's what set me thinking on the journey (pun intended)

My first mom daughter trip, was just Diksha and me, taking off on a road trip to Bidar, five years back that was. That was the testing of waters trip. Folks in the family was quite  naturally concerned, especially as it was a road trip. 

Justifiably so too........first trip we not only got lost...it was pouring like crazy, off the highway.....a kuccha road, totally isolated, gps wouldn't work, no phone connectivity........ we eventually manage to reach the resort to find it's in the middle of nowhere, and we're the only occupants there. Have to admit we spent a tense and scary first day there...and it did put me through times I could have kicked myself. 

But then, each time we overcame such obstacles it only made our resolve firmer and possibilities wider.  You learn that 'risk taking'  is a relative and flexible capability, one driven more by fear than knowledge. As your fear drops, your horizon stretches.

Bidar was just the beginning. We've both since done trips to Coorg, Pondicherry, Coonoor, Munnar, Ajmer, Ooty.......and most of them road trips, which is a whole different experience in itself. Each enabling the breaking of more barriers. For instance, I'd always believed I couldn't drive the ghats....was so wonderful to be proved wrong.

And then with mom, that was a new start too, an inspired start. Just mom and me have done Tirupathi, and Amritsar...and one to Goa (with vijji aunty too) .......each bringing out different facets of experience. Guess it's from there that the now inspiration for Udaipur comes.

Each of those trips enables a deepening of not just external frontiers, but internal ones as well. The experiences touching emotional spaces that etch the relationship with something texturally rich .....like weaving of an exotic tapestry. 

It's this realization, and the gratitude for having been able to do so many 'duo' trips with my mother, and with my daughter that made me want to give it it's own special space.

Some pictures from these trips that the recall rekindled:

Bidar

Pondicherry

Coorg

Goa

Coonoor

 Amritsar

Munnar, more recently. I can almost see Diksha grow from a girl to be looked after, into a woman who can stand shoulder to shoulder ( or a few inches more :) through these pictures....

This one is special.....with Nandi (our car got christened by Diksha on this trip).....loyal companion on so many road trips

Ma, and Diksha.......hard to find words to say just how much these trips are cherished. Get set for Udaipur ma, your casual thought has taken seed :)