A Browse

It's said that, when you have a question in your mind,  and open a book, anything you read could be a pointer to the answer you seek.

In this context, I opened 'Notes to Myself' by Hugh Prather, this morning, 

I want to support my friends, even in their mistakes. I must be clear, however, it is the friend and not the mistake I am supporting

Nice one......... for a true friend

In contrast, if I do not accept or support a mistake, would it mean that person is not a friend....that the mistake has become bigger than the friend? Guess that's what it's saying.

Kovalam

Last one on the Kerala trip.

Kovalam beach was like bonus. Considering Kanya Kumari became a damp squib, we just headed back and decided to hangout someplace for rest of day. Considering it was quite a few hours, we first headed to the beach for lunch........as it turned out we spent rest of day there.  

It's a fairly short and very narrow stretch of beach, and there's cafes alongside, just by the ocean. Sitting there, sipping beer, watching the sea.....could have spent way more than half a day there. I just sat there five hours doing nothing else....even the pictures were from the same seat I plonked myself on.

The candle, the lamppost and the lighthouse....that's Dhruva's picture.....composition of a design student. 

It also gave us some extended, only talking time. Topics ranging right from relationships to artificial intelligence to apathy to cruelty to spirituality to beauty........it was fascinating. Being able to talk at level with ones children, and seeing the subtlety and strength of thought and opinion ......and you know all over again that what you share now is a friendship, way more than a parent child relationship, and it's at one time deeply gratifying and liberating. 

However opposing the perspective, or maybe specially when totally opposing, you touch that space of unconditional love in your effort to understand......it's a different high.......... and the beer of course helped :). One of my best parts of the trip for sure.

For whatever reason, beer bottles are not allowed, you drink beer in coffee mugs. It's pretty literally under the table as can be seen in this picture, with them watching Shafi ( five hours there and you know him on first name terms ) pour the beer.

Fisherwomen bringing in their catch in the evening...I loved my vantage point

There's two dots deep in, that's Dhruva and Diksha out for a swim

Final picture of a wonderful trip

Kanya Kumari

Kanya Kumari, or Cape Comorin as it was earlier called, is about 120 kms from Kovalam, so as last minute decision, I added it in.......but after the trip, I wondered why I did.

If it was about being at the southern most tip of the country, and at the place where the three oceans meet, Yes.

But beyond that there really is nothing there. It's crowded, messy and noisy. And it's got a very religious oriented tourist feel. And with Dhruva and Diksha at this point in life being at their agnostic best, temple visits with crazy long queues just don't fit itinerary. Well, that's kind of excuse.....because it holds for me too.

Worse, a heavily overcast sky ruled out sunset the day we reached and sunrise the next, so simply put, it was a not worthwhile trip.

Luckily for us the hotel, the Tamilnadu Govt property has the best possible view, and that was one good decision, so a silver lining. This was the view from our room.

The Vivekananda rock memorial, an integral part of Kanya Kumari; When I last visited, which was way back in the 90's, it was this rock with a small temple and meditation room on it. Even from afar it had a sensibility and tranquility to it, maybe gotten from association and significance, but whatever reason, it did.

An added one to me, the works of Vivekananda was my dad's wedding gift to me:

But now it's got this huge statue added. Didn't even know whose it was until I came back and googled it.  It's a statue of Thiruvalluvar, a Tamil poet and philosopher, and with all due respects to him, I don't understand why it's placed such that it dominates a landscape that was tribute to Vivekananda. What levels of narrow mindedness can people get to. Very disappointing. 

On the way back we dropped by to see a really old temple (still agnostic, but old temples are worth it for more reasons than one :). Not crowded, and brilliant in sculpture. 

The gopuram has such detailed work that it's pretty overawing.

The drive back was real nice; some real intense and deep conversations and lots of music. 

Poovar and Kanya Kumari

And Somatheertham.....how could I forget?

Between the wedding and the beach party, the three of us sneaked out for a proper, authentic, kerala ayurvedic massage, and it was simply amazing. The massages of even the upmarket places in Hyd are not a patch on this. Now I know why the kerala massages are globally renowned.

The range of spices and herbs on display. A lot of these apparently go into the massage oils.

Then onto Poovar, where we did a boat ride through narrow channels of back waters running through thick mangrove forests. It was really nice long ride and our little boat, Karaikattu, a four seater  was perfect for us as we could take it at our own pace.

A boat coconut seller on the way

I actually caught a kingfisher in flight, though Diksha insists it was fluke...well it kind of was, I was trying to catch it on a pole and it flew, but then...I was still in effort to catch it :)

A stork or crane that allowed us to come real close...it was fascinating to watch it from up close. It's legs and neck are so thin and fragile, when it walks, it looks like an animated stick figure move.

Through the ride

Dhruva and Diksha with Saajan, who was our captain that ride

The boat takes a break at an estuary where the river Naya meets the Arabian Sea, and there's this small patch of sandy beach between.

I've always been fascinated by the point where the river meets the sea and would get excited when I caught those while on a flight, so seeing this from the ground was real special to me. It's also my favorite analogy of the Atman Brahman confluence.

On the right is the river Naya, and on the left the Arabian Sea, and this is where the river flows into the sea.

A Mary and Jesus statue along the way. The birds made the picture prettier

At the estuary

Well.......looks like Kanya Kumari will need another post

Leela and The Beach Paarrty

Leela was simply astounding awesome. It's an old palace turned to hotel, located on a rock face by the sea, offering breathtaking views of the ocean. It's architecture is intriguing and classy.

The pool is to die for.

Dhruva and Diksha figuring if that impending storm should stop them getting into the pool. It did. It was a full on thunder and lightening storm. But then, Dhruva made it the next morning. Once he sets his mind on something, there's very little that can stop him I realized, even a bad hangover didn't :)

The view from our room

The evening party was also at the beach where the wedding was, and it was so pretty. Some pics from the evening.

Paro, Dhruva, Nikhil and Nidhi

A fire juggler thingy there

Any random dog anywhere, and Diksha has to make friends. Fear seems zero.

With Annapurna,  a little into it....

Paro and Dhruva in full action, she calling the shots and he playing the coy husband

Yes, he still loves Batman

I liked that today's dancing happens more to bollywood music than western, it was a fun evening...an evening that ended early next morning :) 

A Beach Wedding

A wedding of a close friend, Dhruva Shankar, and an extended trip into Kerala with Dhruva and Diksha, and well, it was an intense and interesting trip.

Let me do the wedding first.

The wedding itself was beautiful....beautiful, as it was a simple ceremony on a pretty pretty mandapam on the beach.  

Not to miss the drone, which was used for aerial photography. It was so nice, as there were no intrusive videographers and cables all over the place.

                                                    The moment.

While the ceremony was poignant and meaningful, when it's dhruva, there has to be the fun and quirky too....... he arrived on an elephant.

The band was amazing, lovely fusion there... with shehnai, tabla, flute, and the electric guitar.  

The ocean behind the mandapam

Lunch was sadhya, the malayali traditional meal of 16 items. Simply delicious.

What with so many googlers there, another fun thing was a flash mob, as surprise for Paro. ....the song; 'dil ke tukde hogaye hai paro'. I sadly didn't get the totally surprised Paro in the pic. She was resplendent in white and gold malayali attire.

And this was the first time we had these four together, so I had to get a shot

                                         Dhruva, Diksha, Dhruva and Diksha

Dhruva and Paro, saying it again....beautifully done.......down to the last detail.....right from the www.noitinerary.in,  down to handing over the lovely wedding invite as we were leaving, and not to miss the toddy bottle label, and all in between. Was wonderful :)

Wishing you both a great, fun filled and joyful life ahead .

Alice in Wonderland

It's as magical as its real.....or as real as its magical

A couple of months back, Diksha and I had decided that we'd watch a movie together every Sunday, and the project kept getting stalled until this Sunday. She chose, magically I'd say, Alice in Wonderland.

Mia Vasikowska, Johnny Depp, Anne Hathway and Helena Carter as Alice, The Mad Hatter, The White Queen and the Red Queen

Why magically?

Because 'Alice in Wonderland' has been a significant part of life for as long as I can remember. Right from when I read it as a story book, through to the unabridged version in college and then as an imaginary world through each day since. One book that's been an influence even beyond my otherwise list of Richard Bach, Kahlil Gibran, Ayn Rand.......

Tim Burton, the director has taken liberties with the story, but it's still very Lewis Caroll in terms of characters, it's the story that's kind of changed. This one is placed in time, it has a past, present and future. Lewis Caroll's isn't, his story just 'is' ........time is completely relative there. But by virtue of putting it in a time and space frame, the movie's simple and easy to understand.

Also showed me a prudish side of myself. Just because the book meant so much, I had up until now refused to see the movie. :)

Visually it's a real treat; would have loved to catch it on the large screen.

The movie's in essence a story of self discovery..... one got out of a stretched imagination....like actualizing full potential. And loyal to Caroll, the analogies are  abstract and philosophical.  

Alice has a recurrent dream through childhood, and one day it becomes (her) reality. It's sweet how she's so used to it being a dream, she keeps trying to wake up but doesn't as it's a level of reality, one that will stay till she can find herself.

Her fall through the rabbit hole..... it just goes on and on, clashing against obstacles soft and hard, like going deeper and deeper into the subconscious mind till you get to core, like the real you, at least the key to the real you, the key to the magical place.

And then of course there's the brilliant portrayal of the mad hatter by Johnny Depp, he was amazing. It's also a great blending or weaving together of animation and real in the movie itself. The caterpillar and the rabbit appear as real as the mad hatter and red queen.

There's Absolute, a caterpillar who is always smoking the hookah, and seems the voice of wisdom, and in the end turns out not absolute after all.

It's cute how, when he welcomes Alice, he calls her 'hardly Alice'. And when she's like, I'm Alice, why do you keep calling me 'hardly Alice'...he's like...you're hardly you, you've lost too much of your 'muchness'. Then halfway through, one time he calls her 'Almost Alice'.......until in the end she's 'Alice'.

And end of movie, Absolute turns into a butterfly........ he's a caterpillar after all. A beautiful symbolic capture of the Heraclitus, 'the only constant is flux'

Loved it !

Recommendation....If you connected and if you believe in the magical...surely watch .

Ta..Ta...Bye..Bye.. Eunice :-)

Eunice was the first friend I made at SELCO, and it's sad to see her go...but then, as cliched as it is.....life has to go on....so wish you well and continue to enjoy life.  

We did a cozy, core team farewell lunch for Eunice, and it was an interesting lunch. I think each of us had some eye openers...the trick is to set the right tone and raise the right questions.

My favorite....a non known fact. And it got really interesting because each of us has spent so much time together, that the moment someone came up with a non known fact, one of the others would be like.....I know that one, so tell another.

And we dug from deep inner resources, and it was amazing... like a surprises galore. Well, the really interesting ones aren't publishable, so not doing that. But saying this, more to say how an otherwise casual lunch can become a real meaningful and fun one.

Eunice, specially for you.......you realize you thought you had no really interesting things to tell, but when dug deeper, you totally blew us. Continue to keep that courage to do your own thing, and be proud of it. It's no small feat. You have a naivety and courage that's not common. Don't let life take that away from you. 

Good luck..will miss you !!

Kindle

I've had the tantalizing lure of a kindle before me for a while now. 

But then, how does one get over the attachment to paper backs? 

The feel of the paper, the look of the book, the smell of the books, the dog ears ( I still do dog ears), visual feel of knowing how far you've got, the sadness of seeing a book reaching it's end........just the energy that books give. 

But then this friend has been pushing me to get one, other friends throwing the pluses at me, in fact Kiran said he's already got a list of e-books for me.

It's like a conspiracy, I saw this advt, and then Amazon sends me this mail with a great discount offer.

Somewhere along the way I started getting interested at the possibilities, at something new, something I might potentially grow to enjoy, and viola, it's happening....... and now I'm super excited.

I'll of course be totally loyal to paperbacks, too much in love there....just my book shelf is a source of wonderful nice energy to me, but I'm rewiring to kindle too. Let's see how that goes.

Watch the ad..it's quite nice. Loved that it celebrates not just the joy of reading, but also of story telling.

Calvin and Hobbes, Yes.. Again

A quiet Saturday evening and happened upon Calvin and Hobbes. Sharing some of those:

                                                                               

The animation and expression is so amazing, you can't help but identify with the emotion and feel for Calvin, Hobbes, the mom, the dad.............yourself and life.

It's brilliant how much depth he can bring out in one strip of animation. 

Where's the Balance

An interesting and saddening article in the NY Times; on pressure, and its impact on students: Push, Don't Crush the Students

Excerpts:

It's a situation from Palo Alto High School is California, one of the most prestigious schools in the US.

Across the street is Stanford University, which beckons like next step, and as road to Google, the White House, and A Mansion on the Hill. And on the other side is a railway track where three boys one year and five another year have killed themselves.

Does a culture of hyper-achievement deserve blame for this suicide cluster? The answer has unearthed a sobering reality about how Silicon Valley’s culture of best in class is playing out in the schools.

In addition to whatever overt pressure students feel to succeed, the pressure is intensified by something more insidious: a kind of doublespeak from parents and administrators.

They often use all the right language about wanting students to be happy, healthy and resilient. They say, ‘All I care about is that you’re happy,’ and then the kid walks in the door and the first question is, ‘How did you do on the math test?’ The giveaways are so unbelievably clear.

Denise Pope, an education expert at Stanford, calls this gulf between what people say and what they mean “the hidden message of parenting.”

I think this applies not just to high performing schools, but any school or parent that expects the highest performance, and that seems like expectation in everything they do, grades, ranks, sport, art, anything.

Localized to India would be the pressure of colleges which train students to get into the premier institutes in the country. The expectation of the parents seems to be......given this training you are expected to crack the exam. Children are groomed for it right from middle school, with little attention on either aptitude, ability or interest.

The irony is that all this is done in the name of love and care. 

Psychologists are urging parents to adopt a changed attitude.....to maybe say: “I can’t tell you which path to take or how to get there, but I will support you, I’m here to back you up.”

It’s a hard message to hear in the world of today.

Not Sorry....Interesting Ad

Apparently there's statistical proof that women apologize more frequently than men. Didn't find it difficult to believe at all.

I'd like to think this is less about subservience and more about maturity and empathy. 

I know for a fact that when there's something gone wrong, women are normally quicker to apologize, and I think it's just about being less stuck on ego. I don't see it as a sign of weakness. But then,  this ad specifically bring out moments where women apologize when they’re not in the wrong.

And for explanation I read: 

"It could apparently be the penchant many women have for assuming the blame when things go wrong, while crediting circumstance—or other people—for their successes. (Men seem to do the opposite.) One way women tend to assume blame is  by over-apologizing."

And that's what this ad brings out. Pantene does a great job of it. Their ad on the Gender Bias was a specially brilliant one too. Way to go Pantene !

A Smile

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. — Thich Nhat Hanh

An interesting research on the link between the psychological and physical spheres was done on the effect of 'Smiling'.

It was a detailed experiment involving many groups of participants, and they found that smiling participants recovered more quickly from stress than those with neutral expressions, and those displaying Duchenne smiles ( an all teeth showing, crows feet under eyes smile) recovered somewhat more quickly than those displaying a standard smile.

I loved it. Whatever be the smile, duchenne or normal, real or virtual, I think a smile is warm, joyful, positive and pretty. Even this one :)

Plato’s Allegory of the Cave

For a while now I've been meaning to write about this; I once started, and realized the concept wasn't clear enough in my mind to be able to do a good job. This morning I got this really nice animated video of the allegory right in my mail inbox, and it says it so well:

Exit with Grace

Separations will happen, be it from relationships at work, home, personal, what have you...... after all life is dynamic.

It's not about if it's the right thing or the wrong thing. It's a function of one or several factors...... choice, need, want, role, fit, connect or whatever, and this applies to any relationship. Can be at work when you need to let employees go, in business when partners part, or in personal equations when you need to move on. Whatever the occasion, exit with grace is just....well.....just the more graceful thing to do. 

Sure it takes effort.....maybe some sensitivity, patience and love. Don't let the moments decision hijack all of those. Harsh, rude, mean, sullen, silent.... all those, at any time are not desirable, but especially so when letting go. Understand .......it is already hard. Can we atleast make the process gentle........ make that extra effort.....do it with love.

I once had this experience in Google. A really tough employee, a senior person who everyone was almost scared of because of his vile temper. We needed him out. It took me four months of crazy effort to ensure he had a smooth exit, and so smooth that we continued to be in touch for a while even after, though he knew I was the only cause for his exit.  I'm not bragging, but exemplifying, because I do strongly believe it's a fair thing to do. If nice and kind are good things, they are even more so at such times. 

Do what is needed to enable the other to land on their feet. 

Indigo Music Bar

Sunday evening was at the Indigo Music Bar, listening to Raghu play.

I'd actually dropped off the pubbing scene since my days with Google, and had forgotten what  fun an evening at a pub can be. Sure, it's loud..... the lights, the music, the crowd.....but there's also something riveting about it, especially when you have live music. 

Initially I couldn't connect, especially to the new genre electronic music, but a couple of coco passions took me through that. Then there was this guy who played old numbers with a simple guitar and that was lovely. 

Raghu, the tall guy with the guitar, and his band getting ready

He's now part of this new band called Rainbow Bridge, actually four days old. Raghu is the guitarist, with the lead singer being Sanjeev Thomas who was, actually is, Rehmans lead guitarist. Kaushik is on bass, and Rajeev on drums.

                                             That's them in full action

They are into hard core rock music, mostly their own compositions and they were pretty good. I unfortunately didn't record a video clip.

It's so heartening to see these guys living their passions and the crowd totally connected to the music. I kind of got why gen y will spend every possible weekend at a pub. Music, friends and wine...hard to beat.

An evening well spent. Thanks Girija, my dear event manager.

And Raghu, keep it going !!! Some friends ask me 'is raghu happy?' and I'm like....If that's not happiness, I don't know what is :)